something I shouldn't want
1172 Words
Chapter Five: Something I Shouldn’t Want
I told myself it didn’t mean anything.
It was just a conversation.
Just a random night.
Just… a distraction.
But somehow, that lie didn’t sit well with me.
---
The next morning felt different.
Not lighter.
Not easier.
Just… off.
Like something small had shifted inside me, and I couldn’t place it.
I stood in front of the mirror longer than usual, adjusting my blouse for the third time.
It wasn’t even wrinkled.
I just needed something to do with my hands.
My thoughts kept drifting back.
To the bar.
To his voice.
To the way he looked at me like he actually saw me.
I exhaled sharply.
“Stop it,” I muttered to myself.
This wasn’t the time for distractions.
Not now.
Not with everything at stake.
---
“Ma?”
Morgan’s voice came from the doorway.
“Yes?”
“Noah is ready for school.”
I nodded. “I’m coming.”
---
Breakfast was slightly better than yesterday.
Slightly.
Noah still didn’t say much, but at least he responded when I spoke.
That counted as progress.
“Finish your juice,” I said gently.
He made a face but obeyed.
A small smile tugged at my lips.
Moments like this—
They reminded me why I couldn’t afford to lose.
---
“Dad said he might pick me today.”
The words came casually.
Too casually.
But they landed hard.
I looked up.
“When did he say that?”
“Last night,” Noah replied, still focused on his plate.
“I thought you were asleep.”
“I wasn’t,” he said simply.
Of course he wasn’t.
Children always hear more than they should.
---
I forced my tone to stay even.
“Okay,” I said. “We’ll see.”
He nodded.
And that was the end of it.
But something about that exchange stayed with me.
Mathew wasn’t just watching.
He was moving.
---
By the time I got to the office, I was already tired.
Not physically.
Mentally.
Emotionally.
But there was no room for that here.
There never was.
---
“Ma, these came in for your signature,” my assistant said, placing a stack of files on my desk.
“Thank you.”
I flipped through them quickly.
Focused.
Sharp.
Controlled.
That was the version of me the world saw.
Not the one sitting in a bar the night before, trying to breathe.
---
My phone buzzed.
I ignored it.
Work first.
Always.
It buzzed again.
And again.
I frowned slightly, finally picking it up.
Unknown number.
I almost dropped it back on the table.
Almost.
But something made me pause.
Then I answered.
“Hello?”
A brief silence.
Then—
“Should I be offended you didn’t save my number?”
I froze.
Just for a second.
Felix.
Of course.
“I’ve been busy,” I said, keeping my tone neutral.
“Ouch,” he replied lightly. “That sounded like an excuse.”
“It wasn’t meant to.”
“So you really didn’t save it?”
I sighed softly.
“Why are you calling?”
There was a small pause.
Not awkward.
Just… deliberate.
“I wanted to know if you’re okay,” he said.
That caught me off guard.
“I’m fine.”
“Still lying, I see.”
A small, unexpected smile pulled at my lips.
“You don’t know me well enough to call me out.”
“Give me time,” he said easily.
---
I leaned back slightly in my chair.
“This isn’t a good idea.”
“What isn’t?”
“This,” I said. “Talking. Whatever this is.”
“Conversation?” he suggested.
“You know what I mean.”
“I actually don’t,” he said. “But I’d like to.”
I closed my eyes briefly.
This was exactly what I didn’t need.
Complication.
Distraction.
Risk.
---
“You said ‘maybe another time,’” he continued. “I’m just making sure that wasn’t a polite way of saying no.”
I hesitated.
Because the truth was—
It wasn’t.
---
“I don’t have time for this,” I said instead.
“Make time,” he replied.
I almost laughed.
“Do you always tell people what to do?”
“Only when I’m sure they need it.”
“And you think I need this?”
“I think you need something,” he said. “And right now… I’m the least complicated option.”
I raised a brow, even though he couldn’t see me.
“That’s your selling point?”
“It’s a good one.”
---
I shook my head slightly.
“You’re very confident.”
“I have reasons to be.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah,” he said. “For example… I already know you’re going to say yes.”
I sat up slightly.
“And what exactly am I saying yes to?”
“Dinner.”
The word hung there.
Simple.
Dangerous.
---
“I didn’t agree to that.”
“Not yet.”
“I’m not going out with you.”
“Sure you are.”
The certainty in his voice made something in me react.
“You don’t even know my situation.”
“I don’t need to,” he said. “I just need to know you want a break.”
Silence.
Because that part—
That part was true.
---
“I’ll pick you up tonight,” he added.
“No—”
“Seven.”
“I said no.”
“Eight, then,” he adjusted smoothly.
I couldn’t help it.
A small laugh slipped out.
“You’re impossible.”
“And you’re still on the phone,” he pointed out.
---
I shook my head again.
This was ridiculous.
Completely ridiculous.
And yet—
I hadn’t hung up.
---
“Fine,” I said finally. “One hour.”
There was a pause.
Then—
“I’ll take it.”
“Don’t read into it,” I added quickly.
“Too late.”
I rolled my eyes, even though a faint smile lingered on my lips.
“I’m serious.”
“So am I.”
---
The line went quiet for a second.
Then he spoke again.
“Send me your address.”
I froze.
That—
That was where it became real.
---
“I’ll text it,” I said after a moment.
“Good.”
Another pause.
“See you tonight, Elena.”
And just like that—
He hung up.
---
I stared at my phone for a few seconds.
Processing.
Replaying.
Questioning my sanity.
---
“What am I doing?” I whispered.
This wasn’t part of the plan.
This wasn’t strategy.
This wasn’t smart.
---
But as I set my phone down slowly—
I realized something.
For the first time in a long time…
I was looking forward to something.
---
And that scared me more than anything else.
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