Mia

Twelve

Mia

Another week passed. He was an absence that I felt every day I had to get my load from Kenny by the lockers, while I did my rounds, emptied out, cashed out, and went home. Two days during the week, he was there for security first thing in the morning, and though I didn’t look at him as I passed, he would allow his fingers to graze mine when I held my hand out just barely. That minuscule point of contact, along with the texts he would send me throughout the day, gave me the small push I needed to keep going.

            Our text conversations weren’t anything serious. He didn’t ask me about my drug dealing escapades, and I didn’t ask him about his investigation. Instead, I drilled him for more of his life that I had never known about while he was just my brother’s best friend. I probably should have been asking him what I was going to do, how I was going to get out, especially since prom was the next weekend, but I didn’t have it in me to talk about something so serious when it felt like I was dying inside. 

            In these conversations, I learned that he liked watching UFC, would go to the bar after work sometimes just to try a unique beer, liked going fishing or camping with his dad when the mood hit, and he loved working on his giant truck that was a sore thumb in our hippie state. 

            He didn’t stay at the school for the whole day those two days, having to go into the police department for actual detective work. It sucked not being able to see him, especially when he didn’t come to my window during the week or that weekend. The desire to get up and shower, to do homework, to function like a human being, was hard to find by Tuesday, especially when Monday had already been another loathsome day. But I could hear Ava getting ready for school, and I couldn’t be late, I couldn’t ruin her good mood. 

            After whatever had happened at that party I was fortunate enough to miss, she and Cade started actuallydating. He was at our house past midnight most nights, which was a wonderful thing for my sister. It showed she was finally loosening up, finally letting someone in. He had even asked her to prom in a super cheesy way that previous Saturday. They were disgustingly perfect for each other, and I couldn’t have been happier for them. 

            Within my own miserable life, I dragged myself into the shower, made sure I had my finished homework, and went to school with my sister, who I no longer knew how to have a normal conversation with. My clothing was still drab, unlike my usual colorful, mostly slutty outfits, and I was totally okay with that. 

            Before we got to Rabia’s house to pick her up, my sister sighed loudly. My gaze moved to her. “Are you okay?” she asked, glancing sideways at me. Another chance for me to tell her everything, but I couldn’t bring myself to. Couldn’t lay out all the horrible s**t I had done, including almost screwing her life up and being on the verge of disappearing. She was so happy with Cade in her joyful little life. 

            “I’m great.” I nodded. With pursed lips, she raised her eyebrows. “I’ve just been trying to keep my grades up and stuff.” 

            “Good for you!” she exclaimed, pulling up to Rabia’s house. “No more guys for a while?” I nodded. “That’s good. But hey, if you need to talk about anything, you can—”

            She broke off when her bestie got in the car, and they tittered about their love interests, while I shrank in the back seat, wanting nothing more than to disappear for good. 

            I wasn’t expecting to see him, but he was there, guarding the gate when Ava pulled up to the school. My heart about exploded in my chest at the sight of him looking so sexy in his uniform, waving kids through the gate. 

            Ava went off to find her boyfriend with her best friend. Without thinking, I walked straight for him. A smile stretched across my face for what felt like the first time in a whole month. Blood pounded through my ears when I held my hand out, waiting for him to acknowledge me, even though my palms were coated in sweat. Instead of only grazing my hand, he laced his fingers with mine, holding my hand for what felt like an eternity.

            We had this moment just staring at each other, me searching for the answers to my problems and him looking like he just didn’t know. It probably only lasted a second, but it felt like a millennia before he pulled his hand from mine and I headed off to my pickup full of giddiness, my hand still tingling from his touch. 

            When I rounded the corner by the lockers I usually met Kenny by, he wasn’t there. Before I could look around or book it out of there, a hand gripping my messy bun yanked my head backward. I yelled out pretty freaking loud. He pulled harder, dragging my body against his, his hot breath hitting my neck and ear. 

            “So. Have a new love interest?” he growled. 

            My skin vibrated as I whimpered, trying my hardest to tug away from him. I had been so careless. Of course he saw my interaction with Pierce. Everyone in the freaking school probably noticed it. My one moment of weakness. I tried shaking my head, but his grip tightened on my hair, pulling a few strands free, causing tears to stream down my cheeks. 

            “I saw you with that rent-a-cop. Just wait until I tell Noah who you’ve been seeing. Remember that one rule, no squealing?” 

            His grip loosened slightly, enough for me to spin away from him, allowing a chunk of hair to be ripped out. There was no more. I had no more strength or endurance left to keep living this way. How anyone did was beyond me. My breath came in short gasps while I sneered at him, but he just smiled and I knew, I knew he had the upper hand. 

            “I do not have a new love interest,” I snarled between gasps. Technically, I didn’t. Pierce and I were just friends, and it was the greatest friendship I had ever experienced. But I knew what that looked like, what everyone would think. 

            “There’s not a doubt in my mind you’re f*****g that cop.” A manic laugh belted from his lungs, making me grimace. There wasn’t anything I could say to change his mind, but I had to try. I had to convince him. Being the shitty Mia I hated was a necessity. 

            “No. Actually, I was trying to make you jealous, asshole.” I moseyed toward him, swishing my hips an excessive amount. I may not have been in the greatest attire, but I knew how to work with what I had. With a bat of my wet eyelashes, I pressed against him, hoping the tears could be overlooked. He only raised his eyebrows, not moving an inch. My entire body rejected the contact between us, but I fought off the shakes, determined to convince him. If Noah knew about Pierce, he might hurt him if he thought Pierce knew something about their operation. “You told me you f****d Kelsey, and I didn’t like that much. Why do you think I’ve been such a mess this week?” I rubbed my hands up his stomach to rest on his chest, internally evaluating my sanity.

            A smirk spread over his lips. I let him grope me, let him smash his mouth to mine, tuning out as much as I could while everything inside me withered. There was nothing else in there. No dignity, no self-love, only survival. Yet after all I had done, I wasn’t so sure I wanted to survive this. Especially after stooping this low, letting him touch me when I had feelings for and deeply cared about this amazing detective I knew. 

            The bell rang, causing him to finally detach his face from mine. It took all my control to not vomit on him or show any distaste at all. 

            “Hmm. I guess I can f**k Kelsey and have you on the side.” He chuckled, licking his lips. I fought back my gag. “I’m not quite done with her yet. Guess I’m not done with you, either. Just don’t tell her. She holds a mean grudge.” 

            There were no words. I could only chuckle uncomfortably, fighting all my snide remarks and urges to punch him in the throat. After handing me my load, he smacked my ass—my least favorite thing ever—before heading in the opposite direction of where I came. 

            Two deep breaths were dragged in before I situated the giant baggy of pills in my bag. I went the way I came, knowing I was going to be late for class, but still unable to get my nerves under control. My head ached worse than I had ever felt before. The disaster of my life was all consuming. 

            When I rounded the lockers, most everyone was already to class, only a few stragglers remaining. A throat cleared behind me, causing me to spin around, the contents of my bag rattling. My heart jumped up my throat, choking me, at the sight of Pierce leaning against the row of lockers I had just rounded with his arms crossed over his chest. I may have smiled, I wanted to, if the furious look in his eyes hadn’t kept me from doing so. 

            “You’re a pretty damn good actress.” He sneered. My stomach knotted up. “Here I thought you might need help when I didn’t see you heading to class. I thought he might have hurt you. No. You were just fine, letting him grope you and suck on your face behind the lockers.” He shoved away from the lockers, scrubbing at his head, while I stood frozen to that spot feeling despicable, loathsome. “I thought… I thought there was something… f**k. Was it all an act, Mia? Have you been stringing me along to get information for them?” He shook his head as if trying to dislodge something while rage built up inside me. “I can’t help you. I can’t help you at all. I’m too caught up in this shit.”

            My spine straightened as I approached him, my hands no longer shaking, my heart no longer feeling anything. “It would be amazing if I met one guy who wasn’t concerned about getting f****d before thinking of anything else.” I jabbed him in the chest. His eyes about popped out of his head. “I’m not even going to give you the actual story of what just happened. You don’t deserve so much from me. I thought you actually cared, but you were just waiting for me to mess up. I’ll get myself out of this mess. I don’t need you.” I spun around, heading for the bathroom instead of my class. 

            “Mia!” Pierce yelled after me. 

            “f**k off, Pierce.” I flipped him the bird over my shoulder. 

            Something banged against the lockers behind me as he shouted multiple expletives, but I didn’t stop. I couldn’t. When I got to the bathroom that was thankfully empty, I curled up on a filthy toilet seat and cried for the millionth time in a month. As much as I despised crybabies, I couldn’t believe I had turned into one. Being truly on my own was the pits. I didn’t know how to fix this one, didn’t really want to. 

            With all the times he had held me while I splintered at the seams, how could he think it was all an act?

            The timing, the whole of it, couldn’t have been worse. Prom was only four days away, and I didn’t have a plan. Now I would have Kenny constantly trying to grope me again, and I was still set to be working prom—in Noah’s and Kenny’s eyes, at least. The one person I had ever cared about this way, had ever wanted to actually know me, just ruined that. I would still get out; it just probably wouldn't go as smooth as I had hoped for.