Mia

Twenty-one

Mia

He chucked something across the tiny kitchen into one of the cabinets. It shattered crashing to the floor before he stormed for his room. The door slammed shut. It was only a few minutes later when he came out in a T-shirt and gym shorts and left the house. It was two in the morning, and he was going out all pissed off. Maybe he had an actual girlfriend or something. The thought hurt my chest. 

            I was an epic b***h, I knew as much, but I was doing everything in my power to avoid thinking about Ava and my worried parents. I couldn’t think about how she was hurt, why the heck she had been alone long enough for Trent to get to her. I couldn’t think about any of it; otherwise, I just wouldn’t want to live. But it was impossible. And I couldn’t. I couldn’t live with myself. This mess had happened because of me. I caused this pain. I caused this turmoil. 

            Whatever Pierce thought of me or thought about the situation, that was another thing I couldn’t care about. The damage was done. My sister had almost been killed because I tried running. But there was no way I could go back now. Now they would all hate me and blame me for Ava getting beat up. Disappearing was my only choice. The only way to avoid seeing the look in their eyes, the look that would say they knew I was a screwup all along. 

            I made sure my backpack was put back together. Since I had dyed my hair to stave off boredom while Pierce was gone, I had dumped most of its contents out. With everything replaced, along with a few water bottles I stole from Pierce’s fridge, I put it right next to the couch. My old phone would have to be left behind, but I put the new one in the backpack along with the charger and put some money on the counter to pay Pierce back for the phone. 

         Since the exhaustion wasn’t enough to stave off my self-loathing, I tried keeping busy. While Pierce had been gone all day, I literally had nothing to do, and when I heard those sirens, there was nothing I could do. It was insanity thinking about every way the day could go wrong, but I never considered Ava getting beat up. By Trent of all people. When he had shared that news, I didn’t know how to react, how a normal person would. But just then, sitting on his stupid couch, I cried some more. For my twin who didn’t deserve any of the s**t I had brought on her. She was too good for me. My whole family was. 

            When he came back inside, I was wrapped up in that blanket that smelled of him—an approaching rain and the woods—on the couch. He was breathing hard, his gray T-shirt soaked in sweat. I pretended I wasn’t watching him as he got a bottle of water from the fridge and chugged it while scowling at the money I had put on the counter. He tossed the bottle in the trash, and I closed my eyes, not wanting to look at him or talk to him or think about how horrible the day had been. It was three in the morning, and I just wanted it to be over. Wanted all of it to be over. 

            My eyes shot open when warm hands gripped my legs. He was right there, so close to my face I could have kissed him and, holy cow, did I want to. Which was irrational when I was so furious. His face was red from what I guessed was an hour-long run, and his eyes bore into mine, the gold flecks in the middle glittered and the vibrant green along the edges seemed to glow. 

            He wore the gentlest look he had ever given me. It wasn’t pity; it wasn’t anger. It was just… care. He cared so much for me, and I was such a b***h to him after he had that crappy day. The weight of me being caught up in this drug stuff and my sister getting hurt and him not being able to bust the bad guy because he knew I wouldn’t go in to identify him, seemed like nothing just then. 

            When he leaned forward and pressed his forehead to mine, my mind emptied of all thought. My heart pounded in my chest while he breathed deep and stayed there for the longest time with his head pressed to mine. It was the most intimate thing I had ever experienced with anyone. My new favorite thing in the whole world. I breathed with him; his scent mixed with sweat and heat brought peace. 

            “Mia,” he sighed my name before pulling back, his hands still gripping my legs. The turmoil in his gaze made me want to do anything to make him happy, to make him smile. “Please stay. Please stay here with me. At least for a little while. I can’t… I can’t think about life with you gone. That sounds ridiculous, but I don’t want you out of my life. We can figure this s**t out. We’ll figure something out.” 

            It was like he was speaking directly to my soul. To have someone know how shitty I was, how much I screwed up, and still care about me was a treasure, something I needed to keep and protect and cherish. I placed my hands on his shoulders, wanting nothing more than to love this guy and kiss him and touch him, but I couldn’t see how I deserved something like that, someone like him. 

            “How can you be like this after I was so terrible to you?” I whispered, finding his chest more interesting than his probing gaze.

            He hooked a finger under my chin, lifting it. “You were just told that your twin sister was beat up simply because someone was mad at you. I thought you would hate me for telling you that. Your brother was pretty pissed at me for telling him. You had every right to close in on yourself for a little.”

            “I have no right to be a b***h to you,” I told him right when what he said clicked in my brain. It was so late. I really needed sleep. “Wait.” I blinked. “You told Kai?” 

            “If I hadn’t, your parents would have.” He shrugged, and I understood, especially when it was coming to Pierce. I understood him. He cared so much about his friend he wanted Kai to hear the terrible news from him first. “Mia, I don’t think you realize how much I care about you. It’s three o’clock in the f*****g morning, and all I can think about is spending time with you and comforting you so tomorrow might be a little better than today.” 

            “I think I’m starting to realize.” I smirked, wishing I could erase all the things I had said before he took off, but I couldn’t and yet, he didn’t seem to mind my company. 

            He leaned in, and my heart jumped up my throat, thinking he was actually going to kiss me, and I was so unprepared. I hadn’t even brushed my teeth for the night yet. But he just kissed me lightly on my bruised cheek, lingering there for another minute, his breath giving me the chills. “Can I lay with you tonight?” he whispered. I couldn’t restrain the enthusiasm from my nod. Of course I wanted him to lay with me. What kind of i***t would I be if I denied this perfect guy?

            When he pulled back, he was almost smiling, which made my stomach explode with butterflies. They got even worse when he slid his sweaty shirt off, revealing way too much muscle and that ridiculously hot tattoo that I was overly excited to see the rest of. “I said it before, but I have to say again, holy freaking muscles, Pierce.” My comment earned an actual gut laugh that was sexier than the eight pack. Restraining myself from touching his abs and tracing the intricate lines of his tattoo as I really wanted to was almost impossible, but I managed. Barely.

            “Move over,” he demanded in a husky tone that raked down my spine, giving me goose bumps.

            I complied, curling in a ball on my side. He climbed on the couch and wrapped himself around me in the best cuddling position ever. His warmth leaked into me, helping me breathe. That peace he seemed to carry in abundance allowed me to forget my troubles for a few minutes.

            He nuzzled his head in my hair, taking a deep breath. “You smell like hair dye,” he said into it. 

            “Interesting. Did you not notice I’m no longer blonde?” I rolled my eyes, even though he was behind me, but I was glad he couldn’t see my smile. I had been so fed up with my stupid blonde hair, it was actually a blast to dye my hair such a drastically different color, even if it was my natural color. And it made me feel more like me… just Mia. 

            “Of course, I noticed, dum-dum. You’re even hotter with your natural color.” He squeezed me tighter, taking another deep breath. “Just don’t chop it off, ’kay?” 

            “Because I would look exactly like my twin?” I wished I could see his face and whether that would bother him. 

            “Not exactly like her, no. You’re still my Mia whether you’re a redhead, brunette, or blonde. I just love your long hair.” His hand combed through it, lighting me on fire all over, before he wrapped back around me. 

            He could have kept talking, but I was focused on him calling me his Mia. Was that really how he thought of me? As his? The idea made me feel even more at peace. I wanted to be his. 

            After a few minutes, my eyes grew heavy while I basked in his warmth and care, until I easily drifted off to sleep. In that deep sleep, I swore he whispered, “I love you, Mia.” But that couldn’t be. It had to have been a dream. The best dream I could have ever had.

            Even still, I thought I whispered back, “I love you, Pierce.” 

*****

The next morning, I woke in the arms of my dream guy, wrapped up in his scent. When he took a deep breath, mmming loudly, I took that as my cue to roll over on the tiny space to face him, the couch groaning beneath me. He gave me a sexy, sleepy smirk and ran a hand through my hair. 

            “I love this color,” he told me before kissing me on the forehead. Everything in me heated up and stayed that way even when he pulled back. His tattoo was too fascinating, so I traced the intricate design on his shoulder and chest, causing his eyes to droop shut again before he made another mmmm sound. “You keep doing that, I won’t be able to get up.” 

            “Then don’t get up.” I shrugged, wiggling closer to him, wanting nothing more than for this moment to last forever with him. 

            He smiled, hazel eyes sparkling with delight. “I would love to stay here all day, but I do have responsibilities today.” Of course, he did. Life hadn’t stopped; time kept on going. But he did pull me close for another minute, letting me drink up his scent and warmth. With a grunt, he shifted me around. “And now I need to take a piss,” he announced, making me chuckle. 

            After we both emptied our bladders, he made us some eggs and coffee before getting ready for the day. Watching this shirtless guy making breakfast made me drool some more, but I succeeded in keeping my hands to myself. 

            While we ate, he kept checking his phone, making my stomach sink further and further every time he looked at it. Which seemed irrational, but something wasn’t good. When he excused himself, saying he needed to get ready to go, it sank even lower. 

            He came out of his room while I was washing the dishes we had used for breakfast, thinking of my mom the entire time. “What are you doing?” he asked with an amused look I kind of wanted to smack off his face. 

            “Washing dishes,” I told him in a frank tone. 

            “You’re cute washing my dishes,” he declared, kissing the top of my head, making me smirk. But I didn’t want to smirk, the jackass. “So… I have to go get Kai from the airport and take him to the hospital.” 

            This information hit me like a freight train. The soapy glass I was holding plopped back in the water, splashing it everywhere, but I ignored it when I spun to look at him. “You didn’t say anything about him coming home last night.” 

            “Because it was three in the morning, and I knew you would react like this,” he pointed out, before taking a deep breath. “He demanded leave after I called. He was granted a few weeks for a family emergency.” 

            With the best glare I could muster, my wet hands fisted on my hips, I demanded, “So he’s coming home? Because Ava was attacked?” 

            “Don’t say it like that.” He placed his hands on my shoulders, gaze boring into mine. “Your entire family doesn’t know what to do about you being missing. They love you. Your brother loves you, and he wants to help your parents since one of his sisters is missing and the other got attacked.” 

            Everything in me wanted to argue with him, to pick another damn fight with him for not telling me this the night before. But when he said it like that, what the heck was there to argue about? Maybe for once I needed to be mature and just let it be. After a deep breath, I nodded. “Okay.” 

            “Okay? Just like that?” Eyebrows raised, he smirked. “What was it that I said correctly in order for you to agree?” 

            “Don’t be a jackass.” I shoved him, making him laugh, but my face dropped, my heart squeezing. “Do you think…do you think I could maybe see him? Not like talk to him or even have him see me, but just from a distance? It’s just that… it’s been—”

            “Mia,” he interrupted me. “I get it. None of us have seen him in a long time. I get it. We can figure something out. Okay?” 

            “Okay.” I sighed, my shoulders drooping. 

            “Okay. I gotta go.” After grabbing his keys from the counter, he stopped in front of the door, and I stood right behind him. “I’ll be gone a while, because I have to see what’s going on with Noah and Trent and… everything. Please stay put. Don’t go anywhere.” 

            “I’ll stay put. For today,” I told him, that being all I could promise him. 

            I might decide the next day it was time to go, even if not being able to take him with me would wreck me. 

*****

I did stay that day, and quite a few after. Even after Pierce told me how hard it was to see Kai and not tell him I was okay and staying with him. Even after he would go over to my family’s house and play video games with my brother, giving me updates on how Ava was doing. 

            Apparently, she was super depressed and had closed off from everyone, including her boyfriend, who she had already dragged through the mud enough. With graduation only a little under a week away, Pierce said all she was doing was schoolwork. She was moving to Tennessee only a couple weeks after that with the help of my parents and brother. Kai had been venting to Pierce about how hard it was watching Ava shut her friends out and shut down like this. 

            But it was entirely my fault. I had done the same thing. None of them knew I was okay. Mom and Dad had been looking for me, and apparently Dad was trying to help Pierce with the case so he could charge Noah without me identifying him. 

            During the clear out of the warehouse, they had found a small amount of pills, which allowed them to at least hold Noah—or Marcus, or whoever the f**k he was. But he was bound to make bail, and he could easily disappear. They still hadn’t found Kenny. I had to fight turning my phone on to see if he had been trying to get ahold of me. If he had, I might have been able to help Pierce find him, but he told me he would find Kenny without jeopardizing my safety. 

            Living with him, it was an experience. One I would never regret. We didn’t touch again after that second night, but it was better than that, better than a physical relationship. To help stave off my boredom of being stuck in his house, he brought me home all kinds of things to explore new hobbies. Out of the many, many things he introduced me to, I was particularly fond of painting and cooking. 

            I painted how I felt when I couldn’t put my feelings into words. I wasn’t a professional, but I also wasn’t half bad. He told me the walls of his living room were my blank canvas, since he could just paint over it if he ever moved. I painted the sky and the stars and the moon, everything I remembered from those first times we sat in the back of his truck. He didn’t seem to mind it. 

            The cooking videos I would watch on YouTube had inspired me to try making different things for dinner. He would buy me any ingredient I asked for, even if the meal the night before hadn’t turned out so great. At least I never lit his little apartment on fire.

            When I was overwhelmed with where my life was and the fact that I had chosen not to see my family anymore, he would take me out to that lookout in the dead of night. We would just lie there in his truck bed for hours staring at the stars and talking about a bunch of nonsense, because the serious stuff hurt too much. 

            This life we built together within that one week was the most exciting and most depressing of my life. We both knew what was to come. My face was almost healed—with good foundation I could cover the remains of the bruise. I couldn’t stay there forever. I had to leave, had to disappear for good, and it had to be soon, or I would end up staying there with him forever.