Living in the Shadows

Breakfast at Melbourne

I woke up early to prepare breakfast for the family. “I am so domesticated now...” I whispered to myself as I open the windows and feel the warmth of morning sunshine.

It’s not like in the Philippines, even though the sun is shining so bright, it is not too hot as it feels in my skin. We do not have any helpers around I would have to move and do all the chores here.

Glad that I had enough practice when my parents bought me my own condo unit, I had to do all the chores. Before getting married to Arthur, I learned how to do the laundry, clean my own space, and even cook some Filo dishes.

I am so proud of myself for living independently though financially my parents still provide for me at that time since I’m still a student back then.

I felt like I can really live on my own at that time! “I am a strong independent woman.” I would always tell myself every time I would feel low or stressed due to school paper works.

I used to think of myself as a strong, independent woman, what happened to the old Macky? I asked myself as I look at myself in the mirror after taking a quick morning shower.

This mental break made me feel like I have been revitalized and I could feel a difference in my eyes and skin. I just felt more alive than the past few years I’ve been dreading the cold treatment of my husband. I did not realize I got lost in my thoughts and was staring at the mirror for minutes, a knock on the door just snapped me back to reality.

“Who’s there? Coming!” I shouted as I run down the stairs. Our home in Australia is not that big compared to the house my husband bought which is more spacious. Which makes me feel lonelier whenever he is not home.

Yes, I am with my sons, but being married, and having your husband, who's not around most of the time is a different story.

“Oh.” Came out of my mouth as I opened the door.

“Macky, how’s dad?” Arthur asked as he carries his bags inside the house.

“He’s fine, but we still have to monitor his blood pressure and blood sugar,” I answered softly, looking at his luggage, confused.

“Why the bags?” I asked without having eye contact with Arthur. I just can’t look straight into his eyes.

“I’m going to stay here as long as you needed to stay. I won’t leave until Dad’s ok.” He answered almost catching his breath as he was carrying lots of bags.

“I also had to bring some of the boys’ clothes, your stuff, and brought some Filipino delicacies Dad loves.” He added.

“You got all of those in a short span of time?” I asked wondering.

“Our helpers had them ready before I arrived home, when you were not picking up your cellphone, I called home and Manang told me everything, so I told her to pack everything you and the boys need. Then the delicacies, I got them while waiting at the airport.” He explained.

“You really have ways to get things done. I remembered the ring….” And then I just suddenly remembered the engagement ring when he proposed to me 7 years ago. “Uhm, you can stay in the other guest room across my room. You know where it is.” I suddenly felt awkward and changed the topic. I was about to leave when he grabbed my arm. “Babe, I am sorry. I did not mean to hurt you. I was so drunk. I didn’t know what I was doing.” He said, trying to kiss me. “Ok,” I answered without batting an eyelash and left. I had to prepare breakfast, or maybe I am just not ready yet to talk about ‘us’.

“Daaaaadddddddy!!!!” I heard the boys from the kitchen while cooking breakfast and preparing the table. My boys are really close to Arthur. Even though Sydney and Austin don’t see their father that often because of Art’s schedule for his TV appearances, photoshoot, or TV series, they still grew up very close to him.

They get excited whenever he is home, especially Austin, there is that longingness for my youngest son. I am his mother, so I know him so well, both of them, Sydney and Austin.

 Both my babies, my little boys. I know when they are sad when they are hurt and would not speak up about it, or if they are really elated. Maybe that is how mum knows I am hurting inside. Because she is a mother, she is my mummy so dear.

As for my little boy, my youngest son Austin, I could see in his eyes how much he longs for his father. He is very young, but I can see through him that he wants to be with his father as much as possible. I could remember how Art reacted when he found out that I am pregnant with Austin.

Maybe, as a tiny human being, he was inside my tummy back then, he already felt what I was feeling back then.

Was it my fault that my son feels this way? I am overthinking again, lots of thoughts running through my head.

“Breakfast is ready, everybody come down now!” I called.

Everyone rushed to the table to be seated. I saw Arthur helping my father walk and go down the stairs. “Oh, my favorite son-in-law, no need for you to help me, this old bloke still strong, aye.” My dad said as he patted my husband’s shoulders.

I just rolled my eyes. “Favorite son-in-law? Well, you just have no other choice! I am your only daughter!” I’d like to tell my dad but just whispered it to myself.

“You have to finish your food first Austin before you and your brother can play outside ok honey?” I told Austin, as I wipe off the crumbs on his face.

“Yes, mommy. Can Daddy come to play with us, too?” he asked.

“Yes, of course, my little boy. Dad would play with both of you. Just let me unpack my bag then I would go outside to play with you and Syd. So, eat up, buddy, you must grow your muscles just like dad, ok?” Arthur answered before I could speak and responded to Austin.

I just rolled my eyes again. I was feeling so irritated by his presence! I’ve never been this irritated!

After breakfast, Arthur volunteered to take care of the dishes, so I went upstairs to help dad and to give him the medicine for his maintenance.

“Dad, just let me know if you need anything, ok? You have to rest for now, as per your cardiologist you have to be on bed rest for a week so we cannot go outside yet, just let me take care of you. Ok?” I told dad, as I kissed his forehead.

“Oh, my Macky-poo. I will. Thank you, my sweet baby girl.” My dad answered.

I peeked on the window and saw my boys playing in the backyard.

We have a spacious front lawn and backyard where I used to play as a kid.

My boys would be safe playing there as they could not go anywhere.

I went to my room to get a little rest.

(Breakfast at Tiffany’s by Deep Blue Something playing)