Living in the Shadows

Ninny

In an instant, my world turned upside down. We were happy, finally, I felt like my life is already complete. That I have it all, and I have everything I’ve been praying for.

Why does it always have to be this way?

Every time I would be happy, something horrible would happen to me too.

Reminds me of my physics class back in high school, Newton’s third law of motion, for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

I often find myself thinking in a midst of every chore. I would be silent, and from the outside, I look like I am just normal, I am trying my best to look cool. I don’t want my father to think that something is going on with me. Now is not the right time to make him worry about me as he needs to recuperate. We are staying here to help him recover and not to make it any worse.

I am not sure if Art noticed that I am trying to avoid him, he would often spend time with the boys. Probably he is making up for the lost time since he got his formal contract as an actor, he’s been an absent father. He may be supporting us financially, but he spent less time with his sons. This darkness inside my heart at the moment is being pacified by the thought that he is being a good father to our children.

When you are married with children, it is not always about how you feel that matters, for me, my children come first. I may be hurting inside, as I know inside my heart that there is something wrong.

There is something wrong and always been.

I’ve always ignored the red flags of this marriage. I’ve been bearing this burden inside me for years. But there’s this force that always pulls me back to my husband. There is always a need to keep the family together.

If I would choose my happiness, would it make me look like a bad mother?

Does it mean that I did not sacrifice enough for the family?

Is it wrong to choose my happiness? Is it too selfish?

My parents got divorced because of their differences. Mum is career-driven, and she doesn’t agree with my father’s decisions and choices most of the time, so they decided to part ways instead of being toxic to one another. “That is the utmost respect for your partner, giving them their freedom, instead of being toxic and hurting them.” Words from my mother then she puffed on her cigarette. They remained friends, and both of them tried their best to be good parents to me even though they separated.

I am the daughter of this woman, yet I am not even half of her, thoughts in my head recalling this scene, I’m only 14 at that time, if you’ll think of it I am just a child yet she talks to me like an adult. On the other hand, my father treats me like a baby. He looks at me like a little kitten, so innocent, so vulnerable, and fragile. I wonder how my life could have been if I chose to stay with Dad and insisted to live in Australia.

Would my life have been better?

Would it be better not to meet Arthur at all?

But without Arthur, I would not have my two precious babies. I would not have my boys if it wasn’t for my first love, my husband.

I walked into my boys’ bedroom, just checking on them. I didn’t realize that Art was there, playing with our sons.

“Mommy! Dad said we’re going to the mall today!” Austin excitedly approached me when he saw me at their bedroom door.

“We would be getting new toys and games for our PS!” Sydney exclaimed while rummaging his drawers looking for clothes to wear.

“Oh, you boys enjoy, and be sure to behave well so dad won’t have a hard time, ok?” I replied and walked towards Sydney to help him get his clothes.

“No babe, you’ll be coming with us.” Art interrupted. “Go, get ready, I’ll take care of the boys.” I stared at him for split second, confused about what to react. “Babe? Go get ready now, ok?” Arthur added, he grabbed my arm, pulled me towards the door. I stepped out of the room and he closed the door.

What now?

Should I make an alibi?

I am puzzled and contemplating if I should go or if I should stay at home. I walked into the hallway and headed to our room, I took off my clothes and hit the shower.

I heard the door opened, and I hurriedly turned around to lock the bathroom door.

Too late! My eyes widened to see Art undressing.

“You know, you have this habit of barging in whenever I am taking a shower. Can I shower in peace?” I rolled my eyes.

“Maybe you should also have to have this habit of locking the door.” He answered, trying to make me smile but I am not amused.

“Why so cranky?” Art brushed my cheek with his hand and kissed my lips.

I pulled away and grabbed the bottle of my vanilla-scented shower gel. “Boys would be waiting for us, so we should hurry,” I answered. I’m about to get the sponge ball but Art grabbed it and poured the shower gel on it. “I’ll scrub your back. Let me do it.” He kissed my shoulder first, then started scrubbing my body.

I know what he is doing, and I won’t let him win this time.

He started fondling my bosom while scrubbing my back with the sponge.

“No, not now,” I said coldly.

“Babe, it’s been how many days? Why are you doing this to me? Are you still upset?” he said.

I could feel his hardened manhood behind me, I could feel it grow bigger.

“No.” I hurriedly rinsed my body in the shower and grabbed my towel.

Before I got out of the bathroom, he followed and grabbed my waist. “Babe, come on, just this time.” He answered.

He pulled me and started kissing my neck, while he caresses my lady bits.

I won’t be a ninny this time. I must resist.

But…

His hands continued fondling my ample bosom and started moving his hands going downstairs. I started feeling ecstatic as he twiddles my lady nubbin down there. He is frantically stroking it, I lost it, like being bewitched.

He pulled my waist and positioned me facing the sink and the large bathroom mirror. My hands against the sink to support my weight, I could see his face while he slid in his hardened meat inside me. I totally lost it, and right then and there I am under his spell again. We reached our climax at the same time and washed up so we can get ready to leave for the mall.

“Babe, stop thinking about crazy things.” Art kissed my forehead, we got dressed and went to the mall.

(Kiss Me by Kina Grannis playing)