Have You Ever Before Now

Have You Ever Before Now

Have You Ever Before Now Imagined and Invisioned Self Before Love? Have you ever daydreamed stars in a galaxy of touchable planets above? Have you ever taken a millisecond to not think of anything negative at all, just closed your eyes, awakened in a field of lilies with daisy flowers, in the middle of fall, with showering roses pedals, while lying on your back, man's best friend, jumping from side to side, ear to ear, trying to dodge the moments of happiness we no longer hear, silencing the chaos we are so trained to hear, as our heartbeats fast, as if we're playing dodge ball with fear, will you adhere, to the stop sign, stop signs, of flashing yellow lights and railroad signs, while swerving crossing deer.

Dear, Driving while blind seems to be new norms, identities torn, while premeis or still born, still born rips holes in hearts, cold hearted, tombstones, RIP rip. In Peace we rest, Chakras stones, no clones, hearts shattered and crack like real bones, ghost mode how quickly they departed, ignored phone calls, blocked numbers and dial tones.

Why now we wonder, how then it thunders, rainstorms from no where, no clouds were there, what now, sunshine was shining, now hail stones clatter, no matter, matters, just wet tissues, from lack of trust issues, winds blows, louder than coach whistles. As the wind whistles, bones become bristles, as skin fizzles, damn man's best friend suddenly, mistaken for a weasel, electric trucks become new airplanes, no diesel, this must be the new heaven and new earth, with branded new people.

Not forgetting to mention pushed aside daughters and runaway sons, who only remembers how to play Dead Man Walking, constantly trying to avoid Pitch Black moments, avoiding life setbacks of Chronicles Of Leave Me Alone, we search for abandoned homes, well leases failed to be paid, from severe layoffs and single parents housing, where did the structure disappear to, where did patience slip under, what happened to the neighborhood community, where we come together to lift each other up? Did we not forget the struggles of our ancestors, had we not remembered the taste of our own blood? Had we forgotten the whips and chains, the hours and miles of cotton picking, when Black lives only matters when another race disgraces our indigenous inheritance. My blood in my blood, my tears shed for my sisters and brothers, who no longer wish to be helped by each other, too many I can do it myself, I never needed a man, I'm superwoman I. I have. my own two hands. Damn.. Where does a man stand now

Five toes up five toes down, we hop around one leg at a time, from place to place, house to house, either one foot on the ground, or one foot in the air, we dare not share the blame, but who really cares, as we try to save face and we misplace places, we readjust our spaces, until find ourselves out of bounds, patiently waiting on New games, as we Wheel Of Fortune our dreams, waiting to stomp a yard or drum line these family Feuds, praying your fifth grader is smarter than the parents, as technology teaches techniques never learned by our ancestors, we rain dance in the storms, waiting on magnetic waves from Magnetos, we Wolverine our emotions, praying we never go rogue, we mystery our mystic, hoping we don't become so predictable, that we ground hog our days, over and over, never high, just sober, as we remove and fast, we relinquish our powers, elevating our foreign senses, as learn to become our own Sensei, mastering our own masters, teaching our birthed pupils, popping our own bottles, breeding our own models, switch switch switch, now turnaround, walk back same direction, praying they don't need to remember how not to switch to hard, or trip over their own two feet, or stumble over a rock bottom.These Rock Bottoms

only meant for Red Carpets with Red Bottoms, we are too classy for average, we are too savage for cabbage, we want all the carets silly rabbi, no carrots for rabbits, we need all the fool's gold, blood diamonds, and everything else that Moses forbidden, we become our own pagan gods, now bow down and worship televisions selling visions, so when time to rest, we can daydream in each other nightmares.

Nightmares become our daily morning wake ups, as we're constantly startled abruptly from our ancestors, yelling and screaming from graves with multiple bodies, laid on top of each other like dishes dug in foreign lands, from soldiers who never made it back home for proper burials, we forget all the gunshots we never heard, from the purple hearts never received, we swallow broken hearts entirely as many never rewarded opportunities to retire early. Retired from life severely, or with missing limbs, we pretend we never knew war was so costly, not just with money, but with the families broken from a government who become foreign on homelands, where are the home men, why have our mothers become motherless, and our sons fatherless, where are the benefits and dead presidents, Benjamin Franklins, George Washingtons, we need Bitcoin or crypto for these lives no longer living.

We spend so much time complaining and belittling, swinging for home runs with wooden backs on tees that barely stand up, we play hard ball with softballs, with soccer players, who only know how to run, we play catch with volleyball players, as we bet on horses who are retired poker players, playing spades daily with solitaire players, who first learned cards with blackjacks and backgammon players, who learned from Chinese Checkers, what games will we not enjoy, or ever attempt to get over on the next, as we try to monopolize black neighborhoods with foreign owned convenient stores, with local Police stations,five minutes from every major highway, these byways don't always go both ways, and these training days only have one ways with all dead ends.Your turn but no returns, no you turns, just keep straight,no time for wrong turns or non rights one or the other. But on the first days of jobs, the last day as Job, as we never concurred with this secret meeting between hierarchies, between less better and worse.

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Brand new people, elders were crucified, Black History month abolished, sacrifices from our ancestors now polished, it's amazing the modernized concepts, from the neighborhood corners we learned to progress, convenient stores became the new congress, congrats, how much money and drugs have love learned to process, success dressed up in cars and status, statues of our favorite actors, reaction of actions from the real Freedom Fighters, where street substances replaces History subject matters, no subtitles and small captions, small rations, becomes irrational, irrationally pilot simulations, auto pilots, no longer spiritual, habitual, repeated offenders, offending our nationality, naturally what else are our adolescents supposed to do, in a false reality, who shows them what's true, even then who will still listens, who judges the judges, Jesus for Muslims or Allah for Christians, this is the purest love story, when lies no longer guides the truth, Take notes if you need to, if not at least allow me to have your undivided attention.

No need to digress, progress, equals progression, so don't stop me now, can't stop me, so let me continue, Pause Now, Hold Me Up, stop holding me down. Lift me up, stop throwing me around, fast forward to our new holy ground, with holy fields, holy mountains, where we can finally be thankful now. Yoyo your perceptions of my brown skin, born again mentally, my mentality, is aggressive, but no fist needed to attack you physically, because my tongue, speaks in tongues, different languages accompany my companies, so leave your miserable thoughts alone with your misery, History becomes my story narrative, not narrating a chapter in his story, conflicting viewers, views my culture with changing viewing lens, where did this love cycle begin, what values and morals comes with a prenup, before we even Learned to be friends, because public assistance, from associations associating with my neighborhoods associates, doesn't seem too legal, majority of all places I eat at, aren't even legit, mostly foreigners, who receive stolen goods, while returning counterfeited money to hands that's banks signed off behind closed doors, late parties with low risk.

It's crazy the secrets we love to learn, then forget to share, the care we learned to leverage with levers that only goes one way, we stay in situations we learned to adjust, with invisible chains, words for batons, as we embrace domestic violence, sirens never appear, as we love to share silence.

Lambs of Silence, we reverse movie roles, actors or presently directing, while directions are being improvised, compromised, then televised, telling lies, but selling truths, we buy as movie tickets, extra.. extra .. don't read all about it, watch it without commercials, no need to stop for advertising, big bank swallows little bank, only the wealthier survives, survivors are auction off to islands, where fear factors conquer gladiators, Lost we become as American idols become commons day scandals, scandalous we wear like flip flops and sandals, this is modern day pimping, no backpage needed, only fans becomes fans, becoming your every day convenient convenience convincing conduits to continue to convey thru guarded canals with specialized special forces convoys, so specialist are now outdated and underrated, one needs more than PHD no common bachelor degree, at least Masters for the master, as we regress back to the original topic, Associates!

How many years, must one study to barely pass a midterm, how many germs must one cleanse to be unattached to to stench of untrustworthy, how many secrets can one bury or ignore, to protect a family's name, how many naked twisters games can one play with strangers, after drinking shot after shot, from dates of truth or dare, because you dare not tell a future lover and potential spouse the truth, of past, present, because the future of your future may be at Total risk, as we total recall our aliens and martians, long Islands and Martinis shots, begins to resurface, the dead skeletons we thought we l

Love feels like one letter short of death, one inch shorter on girl shorts above the knee, or two letters short from A on a bra for the breast, or one inch shorter in-between, but how drastic is an inch on an inch worm I ponder. As I often daydream in my nightmares, I find myself gazing at other wives, living other's best lives, and thinking to myself, I wonder if they know how to be anything other than stay at home mother. I want to imagine them coasting down coasters, rolling down rivers, streaming down screens, downloading their best memories into my you tubes, as I Invision visions of nightly televised televisions of telling visions,of uninterrupted black lives matters teachings, as Jehovah Witnesses witness and reinstall outdated techniques which other technicians failed to upgrade during annual automatic renewal times.

When I close my eyes I open my heart, forgetting everything I was ever instructed on the proper ways of maturity on how to pray, I now lay me down to sleep, as I awakened the inner child in me, I pray for myself and the next who offers an ear to closely hear, the little details subconsciously forgotten during my adulting years to Peter Pan from Hook without my Wendy. Drowning from waters I was submerged in, from previous lovers baggage never unpacked from Chicago vacations home of the cold and the Windy. I pray for an angel from God He personally sends me. No breaks but bend me, like a contortionist, but never torture me, as my heirs have, because I chose the tortoise speed no hare's stride from my Never Never Lands.