Chapter 30: Cooper
1334 Words
Slumped in an armchair that now seems too big for me, I contemplate the assembly of wolves facing me. A cacophony of voices rises from it, hits my ears, and spins my mind towards too-dark thoughts.
I can’t – anymore – think calmly. What Alpha am I to my pack if I am unable to make decisions for the good of all? How can I protect them, if I’m not strong enough to bear the sacrifice?
The conversation I had earlier with Sixine comes back to me with force, like a masterful slap, a gulp of cold wind in winter. Make a deal with witches and even take one as a mate! What madness! How would my wolves react if they found out that I imprinted on Elinor? It’s incomprehensible, even to me. Especially for me, who has always been rational, organized, and respectful of our ancestral laws. Tyler, Emmitt and Jake suspect it. I know it. But the pack. The pack…
We don’t mix.
Again and again, those words swirl around in my mind. My deepest conditioning is screaming at me not to give in to temptation, my heart and my insides are begging me to run to the jails to mark, finally, this strange creature that has entered my life, like a tornado destroying everything in its path.
Suddenly a few knocks ring out on the heavy monumental door of our lair. How I would like to be in my office rather than here… Only the view I have from my private quarters is able to soothe me at this moment.
But I nod to Jake to go open it. I close my eyes and massage my eyelids with my clenched fingers. I am tired.
"Cooper! We bring Elinor to you. She has something to tell you."
I dare not open my eyes. Will I manage to control the emotions that agitate me when I face this woman, this… witch? Slowly, I raise my head. I have to take responsibility for my decisions.
"Alright. Get out."
Only a dumbfounded silence answers me. It is quite unusual for an Alpha to exclude his pack from the common den.
"GET OUT! EVERYONE, IMMEDIATELY."
I spoke in a cold, authoritative tone. My wolves froze, before silently heading for the exit. All cast curious glances at Elinor. They don’t understand. How could they, if even I struggle to analyze my reactions?
The Falck cousins also leave, looking upset. The battle against the three witches left traces in them. Of all my people, they are the only two, with Jaxson perhaps, who can understand what is happening to me.
I still don’t move. I wait. I know Elinor is going to speak. For now, she stands straight, facing me, chin up. She wants to look sure of herself, but I can see that she is shaking all over. Am I scaring her? At this thought, my heart starts to beat faster.
"Cooper, I came to tell you my decision about your... offer."
Now even her lips are quivering. Her eyes drown in tears. I would so like to be able to join her in two steps to take her in my arms, to tell her how much…
But no, I answer her in the same formal tone as before.
"I’m listening to you."
The look she gives me tears me apart. It is heavy with reproaches and disappointed hopes. If she only knew how I contain myself.
"I will stay by your side…"
My breath stops, and my heart nearly leaps out of my chest. What did she say? Did I hear correctly? But she immediately resumes:
"On two conditions."
Obviously. I raise a hand to allow her to continue. As if she needed my approval.
"I stay, but you will free my friends, as well as Jaxson."
No. She asks too much of me. How could I cope with all this in front of my pack? How can I justify that, as a chief, I free witches, pardon my brother and take a foreign girl as my companion? Impossible.
I sigh, and massage my face with my hand. When did my life become so complicated?
When I look at Elinor again, her sad, haggard look shocks me. I suddenly realize that it’s not just me in this business. She has just given herself up to me, while she grew up under the weight of the same laws. What does it mean to her to agree to become my companion, to leave her friends, her family, and her life forever... To know that she will no longer be able to return to her family, at the risk of a death sentence. If I mark her... Just thinking about it, a growl rises in my throat. She would become a wolf. She would be mine forever. And life as she knows it will definitely be out of reach. Because there will be no going back, neither for her nor for me. The strength of her sacrifice moves me. Her strength overwhelms me.
Finally, finally, my body agrees to give in to my impulse, and I rush to her side. How is it possible to be so attached to a woman you barely know? Yet everything about her touches me.
"Elinor…"
When I’m only a metre away from her, I stop. What if she didn’t really want me? After all, I demanded her presence as a companion. I didn’t ask her what she wanted. Does she see me as a tyrant? If she only knew… Of course, I have made extreme, brutal and violent decisions, but never with a light heart. What I’ve done, I’ve always done for my family, for my pack...
But isn’t that how the worst monsters justify their crimes? The small voice of my conscience whispers to me. I shake my head and hold out my hands to Elinor. Provided she takes them… But no, she doesn’t move, lets the tears run down her cheeks and her gaze anchors in mine.
I can’t. I can’t bring myself to this. I can’t put her through a life of submission. She doesn’t deserve it.
Suddenly, a dam gives way inside me. I will not be guilty of the worst ignominy. I will not be the one who will have my brother executed, I will not be the one who will make my lover unhappy, I WILL NOT BE A TYRANT.
"Go," I whisper, and even to my ears my voice sounds too hoarse, broken.
"What?"
The surprise I see in her eyes overwhelms me. She really expected me to make her my thing… How ironic, when I’m the toy of my love for her.
I cross the last metre that separates us, hug her, and plunge my face into her hair. When I feel her stiffen against my body, tears well up in my eyes and sting my eyelids. I poke my nose even deeper into her neck so she wouldn’t notice. Her neck... Once again, the desire to mark her there came over me. But no, if one day I have to mark her, it will be with her full consent.
"I’m releasing you," I finally said, pushing her away. "I release you, your friends and Jaxson. But I ask you two things in return."
"Yes," she said in a very small voice. "What do you want?"
She looks like she’s about to collapse. I thought that I was giving her the gift of a life of freedom and happiness…"
"Your help in the conflict between us and the vampires. And the guarantee that my brother will never set foot in this den again, on pain of death."
"But an alliance between us…"
"Wolves are pragmatic, I’ll manage to get them to accept. And if this isn’t the case, we will remain discreet. Go. NOW."
But she doesn’t move. Why is she hesitating? Wasn’t that what she wanted, after all?
"Go," I repeat.
With a last sob, she turns on her heels and runs away.
- Writer
