The Vampire Detective

Chapter 4

Four

BEEP!

BEEP!

BEEP!

I sat bolt upright in bed, the sleep I'd been so comfortably encased in now completely gone. Jester hissed from where I'd roused him but he did nothing more than curl back into a ball. I shouldn't have let the thing sleep on the bed with me, but even I had to admit that it had been nice to have something warm and fuzzy pressed against me. It was almost comforting. If it hadn't been an evil cat who wouldn't take my fish offerings.

My alarm clock sat on the side, not making a single sound.

Huh?

I hadn't set an alarm anyway, so it going off would be odd, but that was the most logical explanation.

Unless...

I swung my legs around, placing my feet on the floor and padding through the room, grateful I was wearing an oversized t-shirt I'd salvaged from one of William's drawers. It had long ago lost his smell, but it was still comfy.

The flashing light from the hall made me roll my eyes. "Of course his invention didn't work," I muttered.

I slipped through the door to reset the stupid DDD 3000. I'd have to tell Derek that it had been set off by nothing more than a light breeze. He'd be disappointed, but better that than ending up with angry customers demanding to know why they weren't getting any sleep.

I flicked the switch, shutting off the flashing lights and the annoying beeping sound. Those probably hadn't been the best choice of system alert either. I made another mental note to give him feedback before returning to my bedroom. At least it didn't seem to have woken Grandmother. I didn't think she'd be pleased with him in that situation.

"Argh." I jumped back into the door, shocked to find a man standing in the middle of my room.

Jester looked up, noticing him too and began to hiss. Huh. It seemed the cat was a little protective of me. Maybe our fledgeling relationship could be saved after all. Though I wasn't holding my breath on it.

"Who are you?" I asked the man, letting my fangs extend. If he was another vampire, I was screwed if he wanted to hurt me. But if he was a human...then there'd be something I could do about it.

"Jonas."

"Alright, Jonas..." I eyed him warily. Why'd he tell me his name? Was it even his real one? I had no way of knowing. The one thing I was sure of was that I didn't know anyone named Jonas. "What are you doing here?" I asked when he didn't expand on it himself.

"William sent me," he answered.

"William?" I frowned. That made no sense. He was bad with presents, there was no doubt about that, but this was a whole new level. What was I going to do with a Jonas?

"He said you might be able to help me."

"And you didn't think the chances of that would be higher if you'd knocked on the door?" What was it with vampires and perpetuating a stereotype? Some of us did our best to live a life that didn't draw attention to us. Then there were the Jonases of the world, creeping in through windows in the middle of the night and being cryptic. It really didn't help our overall image.

"I don't like doors."

"Right. And that means you won't respect other people's privacy and use them?" I narrowed my eyes at him.

"He said you could help me," he repeated lamely.

"Come back in the morning," I told him. "Knock on the door and ask me that way."

"I can't," he responded.

"Why in the stakes not?" I let out the exasperated sigh I'd been holding in. At least it didn't look like I was in any danger from him. Something Jester had also seemingly decided as he'd curled back into his ball and gone back to sleep. Note to self: I shouldn't rely on the cat to protect me.

"I can't be seen asking you for help..."

"Then you don't need me," I countered. "Goodnight, Jonas. I'd say it was a pleasure to meet you, but I'd rather have been basted in garlic and boiled in holy water." Not that either of those could kill me. Well, the boiling could. Just not the garlic or holy water. Unless the water was in a place of worship. The rules of being a vampire were confusing to say the least.

"I do need you," he protested.

I closed my eyes and counted to ten. "Then you'll do what I asked and come back tomorrow."

"I can get you some nice B+ blood," he hastily said.

I opened one eye, my interest peaked. I did hate the O neg stuff and my current supplier wasn't very flexible.

"How?" I asked, looking him up and down. He didn't look too shabby, but he wasn't particularly well-dressed either. No stiff collar, no pressed shirt, and no penguin shoes. Not a noble attire. If I couldn't get the decent blood, how would a commoner get his hands on it?

"I know a guy. He'll get you the freshest B+ blood for the whole year." Jonas shot me a begging look. "Please, I'm desperate."

"Fine. But I want a two-year supply."

"Done."

The man reached out to shake my hand and I glared at him. "Get out of my bedroom, dude."

"Right. Sorry..."

"Go wait downstairs so I can get dressed," I ordered, shooing him out of my bedroom. I already had a fiancé that kept proposing and a Derek, I didn't need another man with no boundaries.

Jester let out an adorable little yawn, stretched himself into a thin tube, and jumped down. He shot me a questioning look, his tail flicking back and forth. "Preowww?"

"Yes, yes, I'm getting up. I'll feed you in a second, you hairy monster."

Another perfectly good morning ruined by me having to get up. If I couldn't stay in tomorrow, I'd bolt down the doors and windows so nobody could disturb me.

"Ugh, mornings..." Grumbling to myself, I wrapped a bathrobe around me and descended down to the kitchen. Jonas could go stand on his head, but I'd have coffee before he roped me into whatever issue he needed me to solve. William really needed to stop referring his friends to me with their petty problems.

Lost keys, missing bills, and locating a sweater were hardly serious cases for a PI. Nonetheless, my fiancé couldn't stop telling them all how proud he was and subsequently, I felt too guilty to say no to his friends. At least it got me the gratitude of some important people and interesting rewards.

I ran my finger along the antique dresser in the hallway, nodding to myself. This beauty certainly had been worth the trouble of finding a lost cat for William's brother.

The sudden sound of clinking cups and slamming cupboard doors had me sprinting to the kitchen, where I found Jonas dusted in flour. "Nice place you got here," he said sheepishly, shooting me an awkward grin.

"What are you doing?" I exclaimed, pulling the bag of flour from his hands. What was his problem? Why was he rummaging through my cupboards? What the f**k was he doing?!

"I was looking for sugar," he admitted.

"Why!?"

"For my tea." He pointed to the steaming cup on the counter, shrugging as if it was the most normal thing to break in through a window and brew your own tea in their kitchen.

A familiar anger boiled up in my stomach, one that I'd done so well at keeping at bay since I moved away from Mother. Trembling with fury, my rage curled and coiled through my veins in an unstoppable force. To stop my hands from shaking, I balled them into fists and shoved them deep in the pockets of my robe.

"One, two, three, four," I counted under my breath, trying to keep myself from exploding and killing William's friend in my kitchen. That would surely be a morning to remember. "Five, six, seven—"

"What are you doing?"

"I'm counting," I hissed.

"Counting what?"

"All the ways I'm going to kill you!" I yanked the mug from his hand and slammed it into the sink. "Use the f*****g door and don't make tea in someone else's house unless you want to get hung by your testicles!"

"Jeez, you're crabby. William didn't mention that."

"It's four o'clock in the freaking morning!"

Jonas shrugged, clearly unbothered. "Never mind, I'll do without tea. Are you ready to hear about my case now?"

Without waiting for me to reply, he strolled out of the kitchen and made himself comfortable in one of the living room chairs.

Seething at his behaviour, I gnawed on my nails to keep myself from destroying the house and turning William's rude friend into another skeleton in my closet. He could keep Daisy company, although I was pretty sure he'd still be a menace even when dead.

"f*****g, f**k wad," I grumbled, pulling the bag of coffee beans from the cupboard. Not having the patience to make a decent cup, I just threw a handful of beans on my mouth and cracked them up with my teeth. Not the best way to have my morning brew, but better than committing vampicide.

Why was I even going to listen to his problem? I should just kick him to the curb and yell a little at William. He was a lovely man, but his choice in friends was terrible. Case in point: Jonas the asshole.

I grabbed hold of the counter, tensing and squeezing as hard as I could to get rid of the rampant anger within me. I didn't like this side of myself. I'd been doing so well in keeping my temper under control, but being awoken at four by an obnoxious vampire was enough to set it off.

"Be calm, be calm. Think calm thoughts, Lucy," I chanted to myself, trying to calm my breathing. "I am calm and the calmness is me."

I inhaled deeply, hoping it would clear my lungs and my head. "Let go of the anger... Release..."

After giving myself a couple of minutes to calm down, I felt confident I could face up to my visitor again. Unless he'd somehow managed to be even worse of a guest.

That thought spurred me on to hurry into the living room and find out what he was up to. I didn't want him to start redecorating or host a garage sale out of the window.

The angst in my heart lifted when I found him sitting neatly in the middle of the large sofa. With his hands on his knees and his boyish smile, he looked nothing like the ass who broke in and violated the most sacred tea rule.

"So... Jonas." I sat down opposite of him, folding my hands neatly and chaining the anger down so it couldn't lash out at him again. "What can I do for you today?"

"I need help finding an item."

"An item?" I reached for the notepad on the coffee table and clicked my pen. "What kind of item?"

"A lost item."

I ground my teeth down, letting out a long breath instead of snapping at him again. "Please describe this particular lost item."

"Oh, it's an engraved watch."

"Right. What did the watch look like?"

Jonas stared at me, blinking slowly. "Like a watch..."

Slowly, I clicked my pen and closed my notepad. "I don't think this is going to work out, Jonas. I can give you some great PI recommendations," I suggested, wondering which of my contacts I hated most. Sending this nightmare client to them would be like the worst pain I could ever inflect in them.

Atticus. It had to be Atticus. I hated that smug bastard. He'd curse me for all eternity if I sent Jonas his way.

"I can give you the number of a great PI."

Jonas shook his head. "No, it can't be anyone else but you."

"Why?" I sighed, refraining from slapping my forehead. It would be well deserved though.

"I... Well, this matter is rather delicate. You see, my wife, she is... umm... Human?" He whispered, checking over his shoulder to make sure we were alone.

"Don't worry, nobody will hear us unless someone else came in through the window," I said. "But okay... What makes you think I want to help you find your human wife's watch?"

"William said you were pro-human."

"I'm not anti-human," I argued, rolling my eyes. Only William would openly admit to be part of the new wave. In our circles, that was a dangerous thing to do, but he never hid his position towards humans. It was one of the things I admired about him, even if I wasn't ready to be disowned. One day, I would speak up about it. When Mother was dead or so.

"Good enough. The watch... It was the last gift from my wife. Before... I... Before..." He hid his face in his hands, his voice lowered to a deep hum. "Before she was taken from me."

"I'm sorry..." Guilt swirled up in my stomach. His loss wasn't an excuse for his rude behaviour, but I could understand why a man in distress would be a little... bonkers.

"I've looked everywhere, but I just can't find it. It would mean the world to me if you could locate it."

I reached for the notepad again. "Fine. I'll need a detailed description of— Actually, do you just have a picture of it?"

"Oh, yes." He reached in his pocket and held out one of those fancy screen phones. Smart phones? He swiped the screen and held it out to me. "Here. Classic hand-wound tourbillon chronograph, with two dials, an alligator leather strap, and a sapphire case."

I sighed. "This isn't going to work if you lie to me, Jonas."

His ears reddened. "What lie?"

"I'm not a watch expert, but even I can tell that's faux-leather. The tourbillon is clearly just for gimmicky show and that's probably just a sapphire finish. At best." I sighed, silently thanking my dad for my random knowledge on whisky, watches, and cigars.

"Fine. It's not an expensive watch at all, but it's still dear to me. Please find it for me?"

“Do you know where you had it last?” I sighed.

Jonas shot me a guilty look. “No…”

Of course, not… Great!