Our beginning

Dreams and War in the streets

My dreams had gotten out of control... I had dreams before, they were scattered, rarely a full on world scale type thing. I told people about 9-11 after I had a dream, wished I hadn't when I sat with my classmates watching people jumping from the buildings on TV. I was weird and unwanted or considered evil so I suppressed my dreams and turned to drugs and alcohol. No matter how much I used, my dejavo never went away, even if it was just little spurts. I had dreams of my children before they existed, had dreams that helped me have closure with family that had already passed away.

I dreamt of time with my Grandma Lorry, she passed away 13 years before. She had her perfectly beautiful permed white hair, got around without any problems, her watch with a tissue tucked under it just incase and the big welcoming smile of a woman that would welcome anyone to come have a nice conversation. We started off in a room with bunches of people and seats, like a waiting area in a hospital. There were pictures on the wall and Johnie (my 8 year old son) was with us. He darted from picture to picture wanting to know everything about the animals, he wants to own a zooescue center when he grows up. The things we talked about were things I've never really brought to light about how I feel on past issues with my 4 childrens father. As we chatted people came over and brought up new areas of the subject with casual conversation. The hallway had pictures and shut doors on the left side and windows on the right side, Johnie was entranced with everything from a stream to plants and animals outside the windows as we walked.

After what seemed like hours of chatting a trolley like cart filled with baggage started to pass us, seeming to move on it's own, lead by 3 or 4 old lady's that chattered on about family that they had visited. I told my Grandmother that I wished she could meet the rest of my children and my husband. She replied by telling me that she knows and she's very proud of me, then she dissapeared along with the trolley....

I woke up as everything kind of faded out with a feeling of peace... As if maybe some of that baggage in the trolley was mine. I feel like it was actually her, like she wanted to check on me and Johnie for my Dad to make sure we were doing alright. The smell of her, that I never could place still lingered in the air. I have a feeling that it's still a little to soon for my Dad and me to visit this way, maybe I have more to learn and he would reveal things I shouldn't know yet.

I had a similar dream the moment my Grandma Florence died and she gave me warnings, she sent me on a destiny that I'm not sure I would have went into without her guidance. Right before I woke from that moment in time, she told me that she was going to have to leave me, hugged me tight, kissed my cheek and then I was woke up by the phone ringing to tell me she had passed away.

I think one of my favorite visions was soon after the biological father of my 4 children left. He beat me pretty bad and I still have scars from how he made his exit but the physical ones don't compare to the feeling I hold from him throwing me on top of my little baby Johnie and causing his 2 year hernia. The scars on my body are only reminders to never trust him again and be careful who I do trust. But...... back to the subject... Johnie was around 3 months old and I felt more alone than ever with all of the matriarch woman in our family gone and my mom not being someone that I could trust. I wished that I could see them and talk with them in so many ways and my wish was granted one night as I held my baby close, kissed him on the forehead and drifted of to meet him, plus another soul I pulled in with us, in a beautiful meeting of souls past and present.

As I held my sweet baby doing the walk and jiggle, like I always did, I wasn't sure where we were but a familiar feeling filled my heart and soul. Everything was dark but lit up all at once! I couldn't believe my eyes as I glanced around at the most amazing night sky I had ever seen. The full moon shone brightly with stars glittering the scenery. There was a beautiful scent in the air that I couldn't quite place and the landscape on the path behind me glowed in a way that I didn't recognize but it felt inviting so we went through the gate in front of us into the most amazing garden. There were flowers that seemed to glow in all sorts of colors making the pathway ever so pretty as the light reflected off of it. I saw a building like a garage or a shed to my left and a patio to my right then a path with wooden stairs leading far beyond and below where we were at that moment. As I wondered where to go, a light popped on in a window I hadn't noticed before and an elderly looking but familiar hand popped up to open it then becon us in. I start to move closer and as I peek in the window I see so many familiar faces that I had been wishing to be with! Of course, nothing can be perfect.... I hear a noise behind me and see my ex standing in disbelief just staring at me and Johnie as I slip through the window and into the loving arms of our matriarch family's that helped to raise me with the great grand child or great great grand child in some cases that they had never gotten to meet, I would have to rebond with the 3 older children to bring them along.

As they played with and loved on my youngest child, I chit chat with loved ones I remember and others that I don't who had heard my prayers to be with them and Nate sneaks in through the window after sitting in watch silently for a bit, I'm positive he had no clue what was going on.....

Things just kind of blended together and the time flew by but after not to long Johnie got agitated with the attention and wanted Mommy. I held him as he hid his face and whimpered, I wasn't sure what had happened to make him act like this so I just cuddled him, "Mommy loves you and will always keep you safe my sweet child." I comfortingly coo to him like a mother dove. My grandmother's becon me to a huge and very fluffy looking couch that has pillows of many sizes in every shade of blue that you could think of. It has perfect form and to be honest I felt a bit sleepy sitting there with warmth and love surrounding me but I didn't want to leave them yet. I hadn't gotten to speak with my actual grandmother's yet and the time had come to do so with one on my left side and the other on my right side. I glanced around and as my eyes settled on a face that technically wasn't welcome if it was my choice I saw him looking confused as his grand mother and great grand mother spoke in low tone to him about who knows what. Johnie glanced up at me and followed my gaze then whimpered again.

"He won't be here much longer...." my Grandma Florence said in a sing song voice, she was over joyed to have us with them and she wasn't going to hide it for anything. "he was only here to be shown who he helped to create and what he truly lost by being with that other woman." She wraps her arms around me and remembers Johnie being there between us as he shoves us apart and she leans in to give him a delicate kiss, "My sweet great grand son you may never understand how much I love you for saving your mother's life in so many ways, without you the world would not have its savior" she turns her attention back to me "I've missed you so much my little chipmunk, it's been way to long! I didn't expect to not see you for so long when we last spoke, I'm sorry that I sent you on that path but you needed to become who you are today and without your past you wouldn't be the woman you are right now.... nor could you become who you will be in the future."

I hear protest from someone in a muffled tone not far from us and it takes us in for a moment...

"Why did I even get brought here if I'm not allowed to touch my son? He freaked out the moment he saw me coming close to him and you brought him straight to her.... I shouldn't have to watch as you all love on her after how she's treated me. You're my family!! Why are you even hear mixed with hers??" he was clearly the reason Johnie was having nothing to do with parting from me and I was guessing this was why he wasn't going to be here much longer.

"I love you Nathan but the one in the wrong is you, not Chevy... you should have left the party life behind when she asked you to for the family you had already created. Her children are our family and as their mother that makes her our family, if the mother isn't cared for the children won't be cared for either." she sounded very disappointed but it was wonderful to see her looking younger and vibrant. I had already known that great grandma Eleanor and grandma Donna loved me like their own flesh and blood but I loved hearing Eleanor say those words. "Your son is still wounded from what you did to them both, it's visible that your voice affects him in a negative way. He does not want you around him or his mother and I do not wish to hurt my great, great grand son by keeping you in his view."

They walked towards the window that we had entered earlier and seemed to almost float out of it as she flicked her wrist in its direction.

"Please stop making their lives harder and understand that your children with Chevy need her more than anything, if you do not help with this.... things will be harder for them all and you will regret your choices years down the path you will travel." grandma Donna says as they stand outside the open window, it seems they never planned to make it so the conversation couldn't be heard.

"I left her and will not be helping her in any way at all, she wanted him now she can have him. The other 3 are lost already and there's no way for me to help them or help her to help them. You make no sense and I'm getting married, she will never allow me to be a part of their lives. Don't bother trying to change my mind!" he hissed at his grand mother's.

"All I ask is that you stay out of her way then... I don't want you to abandon any of them but that is the path you are going to head down so I can't stop you, what is done.... is done.... you can not change your mind after you leave this world and go back to yours and the moment your bond with Chevy is broken we will never see each other again in this way... it is her that called us all here and her that invited you to tag along, none of us could be here without the pull of her wish." grandma Eleanor looked broken as she responded and sounded like she could cry any moment.

"My choices are out of 2 family's and if I can't have Chevy than I will have Michelle, my mind is final.... How do I leave?" I wanted to climb out the window and beat his face in for being so hurtful to the old women that raised him after his mother abandoned him for drugs, alcohol and men.

"Follow the stairs and stay to the left if you'd like to wake up. Do not make things harder on Chevy and her children.... mark my words..... the future can only go so many ways.... if you cause her drama you will pay dearly and there is nothing anyone will be able to do to stop what will happen to you." they chanted together...

He looked a bit scared... "Goodbye...." he said sadly.

"We love you, please choose wisely......." and he disappeared into the darkness.

While I was spaced out on listening a large and magnificently carved cherry wood dinning table was set in front of us, as if magically. It had chairs all around it that those around us were heading towards while food and drinks started poofing here and there. My adopted grand mother and great grand mother found their way over to the closest chairs near me and got comfortable.

With all the elegance and determination I had ever seen in her, my Grandma Lorry stood up and started her speech.

"As you all know, the night is halfway over and we couldn't start until we had a definite answer from Nathan since his answer would help us to send our beloved grand children and their mother on the right path." she turned to me, "This is not going to be an easy journey and we have to make sure that you know what you're getting yourself into. I need to know that you will be able to handle all that is going to come to pass before I have all of our matriarch woman here tonight give you their gifts." she looked unsure and worried, I was so confused.

"Now, let's eat, drink and enjoy ourselves! Johnathan should be alright with your company now that Nathan has been sent home." she lowered her voice and directed her conversation to our small group. "He made it and is awake trying to make sense of what just happened. I need both of you to choose a soul to visit him and make sure he knows his choice is final, he needs to continue his life away from Chevy and all 4 of her children. This is not negotiable and I will deal with him myself if he doesn't do as he's been advised." she looked rather serious and then it melted away as she turned her attention back to me....

I wasn't sure what to think at this point, how could I be a savior of any type? I didn't feel like anything special and it seemed like the only people that did were my children and the women in this room.

"We can't answer all of your questions, my dear, because if we do you won't make your own choices. You would base your choice on our words and we aren't the ones that have to live with what happens after the choices are made. I believe that you will figure it out with or without any help from anyone, you are my great grand daughter after all and I've seen into what will come to pass at this point." she was beautiful, I had never met her in person but I knew the moment I laid eyes on her that she was my great grandma Rose. "I will give you my gift first because I need to go comfort your daughter, she isn't dealing well with the treatment your mother has been giving them. I wish I could help her to return home to you but that too shall happen in its own time." she handed me a box with a bow around it, hugged me tight, kissed my cheek and vanished into a cloud of smoke and glitter. I wished I could go with her and then I heard her voice whisper in my ear, "in due time you will be the matriarch spirit to visit those that you leave behind.... for now concentrate on what you will need to do and know that we are helping in every way that we possibly can. One by one they introduced themselves, gave me a gift box, showed me love in their own way and disappeared until all that was left was the 6 of us at the end of the table. Grandma Florence flicked her wrist towards the table, all of the leftovers vanished and it shrank to a size that was more appropriate for us with a high chair that was gorgeously carved rather similar to the tables. I moved to the table and she flicked her wrist again making the whole room dissolve so that we were on the patio above surrounded by the beauty that I had entered this realm through.

"Your gifts are all links to the spirit realm," she snapped her fingers and each box exploded with a floating glittery ball of color where it had been, "you won't be able to connect with these gifts until you make specific choices.... some are connections to animals, some your own health, others help with connections to others around you but as you can see there are many gifts that your family as a whole has seen as useful for you."

"Will I remember this night with all of you?"

"Yes.... and no.... you will feel the feelings and remember the sights and smells but the conversation will only come back as you receive your gifts. All but ours.... the gifts the 4 of us had planned for you are gifts that will hold you together through all the heart break you will inevitably have to go through."

"I gift you love and patience, if you only love yourself you will shine brightly like the night sky in the realm. Those that are acquainted with you will always respect and love you. Please know that I will always love you and be watching over you and yours." with that grandma Donna leaned over gave Johnie and I a hug and kiss then vanished into a cloud of blue glitter that rested at my feet and gently blew away with the breeze.

"My gift will only intensify one I already see in you.... I give you the gift of nature, you shall connect with wild life and plants in ways that you've never thought possible. This gift has no strings, when things get hard you may end up attracting more than you think you can handle but I promise you will figure all of this out. We all love you and yours very much, I wish I wasn't so old when I helped raise Nathan maybe things could have been easier for you all." she leaned over kissed our foreheads, held us in her arms and vanished leaving purple and green sparkles to linger on our heads and shoulders.

"This has not been easy and I don't enjoy leaving you to do all of this alone but I shall gift you with youth. You have always been a beauty that gives reason to envy and the longer you stay looking young the longer you will last in the world to come. People that don't know you will assume you have no experience out in the world as long as you look young and delicate. We know better though, you are strong and courageous and I pray that you show your children how to be as much like you in those ways as you can. I love you and I will leave the 3 of you to visit for a while before you both make your journey back home. I'm sure you've missed each other very much." my Grandma Lorry held me tight for a moment and as I felt her lips press against my cheek and a tear fall to my shoulder she turned into a pink sparkle poof that seemed to linger around me.

The night was still just as beautiful as ever and we got up to sit on the pathway with all the glowing flowers. "Let him play, nothing here will hurt him." I let Johnie loose to crawl along and play with what he wanted.

"It's been hard knowing what my daughter has put you and your children though, I wish I didn't have to leave you like I did but it was the beginning of what you needed to happen to get you to a point where you could complete your destiny. I am truly sorry and I hope you know I love you very much." she hugged me tight, this seems to be a pattern. "My gift is the gift of connections, you will know deep down of what anyone's intentions are within 7 days of truly letting them in and attempting to bond with them. You have this talent already but I wish to intensify it so you don't waste much time with those not meant to be on your journey with you."

Johnie crawled himself to my lap with a periwinkle blue glowing lily being dragged by the stem as a gift from him, though I couldn't bring it home with us, it was my favorite gift of the night other than getting to see everyone and introduce him to them.

"Let me show you the way back to your bed." We stood up and started down the wooden stairs, admiring the rock formation that got thicker the further we went. "This is where we part ways...." she looked very sad to be saying goodbye.

"Will we see each other again?" I asked trying to hold back my tears.

"I will always be in your heart and if you truly need my company you can always call for me. Even when you can not see us, we will always be right here with you my love. You have always held a special place in my heart and now I know why." she pulled me close, kissed my tears that had slipped out and as she turned to a mixture of blue sparkles she scrunched her lips and blew... sending myself and Johnie floating into a quarts crystal that sent us into my bedroom and back into our bodies.

..................

I feel that my Dad will come to me when we're both ready but for now.... The peace of talking out some things and letting go of old baggage has brought me to a place in my mind that I feel will bring me into great things this year and further in my adventures through life.

.............

7 years is a very long time and we both knew it. This was the longest full out relationship either of us had been in and Marky and I were amazed that we were still going strong. There were fires all along the west coast and flooding all along the east coast, people were shooting each other in the south and there was talk about Yellow Stone getting hotter which didn't surprise me one bit. I had been telling everyone that the fires along the west coast were from the volcano ever since the videos of trees on fire from the inside out were circulating.

So far our area hadn't really changed much, people were on the edge and everyone was wondering if things would change for us at any moment but we were the heart for a reason. We would figure out how to get by without fighting each other.

A horribly fire happened throughout some of the counties surrounding us and all of my children were at my home with me finally. I was nervous about the outcome of things around the world because my son Brian's girl friend was pregnant and I hadn't done any home birthing classes while I studied my life away. What if something happened and we had no hospital to go to?

We had built a fire place in the basement and a smoker in the back yard, we bought the lot next to our house so we could put a safe room in the basement under the property and have a bon fire spot. I was so excited when Mark announced that he was building a greenhouse for me and then the house on the other side of us got torn down, we bought that lot and built a garage. Things were going pretty good for us and it was almost time to make our drive to Texas to get my daughter Cheyanne and my grandson Maverick. I was excited to get them out of the war zone and safe home with us finally. I wouldn't be as worried once I had everyone at home where I could see and hold them.

To make time go by faster and have a new hobby I started training dogs and I got really good at it. I learned that a good amount of the things that can cause humans to get sick with the gut microbium is the same for dogs and that I was right about my dogs being so healthy in account for the way I fed them what I was eating daily.

With sickness over casting the world's real issues on the media and everyone looking for an easy way out there was chaos in the streets. Most of the world hadn't noticed that people had been given free flu shots in every area that was now extremely sick. Essentials ran out in the stores fast, truckers were having a hard time getting where they needed to be because of baracades set up by looters. Laws no longer mattered on the streets because in most areas if you didn't fight for what you needed you were going to starve to death and if you had a family you need those essentials even more.

Our loan went through to buy the house right in time and with it came extra money to find some hunting land. We found a spot about 30 miles from our house with a pond, some woods and a cave on it. Perfect for hunting, fishing, fresh water, gardening and raising some livestock. No matter what happened from here we were set! I just knew it....

By this time I had lost all of the access pounds that I had put on and I was in process of trying to tone things up. I had mom bod and I wanted something a bit tighter in the arms and tummy area so I started working out. I was wanting to have a renewal of vows for our 8 year anniversary and I had to fit in my wedding dress and look amazing!! I was going to be 36 and I already looked younger than most of my generation but I knew I could do this. If the fighting and the war in areas around us could just stay there that would be perfect but I doubted I would get that lucky.

Training became a big project for all of us, running, throwing knives, practice with a bow, hunting, fishing. When life came to an end as we knew it my family would be prepared.... we would be able to take care of ourselves without the rest of the world... my children would be prepared to live without me if it ever came down to that.... right?? not that it would happen but I mean it could....

I had started a quiet area on the side of my house that was enclosed with a wire maze of a fence that I grew my favorite kitchen necessities inside of. Onions and potatoes were the main things I kept under ground in that area and I had a water fall that sometimes grew rosemary and mint around it but those traveled from areas of my yard. I loved the cat tails that grew around the pond because they were useful for pain relief in an emergency situation, a jelly like substance they produce can be used like novacain so it comes in handy to have on hand.

We kept the porch door open so the few cats I had inside could enjoy the enclosure and also so my ducks and chickens could explore a bit if they chose to go inside.

My smoker typically smelled of something wonderful being prepared for winter, it had originally been built to hide the smoke from my fire place in the basement because of city rules but at this point rules didn't seem to matter and the police were busy elsewhere with fires and looters. I had a few different grape vines curling their way through the fence, I had started off with cuttings from my front yard and spread them everywhere. A good amount of people around town had known me for my homemade wine and jams, I've always believed that fresh is best and honey makes a wonderful preservative if you know what your doing plus it tastes so good.

I sat out there reading the morning all hell broke loose, not sure if anyone saw it coming but I for sure know that I hadn't expected anything new to happen, that day at least.