Back to the Beach

12

I don’t recognize this spot from my prom night, I’m sure it wasn’t built then. I wonder if Zach had any hand in this new construction.  He takes my hand and leads me towards the lake. I see a small dock and gazebo coming into view, and suddenly the lights come on.  Dozens of twinkling fairy lights are strategically placed along the dock and gazebo.  It looks like the most romantic spot I’ve ever seen; it just about takes my breath away.  “Zach, I don’t know what to say – it’s beautiful. Did you build this?” I ask, careful to keep my guard up.  I do not want him to see that I am at all affected by my surroundings. It would be too easy to fall into old habits.  

Zach can sense my apprehension.  “Why yes Bernadette, I did build this – well my company did.  What do you think?” I take another look at what is before us as he keeps going.  “We also have the contract to remodel the catering hall and pool area.  It’s our biggest project yet.”  He states proudly.  In this moment, I’m proud of him too.  He finally reached all of his goals but I feel like he is reaching for more – for me.  “Congratulations Zach, it’s fantastic.” Is all I am able to muster.  Thank goodness at that moment my phone pings with a message from Killian.  “Looking forward to our chat later xo.” I can’t help but grin.  

I can almost feel the change in the moment the second my eyes leave my phone.  Zach feels it too and steps away from me.  “So Bern, who is your new friend?” he asks, and I can hear the jealousy dripping from every word. I’m dumbfounded and don’t know what to say.  Even after everything I’ve gone through with Zach, I don’t want to hurt him.  “You mean Killian?” I say shyly.  “If that’s his name.” he almost sneers. “He’s been showing me around some and he is also my land lady’s grandson.” That’s all I would offer as I walked back towards the car.  Zach was right behind me and finally, I was headed home.  The short ride back to City Island was tense to say the least. For the life of me, I couldn’t find a way to end the brutal silence.  Zach’s knuckles were nearly white from gripping the steering wheel. Guess I didn’t do a good job in not upsetting him.  As we cross the bridge that leads to the Island, I offer to treat for some ice cream.  “It’s the least I can do since you drove all the way out to get me Zach.”  “Babe, I’d drive to the end of the earth for you, don’t you know that?” he replies sweetly.  Oh my, I was not prepared for that.  

Even at this late hour, Lickety Splits is packed with families as is the norm.  The little ones enjoying their frozen treats brings smiles back to our faces once again.  We grab a seat and enjoy our sundaes as we both watch the families surrounding us.  “Do you ever imagine us like that one day, Bernadette?” Zach asks.  “I’d be lying if I said no Zach, but it’s been a while to be honest.” He’s disappointed, I can tell but I’m not going to lie just to spare his feelings; those days are over.  Like the old saying goes, ‘The truth hurts.’ “Why is that Bern? That you no longer see us that way?” “Zach, are you kidding me?”, I’m astonished at this conversation. “You’ve made it perfectly clear for a very long time that I’m just your friend. Sometimes more, mostly not.  You can’t expect that I will hold onto my girlish dreams forever.” I answer him tentatively, not knowing where this was going.  “What if I told you that those are my dreams now? That I’ve been a blind fool for too long?” Did he really just say that out loud? Holy hell!

 Zach’s eyes are searching my face for my reaction. For some odd reason, I can’t bring my eyes to meet his.  I’m floored by his admission minutes ago, coupled with my budding relationship with Killian, I’ve turned into a pile of mush.  Ever so gently, Zach cups my face and raises it to meet his eyes. He chuckles just a little. Huh? This is so not funny. His face is mere inches from mine and he leans in.  The words won’t come.  We are pressed together by our foreheads; he is looking for answers and I’m not sure what he sees.  Confusion doesn’t even come close to how I’m feeling.  He finally realizes that I was not ready for any of this.  As he pulls back, he brushes his knuckles over my cheek.  “Sorry to take you by surprise Bern, I just figured that you were ready to hear those words from me after all this time.” I can hear the ache in his voice and it hurts me a little.  Zach is right, I’ve waited so long to hear those words under the right circumstances.  With Killian in my life now, everything has changed.  

“Zach, I never thought I’d hear those words from you.” I whisper.  “You can’t expect that I’m just going to fall into your arms and that we will live happily ever after.” I continue. “Why not Bernadette? You have been so sure about us for so long. It’s still just you and me, like it’s supposed to be.” He explains.  “Yes, I thought that for a long time too, but I am not that naïve girl anymore.  I put a lot of those dreams behind me when you pulled yourself out of my life all those months ago Zach. Not to mention the countless girls who seem to give you whatever you thought I couldn’t.” My voice strains.  “I get it Bern; I’ll do whatever I have to just to prove my feelings are true and pure.” And he is adamant.  He has that fierce look of determination on his face.  The same look he’d get when competing at hockey, lacrosse, even bowling – like nothing could stop him.  Was I ready for this? I have no idea what he had planned for me. Yet, it’s not lost on me that he hasn’t bothered to defend himself. 

“Okay Zach, let’s see where this goes.  I’ll give you the chance to prove yourself but just so you know, I won’t be at your beck and call. You will have to make the effort to get to know me as I am now – Deal?” “Bring it on Bernadette.” He gleefully answers. The gauntlet has just been thrown.