Ya Amar (My Moon)

Thirty one

"Hayati" I heard Amir's voice with a slight tap on my arm. My eyes opened a bit, one side of my face concealed in Amir's chest and the other a little bit blurry. "Angel" he called again, his voice quick.

"What now?" I grumbled.

"It is late. We slept for long. It is a little bit after Maghrib and we have to leave for home" he said with urgency and impatience in his voice.

With a frustrated fizzle, I rolled away from him to the other side of the bed.

"I have not said my prayers. For Allah's sake how could we sleep for so long?" he rattled on. The quiet creak of the bed told me he had gotten up. My eyes drooped again and I shut it sailing back into dreamland. "Angel, you can't sleep. We need to leave for home" he said.

I hissed tossing again. I was having a wonderful dream and he ruined it. What a way to ruin my peaceful sleep? He said something again and I turned deaf ears to it. His feet slapped against the floor as if he was walking. A door opened then closed. Few minutes later, the door opened again and closed. By then, my eyes were free from sleep. I turned over to lie on my back. Amir went to the reading nook, pushed the armchairs and low table away then began to pray on the red Persian rug.

When we got home, everyone was a little bit worried. Amir and I had eaten dinner at an African restaurant on our way home. Amir explained to them we had to be somewhere. He had not said where which got my attention. Why did he not tell them anything about our house? I had looked at him and when I wanted to speak, he had squeezed my hand.

I had not spent the past few days with Sahibah bhabi and Zoya bhabi so when it was time to take the kids to bed, I joined them. Zahra and Farhaana shared the same room. Together with Zoya bhabi, we had read bedtime stories to them and chatted with them until they fell asleep.

During my childhood, there was nothing like bed time stories for my siblings and me. My mother had no time for such thing. Well, she did. It was just that most Nigerians never fancy bed time stories. Your parents just tell you go to bed and you obey. Few minutes of quietness, you are asleep with a warning that no single noise should come from your room. My mother was a little bit strict but her love for us was undeniable. Other people might see her discipline as child abuse but it was just a way to straightened us. At one point in our lives, she stopped beating us and scolded more. She said we were grown-ups and do not deserve beating except words. At times, her words hurt more than her beating because the way she would scold you would hurt that tears would fall. May Allah, the most merciful save her from the punishments of the grave. Inwardly, I recited Suratul Ikhlas three times for her.

When the children fell asleep, Zoya bhabi looked at me with a smile that was undeniably a smirk. "I can see your cheeks are flushed. Spending time with your husband changed your face" she teased.

"Bhabi, it is not what you think. It is just...." I trailed off.

"It is just...?" she repeated with a perfectly arched eyebrow up. I looked away tapping my cheeks that were beginning to get red. "Noor, I am glad you are happy" she held my shoulder. "I am glad Amir has gotten to spend time with you. Sami had been so quiet after Tubassum and Aaban's incident. He is worried, angry and thinks he is to be blamed for his sister's mistake. I am trying to comfort him but it just not going right. He flips off telling me I know nothing and I don't understand how he feels" she smiled with dullness in her eyes. "My pregnancy is not helping and when he flips off, I get angry too and we quarrel" she chuckled lightly and sighed. "We will get over it. It is just one of those things in marriage" she had not given me a chance to speak. Even though she had, there was nothing to tell her. I don't know what to say.

"You should get to bed. I am sure your husband must be worried since you are not in the room"

Before we left the children's room, she recited some verses from the Qur'an on her daughters. It was something she does every day.

After that, I met Sahibah bhabi on the hallway. She greeted me and we stood and spoke for a while before she left to her room. Ayat mami walked out of Ihsaan's room. When she saw me, she lowered her head and looked away.

"Mami" I called. She stopped but had not turned to look at me. "We need to talk" I told her when I got to her.

She looked at me not with a usual snicker but with a calm look and tearful eyes. Without a word, I led her to the family room. Luckily, it was empty.

"I know you and I had not been in good terms since we met" I chuckled. "But your quietness is making me worried" I said. "That's day, I must have been rude and look so disrespectful. I am sorry" I apologised.

There was silence. I waited, expecting her to say something but time just kept going and the ticking sound of the clock was the only resonance audible.

"I know it won't be easy" I continued so that the awkwardness plunking in would die down. "You think I love Amir because of money but there are lot of things you don't know and understand. Saying them would not justify what is in my heart. I understand them a lot. You are just been an elder sister looking out for her younger one that's why you think I am behind Firdaus's present situation" I got her attention with my last sentence because she looked up at me. When she said nothing, I stood up.

Disheartened that I had wasted my saliva for nothing, I threaded towards the door rubbing my sweating palms. What a good move Noor? She despises you. You can't expect her to reconcile with you just like that not after the insults you had thrown at her. It us not like you are also cool with her despite everything.

"Wait Noor" my ears picked up Ayat mami's strain voice strained voice. I turned around to see her walking to me. She kept running her palms on her face as if she was wiping away tears which she was doing. Her eyes were pepper red as tears rolled down. I was flabbergasted, shocked, stunned. Think of any word that could describe how I felt seeing her weeping. I had never thought the pretty woman who seemed as if she would never break down was crying. What had happened?

"I am sorry" she voiced out taking my hand. My eyes grew wide. She laughed nervously.

"I am really sorry Noorie for everything. I had misunderstood you and taken things too far" she smiled giving my hand a slight squeeze. She smiled at me! A real smile and not the usual sinister one. Her hands went around my back and I who was too stunned to move had hugged her back gently unable to believe what was happening. I smiled rubbing her back as if to console her.

"Thanks" I said. Wordlessly, mami pulled away from me and walked out.

That was something I was not expecting. She hugged me and apologised. Does that mean we are on good terms?Well, that's a good move Noor. At least you have just three people against you now. That reminded me of Tubassum. How is she feeling? How does she feel to be lied to by Aaban and betrayed by someone she called a friend? Don't be stupid Noor. She must be heartbroken and sad. I had once being in her shoes so I understood.

I found myself walking to the terrace where I wanted to see the sky. The whimper of someone weeping was the first sound I heard when I stepped into the terrace. The cry was desperate and filled with agony. Slowly, I walked to the direction of the cry moving pass the small swimming pool with my heart in my mouth. From behind, I knew who it was. The familiar black hair and body structure won't lie to me.

"Tubassum?" I called walking to her. Tubassum was sitting on the bench, her head buried in her lap as she cried. She stopped at the sound of my voice and looked up. Her eyes were red and swollen including her beautiful face.

"What do you want?" she glared at me. I smiled at her and walked closer to her.

"What are you doing here alone?" I asked halting in front of her.

"How is that your concern?" she barked, her voice cold.

"Tubassum, if you are acting like this because you think I have some kind of hatred or grudge towards you, then you are wrong" she looked at me her hard look softened. "I don't hate you and I never did. My fight is with Shazia and not you" I settled beside her. "I have never imagined myself saying this to you" I turned to look at her "But if you need someone to let things out to, I am here" I said with a friendly smile. Noor, friendly smile? I dey nice o.

Tubassum stared at my eyes, her eyes unblinking as tears rolled down. She had not done anything to wipe them away.

"I know what you are going through. I understand how you are feeling. I..."

"You know nothing" she cut me off, her voice icy. "You don't understand a thing. Do you even know how it feels to be pregnant outside marriage and know it is something disgraceful and shameful? Do you know how it feels to know your family is disappointed in you? Do you know how it feels to know your mother is disappointed and sad, your father and brothers have refused to talk to you?" She paused looking at me, crystal balls streaming down her face. "You know nothing. So, don't tell me nonsense"

"I know how you feel and I understand everything because I was once pregnant" I said with difficulty. I had not planned to tell anyone except Amir but I had to tell her so that she would know I understand how she feels. Tubassum's eyes became wide like saucer gazing at me with disbelieve.

"Yes, I was pregnant Tubassum" I nodded my head. "I aborted it. I understand how you feel. I might not understand how it feels to be betrayed by your best friend and the one you loved but I know how the rest feels. You still know your child's father. I never knew mine. It was a night stand with someone I don't know. I had ended up in club during my bad phase in life and in return, I got pregnant" my heart tugged with pain. "I know the shame and the feeling"

"No one is talking to me except mama. Papa and my brothers have refused to talk to me" she cried out taking my hand. "Noorie, I trusted Shazia. I thought she was my friend and she called me a handbag"

"I will be blunt but what I am going to say is the truth. You were like a handbag Tubassum. I knew it right from the time I saw you with her. She never valued you. You did whatever she does just to impress her. You copied her in everything and to her, you were just a tail"

"What could I have done?! What?! I had no friends! I was lonely. No one wanted to be my friend at school. No one asked me to be his or her friend. They bullied me and found me awkward because I wore glasses and I was a nerd. Shazia and I were at the same school but she was a cheerleader and was very popular. People flooded her like water. I needed a friend. I had no one. At home, I was inferior to Shazia. I had to force myself to be like her because she was the only one close to me"

When you speak about bullying, it was something I still find stupid.

"You had chosen wrong Tubassum. Shazia never saw you the same way"

"I was foolish. I loved Aaban since I was young. I liked him but he was a player. We attended the same school. He was popular and had girls around him. Was it my fault my heart went for him? When he walked up to me and told me he loved me, I believed him because he played it well. For two good years we had been together, it was all a lie. I was a joke to him" What? They have been together for two years. "Shazia knew and I felt she supported us. They deceived me" she said through her teeth. "I hate them! I hate both of them!"

"I knew about you and Aaban. I saw you both that day by the staircase. I won't call you naïve but I will say you are not observant. That day, I had watched both of you and Aaban, I saw right through Aaban's eyes. He was lying to you. It was there in his eyes. He was deceiving you"

"Why did you keep quiet?"

"It was none of my business. Tubassum, I know you are heartbroken. I know you feel betrayed and suffocated with everything going around you. The fact that you are pregnant made everything worse but you have to know that this will come to an end. Shazia and her mother are happy with everything going around. Show them even though they had broken you, you will still rise up and they can't affect you. Show Aaban even though it is painful that you don't care about him anymore. Let your brothers and father know how you feel. Tell them. You are their sister and your father's daughter, they will melt. Their heart will soften. Even though this stage is going to be hard, you have to pass through it and show the world the strong woman you are. I know it is easier to say than it can to be done but my dear, you have to pass through this" I tapped her shoulder.

"It will be hard. It will be very hard" she broke into a loud wail. "I loved him! I loved both of them and it hurt badly!"

Gently, I hugged her. She hugged me back tightening her hold around me as she cried on my shoulder. I smiled a contented one as I ran my hand up and down her back. She wept so hard that I had never seen anyone weep like the way she cried.