Ya Amar (My Moon)

Six

I tossed to and fro the bed like a dice. The Italian duvet wrapped around my body made me warm. I had switched off the light and closed my eyes to sleep but my troubled mind had taken over my sleep. Amir was not back from work and it got me worried. I turned over again in bed to my right, holding the duvet to my body.

Dinner was great with Aunt Caroline. It was lively as usual except it was noisier. Aunt Caroline was a free spirited person. Everyone liked her except Ramlah aunty and her daughter who seem they wanted to kill her with their sharp eyes. I sighed, turning over on my stomach, hugging the pillow to my head.

My lips quivered up remembering my conversation with my family. It was relieving to know they were doing fine and they miss me. I also miss them. Being miles away from them made it harder for me to forget them. Their memories were what I had with me. Sister Amatullah was pregnant and doing fine. My brother being the caring husband told me how she made him suffer from her mood swings and craving. I shut my eyes wanting to sleep because I had school the following day. As though Allah answered my prayers, I drifted into sleep not long after I shut my eyes.

I rolled over in bed waking up to the bed post creaking beside me. My eyelashes fluttered opened a bit adjusting to the darkness around me. Yawning, I buried my head into the soft pillow drifting back into sleep. A hand reaching for my waist made my eyes open again, sleep pooling on my eyelids. The well-known musky scent of Amir overflowing the air around pulled me out of dreamland. His wide palms rested on the curve of my hip turning me around to hold my gaze. There was the soft glow of light illuminating the other side of the room. He smiled at me lowering his body into the duvet.

"What's the time?" I asked my voice hoarse and low from sleep as I turned away.

"3:00 am" he answered pulling me into his chest.

My bare back made contact with his chest which had me recoiling before relaxing into his warmth. His hand moved slowly from my hip to my back, his fingers stroking my skin. Sensation tingled from my body to my toes. The racing of my heart had nothing to do with fear but the way he ran his fingers glided over my skin as if wanting to feel its softness.

The red backless night dress I wore was one of the nighties Sister Amatullah had given me and packed along with skimpy revealing lingerie. She had told me I will need them but I had scrunched my nose in disgust at her words. I wondered why I will wear such a nightie to sleep. Why I wore it to sleep, I do not know. It was just so free and nice when I tried it on making me feel so feminine and sexy.

"That's very late" I closed my eyes which were still heavy with sleep.

"You smell nice" he buried his face into the crook of my neck, his nose tickling the soft flesh of my neck. The hair that grazed my skin stood up against my flesh.

"Amir" I mumbled into the pillow, his name leaving my lips melodiously.

"Like fresh flowers" his voice was husky against my skin as he pressed his soft lips to my neck. I curled my toes, my hand gripping the sheets as the sparks that light up my body magnifies "I am sorry" he said, his fingers stilled on my skin as he kissed my jaw then ducked down and wrapped his hand around me, my body shook from what he just did.

I buried my body into the warmth his body provided. It was relieving that he was home and I could feel his warmth once again. I closed my eyes and glided into sleep.

***

After that day, Amir and I barely saw and spoke with each other. Most times before he arrived from work, I would be asleep. There were times I had tried to wait for him but little did I know I can't cheat nature. Whenever I fall asleep on the gold upholster sofa in front of the fireplace with a blanket over my body, I would wake up for Fajr on the bed with the other side empty. The times we met were little and just few minutes. Whenever he was at work, I tried calling him but he never picks up. The distance growing between us became bigger each passing day.

It had been a week since I arrived in London. I have not gotten used to London's cold weather but I have gotten used to the noisy house, children's screams, Shazia and her mother's constant snag, Ayat mami snorts and sarcastic words, Aaban's lustful looks and the love from the rest of the family.

In the winter air, there was a freezing chill that bore crunchiness to the trees, my skin turned cold with every air that licked my skin. The clear sky above was splashed with grey, a small stream of light bringing insipidness to the day. Maybe the coolness in the wintry air will elevate my spirit and create a new reason to brighten my dull heart. But I was wrong. It didn't. I dropped the last paint brush in the paint bucket beside me, my eyes scanning my mind and emotions that had been put down on the white canvas. I had painted a desert with it dry lands, scorching hot sun and dead plants. Running a hand through my thick African hair, I got up and walked back into the room. I turned around to glance at the vast green land that stretched through the backyard of the manor. The grasses looked duller than before and the leaves of the trees were depressing.

It was a Saturday after breakfast with the family. Everyone was at home except my husband who had decided to go to work. In the protective walls of our room, I felt lonely and sad even though I had no reason to be. I needed to go out and talk to someone, anyone, maybe Nani, Aaliyah Khala, Aunt Caroline, Sahibah, the children or Zoya bhabi or even cause trouble with Shazia. Any of them will cheer me up.

Almost every night, Zoya bhabi, Sahibah bhabi and I will seat on the terrace of the manor after helping them tuck the kids into bed. We will talk and laugh into the night getting warmth from the blankets wrapped around our bodies. Most times, they jerk me out of my gloominess bringing a smile and laughter on my face. From the terrace, I could get a glimpse of other manors and clear view of vast green lands.

As I wore a sweater over the blouse I have on, I remembered I needed to wash our laundry. The laundry basket was almost full with Amir's dirty clothes and mine. Due to school I attended, I had no time even though a maid had kept coming to ask for our laundry. I believed it was my duty as a wife to clean my husband's clothes and made sure they were iron and ready to wear. It was one of my mother's teaching. I picked up the laundry basket then threw a scarf over my head before walking out of the room.

Along the long wide hallway of the manor where rooms were lined with a family living room, Yusuf and Farhaan were seating in front of Farhaan's room riding their cars and making sounds with their lips.

"Move! Move!! Move!!!" Yusuf screamed trying to overtake his cousin's toy SUV.

I smiled at the boys' act impressed by what they were doing. They reminded me of my childhood when I played mummy and baby with my dolls, speaking to dolls that won't talk to me.

"Bhabi, you have nothing to worry about while you wash, I will just take care of Aisha" Reshma said walking out of the room opposite ours which belonged to Sahibah bhabi and Faiz.

"Reshma thanks so much" Sahibah bhabi walked out holding a laundry basket in her hand. I smiled knowing we were going to the same place.

"Assalamu alaikum" I greeted.

"Noor Bhabi!" Reshma exclaimed holding Aisha to her shoulder.

"You are off to the laundry room?" Sahibah bhabi asked.

"Yes" I answered grinning at the cute baby on Reshma's shoulder. I laid a finger on Aisha's chubby cheek and played with it. She smiled back showing me her gum that had single tooth pricking out of it.

"Farhaana and Zahra will really like to have Aisha with them. I am off" Reshma sprinted down the hallway towards her room.

Together, Sahibah bhabi and I walked to the laundry room talking and laughing at what we were saying.

"Shazia, you have absolutely nothing to worry about. You are prettier than she is" Tubassum's voice came from the laundry room as we walked inside.

Beside one of the big washing machines lined along the white walls, Shazia and Tubassum had their backs turned towards us putting their clothes inside two different machines.

"Have you seen her?" Tubassum snorted. "She is a monkey. I wonder what Amir had seen in her to marry her" I raised my eyebrows at her words. Sahibah bhabi looked at me not amused by her words. She grimaced looking back at them.

"It is just whenever I look at her. I feel as if she is prettier. Maybe I was not sexy or pretty enough. He could not have resisted such sexiness when all men are drooling at my feet"

"Are they not crazy?" Sahibah bhabi spoke softly to me.

"They are crazy" I replied grinding my teeth.

"My cousin seems so hardened at heart. It was surprising when I heard he was getting married and to that imbecile. It is just undeniable that she is beautiful but you are more beautiful"

"I knew it. I think I should better work harder. A man with so much money like that cannot slip my hand. And she is not sexy enough for him. Men love sexy. Amir will come back to me. I know" I did not miss the certainty in Shazia's voice which was only her illusion. I was not foolish to allow my husband slip off my hands. They emptied their baskets and turned around.

"Sure, he will...." Tubassum trailed off when they saw us standing by the entrance. Tubassum's eyes widened.

A corner of my lips creased with amusement. I sneered walking up to them. Anger burned inside me. Fools!

"I see I have become a celebrity that you cannot do without talking about me" I said dropping the laundry basket on the floor and walked up towards them.

Shazia sneered and rolled her eyes before walking up to me. Her eyes revealed anger.

"Celebrity?" Shazia huffed. "I would rather talk about a monkey than you and I hate you" she blurted out, venom dripping from her voice as she pushed her hair back. I noticed she liked letting her hair out. I looked at her, my eyebrows up.

"I also hate you right from that day I set my eyes on you in Nigeria. I think the feeling is just mutual" I said moving towards the laundry basket. Sahibah bhabi took the washing machine beside me.

"You know what?" Shazia said as I poured clothes into the washing machine. "It seems no one has told you but Amir and I used to have a history. We were lovers" she said standing beside me to look at my face as if she wanted to see my reaction, a self-pleasant smile on her lips.

I could have stopped the laughter that flowed out of my throat but her words had me laughing more. She really dreams a lot.

"Oh, Shazia" I laughed turning to look at her. "You are just so amazing with a pig's brain. You are so foolish and stupid that I wonder if you will ever have tiny sense. Point of correction sweetheart, you were the wrong suggestion his mother made few years ago. He never wanted you and since he refused you and eventually got someone else, it is hurting you right?" I said.

"Just wait and see" she gulped. "I will have him wrapped around my fingers soon. You think Amir is someone I will let got easily, you are wrong" her eyes blazed with anger. She gritted her teeth, her jaw tightening.

"Snap out of it Shazia!" I snapped. "You think you can get him with all your sexiness and showing off the curves God have blessed you with, you are wrong. I am his wife and with me, you will be nothing in his eyes. Those fantasies you live in, I advise you to wake up from them" I said, my blood getting hot as I smiled. This is so much drama for a new bride like me. For Allah's sake, I am new to the family.

"What did he see in you?" she asked her voice shaky.

"So much he did not see in you" I answered pouring detergent inside the washing machine. "You were never anything to him and you will be nothing" I said with staring at Shazia whose eyes burned with fury. Smiling, I turned on the water.

I could feel her burning gaze behind my back. Shazia breathing came out faster. From the corner of my eyes, I could see her chest falling and rising. Anger radiated from her. Sahibah bhabi had stopped what she was doing to watch at us. Whirling around, Shazia marched out of laundry room. Tubassum like a handbag followed her. I smiled, happy with what I had just done. Shazia does not know anything. I have just begun with her.