Night with Sole Regret

TEMPT ME IV

Her eyes searched his—could she see that harmless lie behind his gaze?—but he held firm and eventually the tension drained from her slight shoulders. She gave his hands another squeeze. “I care about you, Adam. Please be good to yourself.”

Words that inspired and crushed him in the same breath.

He turned his gaze to the ceiling, wishing he could tell her that he cared about her too, and that he was sorry he’d disappointed her by taking two hits off a joint, but the words caught in his throat. What did she see in him anyway? Didn’t she realize what a bastard he was? Everyone else seemed to recognize it.

“Don’t forget to call me if you’re struggling. I can help.”

She’d already helped enough. He could handle it from here. “Are you finished, Counselor? I didn’t invite you to dinner so you’d ride my ass all night.”

“I know,” she said quietly, a delightful blush creeping up her neck. “I’d much rather you ride mine.”

A spike of lust punched him in the gut.

She smiled gently and picked up her menu. “We should probably order soon,” she said. “I need to be alone with you. Is the restroom free?”

Now sporting a throbbing stiffy, Adam turned his head to check the status of their favorite restroom. Even from a distance, he could see the little placard above the lock was red. His heart sank in disappointment. “Occupied.”

“Let me know when it’s free, would you?” The heated look she gave him could have melted iron. Madison opened up her menu and hid behind it to cover that devious grin he so coveted.

God, he loved spending time with her. He thought about her constantly, but didn't get to see her nearly enough. Since they’d become intimate, he hadn't even been sleeping around with other women. Much. No other woman excited him the way Madison did or made him feel so special. But he could never tell her that. He didn't need the headache of a permanent relationship. Or even a semi-permanent relationship. So he enjoyed her whenever he could and pretended he didn't miss her like crazy when he was on the road.

“Are those for me?” he asked. He nodded at the container sitting on the edge of the table. He could almost taste the spicy, sweetness of the treats he hoped were inside.

“That depends,” she said. “Are you going to behave yourself tonight?”

He lifted an eyebrow at her and she giggled.

“Yes, they’re for you,” she said.

He opened the container and inhaled the heavenly aroma of ginger and brown sugar. “The guys are going to be so jealous when I eat these in front of them.”

“You could share,” Madison said, watching him over her menu. “There are two dozen cookies in there.”

“I’m much too selfish to share. These are mine.” Unable to resist temptation, Adam selected a cookie and shut the lid. He took a bite and the blend of molasses and spice that melted on his tongue made his eyes roll back in his head. “Oh God, Madison, you’re so good to me.”

She grinned. “I know how you can thank me properly. Bathroom?”

He checked the door. “Still occupied.”

Their harried-looking server set two glasses of water on the table. “My name is James. I’ll be your server tonight. Are you ready to order?” he asked.

Adam reached for his menu. “Order something quick,” he said to Madison. “I have a sound check at six thirty.”

“And what do you have to do after sound check?” she asked.

“You.”

Madison tried not to stare at Adam as he scarfed down his panini, but she wanted to commit everything about him to memory so when he was on the road she could torture herself wondering what he was doing, who he was doing.

Adam’s thick black hair was cut in a shaggy style that framed his masculine features and brushed across his forehead. His nose was a bit too large, his lower lip a little too thick, his jawline too harsh to be considered model-perfect, but he took her breath away. Thick, dark lashes framed his steel-gray eyes. They were easily the most beautiful eyes she’d ever gotten lost in, but he had a tendency to glare, as if looking for a reason to become enraged. She wondered how many people got deep enough into him to see past that anger.

It hadn’t taken Madison long to find the good in him. Those gorgeous, stormy eyes were always gentle when he looked at her. A single dimple teased the corner of his mouth, which only showed itself when he smiled broadly. Because he didn’t hand out smiles on a regular basis, she’d only seen it a few times.

Adam’s childhood had been a broken disaster. Only his music had kept him from falling apart. He’d used drugs because he’d learned from his father’s example, and narcotics had become a crutch to cope with his turmoil. She knew all this because once she’d finally gotten him to start talking, he’d told her everything that he’d kept bottled inside for years. He’d trusted her with his secrets. She didn’t take that trust lightly. And she couldn’t deny that Adam’s vulnerability, which he hid so carefully behind his tough-guy exterior, was her number one vice. He didn’t let anyone but her see his weaknesses.

Yep, she had it bad for the guy.

Madison’s fingers itched to trace the tattoos on Adam’s strong forearm, to stroke his talented fingers, to tangle in those chains around his neck and pull him closer so she could kiss him with the maddening desperation she felt every time she looked at him.

She glanced over her shoulder to the bathroom across the way. She needed to be alone with Adam—submerged in him in a way she couldn’t be in public. Just as she was about to inform him that the bathroom was free at last, someone entered and closed the door, switching the lock to occupied. Darn.

With a sigh, Madison returned her attention to the table. Adam picked up bits of chicken that had dropped out of his panini and stuffed them into his mouth with his fingers. Even his crude table manners made her smile. A man learned manners from his mother. If she hadn’t already known that his mother had run off and left him with his drug-addicted father when he was seven, Madison would have guessed that the woman hadn’t been in his life much. But Madison wanted to be in his life. Seeing him tonight cemented the feelings she’d been analyzing for weeks. She didn’t feel only simple lust or affection for Adam. She loved him. No question. But was he capable of loving her?

This not knowing where she stood with him was eating her alive.

Madison turned her attention from Adam’s gorgeous features to her plate and picked at her salad. She was almost certain that if she gave him an ultimatum, he’d run and never look back. She’d lose him forever. Just the thought of never seeing him again opened a deep empty chasm in the center of her chest.

Before they’d become intimate—when he’d still been in treatment—she’d asked him how he maintained romantic relationships while on the road. He’d responded that he didn’t need nor want a relationship. He was content with s*x. Relationships complicated things and were impossible to maintain.

Impossible.

Madison tried to convince herself that she was special to him. That a relationship was possible. Maybe he just needed time to realize he wanted only her and that she was worth the complications. She could give him time. She could be patient with him. As long as she had him when he was in Dallas, she could make do.

Coward, the little voice in her head accused. It always sounded like Kennedy. You know you’re worth more than this.

Madison had never thought she’d end up in such a desperate situation. She never thought she’d so willingly hand her heart over to someone who didn’t particularly want it.

“Everything okay?” Adam asked.

She looked up from her salad and nodded. Just a glimpse of his dimple as he smiled had her giddy. She grinned so wide, her cheeks ached. Her heart lightened and seemed to float in her chest like a helium balloon. She didn’t want to give up this feeling. If she had an addiction, it was Adam Taylor.

“You’re quiet tonight,” he said. “What are you thinking about so hard?” He ripped a breadstick in half and placed a portion on her plate.

She hesitated. Go for it, Madison. “Us.”

He stiffened and sat up straighter in his seat. “What about us?”

She could practically see him bolting from commitment. Retreat, Madison. Retreat. She shrugged. “I was just wondering how little sleep we could get by on. I’m really horny.”

He laughed. “You looked pretty serious for someone who was thinking about getting laid.”

“When you’re involved, I take getting laid very seriously.”

Adam’s gaze settled on her throat, and he wet his lips. “None,” he said.

“What?”

“That’s how much sleep you can plan on getting tonight.”

She laughed. “Good thing I don’t have to work early in the morning.”

Madison took a bite of her tangy Caesar salad, crunching on croutons and lettuce like a woman with a vendetta against the Roman Empire. It wasn’t his fault that their relationship revolved around s*x. Not when she balked every time she had the opportunity to tell him what she really wanted. Tonight she’d forget about her need for commitment. She had him here and now. She would make the most of their time together. And when he left again, she’d pine for him until the next time she could see him.

She had a powerful urge to bang her head on the tabletop repeatedly.

“Do you have a break from touring soon?” she asked, hoping she didn’t sound as desperate as she felt.