Night with Sole Regret

TAKE ME IV

And he’d missed so much of her young life already. Too much. Those moments were lost forever. He needed to find a way to be home more often. His baby was growing up without him. There was no way to put her childhood on hold until he could find the time to enjoy it.

The front door opened, and Shade’s arms automatically tightened around the little sweetheart in his arms.

“You sing good,” Julie said. “I want to sing when I grow up. I want to be just like you, Daddy.”

When had all the oxygen evacuated the atmosphere? Shade struggled to suck air into his suddenly nonfunctional lungs.

Standing in the doorway, Tina huffed out a breath of annoyance. “You want to be a cheating, no good, high school dropout? I don’t think so, Jules. You’re going to college.”

Shade didn’t know why she had to keep busting his balls. It was hurtful enough when she did it to him alone, but when she did it in front of Julie, he couldn’t stand it. He wondered what kind of bullshit the woman said about him when he wasn’t around. It was a miracle he had any sort of relationship with his daughter.

“Time to go inside, Julie,” Tina said.

“Do you want to see my new dollhouse, Daddy? It looks like a palace. And it has a princess doll. And it has a bed in it for she’s apposed to sleep.” She yawned at the mention of sleep.

“Daddy has to leave now,” Tina said.

“Are you coming back tomorrow?” Julie asked.

“I have to sing at the loud place tomorrow,” he said.

“Are you coming back in two more sleeps?” she asked.

He shook his head.

“Three more sleeps?” she bargained, holding up three fingers.

“Six more sleeps.”

Her slim eyebrows crinkled in confusion. She held up five fingers, and he added one of his own. She gave him a horrified look. “That is too many sleeps, Daddy.”

“Is that thing real?” Tina sputtered, plucking the tiara off Julie’s head and gaping at it.

“Of course, it’s real. I’m not going to give her junk.”

“She can’t wear this.”

“Give it to me,” Julie insisted, making a grab for it.

“Just great, Jacob. You come here, disrupt everything, give her something she can’t possibly keep, and now I have to be the bad guy and take it away from her.”

“Why do you have to take it away from her? It’s not yours. It’s hers.”

“What if she loses it? Or if the stones fall out? Or someone takes it? Or if she’s kidnapped because of it? Jesus, Shade, this thing must’ve cost you ten grand.”

If she knew what he’d spent on it, he had no doubt that she’d hock it and buy herself another hundred pairs of shoes she never wore.

“Just let her wear it around the house,” Shade said. “It’s insured if it gets damaged or lost. She’ll be fine.”

“Give it to me,” Julie wailed. “I’m a princess. A really real princess. My daddy said so.”

“Now you’ve got her crying again,” Tina grumbled and jerked Julie out of his arms.

“Me?”

“Why do you have to be so stupid, Shade? It’s as if you were born without a brain.”

“Don’t frickin’ call me stupid in front of Julie, Tina.”

“The truth hurts, doesn’t it?”

“Daddy!” Julie screamed as Tina carted her into the house and slammed the door in Shade’s face. “I want my princess crown. I want it!” He could hear Julie’s tantrum through the door.

He hadn’t meant for his gift to be a problem. He’d just thought Julie would like it. The cost hadn’t been a consideration. Maybe he should have bought her some rhinestone piece of junk instead. Julie would have never known the difference. She was three. Four, he reminded himself. f**k. He really was stupid.

Cursing at himself under his breath, he picked up the empty box, stuffed it into the pink bag with the crumpled tissue paper and hung it on the doorknob. Julie was farther from the door now, so he couldn’t hear what she was screaming, but there was no doubt she was still upset. Maybe he should do everyone a favor and get lost permanently.

Shade snatched his sunglasses out of his pocket and put them back on. He wasn’t sure how he was going to get home. He supposed he could call a cab. He turned to start down the driveway; he’d figure it out once he was far enough away that he couldn’t hear Julie’s crying. Because God, that sound was like a knife stabbing and twisting into his chest, and he knew Tina wouldn’t let him do anything about it. He felt so f*****g powerless.

The door behind him opened.

“Jacob?” a gentle voice said from behind him.

He paused and turned slowly. He probably should’ve expected her to be here, but he was in no way prepared for his body’s reaction to her. His heart leapt, gut clenched, balls tightened. Her shoulder-length brown hair swayed gently in a warm breeze. Her hazel green eyes brightened as her lovely face broke into a genuine smile. Time stood still as he allowed his gaze to travel down her lean body. Those long tanned legs just might be the death of him. It had been a long time since he’d seen her.

“Amanda.”