If my wings could fly

Epilogue

When the loneliness gets overwhelming.I feel like the world wants me to disappear. When the memories scarring my mind get to pressing. When everything gets too much, and that I only want to be in hiding. When the only thought that doesn’t leave my mind frequent darkness. I get my music and my book, my pencils and my thoughts. I sit in a corner of the house and get to think on my behalf. I who am used to walk alone, I who look before my in disbelief. When I’m feeling irritated of everything and sick of walking around. I feel like I’m oversensitive like everything is against me. I want to fly away from everything but I can’t. My wings are gone, and the only thing that brings me to the sky is music.

When I’m writing I feel free. I can maintain everything without having to explain. I let Camille take over me and grant him bring the words happily. I want to forget the pain. I want to go away from the dark. I want to walk toward the light, and let the sun illuminate my path. I maybe am wounded and sad, but I could fly if I had wings.

I want to trust you, make me fly, close your eyes. I want to be higher. I'm unafraid of heights. Raise your hand and touch the sky. I push myself harder, even harder. I get hurt and hurt again, call me stupid.I’ll just smile. Something I still maunder on the path of my past. I regret the time where I had no considerable worries when I was just a child.I rue the time I could lie to myself into thinking that these wings could make me fly.

I can’t get out of your trap. Nobody hears me. Nobody comes to help me escape. I want to get away from everything, away from you, but I can not. Leave me, stay away from me. Block me from suffering in a loop, prevent me from feeling the feeling of your presence. My own lies mingled with yours choke me, engulf me. I cannot breathe when you are there.

I feel very tired right now. Something I should be used to by now.I’m sorry for everything I indicated to you. I’m sorry for everything I’ve done to you. I’m sorry for making you cry. I never intended doing so… I guess it was just easier to take it out on you. I guess I took you for granted, I thought you'd always be by my side. I guess all of it was a lie. I wish I could do something about it.

Deeper, deeper in the night, the wound just seem to get bloodier.I cry, cry, so late in the night. I feel like pieces of glass, ready to shatter at any moment. I can’t erase it anymore.Sometimes I wish you would have to take my place, maybe my heart wouldn’t ache anymore. I want to stop feeling so useless. I want answers. Indicate me, who has no more hopes, how to feel alive once more. Why did you let me take your place? I give you my place, I’m sorry. Take my place and live, which I can’t seem to do right.

My heart is still tender and trembling, cold and aching. I want to feel alive once again, indicate me, why did you flee this world, don’t you want to exchange places? I guess it’s my punishment for a living. I can try hiding it if asked me to do so. I wish you could answer my prayers. Even if I try making, it disappears, I won’t heal easily. Please, help me dry my eyes!

I used to think everyone was the same, everything was the same, but now I see the difference. My sea of thought is still there, but I now have a boat. It makes the lie of the world stop in their tracks. I won’t fall in lies, anymore. I won’t be caught in lies, anymore. I’ll be determined and surf on the waves.