Love Impossible: My Mate is Married?

Chapter 3

Frankie pov

This God-like looking man sitting next to me made my stomach flutter a bit. I would never cheat on my husband, but a girl can appreciate what was in front of her. While I watched him drink from the water bottle, I saw his Adam's apple moving. His blonde hair was tied up in a ponytail rather than the ridiculous man buns that were so popular. Shirtless and only wearing athletic shorts, I appreciated his well defined pecs, his 6 pack, down to the v just above his pants that I knew was hiding a nice sized c**k if his feet had any indication.

He was tall, taller than Josh. If I had to guess 6'5" maybe taller. He made me feel small, which took a lot. I had no idea what shirts could possibly hold his muscular arms without ripping each time he walked.

I shook my head a bit, clearing the naughty thoughts. "So Xander, what do you do?"

He leaned back slightly and rested on his hands behind him. "I own a security company." He responded. "You?"

"I work in tech um high level since most ppl don't know what im talking about. I use computer code to build reports and maintain data."

"Sql? Sass?" he asked.

I gasped. "Most people have no idea what that is."

"My security company specializes in cyber security," he smirked. That smirk should be illegal, and I knew he was a heart throb in his younger days.

"Aha, a fellow nerd, I like it. " I teased, bumping my shoulder against his.

He continued, "Yep, pretty much, although we do have departments for personal security guards or business security, so it's pretty well rounded."

I was impressed, not many security companies think far enough to go beyond a single niche, "Well, rounded is good." I murmurred.

The front door opened. "Frankie, I'm heading - oh, sorry, I didn't know we had guests."

Xander jumped up surprised."Ah Josh, this is Xander, the giant dog's owner. He just built a few blocks down. Xander, this is my husband Josh."

"Pleased to meet you," he said, shaking Josh's hand.

"Oh, likewise. Frankie, get his number in case his dog comes over again. I'm sure it's worrisome to have them missing."

"Good call, Josh. Are you ok?" I asked noticing he had been getting pale.

"Yeah, just tired. Was going to tell you I'm heading for bed."

I stood up and placed a small kiss on the edge of his mouth, "Ok hun goodnight. Love you, "

Josh pinched my butt before waving at Xander "again nice to meet you, Xander," he quietly closed the door.

I sat back down with a sigh. It was still daylight. It couldn't be much later than 7 or 8.

Xander sat next to me again. "He seems nice. I'm surprised he wasn't upset with me sitting here."

I smiled. "He saved me years ago. We both have the mentality that if the other person wants to cheat, they can, but we will just leave. It's nice having that kind of trust."

I could tell Xander was impressed, and hummed in response.

I side eyed him, "I take it you've been around the possessive type?"

His chuckled made me clench my thighs. Why was I reacting this way to a stranger? "Something like that. But I do like7 the idea of trusting your significant other. Seems freeing."

I nodded, "So, your family, do you have a significant other?"

He shook his head sadly, "No, I've not met my fated one yet. But my parents live down the street from me. My sister and brother in law are my next-door neighbors, and I have plenty of cousins throughout the neighborhood. We all had to rebuild, so we all decided to move together."

I smiled and sat quietly, watching Stewart run in the yard. He kept chasing fireflies that had started appearing at dusk.

Xander slapped his hands on his thighs before standing up, "Well, Frankie, I do hope to see you again. I should check to make sure Beast is home."

I stood next to him, "Yes, thank you. Here, let me grab your number in case - Beast?" I stopped as his dog's name settled in my mind and chuckled. "I do suppose the name fits."

I handed him cell, and he quickly input his number. Xander sent a fast text to I assume his phone, so he had my number.

Smiling, he handed her phone back and started back down the drive. Waving, Xander took off in a jog.

I reflected on his smile, the perfect white teeth, his tanned features, square jaw, and those little dimples. Some woman would be extremely lucky to have him someday. A small part of me was jealous, but I knew I wouldn't trade Josh for anything.

Over the next few weeks, Josh would jog past the house. We'd chat about nothing in particular. The more I learned about him, the more I felt drawn to him. I started realizing he was a good rock to lean on. I told him about Josh's medical issues, when he got the cancer diagnosis, and how it was affecting our home. I marvelled at his ability to fight through the pain and always has this helpful, cheerful demanor at all times. While his strength was fading, he still did his best to keep the manual labor off my shoulders, but I was still holding the family together in a manner that made me tired.

It took both of us separately advising that Josh and I had never had a fight beyond a discussion of disagreeing opinions before Xander believed us.

We both had been in highly toxic relationships in the past. We both agreed we needed the freedom that came with peace.

"The government keeps denying his disability saying his pain did not impact him," I spat out in frustration. We have been trying to get Josh's disability approved since his diagnosis. While I was grateful my family could live off my income, the medical bills of Josh's cancer treatments were putting a lot of stress on my shoulders. I was so tired.

"So now what?" Xander asked. And I shrugged in despair.

"I think they want him at stage 4 before approving it." I said in defeat.

Xander put his arm around my shoulder, just trying to comfort my. Every time we hugged or were close I was able to calm down in a way I couldnt understand. I wasn't going to complain; however, because I needed the calm in my storm of a life. I felt a little guilty, because I felt so attracted to Xander. Who wouldn't be? He was gorgeous, he smelled of all man, and when our skin touched it sent shivers down my spine.

I sighed knowing that part of my issue was, Josh and I were not able to be intimate often, and lately at all. The bone cancer made his bones so fragile, we couldn't risk a broken bone. We watched as my daughter Hannah drove up to the house. Hannah was a spitting image of me, except she kept dying her hair black.

"Was her hair red also?" Xander asked and I smiled.

"Nope. I never got to pass that gene on. She had blonde hair that kept getting darker as she aged. It was dirty blonde last time I saw her natural color."

"She looks so much like you it's unreal."

"I'm glad. I couldn't handle looking at her bio dad every day of her life." I really couldn't see her sperm donor on a daily basis. It was hard enough she had his eyes.

Xander looked at me surprised "What do you mean? Josh isnt-?"

"Nope, Josh is just step-dad. Her dad was-" I gathered my thoughts, looking for my next words. "Toxic. We split when she was 2 weeks old because he kept cheating. He stopped hitting me when I got pregnant, though."

Xander made a wierd growling noise and I raised an eyebrow.

"Sorry, I hate abuse."

My wry smile showed him I understood too well, "Yeah, I thought I was stuck with him until she gave me the strength to leave. I never wanted her to see that world. To live with the trauma."

I was pulled into a memory of coming home from work, to my house trashed. He was convinced I was not working, but cheating on him. He turned the refridgerator on its side, couches were torn and cut, my clothes were destroyed, and he was waiting for me. I barely got out that night alive, and was hospitalized for quite a few days. He stayed by my side, acted all remorseful and kept saying that if I hadn't worked so much, he wouldn't feel like I was neglecting my duties as his woman. He put the fault on me for his inability to keep his temper in check.

After leaving him, I had a very hard time raising Hannah on my own. Mostly because I was afraid to leave my house. Finding work when afraid of your own shadow is not easy. When I found my current job and was able to work from home, I only left the house if Hannah needed a doctors appointment. Groceries were delivered, sss kept everything else stocked in our house. I had no need to leave the house.

The downfall was, anytime I thought her biological dad found where we lived, I would move us to a new town. I am fairly certain we moved no less than 6 times before she was 3. When she was 4, I had moved us 4 times.

Josh pulled me out of my thoughts by asking, "Where did you just go?"

Sighing I responded, "To the before. I was home bound from fear. We moved constantly, so he never figured out where we lived. Granted, he hadn't even tried to see her since she was 6 months old because I started making his supervised visits through a 3rd party rather than doing them myself. I'm pretty sure he showed up to those just to mess with my head. So he saw her once after the 3rd party was implemented, then never again."

"Does he have rights?"

"Technically, we've not fought for abandonment yet. However, I think the goal is to start. Josh wants to adopt her. He's been her dad for years now. Most of her life. I can't think of anyone more suited for her."

Xander looked at my with pity before nodding, "So fear made you not leave the house? How did you work?"

"Oh that was fun at first, until I found my current tech job, I still work from home. Just have an easier time around ppl now. Josh helped me find resources to help with my anxieties.

I know everyone who knew me before Josh and after are confused by our relationship." Xander raised an eyebrow, and I elaborated. "With Hannah's dad. We were, for lack of better terms, swingers. s*x, drugs, and alcohol were our lives. I quit everything the day I found out I was pregnant. That's how I realized how horrible her dad was. Drugs and alcohol made it easy for him to convince me that our fighting was my fault. In reality, he was a jerk. He'd hospitalized me for the sake of "punishing my bad behavior," and I believed him.

So, as you could imagine after him, I swore off men and dating. My battery-operated boyfriend got me through all the frustrations. Then Josh came back into my life."

Xander was shaking and a small bit of anxiety came to me even though I knew he was not angry with me. "Back??"

"We met my senior year of high school. Hit it off, then. We were both very different people but were happy exploring who we were together. He was a bit more into partying than I was comfortable with, and he wasn't looking for an exclusive relationship. I was still heartbroken from ending a relationship with my high school sweetheart, even though he was mentally manipulative. So, I didn't understand how one day Josh could be so into me and the next with a different lady. I moved for college, and he went on with his life.

Sometime after Hannah was born, we connected on social media. Didn't talk much but kept up with each other. You know that high school crush never went away for either of us.

He went through his own traumas and heartbreak before we found ourselves in a similar social circle. And before we knew it we were married and moved here to our home."

"I'm confused. Why are people shocked that you're with him?"

"Because he was always pretty vanilla when it came to our bedroom life, but I'm not with him for s*x. He healed me by showing me that even though every man I ever met was toxic, not all were. Showed me fighting wasn't needed in a relationship. Showed me love as it was meant to be."

Xander's face was frozen in shock, "You gave up the best part of a relationship? I don't know if I could handle that."

I couldnt help but grin, "Don't forget Xander. I was very used to porn and Bob for my releases. I learned that to need a man was weak. Besides, I could get it done faster and better than most men."

He shook his head, "You're a special lady, Frankie. I don't know how you got through so much without losing the kind soul I got to meet today."

I chuckled, slightly embarrased, "You're quite a nice guy yourself, Xander. I'm sure before you know it you will meet an amazing woman."

Xander smiled, but it felt sad. I could not put a finger on why and decided he would tell me what his thoughts were when he was ready.

Waiting in the clinic for yet another doctors appointment for Josh was boring as all hell. I nearly skipped this one due to my workload, but I kept telling myself that I couldn't miss any updates to his diagnosis. I just wanted him healthy again.

Josh was reading an article on his phone while I spaced off lost in my thoughts.

"You ok hun?" he asked, pulling me back to the present.

"Yeah, babe, just spacing and not really thinking about anything." he smiled knowingly. It took him quite some time to get used to my space offs, but he eventually learned it was one time my mind was quiet. Typically, my mind was like a web browser with way too many tabs opened and multiple tasks running at the same time. I had a tab for work and its challenges, a tab for family, a tab for finance, a tab for doctors and scheduling, and a tab for every worry I had. Each subject had multiple subjects opened at once.

Spacing off meant I was able to sit without thinking for once.

"Josh? The doctor is ready for you." A nurse popped out from the back, and we followed her inside. We were led to an office rather than an examination room. Josh and I exchanged confused looks before sitting down in the office.

The doctor came in right behind us and shut the door. "Hello Josh, Frankie." She addressed us as she sat down at her desk. My stomach started flipping with this new method of communication.

She continued, "I have no good way to segway into our conversation. We found that the cancer has been expanding. It's not only in your bones but has moved to the liver." I sat up straight at her words. "This is not what we were hoping with the treatments."

I felt tears streaming down my face as I reached for Josh's hand and squeezed it. What do you say to this type of news? My heart clenched in fear at the doctors words. She was going over the tests we would start with to determine more information about the cancer and timelines we should be expecting.

I was in a daze as we left the clinic with many appointments and referrals in hand. Our ride home was quiet. I sent a fast text to my coworker and manager to cover me the rest of the week. I needed to take an emergency PTO.

Josh threw the car keys on the counter in the kitchen as we walked in. He grabbed some water from the fridge, and I sat at the dining room table. He sat next to me and put his hand in mine. "we knew it was a possibility." he said quietly.

I snorted in sarcasm, "Yeah, so-" i trailed off

"So, until we are given further instructions, I continue to live my life with you and Hannah." he finished for me

Tears flooded over my eyes again, "Did she mention anything about recoverability possibilities? I zoned out pretty early on in the conversation."

He shook his head, "No, we are very much in the dark right now. But if i know anything of liver cancer. There isn't much time left. "

I nodded absent-mindedly. Being in the dark, the one place that drove my anxiety wild. When my lack of control becomes so apparent, I literally have to wait around for answers.

"How should we tell Hannah?" I asked. Josh, being the only father she has known, was her favorite parent. He doted on her, took her to father daughter dances, spoiled her rotten, and taught her compassion, hard work, and everything else not all men would do for another man's child. He wanted to adopt her. Now that this cancer is being tossed around, I had no idea if we'd be able to keep moving forward with that.

"Well, we do what the Dr did. There is no way to open the conversation except to rip the bandaid off." A sob caught in his throat.

I leaned over and hugged him tightly. We pulled away when we heard Hannah come inside. She stopped as she saw us at the table. "What's going on? You guys look like someone died."

I nodded at a chair indicating to sit down. She sat, and Josh and I held hands while finding the words. Quietly, he spoke. "The Dr's said my cancer has officially moved to the liver. This means there probably isn't much time left."

Hannah jumped up her chair, falling to the floor. "No!" She yelled. "You're lying! You're playing a mean joke on me!" He stood up and hugged her as tears wet her cheeks. "No! You can't die." She sobbed. I stood and wrapped my arms around both of them, and we stood that way until all our tears dried up.

She pulled away and, without another word, stumbled out of the room. I heard her bedroom door slam shut, and music soon filled the air. A teenagers way of dealing with the hard stuff is to isolate and try to live in denial.

Josh shrugged at me, and I looked his way. "Do you want to start calling family, or do you want me to? I think that is the next step." I asked him.

"Can you? I need to lay down." He murmered. Nodding, I grabbed my cell and walked to the front porch. I stared off into space for a while before making the first call.

As I wrapped up the last call, I put my head in my hands and just sobbed. I didn't realize how many tears I had in me. "Hey, Frankie, what's wrong?"

A deep familiar voice rang out. I sniffed and looked at Xander, jogging up the drive. I stood and ran into his arms sobbing. "Hey hey, what do I need to do to help?" He asked while rubbing my back.

"Josh- " I said with a hiccup. "Cancer in his liver"

He pulled back in alarm and looked at my face. "Oh my dear Frankie, I am so sorry." Her murmured as I continued to cry.