Despite our arguments over whether I like kissing and how I won’t open up to him about Dom, Joey and I manage to get closer over the next few days. For his sanity’s sake if nothing else, I make sure not to do any drugs before hanging out with him; he seems to have a radar for it, and he’s much happier when I’m sober. It sucks, but I’m able to acclimate my body to the new schedule.
I’m not riding Mirage at all any more, despite Kate constantly reminding me that I can if I want to, so I have a lot of time to focus on Heartbreak. And I want to focus on Heartbreak. Letting him get the best of me the way I did—letting myself be afraid of him when he didn’t do anything wrong—isn’t how I want to end it.
That particular day, I make a point not to call Joey before I arrive at the barn, praying th
