The Moon’s Shadow

What doesn’t kill you

I couldn’t get out of that room fast enough. I am practically running from his uncomfortable gaze. A cold sweat drips down my back just remembering his looks of pity. My hands shake with the need to destroy something. The nervous energy twists into an unbridled rage in the pit of my stomach. I hate remembering, hate feeling the helplessness. It’s like some reoccurring nightmare that I can’t change the ending to no matter how hard I try. But what’s done is done and I don’t need his pity. I’m not some charity case. I just need him to help with the increasing rogue threat. Even knowing how hard I tried today, it still feels like I lost. Instead of being proud knowing I added another ally, all I taste is bitterness.

I don’t know where I’m going but I need to get as far away from Eric as possible. I twist and turn down the tan corridors, not bothering to look up at any of the occupants I’m passing. I’m so lost in my thoughts that I don’t notice where my feet are taking me until the sight of a large window with pastel colored curtains blocks my path. Trying to get my bearings, I look around seeing multiple benches and chairs as well as a nurses station close by. I approach the window slowly, seeing so many little cribs with forms wrapped in either pink or blue , neatly arranged in rows. The nursery is full of the pack’s newborn babies and is the most we’ve had at one time in decades. So many sweet little faces swaddled in their cribs, resting soundly. I press my face up against the cool glass to look closer at the beautiful sight. My heart swells at all their tiny faces. Shadow sighs with longing at the sight of all of the precious pups. In my heart, I know I would give everything for them as their alpha. My pain is nothing if it means they are safe and happy.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Michael push off the back wall near the nurses station and slowly approach me with great apprehension. His arms folded and a grim expression on his face are the only explanation he needs.

“ Emma is still finishing her paperwork.” Michael glumly states, pointing at the nurses station.

“Oh, I see.” I croak out, my voice heavy with emotion. We find ourselves in silence and Michael places a hand on my shoulder. Both never taking our eyes of the sleeping little ones, we continue on in silence. He may not say it, but I feel his support and unspoken offer to talk if I need to. For his sake, I don’t take it but it doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate it anyway.

“ Well aren’t you guys cute?” Emma teases from the nurses station just a few feet from us. From the looks of it she must have finished her paperwork finally. Leaning back on the desk with her arms crossed, she smiles widely taking us in. “ You guys look like you could use a hot meal.You ready to go?” She motions toward the exit sign.

“ I am starving!” I whine. “Ugggghhhhhhhh. Fooooood! Need fooooood!”

Both Emma and Michael chuckle and start heading towards the nursery exit, leaving me to catch up. Reluctantly I turn one last time to view the babies with longing and wave goodbye. “ Bye bye babies. Sweet dreams. Alpha loves you.”

I blow them a kiss and hurry to catch up, doubting they even noticed I wasn’t there. I skid to a halt a few paces behind them. They are clearly oblivious to their surroundings and deep in conversation. I don’t want to be the third wheel in this scenario so I trail behind quietly. Emma is laughing at something he said and gently gives him a playful shove. His face lights up and for the first time in a long time, he seems happy. No ridged shoulders or a scrunched up frown. No hard set eyes and pent up anger or worry. Just a bright smile and soft eyes. I can’t help but feel my own face lift in a smile at the sight. We continue on our way through the corridors toward the exit but I sense something is off. Shadow starts to whimper softly, but when I ask what’s wrong she doesn’t respond. Then she just stops. Total silence. I’m brought back by Michael calling for me towards the exit doors, waving me to follow, but I can’t shake this bad feeling. I don’t know what to think of it, so I let it go.

“ You ok?” Michael questions but I just give him a nod. I smile softly in return and he eases right back into conversation with Emma. We slowly walk towards the pack house to be greeted with the most mouth watering smell.

“ Fried chicken.” The three of us say excitedly, laughing. “Jinx! Last one there is a rotten egg!” I yell and take off running. I can hear Michael and Emma laughing, closing in on my heels. Whipping past pack members enjoying the evening air, a few cheer as we rush past them. Distracted by the bystanders cheers, I don’t notice the giant of a man standing in front of me until we collide. It’s like I ran into a brick wall. I instinctively cling too his huge frame and he holds me tightly against his chiseled chest as gravity takes us. This is going to hurt. I squeeze my eyes shut tightly. We bounce and skid across the dirt path landing a few feet away in a jumbled heap. Scared to let go, I lay there on top of him, trying to catch my breath and wincing in pain. Im scared to let go, but the strong thumping of his heart and movement of his chest is enough to ease my grip. I finally get my arms to release and slowly lift myself up after several minutes and dust myself off. My body aches but nothing an hour won’t heal. Drawing enough courage to look up to see who I just embarrassingly mowed over, I lift my eyes to ask “ Are you ok?” What I didn’t expect was one of the strangers from today and his beautiful face staring back at me. His lightly sun kissed face had a spattering of freckles across his nose and the most deep blue grey eyes, a swirling storm, and I was getting sucked into them. I couldn’t stop wondering if I would drown in their depths. My gaze drifted to his lips that were full and partially parted, attentive to my every word. His face was framed in dark short hair that had my hands itching to touch.

“Amber! You ok?” I could hear Michael shouting at me, jolting me back to reality. He sets his hand on my shoulder to get my attention. Breaking my gaze from this beautiful stranger, I look at him to nod that I’m fine.

“Good, then don’t just stand there. Help him up.” Michael chastised.

“ Right!” Im finally snapped back to reality. “I’m so sorry. Are you ok?” I ask. I hold my hand out to him to help him off the ground. He takes my hand hoisting himself up and dusts himself off.

“ I’m sorry about my sister, Beta Scott.” Michael apologizes.

“It’s fine, just an accident.” He replies nonchalantly. “I’m glad you didn’t get hurt.” A lopsided grin graces his face. Dang it looks good on him.

“ Have you ate? We are just grabbing dinner.” Michael offers.

“ Just finished, thanks. I was heading off to the hospital to talk with my alpha, but thanks anyway.” Scott declines. “ Hope you have a good evening.”

“ You too!” Michael replies, waving goodbye. We watch the visiting beta walk off like nothing happened. I can’t help but stare as he walks off. I was waiting for some sarcastic remark from shadow, but still radio silence. Remembering our hunger we turning back towards the dinning room doors.

“ You’re drooling.” Michael teases. “ No I am not! Where is Emma?” I quickly change the subject.

“ She is saving us a seat.” He smiles in reply. “ He’s good looking for a guys I guess. Why not ask him to go for dinner while they are here?” He suggests.

I surprise my self by saying, “Maybe I will.” Was it time I try to find some happiness of my own? Shadow says nothing to my intrusive thoughts, making me feel guilty for even thinking it.

Finally making it to the bustling dinning room doors, we walk in to find Emma not only saved us a seat, but had three fully loaded plates waiting for us. They were each loaded with mashed potatoes and gravy, corn, and the most heavenly smelling fried chicken. My stomach gurgles in anticipation. “ Took you long enough!” Emma joked. Thanking her, we all sit down and started to dig in. The satisfying crunch and salty taste of the fried chicken had me groaning in delight. This was definitely my favorite meal. Our food seemed to disappear faster than it had appeared and we sat back with empty plates and full bellies. We relaxed enjoying each others company, talking about anything and everything. It was the perfect way to get to know Emma and ask her questions to get to know her better. While I knew her to be sweet, she was also fairly stern. She told us how she grew up in a small pack a few hours from here with her parents and 4 brothers. Her mama was a teacher and her dad was a pack warrior which made her want to be a doctor so she could help him if he ever got hurt. She was fierce, strong, and quick witted. It made talking to her and listening to her stories enjoyable. They were always laced with good humor and a light heartedness that was sorely missing in our lives.

But what really shocked Michael and I was the reason she moved and transferred to our pack. The light from her eyes dimmed as she told of her fated mate rejecting her for not wanting to be a stay at home trophy wife for him. The old chauvinistic ways made me angry and my heart breaks for her. She deserved so much more than that. While she chose a noble path to help others, he rejected her for it. Sad and disgusting! I wish I could pulverize him for her.

Michael placed a hand over hers and wiped away a few stray tears from her face in a display that shocked Emma and I both. The moment seemed so intimate, I couldn’t help but look away. Not going into too much detail, we shared with her how our mates had died so we too were without mates. It was like from that moment on, some unspoken bond had formed. Kind of like a lonely hearts club. The trauma we shared drew us together like family. Not only could I see that we were going to be close friends, but I could see the wheels turning for michael. Emma could be his second chance at happiness. He only needed the courage to take it. For once I saw a brighter future for them brimming with possibilities.

A slight hollow pain began to fill in my chest. I tried to ignore it and push it aside, but it only came back stronger. Shadow again began to whine, louder this time , and that’s when I recognized it. The first signs of phantom pains from my mates death. I felt my body freeze up, sweat collecting at my brow. I grabbed onto my chest with my right hand and grit my teeth breathing through the pain. I looked over to Michael in panic. This was so much worse than the other times. Emma rushed to my side asking what was wrong, but michael answered for me. “The phantom pains of her mates’s torture and death. Quick we need to get her back to her room.” That was all I heard before the room started to dim.