What We Have Been Afraid Of
1194 Words
Lizzy' POV
Varek stood there like he was carved into the shadows. Still. Controlled. Trying not to be anything at all.
The others had left the main room. Holly sorting herbs. Thalia checking supplies. Kai outside doing whatever Kai did when he needed to breathe.
And I was left facing the man who kept ripping the floor out from under me.
“You should rest,” Varek said.
“No,” I said. “We need to talk.”
His eyes flickered. “Not now.”
“Yes. Now.” I took a step toward him. “I’m not doing this anymore.”
“This,” he echoed, voice low.
“This distance,” I said. “This pushing me away. This pretending nothing matters when everything does. You vanished for days. And then you act like there’s nothing to explain.”
His jaw tightened. “You think I did not feel the distance? You think I did not want to come to you?”
“Then why didn’t you?”
Silence. Heavy. Thick enough to choke on.
Then he said it.
“Because I was afraid.”
My breath caught.
Varek never said that word.
He swallowed hard. His voice roughened.
“I have known desire. I have known instinct. I have known the pull of the bond. But this… what I feel for you… it is nothing I have words for.”
My heart stuttered.
He stepped closer, slow like he was approaching the edge of something dangerous.
“When I touched you before,” he said softly, “when we kissed… when we lay together…” His breath trembled. “I thought it was instinct. Fate. The bond pulling us into each other.”
My skin prickled.
“But it was not only that,” he said. “I know that now. I tried to tell myself it was the Goddess. Or biology. Or tradition.” His eyes held mine like he was locked there. “But it was me. Wanting you.”
Heat rushed to my face. My chest tightened.
“I told myself distance would make it easier,” he went on. “That if I stayed away, I would not ruin you with everything I am. I thought… if I held back, you would be safe.”
He shook his head.
“Instead, I hurt you. And I cannot bear that.”
Something in my throat ached.
“Varek…” I whispered.
His voice dropped to something raw and unguarded.
“I love you.”
The world froze.
“I love you,” he repeated, like he needed me to hear it all the way down to the bone. “Not the bond. Not the fate we were given. Not the wolf. You.”
My knees almost gave out.
He stepped even closer — close enough that our breath mingled, close enough that I felt the heat rolling off him in waves.
“I do not know how to love gently,” he said. “I do not know how to love without breaking things. Without wanting too much. But I would try for you.”
My voice shook. “You’re not going to break me.”
His chest rose sharply.
“I am terrified of losing you,” he said. “Not the Luna. Not the prophecy. You.”
Something snapped loose inside me — something I’d been tying down for days.
I whispered, “I love you too.”
Varek inhaled like the words hit him harder than any blow he’d ever taken.
He reached for me slowly, giving me every chance to pull away. I didn’t.
His hand cupped my jaw. His thumb brushed my skin. His face lowered. His breath touched mine.
“This is not the bond,” he said softly.
“I know.”
“This is not lust.”
“I know.”
“This is me choosing you.”
My heart felt too big for my ribs.
“Then kiss me,” I breathed.
Varek did.
The moment our lips met, the world tilted.
It wasn’t desperate.
It wasn’t frantic.
It was an exhale.
A promise.
A claiming that came from the soul, not instinct.
His hand slid to the back of my neck, pulling me closer. My fingers tangled in his hair. His breath shuddered against my lips like he’d been holding it for centuries.
There was heat.
Yes.
But deeper than that — there was truth.
A feeling that belonged to us, not to fate.
Varek broke the kiss once with a slow, ragged pull of air. His forehead rested against mine. His voice was a low rasp.
“I am yours,” he said. “Not because of destiny. Because I choose you every time.”
I pressed my lips back to his, answering the only way I could.
And then—
The door creaked open.
“Oh good,” Kai said. “Perfect. Fantastic. I’ll— I’m just going to— actually, I’m leaving the country. Immediately.”
Varek growled softly under his breath.
Kai continued backing out. “I did not see anything. I heard nothing. I am blind and deaf. Enjoy whatever emotionally life-altering moment I’m interrupting.”
The door shut.
Heat rushed up my neck so fast it burned.
Varek let out a long slow breath. “Sleep. You will need strength for tomorrow.”
I nodded, still breathless.
As I headed to the room I shared with Holly, I felt his eyes follow me.
Not possessive.
Not territorial.
Just… full.
Full of something that had been buried so long he’d forgotten the shape of it.
Holly looked up from her bed when I entered the room we shared.
Her eyes widened. “Your lips…”
I rubbed the back of my neck. “It’s not what it looks like.”
She snorted. “Then what, exactly?”
I didn’t answer.
She smiled, softening. “You deserve good things, you know.”
I cleared my throat. “Can we just… go over the Rites?”
Her face sobered.
“Yes. Of course.”
She pulled out a worn leather book, pages yellowed and edges frayed.
“These are accounts from past Lunas who survived the Trials,” she said. “It’s not… detailed. No one writes down everything. But there are hints.”
We curled up under blankets in the dim lamplight. Holly flipped pages, whispering through the scribbles and broken text.
She pointed to one passage. “This one says the Rites respond to the Luna’s deepest truth. Her greatest fear. Her greatest strength.”
My stomach twisted.
Holly reached into a pouch and pulled out dried herbs that smelled sharp and earthy.
“These are for stamina,” she said. “And these for vision. And this one…” She hesitated. “It’s said to strengthen the wolf itself.”
I held the sprig. It tingled, almost humming.
“It’s normal to be afraid,” Holly whispered.
I nodded.
But as I lay down later, staring at the ceiling, the bond hummed warm and fierce in my chest.
Varek loved me.
And fear or not…
I wasn’t facing the Rites alone.
- Writer
