The Other Roommate

5 - The Limit of Our Sight

"Denise!"

Alex’s voice roared from the open door of her room spilling out into the kitchen where Denise was furiously typing on her laptop, earphones on. She was doing a hell of a good job ignoring Alex for the past few minutes as she scrambled to coordinate her boss’ schedule with another executive whose assistant she was exchanging e-mails with. There were a multitude of meetings ahead of them as they approached the fourth quarter of the year and she was spending the morning of her day off working with her boss, whom she was speaking with on the phone.

“I’m still coordinating with the clients if they have preferences on the venues but I have made some suggestions. I assume they will get back to us by Monday. But I have spoken with the modeling agency and gave them specific features we want for our campaign.” Denise said, her eyes scanning through an e-mail with headshots and names, and chunks of information about each model. “They just sent me their current roster. I’ll forward it to you now.”

“Denise!” Alex called again, louder and more impatient that Denise cringed at the sound.

“Do you have favorites from the group?” Her boss asked, her voice faltering from a laugh that she swallowed.

“Yeah. I have a top three and I’ll include it in my e-mail.”

“Did they say when we can meet with the model after we choose one?”

“There’s one that’s currently not in the city and is out on a project that will end in the next few days. There’s a red asterisk by her name. Everybody else is virtually available anytime.” Denise retorted, her hand gliding through her keyboard until she finally hit send. “Sent.”

“Denise! Den-”

“God damn it! I’m working!” She yelled, shooting the last door a malevolent glare that if she could, she’d have burned it to ashes. “Oh, my god. It’s like having a dog.”

“But I need you!” Alex whined, the strain in her voice is evident, her throat burning with each loud cry but the pain in her chest was incomparable. “Come here!”

“Is that Alexis?”

“Yes.” Denise said to her boss, rubbing her suddenly sore temples. She couldn’t imagine the utter humiliation if the woman was one of those strictly-business superior but even if they were friends and she and Alex were friends, she couldn’t help the mortification rattling her. “Have you seen my e-mail?”

“What does she want?” Her boss asked, completely ignoring her question.

“I don’t know. I’m working.”

“You should go check up on her. We’re almost done anyway.”

“She’s not hysterical. She has legs and if she can’t come here to talk like an adult, she’ll have to live for the next thirty minutes.” Denise sassed, hitting the keys with much force than she intended, typing the reply she promised she would send the modeling agency. “No offence, boss, but I need to get this done and over with so I can spend the rest of my day off soaking in a lavender scented hot bath. Now, have you seen my e-mail?”

“I have. And I do like the model you chose.” She retorted through a chuckle, barely having enough control to speak. “I’ll give her within next week to show up. If not, we’re going for another one.”

“Alright. I’ll send them an e-mail about your decision right now.”

“Denise!”

“I will strangle that girl.” Denise grumbled, her jaw sore from gritting her teeth for the last half hour that Alex had been bothering her. She heard more laughter at the end of the line, louder, unrestrained this time.

“What are you working on anyway?”

“The report you asked for. I just need to include the financials and I’m done.”

“Just send it over. Alexis will just keep on yelling.” Her boss offered. “I have a copy of the statements. I’ll just put them in.”

“I can’t sent you an incomplete report. That’s not how this thing works. You’re bad at this boss thing.”

“Send it over. Bye!”

All Denise heard from the other line was laughter before it went dead, leaving her no choice but to acquiesce to her request or command. She snatched her earphones off, faltering slightly when she felt pain shoot through one ear. She finished the e-mail she was typing and finally, saved her work to send to her boss.

When another wail came, she could clearly hear the rawness of Alex’s voice and gasping for air and despite her sympathy, she was feeling spiteful that she contemplated telling her to yell some more.

“Alright! Alright! I’m coming!” She slammed her laptop closed, cringing at the noise it made and sauntered over to Alex’s room. "You yelled?" She said with feigned disinterest, raising her brows expectantly, crating creases on her forehead.

She found Alex in the middle of her bed, aimlessly staring at the barren white ceiling. She was tangled in her black silk duvet, her hair fanned out and her fair skin creating a prominent contrast that she almost glowed.

"Come cuddle. I need cuddles." Alex begged in a quiet voice without shifting her gaze so she could look at Denise. "Cal won't."

“You need cuddles? This is all you wanted? Alex, I was talking to my boss.” Denise stayed by the door, arms crossed though her resolve was crumbling.

Alex was an image of defeat and there was torment in her eyes, her flushed cheeks riddled with dried tears that Denise nearly took a step back. That should have been the Alex that came home after catching her girlfriend cheating on her, not the enraged woman who stormed into the house. She was bracing for the time she would appear but Denise did not expect that it wouldn’t be because of Felicity.

“Cuddle.”

"What’s going on? What do you mean Cal won’t?"

"I'm hurt."

"Are you sick?" Denise trudged into the room and settled next to Alex, brushing the hair from her face and pressed the back of her hand against her forehead.

"No. It just hurts." Alex mumbled in the smallest voice that Denise had ever heard from her. She reached for the hand fussing all over her face and perched it against the middle of her chest. "This hurts, in here." She shook her head, taking a ragged breath. "She won't even look at me anymore."

Denise knew it wasn’t Alex's usual games, she wasn't playing and it worried her. There was a sense of security she felt whenever Alex would simply lash out whenever someone hurt her. She refused to feel pain and fought back. Her defense mechanism was creating some sort of spell that sheltered her.

"I'm sure she'll come around." She stroked her silky tresses, pushing some behind her ear.

Alex knew she meant well but Denise didn’t understand.

"No. It's different." Alex insisted albeit weakly, she sat up on her bed, her usually fierce green eyes were dull and filled with longing, the expression she never wore when Felicity had cheated on her. "I really hurt her and it's been a really long time since I've talked to her. It's been three weeks, Denise."

She expected remorse to overwhelm her like a massive wave, dispelling everything that she knew but she didn’t anticipate longing. Callie looked at her like nobody ever did, she looked at her like she knew her struggles. Empathy could only do so much.

It takes the same tormented soul to understand what another is going through.

Alex would admit she was vindictive, but she was never the first one to strike. She never wanted to make anyone feel insignificant because she knew the feeling too well.

And when bickering felt a lot like peace, the deafening silence piercing her ears was causing turmoil in her soul.

She inhaled deeply, hoping to feel the hollow feeling in her chest. Her stomach was filled with anguish and she worried she would throw up.

"It's just three weeks, Alex." She carefully stated as she sat next to Alex, holding her hand, stroking it with her thumb. "Tell me what happened." She urged when she saw her stubbornly shaking her head.

"It's not just three weeks." Alex huffed as she closed her eyes shut, hiding from reality behind a thin layer of skin. "I told Mason really horrible things and she heard them. But I was lying and she wasn’t supposed to hear it."

Alex could feel her voice faltering, blinking her eyes wasn’t enough to keep her tears at bay. But she chose to divulge on what happened to Denise, who listened with rapt attention and moved closer so she could hold her.

“Talk to her.”

“If I could.”

-

Avoiding Alex meant avoiding their apartment.

And for the weeks she spent away from her own bed, Callie was with Jazmin yet again after her shift, the woman her mother was holding a nonsensical grudge against. Jazmin had been her only friend for a long time but despite trusting her life with her, Callie couldn’t confide about what really drove her away from her ex-boyfriend, Colin.

Shame and the fear of reliving the past forced her mouth shut.

Jazmin wasn’t one to kid around and she would have stormed into her ex-boyfriend’s house and would have slapped him with a lawsuit. Her tenacious attitude matched with her smart, educated mouth had been why she was currently on her last year in law school, and Callie did not want a silly ex-boyfriend to be in the way of her diploma.

"Callie, don't get me wrong, I love seeing you everyday but avoiding your roommate like this isn't your best option, my dear friend." Jazmin warned, flicking her fork around after she loaded her mouth with some spinach salad. Her straightened dark hair sat atop her head in a bun and she was comfortable in her sweatshirt.

They were in her kitchen island, having a late meal that Callie assembled for her and her neighbor, Rachel, whom she met when she moved in next door. Since then, they became thick as thieves, bonding over their busy lives, and Callie was always welcome especially with the extra hands that always fed them well.

Jazmin had forgotten when she even used her stove for cooking food other than ramen noodles.

"Yeah." Rachel agreed as joining them with her bowl of mixed fruits, glasses sitting at the tip of her nose, hair wavy light brown hair falling like a waterfall below her shoulders. She sat on the chair next to Jazmin, where she could look at Callie well. "You told us she's not really your friend, so why are you hurt?"

Callie shrugged, unable to formulate a rational answer. She was stabbing the steak with her fork while chewing more than her mouth could accommodate to buy her enough time. If her mouth was full, she could evade questions.

Jazmin despised it when anyone spoke with food in their mouth.

"You work with her, right?" Rachel prodded, jabbing a piece of cantaloupe that hovered close to her mouth. "Do you ignore her then? How does that go? I’ve dealt with squabbling employees so many times. I’ve had to send one of them to another department."

Jazmin stared at Callie, nodding her head at the excellent point Rachel made. She was curious about the dynamic between Callie and this other roommate she spoke of.

Callie heaved a sigh, stuck between speaking or shoving another piece of the steak but Jazmin was warning her with her eyes and there was only so much she could do. She despised the spotlight, often choosing to stay by the sidelines but the two pairs of eyes were aimed at her and there was no escape.

She could see the pain in Alex’s eyes whenever they crossed paths but the cruel wrath of betrayal was keeping her from letting her in.

"I switched shifts. Randy, this guy we work with comes to work at ten and leaves at six. I asked him if we could switch places and he agreed. She comes in at two, for some reason, so I only see her around three to four hours a day." Callie explained trying to look nonchalant, leaving her to shrugg once more.

"How about at home?" Jazmin asked, pushing the empty bowl of salad away and traded it with her share of the steaks Callie found in the freezer and cooked for them. "Didn't you mention you live with her? That’s why you’re squatting in my place."

"I only ever go there to shower and I know when she does. Always after her shift, which is around three in the morning. And I’d have already been here then." She explained with great reluctance, swaying her head from side to side. “She stays up until around five and then wakes up two – three hours before her shift.”

Despite Callie's disinclination to divulge further, her two friends were beyond curious especially because this was their first glimpse of her current life. For the past three weeks, they’d heard Callie ramble about on and on about her roommate and it was the first time they pressed on the subject.

"What's her name again?" Jazmin scrunched up her features, trying to recall the specific name. "I forgot."

Callie let out a breath in frustration as she glared at her friends who were more than able to return the threats. She hadn’t told them Alex’s name. Now that Jazmin knew where she worked, her overprotective friend might just march up to Chug and demand to see her and Rachel would willingly tag along to watch the spectacle unfold.

"You didn't forget. I didn't tell you her name." She debated on telling them Alex’s real name but something popped in her mind, something she saw on the schedule posted on the bulletin board at work. "Michelle."

"Why is it so important for you to stay away, though?" Rachel asked, confusion in her eyes. "I mean, you could stay in your room and avoid her. You virtually know where she is at all hours of the day."

“Yeah, that’s what I would have done if I were you.” Jazmin agreed but then something flickered in her eyes, an idea and soon, she was smiling and her lips were embedded with meaning. "Do you like her?"

"Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!" Callie flailed her arms like a mad woman but nothing would deter the looks on her friends’ faces and she could feel hers heat up until it colored an embarrassing red. “I don’t!" She looked towards Jazmin, trying to decide if she’d gone crazy. "Why would you even think that? I don't like girls. I'm straight!"

"You're as straight as a rubber band. Malleable. Bendable. And you stretch and twist depending on the person you like." Jazmin dismissed her rambling, undeterred.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Callie protested, her frown deepened, dropping her fork on the plate with a clank. As far as she was concerned, there was no eating anymore.

"Remember your high school best friend? The one you told me about. What was her name again?" Rachel glanced at Jazmin and looked up, sorting through her memories. She gasped as the name in question popped in her head. She snapped her fingers repeatedly. "Kaitlyn!"

"Yes, Kaitlyn!" Jazmin laughed with her as memories of her and Callie swarmed her mind. "You kept talking about her to me and then you'd be upset whenever she had a boyfriend cause you couldn’t monopolize her. You were so cute, Callie. So gay yet so unaware."

"I only saw her as a friend!" Callie exclaimed defensively, her palms landed on the table with a force that clattered the plates and cutleries. "I just missed her, okay?"

“Callie.” Jazmin reproached despite the apology in her words. She realized it was wrong to force her friend to admit to something she might not be comfortable with just yet. But if it would make sense of everything for Callie, she was willing to prod but decided to change her approach. “You cried when she told you she lost her virginity to that jock, Justin. I could see your heart breaking every time they kissed in front of you.”

Reality didn’t slap her across the face, it stung like a blasted wasp, throbbing and swollen. She gulped when she felt a very noticeable lump on her throat, forcing it down with some wine. The walls that impeded her vision were slowly thinning and flashbacks surged through her body. Callie would spend sleepovers watching her best friend. She would offer to carry her things for her. She even opened doors for her.

But when memories of Kaitlyn faded with time, its pages worn and tattered, images of Alex surfaced. And it felt like being drenched in ice cold water. Her lips tingled when she recalled that brief kiss and her body ached for her warmth. She remembered stolen glances and the scrutinizing stares.

It was when she would hold her hand and squeeze it tight. It was when she provoked her just to hear her beautiful raspy voice. It was of many things they had shared.

"Shit."

“It’s okay.” Jazmin reached for her hand, squeezing it. Her smile was gentle, affectionate and steadfast. “I will love you no matter who you choose to love.”

“Me, too.” Rachel seconded without Callie noticing she’d gone around the table intent on hugging her.

-

Alex didn’t mind having Randy for her partner. He was by far, the most experienced of the three of them and she could use the break. She didn’t pick fights with him and he was all too willing to make her job less stressful, seeing her as his younger sister. Besides, he never let her carry heavy things.

It was all working out in her favor but Alex was still hoping Callie would change her mind.

That night, Callie was slicing lemons and limes into wedges. She had pureed and juiced a couple of fruits and picked lime leaves out for Alex and Randy's shift. They were usually busy on weekends and Callie had decided to help out her coworkers.

It was the only way she could get around to it, to assume she didn’t want Alex and Randy to run out of anything and have to work extra hand. She refused to acknowledge that she felt anything for Alex.

Besides, she had just been cheated on.

She wouldn’t think about Callie that way.

"Trouble in paradise, Alex?" Felicity jibed, leaning on the bar where Alex was polishing glasses. She couldn’t even hide her ill intents if she tried.

Callie’s chest squeezed when she watched Alex glance at Felicity and drop her gaze, defeat written all over her face. It was poison in her supposedly wrinkle-free situation, the one she manipulated.

"Everything’s fine." Callie interrupted the moment she saw victory gleam in Felicity’s eyes. She swooped in, stood next to Alex and wrapped an arm behind her, her free hand holding the containers of freshly sliced wedges stacked high. There was a raging rapid in her soul, the one that was fueling her nerves but she acted like nothing was wrong because she hated the thought of Felicity hurting Alex more. "There's none of that, is there, baby?" Callie smiled at Alex but her eyes were filled with sadness.

Alex returned her smile despite the confusion in her eyes and took some of the containers from her. One by one, she handed them to Callie who arranged them in the chiller beneath the counter. And when they were done and Callie was upright again, Alex dared to move closer and looked into her eyes. Her green ones oozed with fear and longing that it almost scared Callie.

"When are you going to switch back with Randy?"

“I can’t.” Callie retorted despite the pain she went through to say those two words. She couldn’t allow herself to go there, afraid that whatever she was denying from herself would come gushing out if she let Alex come closer. "I’m sorry."

Alex nodded, acutely aware of Felicity’s scrutinizing gaze. There was a sharp pain in her chest, she was almost sure an ax was buried in her back.

"Let's go, Callie." Felicity nodded towards Callie. “Are you done?”

What’s worse about the new schedule was that Felicity managed to get the same one as Callie despite a lot of questions from Mason. It seemed as if Felicity was being more aggressive with whatever she was planning and history was about to repeat itself, Felicity was about to wreck Alex again.

"Go where, Cal?" Alex reached for her arm and held on, making sure not to squeeze too tight so as not to hurt her.

"It’s six twelve. I’m off the clock." Callie explained as she forced a toothless grin. She leaned in to kiss Alex on the cheek to maintain their act but the deed hurt more than she expected.

The contact made Alex's eyes immediately close as she savored those plump limps, electrifying her soul from that one spot through her whole body. It calmed her.

Callie pulled away quickly as her body was experiencing a different kind of elation. It was the kind with anxiety because it was difficult to hope when everything felt hopeless. Her denial was as stubborn as her and she was fighting to maintain whatever disdain that is left in her heart for Alex because they could never be. There wasn't much she could hold onto as her admiration for her roommate continually grew.

"I'll see you at home, babe?" Callie asked, both of them knowing there was no promise in her words. When Alex would return home, Callie wouldn’t be there.

"Yeah." Alex nodded. She could not help but smile at the little nickname that she wished was more sincere and less fabricated.

Callie began to turn to her heels to leave for home only to be stopped by the hand on her wrist.

"Cal."

"Yeah?" Callie raised her brows.

Alex couldn't understand what she was feeling. She was so overwhelmed with the unwanted distance in their tainted relationship as friends or roommates. She was more astounded by the strong affinity for her, but there were three words that perfectly described them.

"I missed you." She genuinely breathed. She felt freedom as the locks that held her chest so tight unlatched. She was convinced Callie wouldn't even see her in a positive light, let alone feel something for her.

"I missed you, too." Callie retorted, there was sincerity in her eyes and that was enough for Alex.

Please don't drift too far, Cal, Alex thought but she’d never say it.

She reluctantly let go and watched Callie leave with Felicity interlocking their arms together. She zoned out as she observed the two laughing with each other while she was left with a missing puzzle piece, the same figure as Callie.

"Alex, it’s time to work." Randy jerked his head towards the entrance where a crowd of people just entered. He was putting beer in two awaiting mugs, remorse in his eyes. "You have Callie all to yourself at home. But right now, I need your help."

Outside on the streets, Callie had finally loosened herself free of Felicity's grasp. She was getting uncomfortable being cozy with the girl who shattered Alex into tiny pieces. At some point, she was still protective of her roommate. Being the receiving end of a break-up due to cheating was familiar to Callie even if there was no part of her that wanted Colin back.

The colder breeze of the autumn night brought chills to her body but she was not about to seek warmth from Felicity again. It was a great cuddle weather yet she had an utter lack of a cuddle buddy.

The streets were filled with a variety of people. Some were retreating to their place of solitude and retiring for the night while others had just crawled out of their burrows. Callie saw various smiles and various frowns but the image in her mind was tearing her apart, the utter defeat weighing Alex down.

It was an intimidating hodgepodge of busy people. The most important thing they could have owned would have been their beating hearts and the people that held them. Yet, Callie observed none of displayed such amorous act, most of them seemed to be focused on one thing and one thing only, money. But she could not see through their hearts, just like she could not see Alex's.

"Be careful with Alex." Felicity tore through her reverie like an unwanted itch, looking straight ahead as they approached the block where Callie and Alex's shared apartment was.

Confused, Callie furrowed her brows her head swiveled to look at her coworker. She didn’t understand the disdain Felicity felt for Alex. Regardless of their fake relationship, Felicity had no right to ever be angry at the woman she cheated on.

"Why?"

"She's not very keen on commitments." Felicity warned. Her words were filled with conviction.

Callie sighed as she felt the need to defend Alex. Despite the rift, she kept her promise to stay by Alex's side and defending her in the process was included. She had a glimpse of the Alex behind closed doors and she liked the woman she saw – playful, child-like. She might be stubborn but she was sweet in her own way.

"We're living together. That means she is committed." She clarified, stressing the word.

"Are you?" She shot immediately, the insinuation not lost on Callie who nodded.

"Yeah, I am." She was speaking the truth but it was not what Felicity had meant. But as far as commitments went, Callie was. No matter what the reason or the cause of it. "Why did you cheat on Alex?" She asked in a way to earn Felicity’s side of the story.

"I thought she was cheating on me." She stated as if it was enough, shrugging. "I still think she did, she just wouldn't talk to me. I mean, why else would you not talk unless you're guilty?"

"What if she didn't?"

"I don't know."

“Flea, you cheated. That says something about your commitment not hers.” Callie reasoned, the crease in her forehead deepened with the conviction in Felicity’s voice. “It’s not nice that you keep tormenting her, too. She’s my girlfriend. If she asks me to choose, I’m going to stand by her.”

Felicity took a deep breath as she stood in the cold, frozen but the weather had nothing to do with it. She was just too caught up with her own feelings, her own plights that she forgot to assess why Alex behaved the way she did. She didn’t think much about the twelve-hour shifts and she wondered if understaffing was the only reason because Randy could have shared it with her. Hell, Callie could have, too. But as they walked closer and closer to the apartment building, she was no closer to an answer than she was in the past couple of months and when faced with the reality of Alex moving on, Felicity could only stare at Callie with great envy.

Callie left her by the door with a wave and ran up to her room. She was just about to take her light jacket off when her phone chimed, signaling that a new message had arrived. She pulled the device out of her pocket, revealing Jazmin’s name.

Callie! Remember you told me you wanted to try? I know this single lesbian you might be interested in. She's hot! Super smart. Funny, too! Give it a shot? You might find happiness with her.

Happiness was a strong and coveted feeling that Callie had lacked since she moved to Chicago, leaving her life in Campton Hills. She missed her parents. She wished her dad was still living and he could tell her how her mother forced her to date Colin. She wished her mother understood. And the longing she felt for Alex was not helping her at all.

They couldn’t be.

They shouldn’t.

But maybe the girl Jazmin had in mind would build a solid foundation with Callie with roots diving into the depths of the earth. Maybe she’d give her something real, something permanent.

So, Callie replied despite her trepidation.

Give her my number.