Lost at Heart

Chapter two: Goldfish

Ayla retrieved her phone from her tote bag where it had been buried beneath her lecture notebooks and earbuds.

The screen glow lit up her face in the

dimly lit room. A single notification popped at the top - it was Ray.

She read the brief message. "You still up? If yes, let's meet..."

The message from a social messaging app.

She stared at it for long seconds, thumb uneasy.

Afterwards she locked the screen without opening the message.

She had no energy for such - at least not tonight.

Titi lay in foetal curl on the other side of the bed, her arm tucked under her cheek, soft breathing barely audible blending with the hum of the standing fan.

Ayla exhaled sharply and lay down on the bed, pulling up the bedsheet as she slid under it.

Outside, crickets chirped and the distant call of a cat..

Inside her, thoughts creeped in - about Ben, about Ray and the unsettling drama of the week obviously.

The phone buzzed again. She didn't move.

The night was still young, but Ayla was like someone whose feeling was numbed - tonight!

Across campus, in one of the classroom at their college, lit up by blinding fluorescent bulbs, Ray stared at the double ticks on his message that still hadn't turned blue.

He pressed his back against his chair, smiled faintly, and whispered to himself

"She's better at this than I thought."

The sky was veiled by morning mist as Ayla stepped out of the lodge premises.

The air was chilly and sharp. She paused for a moment, her arms wrapped around herself. Then she dashed inside to get her custom-made ever friendly jacket.

The clothing wasn't just a fashion idea but also protection, memory and love stitched into every seam.

Ayla felt the warmth of the fabric in a world that felt too cold or distant.

More than once, it caught Ray's eye - not just for it's design but the person wearing the beautiful clothing, but he refused to compliment her perfectly sewn garment.

A smile popped on her lips as she rewound her conversation with her mother.

She had returned her mum's call earlier in the morning, still wrapped in her comfy blanket.

"How's my baby doing?" her mum had asked in a soft voice.

Ayla had smiled "Am good, Mum. Am making quite the adjustment - I will be fine very soon."

But even as she said it, a part of her disagreed and then_

"Ayla? Are you okay?" Ray asked waving a hand to her face.

"We will be late, mister," she said calmly and I increased her pace forcing him to do same.

At the bend near the college gate, she tried diffusing the already tense atmosphere - she playfully unplugged his earbuds.

"Wait, please," Ayla said in an apologetic tone "You weren't going to say anything?"

Ray turned in her direction "I didn't see the need. Your jacket's fine though."

"Oh please, don't be ridiculous," she chuckled, and without thinking, she reached her arm across his shoulder - playful and light like floating balloons.

He didn't flinch.

As they walked the rest of the path in silence, Ayla couldn't help noticing the eyes that watched her.

In the eyes of folks, they probably saw her confidence and feminine charm that blossomed, not a mention of her unspoken fears in the dark and whispery questions.

Just ahead at the college garden terraced entrance, Ben was seated on a bleachers with a juice in hand.

He saw them, and for a heartbeat, something in his gaze turned icy - then melted. Ayla noticed, and so did Ray.

There was no words exchanged - a truce was in place, but the fragile nature of it was unmistakable.

The day had just begun...

Later that evening, as the sun sank below the horizon and the walls of the student lodge absorbed the coming darkness, Ayla lay in foetal curl on her bed, staring emptily at her phone screen. Her mind flashed to the deleted message Ray had sent earlier:

"I want to tell you something..."

Then it was deleted.

She didn't ask. Perhaps she didn't want to know. Or rather she was afraid it would change something she wasn't ready to deal with.

The ticking of the wall clock filled the room. Titi, sensing Ayla's unrest without saying a word, gently climbed onto the bed beside her, slid one of her earbuds into Ayla's ear, and whispered," Hey, just listen, okay?" A soft music playing mellowed the storm welling up inside her making up for the awkward silence thereafter.

Ayla had no idea when her eyes finally shut, of course thanks to Titi's warm presence.

Titi stayed beside her a little longer, then slowly unplugged the earbud from Ayla's ear, placing it back into her own, and returned to her desk, the soft glow of her study lamp painting crabby shadows on the wall.

She had switched off the light bulb to help Ayla sleep well.

But somewhere in a somewhat quiet classroom across campus sat Ray wide awake. He wondered if a message he supposedly deleted did reach that heart.

The next day came and passed in a heartbeat of lectures and lab practicals, and Ayla didn't bring up the deleted message. She didn't bother asking him what he had meant, didn't want to create a ripple.

But that evening after having a steam bath and had changed into a pair of jeans and special jacket and had sprayed her body mist before she cared to check her phone.

She read it out quietly. "Fine gal, how far?

Please, let's study tonight - tomorrow's test won't be an easy ride."

The message was from Ray.

After a long pause, she typed back. "Sure thing. I'm coming."

The night air was somewhat chilly as Ayla stepped into the classroom where Ray was seated.

In one hand, she clutched her packet of cheese puffs and in the other carried her notebook. She wasn't basically there for emotional fire.

Raymond sat relaxed facing a desk with his hoodie hanging back and his notes scattered. He watched her intently as she strode towards him.

They studied in-between. Questions became a subject of subtle banter. Banter turned to awkward silence, but not for long.

"Ayla," he said quickly, as if he had been weighing it for ages. "Thanks for coming. I needed that."

Before she could process a reply, he leaned forward and opened his arms - perhaps for something more .

Ayla instinctively dodged, her elbow catching the table's edge. The cheese puffs almost toppled over.

"Waw!" she caught them, a mix of laughter and the look of someone startled was visible on her face.

Ray chuckled lightly, backing off.

"Right. My bad. I thought that_ never mind."

Ayla brushed off particles of the snack and gave him an icy glare. "You really tried to hug me by faking having a cold."

He opened his mouth like someone who was laden with words, but instead he smiled and said" No problem then. Let's focus on the test at hand, Doc."

The rest of the revision was seamless, but not so for things that concerned the heart.

As she left the classroom later that night, her phone buzzed again. This time, Ray didn't delete the message.

.

"There's something else. Bit maybe you know already - part of it."

Ayla felt so lost.