Intersex

Chapter 11.

Every molecule around me decided to attack me where I sat in the front of the bus. The air around me got thick and hot. Everything felt heavy. The sweat was running down my back. What if I had dropped the pregnancy test at Jayden's house? I swallowed harshly as I tried to take deep breaths. My arm wrapped around my stomach.

"You're causing a lot of trouble for me, little shrimp..." I whispered as I tried to breathe.

"Are you okay, son?" The driver asked. I looked up to see him staring at me with a concerned expression.

"No, but you don't need to worry about it... sorry if I bothered you..." I whispered and gave me a tired smile.

"Do you need some water..? You look a bit pale..."

"Yes please..." I whimpered.

⚥ ⚥ ⚥

My fingers trembled in the cold as I roamed my pockets one last time in a hopeless attempt to find the pregnancy test. If I had dropped it at Jayden's then he had definitely found it by now since he was such a perfectionist. I whimpered at the thought as I staggered into the college building. My eyes flickered anxiously between the different faces, searching for Jayden's.

"Micah!" A hand landed on my shoulder and I screamed in surprise as I whipped around. Kennedy looked mortified. I smacked his arm as the unwilling tears welled up in my eyes.

"You scared me!" I yelped and started wiping my eyes. The only thing that was worse than morning sickness was the way I'd start crying from even the slightest disturbance of peace.

"Yeah, I noticed..." he choked out. An awkward blush spread over his face as he looked down at me. "W-What's with the waterworks?" He stuttered.

"Don't even ask..." I sniffled.

Kennedy walked me to our class and we sat down in the front. I was ridiculously sleepy. Sure, I was used to being tired but I was never exactly sleepy in the sense where I'd actually be tempted to lay down and doze off. My hand cuddled up by my stomach and I carefully rubbed it. I was growing overly attached to my little shrimp and it had only been two days since I found out about its existence. It was strange. With every thought of the little slimy thing growing inside me, my heart would warm up. I couldn't tell if I actually developed some sort of love for the little shrimp or if was some hormone thing. My soft stomach was warm and smooth as I rubbed my hand over it under the shirt.

"You got a stomach ache?" Kennedy asked with a confused look. I shook my head.

The teacher started speaking and I leaned back in the chair, discreetly rubbing my stomach. No one could see what I was doing except for Kennedy but he'd find out sooner or later so I didn't care. I'd have to do my best while I could still attend classes with a professor so I tried my hardest to pay attention to what the professor was saying. I took notes and wrote down my own thoughts and questions above the different topics that I could think about later. I actually felt like a good student for once.

⚥ ⚥ ⚥

I stretched out my back as the last class for the day came to an end. It was only 12:30 pm and my stomach was growling. I threw Kennedy a smug look and he chuckled faintly.

"Where do you wanna eat?" He asked and zipped up his backpack.

"Mind if I join?" A stern voice boomed before I had the chance to answer. I turned around and glared at Jayden in annoyance.

"Yes, we do mind..." I growled.

We glared at each other for a few seconds before I whipped my head around, turning my back to him as I crossed my arms over my chest.

"Um... What's going on..?" Kennedy whispered to me.

"Well, I'm coming with you..." Jayden said as he walked up behind me. He struck my head lightly with what felt like a pen and I growled lowly. "We have to talk..." He growled back.

"How about we go to that sushi place downtown?" Kennedy stuttered.

My stomach growled and I was about to say yes when the reminder that I couldn't eat raw fish hit me. I sighed to myself and thought of the vegetarian options. "Sure..." I mumbled.

"Let's go then..." Kennedy started walking out and Jayden and I followed behind him.

"You're not having any fish..." Jayden whispered in my ear. My skin filled with goosebumps. What exactly did he mean by that? Had he found the pregnancy test and figured out that it was mine? Why would he even think that? I'm a guy so he shouldn't even suspect anything.

"And why's that?" I growled.

"I found your test..." He whispered. "Cole told me he saw you running to the bathroom to puke early last morning when he was walking back to his room... and you told me you got morning sick in the car... and then I come home and find a f*****g pregnancy test?" Jayden squeezed something in his pocket and I froze up even more. "What the f**k is going on, Micah? Please tell me you're just f*****g around..."

Kennedy was far enough away that he wouldn't hear me if I whispered. Still, I didn't want either of them to know just yet, especially since I hadn't made up my mind yet.

"Guys can't get pregnant, dumbass..." I mumbled.

"But you're not 100% male though, are you?"

I stopped walking. Why would he make that assumption? It wasn't like you could feel my uterus when you were inside me. You could only see it with x-rays or small cameras that the doctors slid inside me. I wasn't very tall and some of my features were a bit feminine, sure, but I didn't look like a girl. My hips looked somewhat wider than I would've preferred but that was because my waist was thin, other than that and my slim neck Jayden shouldn't have been able to figure it out by my looks. So what made him come to that conclusion?

"What makes you say that?" I said lowly. Kennedy was fidgeting with his phone and I felt like I was excluding him from the conversation.

"You get wet by yourself... not sure if you knew that but..."

"f**k you..." I growled.

"Well... I mean if you wanna..." He snickered with an overly smug expression. "I could go for a threesome with you and Mr scrawny..." Jayden threw a glance at Kennedy and I shivered.

"Didn't you try to pick a fight with him a few weeks ago?"

"No... he just got in the way when I tried to talk to you..."

"You called him a scrawny chick..."

"Well... was I wrong?"

"Well he's not a chick, that's for sure..."

"And you?" He mumbled. I smacked his stomach and he let out an annoyed sigh.

"I hate you..." I growled.

"Well, you've said that before... then you came running to me in the middle of the night begging me to f**k you..."

I took a deep breath as I thought of it. I had been pretty desperate, that's for sure.

"The bus leaves in 10 minutes..." Kennedy said and turned around. I had almost forgotten that he was still there and my face turned red as I thought of Jayden's words about a threesome. Kennedy was nothing more than a friend but it was pretty obvious that he had some sort of feelings for me. I bit back a moan as Jayden discreetly brushed his hand over my butt.

"My car's just around the corner... it'll be faster..." He said and

Kennedy looked hesitant. It was obvious that he didn't want to go in a stranger's car. He looked at me and I nodded. I trusted Jayden even though he could be an annoying asshole.

"Fine..." Kennedy mumbled.

I walked with Jayden and Kennedy on each side of me. My head reached up to Jayden's nose but Kennedy was a tiny bit taller and I only reached up to his lips. I sighed. I felt like a baby.

Jayden held the door to the front seat up for me when we got to the car and I rolled my eyes at him. I couldn't tell if he was trying to provoke me or just trying to be a gentleman. He'd have to try harder either way. I stuck my tongue out and got in the backseat, leaving him with a disappointed and annoyed expression as he stared off into space. He pulled his lips back into a thin line and looked up at Kennedy.

"Milord..." he mumbled with a bored face.

"Thank you, kind sir..." Kennedy answered with a voice and expression that matched Jayden's.

The drive was quiet and I scrolled through my phone the entire time, mostly because I caught Jayden glancing at me in the rearview mirror every few seconds and I didn't want to make eye contact with him after he confronted me about my gender. I seriously didn't want to tell him until I figured things out for myself and I hadn't thought that he'd actually suspect anything even if he did find the pregnancy test. For all he knew, one of his roommates could've screwed up and accidentally left someone's pregnancy test in his room. In his clean, organised and spotless room. I groaned and threw my hands over my face.

"You okay, Micah?" Jayden asked. "Are you nauseous? Do you need to stop?"

I looked up and shot him a deadly glare as he looked at me. "Shut. Up." I growled.

"We're almost there... Will you be okay?" He asked.

"Shut... The fuck... up..." I growled, even more, annoyed now that he didn't do as I told him.

"Okay... Okay..." He chuckled.

⚥ ⚥ ⚥

The sushi restaurant smelled like rice and miso soup. I let myself drift away in the mix of smells and closed my eyes as I took in the scents. It smelled so good. My eyes trailed the menu above the counter where the hostess was waiting with a smile on her face.

"Could I get one twelve-piece maki and nigiri mix," Jayden said and placed a hand on my shoulder. "And he'll have the vegetarian twelve-piece, please!" Jayden smiled at the hostess and looked over at Kennedy. "What do you want, I'll pay..."

"Oh... Uh... I'd like the fried tuna roll..." He mumbled shyly. "Thank you..."

I shoved Jayden's hand off my shoulder and he looked down at me. "I can order and pay for myself!" I hissed.

"I wanted to do it..." he said lowly as he swiped his card.

"I didn't want the vegetarian option..." I muttered.

"Well you're not having fish..." he growled.

"Imma take a leak, you guys can sit down." Kennedy said. I watched him walk off as Jayden led me to a table. The restaurant was dark and cosy with Japanese decorations spread throughout its rooms. It was calming and small decorative waterfalls filled the restaurant with the sound of running water.

The chair I sat down in was padded and I leaned back comfortably, pulling my jacket over my shoulders like a cape to keep some of the warmth.

"Micah..." Jayden interrupted my peaceful moment and tapped my arm.

"What?" I hissed and glared at him. He looked worried and anxious. The cocky, smug look he often displayed was gone. His grey eyes seemed to be filled with fear.

"Is this yours?" He said and pulled out my pregnancy test from his pocket. I flinched at the sight and threw my hand over the table in an attempt to grab it. "Not so fast... Words, Micah. Use your words..."

"D-don't be stupid..." I stammered. My tongue felt thick and limp in my mouth.

"Micah, f*****g answer..." he growled.

Déjà vu. He could be such a jerk when he wanted answers. He still looked anxious though and a part of me felt guilty. I turned away in shame, wanting to hide my body, I pulled my jacket closer to myself. The annoying tears welled up in my eyes and I didn't even make an effort to wipe them away. "Give it back..." I whimpered. "You're not supposed to have it..."

"Fate... Everything happens for a reason..." he mumbled. I opened my eyes in shock as he spoke. Those were my words in his mouth, words I hadn't spoken to him. "Micah... are you... uh... p-preg..." He groaned and let his face fall into his palms. "Is that why you freaked out when I... Well..." his face was red from his ears down to his chin. I could help but to mentally chuckle.

"Look... I was born with a condition that falls into the intersex term..." I whispered. Jayden looked up with wide eyes and the fear and anxiety in his eyes slipped through for a split second when he flinched, blinking back tears as his eyes grew dry.

"Go on..." He mumbled.

"I... I possess both female and male genitalia... just... the female parts are... well... inside..." I stuttered and brushed my hand over my stomach. "I'm a rare case... That's what the doctors say..."

"Wait... so... you have a uterus in your butt?" He stuttered. He looked extremely pale and surprised, but not disgusted as I feared he would.

"Pretty much..." I mumbled. "But it sounds so gross when you say it like that..."

"Sorry..." Jayden hesitantly reaches for my hand and I let him grab it, for his own comfort. "And you're pregnant..." he whispered.

"I... I am..." I whimpered. I did not want to start crying again and I rubbed my eyes in irritation as the stubborn tears teased my sight.

"Is... is it mine..?"

I let out a sniffle. "You were the only one in months..." Jayden squeezed my hand as I tried to wipe away the tears. "I hate you..." I whimpered.

"I'm sorry, Micah..." He whispered. "I'm so sorry... for being such an ass... for putting you through this... I... I'll take responsibility... okay?"

I pushed his hand away from mine. "You're sorry?!" I cried. "You'll take responsibility?!" My stomach turned. How could he be so stupid? "You should've been taking responsibility from the beginning! You should've been sorry from the moment you raised your voice at me while I was still tied up!"

"Micah..." He whispered.

"Uh..." Kennedy walked up to the table, dragging his feet over the floor. "What's going on..?" He asked. His face was scrunched up into a suspicious glare that he aimed at Jayden. I couldn't help but let a relived laugh slip past my lips and I sighed.

"Nothing at all..." I said and fake smiled. Kennedy's company usually either lovingly annoyed me or hyped me up but in that moment it was calming and grounding. "Jayden and I just talked about fifty shades of grey..." I wheezed.

"Kinky..." Kennedy chuckled while Jayden looked away, blushing.

The rest of our lunch went surprisingly smoothly. I quickly got over the fact that Jayden knew about my little secret as I chewed my sweet omelette and Kennedy went on about some video game he'd been really excited for that turned out to be s**t and he and Jayden actually seemed to get along quite nicely. Jayden did seem a bit tense and cautious of me but Kennedy didn't seem to notice as he talked about his games while chewing his rolls. Jayden was obvious somewhat distracted by Kennedy's tendency of speaking with his mouth full and he took deep breaths once in a while to contain his annoyance. He really was a perfectionist.

⚥ ⚥ ⚥

My stomach was bloated as we left the restaurant. Kennedy had taken the bus home and I was alone with Jayden in his car, parked outside of my apartment building. The silence between us was nerve-wracking. It was getting dark outside, although the sun was still gleaming down on the world. The approaching winter was changing the climate quicker and quicker every day. Halloween was just around the corner, the leaves were turning orange and falling if their branches, leaving the trees looking scrawny and naked. I could relate to the autumn trees. Unwillingly stripped of their clothing because of something they couldn't affect, left exposed for all to see. They reminded me of my doctor appointments when I was younger. How multiple people would curiously watch as I was examined. A "miracle of evolution" they'd called me. Special, rare, lucky.

"I do like you..." Jayden spoke up, grabbing my full attention. "And I... uh... I wanna be a part of our baby's life... okay?"

I tensed, hating that he called it a baby since it was just a small lump of cells at the moment. "What makes you think I'm gonna keep it?" I growled.

Jayden's tense shyness disappeared with the air in my lungs as I heard him take a shaky, fearful breath. He sounded devastated. "Micah..." He whimpered. "Do you mean that?"

I didn't answer. I didn't want to. Of course, I wasn't going to harm our shrimp. My body had made that decision for me when it refused to keep the plan-b pill. But I had also tried to punch my stomach. I had clawed at the skin. But I felt different now. I no longer wished for the small life to disappear. It might've been unwished-for but it wasn't resented. The fluttery warmth inside me grew hotter with every thought of the being inside of me. Who it would grow up to be, how it would look and act.

"Micah..." Jayden whimpered.

"I'm not going to..." I said and looked up at Jayden. His eyes went from frightened to terrified. He looked empty, heartbroken. His gaze drifted away to a point beyond me.

"Y-you'll get rid of it?" He stuttered in a monotone voice.

"No!" I yelped. "Sorry I'll rephrase that! I am not going to abort it!" I said.

Before I knew it I was thrown into a tight hug. Jayden's arms were wrapped around me so tightly that I wasn't sure if he was trying to hurt me or not. He sniffled against my shoulder. "Thank you..."

He smelled nice. Uncomfortably nice. I wanted to bury my face in his neck and hold him until I fell asleep. I didn't want dinner, just sleep and warmth. Maybe Jayden wasn't so bad after all. Maybe.

I debated whether to let Jayden walk me inside or tell him to stay in the car. While I did want him to cuddle me I also wanted to be left alone. Brian would be home within the hour and I didn't feel like explaining to him that Jayden was the father of my unborn child. I yawned loudly and unbuckled my seatbelt.

"You sleepy?" He cooed. For some reason, I didn't like that he suddenly switched from an emotional wreck to smug romantic asshole. I frowned. I liked his emotional side better. "I thought you had insomnia?"

"You don't seem to know how insomnia works..." I mumbled. I could tell that he picked up on my mood switch from calm to annoyed and gave me a cautious smile. If he knew what was best for him then he'd shut up and apologise.

"Must be the baby..." He nervously chuckled. It wasn't the answer I had expected but at least it wasn't a cocky know-it-all response or a taunt. It still pissed me off that he avoided changed the subject.

"f**k you..." I growled. My eyes were already tearing up again even though I felt angry. My lip quivered. My emotions and body language weren't matching up in the slightest and it just caused me to grow more frustrated with both myself and Jayden.

"Sorry!" He yelped.

"Ugh... I just wanna nap..." I whimpered. The tears welled over, my cheeks felt wet, itchy and cold. I hated it.