Intersex

Chapter 9.

Waking up to the feeling of being suffocated was extremely unpleasant. I opened my eyes in panic and shot out of the bed. Thankfully, I had spotted the bathroom on my first nightly exploration of the house so my body automatically swung around the corner and into the bathroom when I felt my stomach twisting and turning. I was only wearing my booty shorts and the toilet was quite cold then I hugged it. Would I ever get used to the sensation of throwing up? Well if I kept going like this then probably.

I wiped my mouth, flushed the toilet and washed my hands, taking the time to pee before I left the bathroom. It was close to 8 am and I could hear the house slowly waking up and getting ready to start the day. I was very hungry, to say the least. As I started walking back into Jayden's room to get my clothes I noticed that my butt was sore, very sore. I looked down at my shoulder where Jayden had grabbed onto me when he came and saw the faint outline of a bruise.

I knew that I would regret sleeping him in the morning but I didn't expect myself to feel pleased with myself too. The thought that entered my mind next was unpleasant and cringeworthy. I scrunched up my face and shivered as the words ran through my head. "bet I've got the best-looking baby daddy" I unwillingly repeated in my head.

"Hey..." A raspy voice cooed in my ear. His deep voice made me shiver and I turned around, meeting his grey eyes as I pulled my shirt down over my stomach. "You look a bit pale... Are you feeling okay?"

'Stop being so sweet to me, it's making it harder for me to hate you' I thought to myself as he handed me my pants. "I'm hungry..." I mumbled.

"What do you wanna eat?"

"Grilled cheese..."

Jayden gestured for me to follow him and I did as soon as my pants were on. I could hear people downstairs and it made me cower behind Jayden. Stranger danger at its finest. I knew that I was the stranger in their house but still. I'd always been shy when I had to act like a normal human.

I followed him down to the kitchen that I had visited earlier in the morning and took a deep breath when I saw that many of his roommates were up and running. Why were they up this early? They were supposed to be sleepy college students, not active morning people.

"Oh, so we finally get to meet the mystery boy?" Someone mumbled. I shyly turned around and met the eyes of another handsome looking guy. This one had short blond hair and deep brown eyes.

"C'mon Jay, at least put a shirt on..." Someone complained, chuckling as they walked past Jayden, tapping his shoulder. "You've got a little something..." He smirked and gestured to his own back.

Jayden traced his hand over his back and felt the scratch marks that I had left on his back. I hadn't even paid attention to what my arms were doing last night and I blushed. He just smirked at me and took a deep breath before walking further into the kitchen. "Micah you can sit down..." He said and pointed to the island where another one of his roommates were sitting. I did as I was instructed and sheepishly walked over to the chair. As I did another one of his roommates jogged into the kitchen, rubbing a towel through his wet hair.

"What the f**k, Jay?!" He groaned and threw the towel at Jayden's face. "Did you guys even try to keep it down?!"

Now there were five strangers in the kitchen, me and Jayden. The kitchen was quite large so it wasn't exactly crowded but I still felt uncomfortable.

"You could've at least put on some music or something that guy was so f*****g loud I had such a hard time not getting turned on, I-" he turned around and saw me. The slightly upset expression on his face turned to a mortified stare and his cheeks turned bright red in an instant.

"Do you mind repeating yourself, Riley?" Jayden growled and stared at the blushing guy.

"I just said that-"

"That's gay" Jayden interrupted him and the other guys in the kitchen chuckled quietly. I didn't exactly get why it was so funny and it was a bit embarrassing that I was the only one who didn't get the joke. Especially since I felt as if the joke was about me.

"f**k off..." The guy named Riley huffed and walked into the kitchen with his head lowered in defeat. "G-good morning... By the way..." He stuttered and gave me a shy wave.

How did Jayden handle having so many roommates? He probably never got any room except for his own to himself.

"This is Micah..." Jayden said and placed a glass of apple juice and a plate with a grilled cheese in front of me.

"Thomas..." The guy next to me said and shook my hand. He hadn't said anything yet so I just assumed he was shy.

"Danny..." The guy who patted Jayden on the shoulder when we came into the kitchen said and waved to me.

"Will, that's Chris, Joey's upstairs, Spencer's that guy creeping in the corner and then there's Tom but he's also upstairs... and then there's a bunch of others but what-the-f*****g-ever..." Jayden mumbled and pointed to different faces around the room while I tried to keep up.

⚥ ⚥ ⚥

"Are you that sore..?" Jayden asked as we drove to the campus.

"Not really, why?" I turned to him and another wave of nausea washed over my head, causing to make a face.

"You look... like you're in discomfort..." he mumbled.

"I'm just nauseous..." I groaned.

"Why?" Jayden chuckled.

"Cause I'm... I get morning sick sometimes..." How the f**k do you tell a gay guy that you, another gay guy, is pregnant with his child? I glanced over at him and admired his concentrated face. He was truly beautiful.

"Sorry for being such an ass..." He mumbled. "I'm sorry for not asking you if you wanted me to wear a condom the first time we..." He sighed as a blush spread over his cheeks. "I'm sorry..." He mumbled. "Can you... can you forgive me so we can... I don't know... start over?"

"Normally, I would've said yes..." I whispered. Trying not to cry was becoming a bit of a struggle and I stubbornly wiped my eyes before the tears could escape. "I'm in a very strange and uncertain situation right now..."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that I don't know what my future's got in store for me and I'm really f*****g scared..."

"Aren't we all?" He said and turned his gaze to me, making me shake my head.

"Not like this..." I murmured.

Jayden parked the car in the parking lot by the campus. It was the kind of parking spot you had to pay for, handsomely. I never understood why people felt the need to bring their cars to campus. There was a bus line going all around town just down the street which meant that no student actually had to drive to school. I wasn't about to complain though. If Jayden wanted to drive his electrical car around then so be it. I did have to admit that it was quite pleasant to ride in. Quiet, smooth and modern. Riding in it felt fancy.

"Thanks..." I mumbled and got out of the car. I felt embarrassed about what I had done, just like I knew I would. Had it distracted me like I had hoped it would? Yes. Did it give me the attention and affection I knew I needed? Yes. Did I give Jayden the impression that I liked him instead of despising him? Probably.

He didn't say anything when I left. He just stayed silent as he plugged the charging cable into his car. As I thought of him my stomach fluttered. The flutters weren't good though, they were flutters of stress. I was never a relationship person. I had never really fallen in love with anyone and my feelings were never any deeper than my own need for attention. I wanted the affection, but only if I could escape it. When everyone began falling in love and dating each other in middle school I would just cringe at the thought of having to care so deeply for someone. I had been in relationships before, I just always ended them within a month. I only ever experienced physical attraction, never any emotional attraction. Throughout my life, I had never felt a romantic bond with anyone. My relationships were never anything more than s****l. Therefore the thought of being tied to Jayden for the rest of my life scared me half to death. The only feelings I had for him was s****l attraction and that faint nibbling annoyance that wandered in my mind. The feelings weighed each other out, creating the uncomfortable feeling of getting terribly annoyed at him at and wanting him same time.

Kennedy has saved a seat for me when I got to my class. He looked like a wreck. His tall, scrawny body was hidden away under a roughed up hoodie and he was wearing pyjama pants.

"What the f**k are you wearing?" I scoffed.

Kennedy looked up and gave me a sleepy nod before he pulled his earbuds out. I placed my books on the desk and sighed as I saw the green crocs on his feet. Sure, Kennedy usually dressed as if he'd just put on the first thing he found on the floor but this was crossing a line. The temperature outside was starting to drop rapidly and the October rain wasn't very kind either.

"What..?" He said groggily. My annoyance tickled my senses a bit; he hadn't even heard my question.

"I said what the f**k are you wearing?" I repeated.

"Oh, this?" He mumbled. Kennedy seriously had a bad habit of asking stupid and obvious questions. I could come up to him with neon green hair and he'd probably as: 'did you dye your hair?' or something stupid like that. I knew that Kennedy wasn't stupid; even though it seemed like he was. He was just socially unskilled and practically incapable of holding a normal conversation. "I slept in this... didn't feel like changing..."

I facepalmed. Of-f*****g-course he had. Usually, I wouldn't be surprised or even really question it but today I just needed to know what he was thinking when he decided to wear green crocs in the midst of October. Just as I was about to ask him why he chose the 'shoes' the professor stood up and cleared his throat.

"Back to the subject of last week's class..." He said loudly, making sure everyone in the room could hear him. I sighed.

⚥ ⚥ ⚥

I came home and was met by a rough hug from Brian. He wrapped his arms so tightly around my shoulders that I actually struggled to breathe for a second. I was about to tell Brian to back off when I heard a sniffling sob. He nuzzled my neck, moving his glasses out of the way so he could press his face against my shoulder.

"I was so worried..." he whimpered. "You didn't text me a single time! You didn't even open my texts!"

"I'm sorry..." I whispered.

"Micah, you can't just run off into the night like that! What if something would've happened to you? What if you got hurt?!"

"I'm fine, Brian..."

"You're not fine!" He cried. He pushed me away so that he could look into my eyes while he held my shoulders. "What if something would've happened to the baby?!"

Goosebumps crawled all the way up to my cheeks. My body stiffened. "Yeah. What if?" I hissed.

"Micah, stop being an i***t!" He yelped. "You're pregnant and you need to take care of yourself!"

I swung my fist as hard as I could towards his face. My heartbeat was so fast that I could feel my chest move with its vibrations. My arm moved with all the force I could work into the punch and in the corner of my eye, I saw Brian's hand snapping ahold of my wrist right before I could land the punch.

I cried. Brian cried. We were sitting on the floor as the only sound in the apartment were our sobs. My hands were pinned down on his lap, restraining me so that I couldn't hurt him or myself.

"I don't want this..." I sniffled.

"I'm sorry, Micah..." Brian pulled me into his chest and stroke my hair back. We sat in silence for a few minutes, just hugging.

"I never wanted this to happen... I feel so guilty, Brian!" I cried, loudly. My hiccuping cries were muffled as I pressed my face against his chest. "I don't wanna kill it... I don't wanna live with that knowledge... and... now it's too late... now I know it's real and now I can't bring myself to do anything about it..."

"It's not your fault..." Brian whispered. "I've got you, okay? We'll get through this... I've got your back... everything's gonna be fine..."