Intersex

Chapter 7.

I landed on the floor with a loud crash and felt my hip throbbing as I landed on it. I moaned in pain and looked up at Brian. He looked furious, panting heavily as he held me down and flipped me to my back.

"WHAT THE f**k ARE YOU DOING?!" He yelled in my face. He let out a deep, panicked breath and closed his eyes. "I get it. You're scared... but if you do anything like that you'll only hurt yourself..." a tear slipped past the tip of his nose and landed on my face. I felt paralysed. "You don't even know for sure yet so stop trying to harm yourself..." Brian slowly let go of me, making sure that I would stay on the floor where he had tackled me. He opened the first aid kit and started cleaning he scratches on my stomach. It burned a bit, but I didn't care. The feeling of guilt came rushing back. I squirmed a bit and tried to sit up only to have my shoulders shoved down against the floor. "Stay still..." he growled.

"You're lucky you know..." I whispered as Brian put some kind of bandaid on my stomach. When he didn't answer I continued. "You're lucky cause you're normal... you don't have any extra parts and you know what you can identify as... there's nothing wrong with you..."

"Micah, stop..." He said and looked at me. "There's nothing wrong with you so stop talking like that..."

"You don't understand..." I laughed. I sounded like a maniac when I laughed like that, especially when my voice cracked and I started tearing up mid-sentence.

"You're right..." Brian mumbled. "But I'll still try to... because that's what family's for..."

I let him pull me up, off the floor as I thought of his words. He considered me part of his family even though we weren't related. I knew he meant it.

"So what food doesn't make you nauseous right now?" He asked and put the plate of eggs in the microwave to isolate the scent.

"I dunno..." I mumbled and shrugged. "I don't want anything..."

"Well, I'm forcing something down because you have barely eaten anything in the last few days..."

"Fine... waffles..." I mumbled and sat down. "With strawberry jam and whipped cream..."

"On it!" He said and patted me on the head before he pulled out a box of waffle mix.

I sat in silence as he cooked, wondering what I'd do without him when he finished his classes and got his degree. It saddened me to know that he'd leave soon. I still felt nauseous but not as nauseous as I had been when I smelled the eggs. On top of nausea, my head also hurt and the scratches on my stomach stung a bit.

I let my mind race. The guilt, the fear, the sadness, the anger, the stress, the anxiety and the faint feeling of excitement and happiness all mixed together into the mess of emotions that I was feeling.

I wanted to be an astronaut when I was a kid. Why was that something that came to my mind? My childhood dream was to walk on the moon. I always imagined it as a trampoline where I could jump however high I wanted. I thought everything was weightless on the moon, I thought I could fly if I wanted. Just jump and sweep around in the air without landing. The kids in my class laughed at that dream when I spoke about it in first grade.

"Eat up!" Brian said as he placed a plate of waffles on the table along with the strawberry jam and the whipped cream. I felt like a birthday kid.

⚥ ⚥ ⚥

Kennedy ran up to me when he saw me in front of the campus. He had a big smile on his face and his eyes sparkled like a child's.

"Good morning!" He said and pulled me into a hug.

"Hey..." I mumbled. He smelled different than usual. More 'manly' in a way. "You're awfully cheerful today..." I chuckled and gave him a weak pat on the back, signalling to him that I wanted to pull out of the hug.

A deep blush spread over Kennedy's face as he let go of me and I leaned my head to the side as I raised my brow.

"Honestly..." He mumbled. "I'm just glad to hang out with you again..."

I looked up at Kennedy with teary eyes and just stared at him for a moment. That's why he was in a good mood? I felt my heart swell in my chest and a tear ran down my cheek. As if he was a magnet, I was drawn to him as the tears started streaming. I wrapped my arms around his waist and pressed my face against his chest.

"Micah..?" He stuttered. Somewhere in between my sniffling and sobbing, he decided to answer my hug by wrapping his arms around my neck and letting me nuzzle his hoodie. Either he had a new perfume or washing gel or I had just been away from him too long and forgotten his scent. A few weeks had passed since I told him to leave me alone and leave me alone he had. People walked by us as I hugged him for a solid minute.

A chuckle made me pull away from Kennedy in a haste. He sighed at the loss of contact and I couldn't help but smile at his pout. He really was my best friend.

"Oh I get it..." someone growled behind me. I snapped my head around and met the two grey eyes that had lingered in my mind for the past few days.

"You get what?" Kennedy hissed. I felt him put a hand on my shoulder, pulling me to his chest.

"So that's why you two have been apart for the past few weeks..." Jayden growled. "You break up with your boyfriend for a few minutes and decide to rush your horny ass to me as some kind of comfort?"

I froze. "He's not my boyfriend. We're just friends..."

"Doesn't seem like the scrawny chick behind you sees it that way..."

"Hey!" I spat and shoved Jayden back with all the strength I could work into the push. He barely took a step back and looked down at me. "Don't call him that!" I yelled.

"What? Scrawny or a chick?" Jayden hissed in my face.

"Both!" I hissed back and tried to push him again only to have my wrists grabbed as they reached his chest. Jayden stared down at me with a disappointed look. He looked hurt and sad. I was about to yell at him again when suddenly I felt myself getting nauseous again. I backed up and put my hand over my mouth. "Let's go, Kennedy..." I forced out and grabbed his wrist tightly.

"Micah, are you okay?" He said removed my hand from his arm.

"Never been better..." I growled and glared at him, staring daggers into him for the dumb question. Obviously, I wasn't doing okay.

"You don't look okay..." He mumbled.

Again, I threw him an icy glare. Sarcasm wasn't Kennedy's strongest side. He was often sarcastic when talking to others but he always got confused when someone else was sarcastic. I didn't even bother answering him.

A sudden feeling of guilt hit me when I thought of Jayden. I shouldn't have been such an asshole to him. Or to Kennedy for that matter.

"Hey..." I mumbled and stopped Kennedy outside the classroom door. "I'm sorry for being such a d**k to you a while back..."

"It's fine!" Kennedy said, quite loudly I might add and patted me on the shoulder. He actually looked a bit sad too now that I saw his face but he was obviously trying to hide it with a fake smile.

⚥ ⚥ ⚥

The pharmacy was pretty empty when I came inside. Except for the old lady at the checkout counter and the head of a woman I saw peaking over a shelf. I was at the same pharmacy that I had been at when I got the plan b pill so I was quite thankful when I saw that the young woman from my first visit wasn't working. I took a deep breath and walked down the aisles. The pharmacy actually had a lot more than I expected it would. Aisles and aisles full of CrossFit products, protein powders and ligament support items stretched through the front part of the store. The old lady sitting at the checkout in the middle of the pharmacy smiled at me and I tried my hardest to smile back without looking like a complete wreck.

Dental care... Skincare... Children's products... Hands & feet... Non-prescription drugs... Ears... Eyes... I stopped walking. There, in the far end of the store hung the sign I'd been looking for. Intimacy products. I blushed at the words. It was embarrassing to read. Usually, I wasn't so prudish or shy but today was different. I stalked down to the aisle and stopped when I was relatively hidden behind the shelves.

Condoms, lubes and other s*x-related products were on one shelf while menstrual products were on another. I glared at the boxes of plan b pills and felt myself getting nauseous when I thought of my experience with them. With a deep breath, I turned away from the pastel boxes and was met by the wall full of even more pastel boxes, this time they weren't for preventing a pregnancy though. The pregnancy tests hung on the wall, lit up by the lamp shining down on them. They all looked just as cheerful, making me sigh. There were far too many to pick from. Should I go with a cheap one to save what little money I earned working from my weekend job or should I go with the pricier one for better results?

"Do you need help with anything?" A clear voice said. I shrieked in surprise and threw my entire body around to meet the face of a young woman. The same woman who'd been here when I bought the plan b pill. My heart flipped in my chest as a knot grew in my stomach. Hopefully, she didn't remember me.

"Uh... I... um..." I stuttered. "I don't know..."

She chuckled and gave me a soft pat on the shoulder. She didn't look half as bored as she had when I first saw her a few weeks ago. "So the pill didn't work?" She asked and gave me a gentle, sympathetic smile. I felt my face heat up to the point where I could feel my ears getting warm with the intense blush. Did she know that I..? No way...

"No..." I stuttered.

"If you don't mind me asking..." she said, giving me a curious yet cautious look. "Did she just not take it or did she throw it up?"

"Who..?" I stuttered stupidly before the realisation came to me. I facepalmed myself in my head and awkwardly chuckled. "She... uh... yeah she got stressed and felt guilty and before she knew it she just kinda threw up..." I swallowed a knot in my throat. That thought again. It made me even more nauseous.

"How late is she?"

"Uh, about two or three weeks... I'm not sure..." I lied. I knew exactly how late I was. My period was 19 days late. "So... What pregnancy test is the best?" I mumbled shyly.

"Well that depends but I'd probably go with a Clearblue one..." she said and pulled a blue box down. "It's a simple pee on the stick and it'll give you a yes or a no... It's electric too so none of that line s**t, those are so hard to see..."

I grabbed the box and nodded. My stomach turned as I looked at it. "Thank you..." I mumbled and walked over to the checkout. The old lady was still sitting there, smiling. The lady I had seen on my way in was now paying for what she had bought and as she turned around I was met with a huge baby bump. I took a step back and tried not to gasp as I saw it. She literally looked like she was about to pop.

"Are you okay, young man?" The checkout lady said and smiled at me as the pregnant woman walked out of the pharmacy.

I couldn't speak. I was scared and anxious. Full of stress, worry and fear.

"Was that all?" The lady asked and I just nodded as I swiped my card.

⚥ ⚥ ⚥

Brian wasn't home when I entered our apartment, good. I sat down by the door as a shaky breath made its way out of me. I glanced at the box in my hand. I didn't want to take it, I just wanted to know that I wasn't actually pregnant.

Fifteen minutes later and I sat in the bathroom with a small cup. I had read the instructions thoroughly and with a deep breath, I slowly dipped the test in the half-full cup. The test was digital so all I'd have to do was wait for the words "pregnant" or "not pregnant" to show up on the stick. I put the small blue lid back on the stick and shoved it into my back pocket. I was not going to be staring at a f*****g stick for the next few minutes.

I stomped out of the room and threw myself onto the couch where I laid down on my stomach. I felt sleepy for once, not just tired. The apartment was quiet. Not even the neighbours around me seemed to be making any noise. The silence was perfect and I pressed my head against a pillow that was on the couch. Maybe stressing over ridiculous s**t wasn't so bad after all since it made me sleepy.