Zombie Business

Chapter 45

Bao g**g burst into laughter. “Of course, that isn’t a problem at all! Our Blackwind Stockade welcomes men from all walks of life. Shall we get rid of these remaining guards together first?”

Despite his words, Bao g**g was thinking of something very different on the inside. Assaulting the Yu clan was a huge matter, and he couldn’t risk even the slightest possibility of the news leaking out. If this intruder were to get away, it would spell trouble for them.

He hadn’t yet ordered his men to move against this outsider because he was unsure of his background. Moreover, their hands were still full with the Yu clan guards. Eliminating the guards before dealing with the outsider was the best play.

In any case, this man was unlikely to be at the fifth rank or higher, or else he would have single-handedly dealt with the Yu clan guards. There would be no need to propose a partnership then.

Hidden behind the bushes, Ji Xiaoxi grew more bewildered as the scene unfolded. She couldn’t figure out what Zu An was trying to pull here. If she hadn’t known about Zu An’s peculiar condition, she would even have suspected him of meaning exactly what he’d said.

“Sounds good to me!” Zu An drew his dagger and charged towards the nearest Yu clan guard.

The Yu clan guard barely moved, but the impact threw Zu An several meters backward.

Both the Blackwind Stockade bandits and the Yu clan guards wore wide-eyed stares.

They thought that they had encountered an expert in the wilderness, but it turned out that he wasn’t even a match for a third rank guard! Not only that, the guard was almost completely exhausted by the bitter battle earlier!

You have successfully trolled Bao g**g for 99 Rage points!

You have successfully trolled Blackwind Stockade Bandit A for 99 Rage points!

You have successfully trolled Blackwind Stockade Bandit B for 99 Rage points!

You have successfully trolled Blackwind Stockade Bandit C for 99 Rage points!

...

Bao g**g felt like an utter fool. He had taken so much care earlier, tiptoeing around this intruder, calculating the best way to victory and scheming to win this man over. Yet, it turned out that the intruder was merely at the second rank!

He felt incredibly tempted to end the brat’s life with a s***h of his blade. However, he could not discount the possibility that this was all an act to get Bao g**g to let down his guard. He suppressed his murderous urge for the time being. You dare make a fool out of me? Just wait till I’m done with the Yu clan. I’ll skin you alive!

You have successfully trolled Bao g**g for 199 Rage points!

Looking at Bao g**g’s twitching cheeks, happiness bloomed in Zu An’s heart. This fellow sure is kind to provide me with so many Rage points.

As the two sides clashed again, Zu An fell back from the front lines. Instead, he wove in and out of the battlefield, striking with his blade now and then. He was trying to get a feel of the battlefield while adapting to his newfound powers. After all, he had never been in a proper battle before, even when dealing with Plum Blossom Twelve.

His actions only made those from the Blackwind Stockade grit their teeth in frustration. Not only were his antics ineffective, he was actively hindering their attacks! If not for the Third Master’s orders, they would have gladly decapitated this nosey fellow by now!

You have successfully trolled Blackwind Stockade Bandit A for 33 Rage points!

You have successfully trolled Blackwind Stockade Bandit B for 33 Rage points!

You have successfully trolled Blackwind Stockade Bandit C for 33 Rage points!

...

The battle was short and sharp, and all of the Yu clan guards were eventually captured. After a moment of hesitation, Bao g**g did not kill them on the spot, choosing instead to place some restrictions on their bodies.

He planned to extract critical intelligence regarding the Yu clan from them, and they could be used as pawns to blackmail Madam Yu.

Seeing that the Yu clan’s guards had been subdued, Zu An rubbed his hands licentiously and began making his way toward the carriage. “Finally, I’m going to see Madam Yu’s beautiful face in person.”

“The Yu clan will never let you off!” One of the guards glared furiously at him, a sword pressed against his neck.

You have successfully trolled Yu Bin for 299 Rage points!

You have successfully trolled Yu Jun for 299 Rage points!

You have successfully trolled Yu Meng for 299 Rage points!

...

Zu An chuckled softly. “We’re in the wilderness. The Yu clan will never find out what I did here.”

“Bro, aren’t you getting ahead of yourself?” Bao g**g’s cold and scornful tone drifted over from behind him.

Zu An’s eyes narrowed. “What do you mean?”

Bao g**g waved his hand, and his subordinates immediately surrounded Zu An. “There’s no one who wouldn’t be interested in a beauty like Madam Yu, and there are so many of us, but only one of her. Sadly, there isn’t enough of her to go around, so how could we share her with you?”

“You’re going to cast me away after making use of me?” Zu An pointed at Bao g**g, his body trembling in fury.

“Pui!” Bao g**g spat coldly. “Where did this ruffian come from? With your measly second rank cultivation, I really wonder where you found the gall to negotiate with me!”

Bao g**g was certain of Zu An’s rank after observing him in battle. The latter definitely wasn’t feigning weakness.

“Mince him up and feed him to the dogs!” Bao g**g yelled. He instantly felt lighter and more refreshed. He could finally vent all of his repressed anger.

“Hold it right there!”

Ji Xiaoxi had exhausted all her patience. Zu An’s situation was desperate. She had no idea what he was up to, but she had to intervene before he was killed.

“There’s actually another person here!” Bao g**g exclaimed in astonishment. He had assumed that Zu An’s was the only presence that he’d sensed, especially after that brazen entrance. He had been too careless. If that woman were to flee the area and spread the news of their deed... Just the thought of it made him sweat profusely.

“Hahaha, Third Master! It’s yet another beautiful lass! Lady luck sure is smiling on us today!” Seeing Ji Xiaoxi’s beautiful face, the black-clothed bandits let out catcalls in anticipation.

While they had said that they would have fun with Madam Yu earlier, the men of the Stockade knew their place. There was no way they would be granted someone of Madam Yu’s status. Someone like her would be specially reserved for the Masters’ use.

However, this young woman was a different matter. She was a nobody who had appeared from nowhere. If they could capture her, she would be theirs!

“My father is Brightmoon City’s Ji Dengtu! Release this man immediately. We swear we won’t divulge anything that we saw today!” Ji Xiaoxi was well aware that confronting them with her current cultivation level would be futile. The only play was to invoke her father’s name.

There was a moment of silence, then the bandits burst into hearty laughter. “Hah, Ji Dengtu is just a mere physician! Who do you think you are trying to scare?”

“Shut your traps!” Bao g**g frowned upon hearing those words. His big brother had laid out the few people in Brightmoon City who were not to be messed with, and Ji Dengtu was one of them.

After a moment, he slowly shook his head. “I have heard of Ji Dengtu’s reputation, but I’m afraid that we can’t risk news of this matter getting out. Brothers, capture her! The first one to bring her to me will get the first taste of her!”

There was a collective roar of excitement, and the bandits rushed towards the lone woman.

“Watch my Finger Flick Secret Art!”

A cry came from behind Bao g**g, and he heard something whizz toward him. Without hesitation, he spun and slashed his sword at the object, shattering it into pieces.

“Hahaha! Is this your Finger Flick Secret Art?” Bao g**g sneered coldly. His malicious laughter lasted but a moment, then blood drained from his face in horror. “Y-you...”

He fell face-first in the dirt, along with the few companions around him.

“Third Master, what’s wrong?” The black-clothed bandits abandoned their attempt to reach Ji Xiaoxi, and rushed back to help their fallen leader. As they reached him, they too collapsed to the ground.

Zu An heaved a sigh of relief. He’d been waiting patiently for the bandits to gather close together so he could make use of his Poison Bottle. Just as the opportunity had presented itself, Ji Xiaoxi’s sudden appearance had nearly foiled his plan.

He’d been prepared to fight the remaining bandits who had strayed out of the area of effect in their attempt to reach Ji Xiaoxi. Fortunately, these bandits were dumber than he’d thought. Too anxious to save their Third Master, they ran into range of the Poison Bottle’s effects and were knocked out, sparing him a great deal of effort.

“You brat! What kind of sorcery did you cast on us?!” Bao g**g bellowed furiously as he lay on the ground. The ki in his body had been completely sealed, and he couldn’t move a single muscle. His entire body felt numb, as if it wasn’t his own anymore.

You have successfully trolled Bao g**g for 333 Rage points!

“I’ve already told you. This is my Finger Flick Secret Art. This technique drains the ki from everything within a thirty-meter radius. You looked down on me, and this is the price for that.” Despite his brave words, Zu An dared not approach Bao g**g. He wasn’t sure whether there were still traces of the poison lingering in the area. If he were to get poisoned as well, that would spell disaster.

“I-I understand it now! We were blind for daring to snub you.” Bao g**g quickly changed his tone after realizing the situation he was in. This intruder was really feigning weakness all this while! “Madam Yu is right in there, and she’s all yours. We won’t compete with you for her anymore!”

The Yu clan guards were still in a daze. Everything had happened so quickly, they were unsure what to make of the situation.

“Pui!” Figuring that the poison had had enough time to fully disperse, Zu An finally walked up to Bao g**g’s side and slapped his face with his knife. “Heh, do you think that you’re in any state to compete with me right now? Who was the one who wanted to mince me up and feed me to the dogs earlier on? Who were the ones who wanted to take advantage of our Xiaoxi?”

As she rushed over, Ji Xiaoxi overheard Zu An’s intimate way of addressing her, and her face reddened.

You have successfully trolled Bao g**g for 147 Rage points!

As the Third Master of the Blackwind Stockade, Bao g**g had lived like a king the past few years. When had anyone dared to slap his face with a knife?

“I have eyes but failed to recognize Mount Tai. Please have mercy on me. Our Blackwind Stockade will surely remember your mercy!” As infuriated as Bao g**g was, he found the composure to invoke the name of the Blackwind Stockade, hoping that it could instill some fear in Zu An.

Zu An was amused by his use of the idiom. “Oh? You have Mount Tai here too? Alright then. Since you have used such a flowery turn of phrase, I’ll give you a chance. As long as you can answer my question well, I’ll spare you.”

The leader of the Yu clan’s guards was appalled by Zu An’s words. “You mustn’t let them go! They are vile criminals who have slaughtered many innocent people.”

Zu An rolled his eyes at him. “Who gave you permission to speak here? If you want to decide on how to deal with them, why didn’t you capture them earlier?”

The guard captain’s face reddened, but he was powerless to do anything. The restrictions placed on their bodies prevented them from acting, no matter what Zu An did.

You have successfully trolled Yu Bin for 111 Rage points!

Zu An approached one of the black-clad bandits and said, “I’ll start with you. What instruments can you play?”

The bandit was stunned. “I can’t play any instruments.” Why in the world would bandits like them, who lived a life of violence and plunder, learn how to play instruments?

“What’s the point of living in the world when you can’t even play good music?” Zu An sneered. He ended the man’s life with a swift stroke of his knife.

You have successfully trolled the bandits of the Blackwind Stockade for 666 Rage points!

Zu An moved on to the person beside him and asked, “What about you? What instruments can you play?”

That man swallowed hard. He couldn’t play any instruments either, but the corpse of his companion was still fresh beside him. There was no way he could admit that out loud. A flash of inspiration came to him, and he replied, “I can whistle!”

“In what b****y world do you consider whistling to be playing an instrument?” Zu An slit his throat as well. The bandit died with a fawning smile on his face.

You have successfully trolled the bandits of the Blackwind Stockade for 666 Rage points!

The soft-hearted Ji Xiaoxi couldn’t stand to watch anymore. She walked over to him and quietly tugged on his sleeves. “Big brother Zu, isn’t this a little too cruel?”

Zu An sighed deeply. “Xiaoxi, you are too kind. If we had fallen into their hands, they would have shown you what true cruelty is. Besides, didn’t I give them a chance to live? As long as they can give me a satisfactory answer to my question, I would spare their lives.”

The bandits from the Blackwind Stockade were all on the verge of crying. How does this count as giving us a chance for survival?

Zu An had no idea how long the poison would last. Once these bandits shook off its effects, the tables would surely be turned on him. He had to eliminate all danger before then.

At least he was not torturing these bandits, unlike the twisted protagonists in some of the novels he’d read.

Ji Xiaoxi knew deep down that Zu An was right about the bandits. The lecherous looks they had directed towards her were still fresh in her mind. Reluctantly, she held back from persuading him away from his course of action.

Zu An moved on to the next bandit in line. That bandit shot a glance at his two dead companions, and yelled defiantly, “Kill me if you want to! Cut out that hypocritical crap of giving us a chance for survival! We’re all bandits, not a single one of us knows how to play any instruments!”

Zu An’s knit his eyebrows together. “Is that so? Fine, I’ll choose another question then. It’s a common sense question that any human should be able to give an answer to.”

The bandit didn’t expect Zu An to be so accommodating. A flicker of hope shone in his eyes. “Fine,” he said, “ask away.”

Zu An pointed to his own face and asked, “Am I handsome?”

The bandit immediately gushed, “Definitely! I’ve never seen a man as handsome as you. You’re the most handsome man in Brightmoon... Ah, no, it should be the most handsome man in the entire world! Even the elven princes will kill themselves out of embarrassment in your presence! Err... Yes, and even that number one beauty of the capital, Madam Yu, will ovulate right in your presence. Heh, even she wouldn’t be worthy of you...”

Given the current circumstances, even if Zu An had resembled an Assrip Wolf, the bandit would have still buttered him up to high heavens.

The other bandits who were still alive looked sympathetically at their companion. Coming up with all these phrases to suck up to their enemy must have been extremely difficult.

Flames of anger burned in the eyes of the Yu clan guards. After witnessing Zu An’s cruelty, they dared not direct their rage toward him. They could only glare hatefully at that bandit who had uttered those insolent words about their matriarch.

You have successfully trolled Yu Yanluo for 99 Rage points!

Zu An was entertained by this. This was the first time he was receiving Rage points from Madam Yu. It looked like this bandit had really gone overboard with his bootlicking.

Seeing the smile on Zu An’s face, the bandit was overjoyed. He quickly asked, “Does my answer satisfy you?”

“You know too much.” With a quick motion, he ended the babbling bandit’s life.

You have successfully trolled the bandits of the Blackwind Stockade for 666 Rage points!

The Yu clan guards were dumbstruck. He dares to give such a flippant reason?

“Pfft~”

A trace of laughter came from within the carriage, which was swiftly muffled. Silence returned.

Zu An moved on to the fourth bandit and asked, “Same question. Am I handsome?”

That bandit’s eyes darted about. The tragic fate that befell the bootlicker was still fresh in his mind. “You are ugly, but you are overflowing with masculini...”

Before he could finish his sentence, Zu An had already slit his throat. “You must be blind.”

You have successfully trolled the bandits of the Blackwind Stockade for 666 Rage points!

He moved on to the fifth bandit and asked the same question once more.

The bandit felt his bladder loosen as he saw Zu An standing before him. The other two had both been killed despite giving opposing answers! His voice quivering in fear, he replied, “I... I don’t know...”

Zu An made quick work of him. He sighed deeply and remarked, “What’s the point of living in this world when you don’t even know something like this?”

You have successfully trolled the bandits of the Blackwind Stockade for 666 Rage points!

...

Moving from one bandit to the next, he finally reached their leader, Bao g**g. “Yes, it’s your turn.”

Bao g**g sniffed coldly. “I’m going to die no matter what I say. You’re the one who calls the shots anyway. Since that’s the case, why bother putting up this farce? Just kill me then. However, I can assure you that my two brothers will avenge me. They’ll surely tear you into countless pieces!”

Zu An nodded slowly before replying with a sigh, “You’re right. I did go a bit too far earlier.”

Bao g**g would have cried if not for his final sliver of reason. A bit too far? I’ve nearly crapped in my pants!

“How about we do this then? I’ll give you a question that has a standard answer. As long as you get it right, I promise that I’ll release you,” Zu An said.

“Are you serious about that?” Even though Bao g**g knew that it was unlikely, his instincts for survival still compelled him to go along with Zu An’s game. After all, being alive was a wonderful thing. He could plunder other people’s money and sleep with other people’s wives. He could not enjoy these things if he were dead.

Zu An nodded and replied, “Of course I’m serious. This question definitely has a standard answer. If you think my verdict is wrong, I’ll even tell you the correct answer so that you can die in peace.”

Bao g**g gritted his teeth. “Ask your question.”

Zu An said, “‘To sit before a feast of three hundred lychees every day’. What’s the next line after this?” Heh, there’s no way you can possibly answer this ancient poem that came from my realm.

Surprisingly, Bao g**g’s eyes lit up in delight. “I know, I know! The next line is ‘A lifetime I shall be a Lingnan man’.”

Zu An felt his jaw drop. No doubt the culture of this world was very similar to that of ancient China in his own world, but he’d never expected that they would share the same poems too. Didn’t that mean he couldn’t plagiarize poems to flaunt his literary talent, like so many other transmigrators?

“Wrong!” Zu An’s face was livid as raised his dagger and prepared to plunge it into Bao g**g.

Bao g**g screeched in indignance. “Impossible! I have heard of that poem before! ‘A world of eternal spring beneath Mount Luofu, loquats and bayberries harvested fresh. To sit before a feast of three hundred lychees every day, a lifetime I shall be a Lingnan man!’ I definitely got it right! Why don’t you tell me how I’m wrong?”

Zu An sneered coldly. “The next line is clearly ‘In a year I shall eat 109,500 lychees’! This is a question on mathematics, not poetry!” He raised his dagger up high and plunged it down.

“You swindling bastard!”

You have successfully trolled Bao g**g for 999 Rage points!

Zu An cleaned his dagger on the bandit leader’s body before exhaling deeply. “Now you know.”

“Gulu~”

The Yu clan guards swallowed in fear. Didn’t we scold this fellow earlier on, too? s**t, we’re goners!

However, Zu An paid no heed to them. Instead, he began ransacking the corpses of Bao g**g and the other bandits.

Ji Xiaoxi wondered what he was doing. “Big brother Zu, are you trying to find their tokens to verify their identity?”