Chapter One : Five Years Back

1527 Words
It's dark, cold and stuffy. Was death supposed to feel like this? It feels like I am drowning. It's uncomfortable. I thought, maybe if I could die, I could be free from loneliness, pain and regrets. If only I had known that death would be like this, I wish I wasn't dead. If only I could return back to the past. If only I could change everything and start all over again. "…elle…" Huh? "…vielle…" Someone's calling me. Was it that bright light? "Evielle!" I wanted to answer but my throat hurts. Air is the only thing that comes out from my mouth. "Evielle! Evielle!" I tried to touch that bright light but it is too far. Should I run? Should I take the risk and go to where the light is? Is it heaven? "Wait," I whispered and ran towards the light. Even running in here is hard, it feels like I'm running while my feet is stuck in the mud. Heaven. Could I find my peace in there? Can I see my mother the empress once again? Thinking about meeting my mother makes my heart skip a beat. I tried my best to go towards the bright light and it came closer and closer. I can finally get out of this place. When I finally touch the bright light and went inside it, it feels like I was showered with a bucket of water, full of ice that makes me jump out of the bed. Jump out of the bed? My eyes widen in realization and pinched my face. Was all of that just a dream? But it felt so surreal. My neck. My neck is intact! Thank goodness! "Your highness? Are you up?" I turned to look at the door and Jeanna's face came to greet me. "Good morning princess!" She greeted and motioned the other maids that brought a basin, a towel and a soap. I was just staring at her the whole time. This… Why am I in my room in the Misty Palace? Why… Why is Jeanna here? I didn't noticed the tear that rolled from my cheeks as I was staring at Jeanna. Jeanna… She was supposed to be dead. "Oh my! Your highness?" Jeanna immediately came to comfort me as I cried harder. "Jeanna…" I whined and hugged her. "Did your highness perhaps had a nightmare? There, there, calm down," she whispered and it made me cry even more. Why… Why is this happening? Why am I seeing Jeanna? Am I really dead? But I'm not. I can feel pain when I pinched my cheeks earlier. And my death, it is not a dream. I can still feel the cold metal that tore my nape. Could this mean… "What day is it today?" I asked Jeanna as she was wiping the tears off my face. "Huh? It's the middle of Summer, the 30th year of His Majesty's reign," she answered. My mouth gaped in realization. Fifteen thirty-five. I jumped out of the bed and ran outside the room. "Your Highness! Your slippers! Where are you going?" "Gracious! The princess is running around bare footed!" I ran outside the palace and ran across the garden. If what I'm thinking is correct, then the door to the Lucilla Palace would still be connected to my garden. "Your Highness! You'll wound your legs!" I didn't paid any attention to the servants who are calling my name. There is one important thing that I should like to confirm. I opened the door harshly and was supposed to ran again when I heard someone called my name. "Evie?" I stopped in my tracks as I felt the cold wind brushed against my face as I was looking at a woman who is sitting in fountain while holding a parasol. "Goodness! Why are you running around barefooted? There could have been glass shards everywhere!" I opened my mouth to say a thing but I couldn't. It feels like something is stuck in my throat so I couldn't help but to cry. "M-Mommy…" It feels weird as that word slipped in my mouth. How many years has it been when I last called her that? Fifteen years? She looked surprised as she saw me cried. She dropped her parasol and went towards me. "Oh my baby, are you hurt somewhere?" She cupped my face and I can't help but to cry. "Mommy," I called her again and hugged her. I buried my face in her shoulders as she was caressing my back. "Princess!— Oh! Your Majesty! Greetings to the Empress; may the light bring peace to the Empress of Solairea," Jeanna greeted. "Jeanna, did something happened to Evie?" "I'm also quite taken aback Your Majesty, maybe the princess had a nightmare." I wanted to tell my mother what happened. I wanted to tell her that the last five years without her is painful, that I'm… I'm not living the life she dreamt of me having. "Mother… It hurts. It hurts a lot, mommy." "Oh dear, she must had a really bad nightmare. Maybe a cold shower can help you calm down Evie." I wiped my tears before separating myself from my Mother. She beamed at me that makes my heart clench. Her smile is as warm as always. "I love you Mother," I said. She was surprised at my sudden affection for her but she smiled at me again. "Mother loves you too, Evielle." If only you knew that I wanted to tell you that for the last five years. "Princess, would you like some lemon juice? Maybe it could lift your spirits up." Jeanna offered as I was sitting near the window looking outside. "No, but thank you Jeanna. I just wanted to clear my mind." I told her and looked outside once again. I missed this scenery. The green lawn, the white roses on the side of the pathway and everything. It's funny to think that this is what I had always seen in my past life but I never; even once, appreciated it. Everything looks so dull before. Everything is meaningless. But right now, every corner in this palace is meaningful. This is where I had spent my childhood. This is where I grew up. I spent the most of my life, following the orders of everyone around me. I lived to meet their expectations. I lived to impress them not knowing that I didn't even lived for myself. I told everyone I love the color yellow, because it symbolizes Solairea. But deep down, I know I loved the color red. I told everyone I like tea, because I was taught that a royal should love tea. But I know for myself that I hate it and preferred iced juices. This expectations, made me create a false version of myself, and I am sick of it. Not following my own choices, afraid of taking my own decisions. I was afraid I'll disappoint everyone. I was afraid that the emperor and the empress would turn their backs on me. I was a puppet. A meaningless puppet that could be discarded if my worth is gone. And because of that, I had lost countless of people who adore and make me happy. I lost all of them, because I was a coward. I looked in the mirror and sighed. To think this was my face when I was seventeen. I'm still not used to this face even after I had stared at the mirror for straight an hour. I was more used to the mature face I had. These bangs are annoying, these cheeks are so plump and my hair is in a colorful mess. I kind of miss the sophisticated look I had when I was still Marchioness Emett, but anyway, I'll grow up once again and will have that look for five years in the future. But first, let us change this annoying hairstyle. This pink hue is annoying, it makes me look childish. "Jeanna," I called for her and she immediately responded. "Yes Your Highness." "Call the hair stylist. Tell her that I'd like to dye my hair in my original hair color." "You had dyed your hair not too long ago, and I thought you don't like your original hair color. Is it really alright?" "Yes it is, and I'd also like a little haircut. Tell her to come quickly." "Yes Your Highness. May the light bring peace to the Princess of Solairea." I had come back five years to the past. I had the chance to change everything worth changing. And I swore that I would never walk the path towards the miserable future that awaits me. I will not be the perfect princess everyone wants me to be. I'll change my destiny. I'll change the destiny of the Solaireans. I'll change the future of this empire. And this time, I'll live not to impress, I'll live not to live the life that anyone wanted me to have, but I'll live the life the way I wanted it to be.

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