Chapter XLV
1930
My dear Fosco,
another day has gone by and I am here, in our bedroom, looking at the sun going down slowly. I am starting to hate the sunsets. Every morning I wish that at least one minute of the day could be brightened up by a new hope, a good news, a letter where there won’t be any more the words ‘wait for me’ and ‘be strong’. I am tired of waiting, to see you in every shadow that comes up the driveway and then hide right away my deception from everyone. I am tired to be alone and sad because without you I can’t laugh about anything, not even when Nicola, who is walking now, makes everyone laugh with his first words. When I look at him, all I can think of is that it should be you laughing with him and it’s not fair that it is not like that for us. I hate the sunsets
