The Thirteenth Daughter

Chapter 5- Awkward

I fell backwards onto my bed and placed my hands over my face and groaned softly. It was hard to believe what had just happened. Eshe had been overly friendly for the past week trying to get me to open and of course I just wasn’t quite ready for it. It had started out with questions about what kind of family adopted me. Then more in-depth ones about what my parents were into. Did they have any special kinds of beliefs? Did I share in those beliefs? Then there were the questions about why I had moved to Boston. Was I perhaps getting away from home because I had discovered something about myself? The more the questions went on the more confused and anxious I began to feel. Don’t get me wrong, I still thought Eshe was a good-natured person, but I’ve learned that she can be very enthusiastic…definitely learned it.

‘Gale seemed nice though,’ I thought to myself. She had probably been the most compassionate person I’ve ever met. My stress seemed to have simply melted away the moment that we had shook hands. She had listened patiently while walking me to my room as I regaled her with the horrors that seemed to have unraveled over the past week. She asked me if I had any questions and apparently, I did, to which she answered all of them to the best of her abilities. It was so embarrassing. She even giggled at a few, but gratefully she hadn’t been offended by any single one of them. She did ask in return if it made me uncomfortable staying here now that it had been revealed that they all believed themselves to be witches. I thought about it for a moment and ultimately had decided no. In fact, I could understand why Eshe and the girls had wanted to know. If it had been me, I would have been far too nervous about it too and it didn’t seem like it was easy to go about asking either. Well except for Hijiri. She had just come out and plainly asked which lead all of us to our current predicament.

The girls had been so open with me about their secret, well at least Gale had. I guess Eshe tried and I think Hijiri just doesn’t want to share a space with someone who wasn’t one of them. I couldn’t help but to pick up on the fact that she was avoiding me. Lachlan seemed like she was cool no matter which way things flowed, but then again, I think Gale had said Lachlan was a water witch and that was how they tended to “vibe”. Either way it had all ended up as just a disaster. They had trusted me with their truths, and yet I was still apprehensive about trusting them with mine. Guilt weighed down upon my heavily as I laid in bed wondering to myself what should I do? Classes were fixing to start, there were only a few more boxes left to unpack, and I didn’t want things to proceed to be even more awkward than what it seemed to be now.

As I laid there, I experienced something close to dysmorphia. It had most likely been triggered due to the stress of the evening. I just got the sense that my whole body didn’t feel right. This kind of episode didn’t seem too bad though. When I sat back up to look in the mirror of my vanity, I looked fine, but the feeling that I was off remained. Maybe it wasn’t dysmorphia I was feeling after all. I didn’t have much time to worry about it though as cooking smells were beginning to waft up from downstairs. It smelled heavenly. Tonight, was Lachlan’s turn to cook so she had probably just made it home. My stomach growled in response. I liked Lachlan’s cooking. She made a lot of home style meals. She said these were the recipes of things she ate back in Scotland. It had all looked pleasantly normal to me.

She did admit to altering some of the recipes to suit American tastes though. Some of the ingredients she was using she claimed were not traditionally used. I guess America was truly a melting pot of sorts after all. I cautiously wondered down the stairs. Gale and Hijiri were in the den quietly talking with each other as the television was playing some random show in the background. Gale saw me and waved and of course Hijiri was probably just going to ignore me, but then she surprised me by turning around and talking to me.

“Hey,” she said.

“Hi.” I automatically responded.

“Are you good?” she asked.

I let out a long sigh.

“Yes, I’m good.” Of course, I ended up blushing and then swiftly but not too swiftly went to the kitchen. Behind me I could hear broken pieces of Gale’s and Hijiri’s conversation.

“I told you I’m not good with this kind of thing.” Said Hijiri.

“Don’t pressure yourself too much. You did fine.” Gale seemed to be trying to put Hijiri at ease. I hoped that she would be able to. I felt like I was walking on eggshells myself still.

In the kitchen the cooking smells were even more amazing. Lachlan stooped over an open oven door with a pair of gloves to pull out an oval baking dish. She glanced over at me quickly with a warm smile before standing up fully. She set the hot dish down on top of a turret then stooped again to reclose the oven door. With a touch of a button, she had shut off the oven and then carried the oven dish over to the table to rest on another turret. Baskets of rolls and dishes of butter were already there at the table. She was the only one in the kitchen at the moment.

“I heard there were some things that went down briefly”, she said.

“I guess you could say that”, I blushed reminded again that I hadn’t been open with them all in return.

“It will all work out somehow I think”.

“Did you make Shepard’s pie?” I asked.

“It’s a cottage pie actually.”

“What is a cottage pie?”

“Shepard’s pie is made using lamb meat whereas Cottage pie uses beef.”

“I didn’t know that there was a difference.”

I’d have to remember to share this interesting fact with Matilda when I visited next. I had never known that there was a difference and this was a dish I was somewhat familiar with as Matilda had made it on occasion herself.

“Would you mind getting Eshe and letting her know that dinner is ready?” Lachlan asked. “I believe she is the library.”

“Sure.” I said. I went through the kitchen entry that went to a different corridor. It led to a second doorway to the library and that is where I indeed found Eshe. She sat her desk with her head buried in her arms. She peeked from hiding when she heard the door close behind me.

“Hi”, she said.

“Lachlan asked if I could let you know that dinner was ready.” I replied.

“Okay. I’ll be there shortly.”

“I’ll let her know.”

I hesitated for a second, but then turned to leave. As I turned to leave Eshe caught my attention once again.

“I’m sorry Celeste.” She looked very troubled which only made me feel more shame. I turned back around though and chose to sit across from her in one of the other chairs.

“I know you meant well.” I replied.

“Still, it was not my intention to pressure you so.”

“I know, which is why there is nothing to forgive.” Eshe’s shoulders visibly relaxed. I could tell she had been truly worried about the whole thing. I took a deep breath as what I wanted battled internally with what was right.

“What would you like to know about me?” I finally asked. A look of gratefulness washed over Eshe’s face. These girls had been willing to expose themselves to me. There is no earthly reason why I should not do the same. It went against my values to betray a person’s trust that had been willingly given to me.

“Are you really not a witch?” Eshe gushed.

“No, I do not think so.” I responded.

“But I can see your gift. It is so bright.” Eshe was clearly puzzled.

“I do not know how that could be. Can all witches see another person’s gift?”

“Some more than others. I am beginning to believe it depends upon their affinity.”

“What about the others? Can they see this same thing that you see?”

With that question Eshe seemed to wilt visibly.

“No. Not exactly. Hijiri senses it, but it doesn’t appear to be as strong to her as it does to me. Lachlan knows there is the spark within you, but she is unable to see your aura.”

And since Gale had just arrived, they hadn’t had a chance to talk my supposed ability yet. I didn’t know how to feel about all of this, but a sudden thought had occurred to me.

“Is this gift something that can just develop within someone?” Eshe laughed.

“No. Its something you are born with. Of course, there are the cases of halflings though.”

“What is a halfling?”

“A halfling is the child of a witch and another type of being. But I don’t think that is the case with you.”

Now I really didn’t know what to say. If what Eshe said was true, then that would mean that I would have received this supposed gift from my biological parents. No one knew who they were considering I had been found at the steps of a mausoleum. I had no records, and no memory of anything prior to the day I was found, not unless the dream I had under hypnosis counted as a memory. Suddenly a book fell from one of the shelves and Neko, Hijiri’s cat, could be seen dashing off.

‘I guess the cat had scared itself.’ I thought. I was still getting used to the Maine Coon. It was truly a massive cat. Eshe got up to pick up the book and place it back on the shelves. When she looked back at me, I could tell she was being hesitant to say something.

“Whatever it is you can ask me.” I hesitated too before continuing. “I promise I won’t hide the truth.”

Our eyes locked for a moment, before Eshe then looked down once more as if debating whether or not to say anything. After a long minute she finally spoke.

“Hijiri thinks you are hiding something serious from us. Before you came, she used her tarot cards to see how well our future would be having you here. Apparently, the reading hadn’t gone well. It is why she is very wary of you, but I am certain that she is wrong. I’m glad you are here Celeste.” I let out a long sigh and made the hardest decision I’ve ever made since leaving Salem. I shared the details about my past.

“The truth is I do not really know who I am. When I was a young girl, I was found beside a mausoleum with no memory of what had happened, who I was, where I came from. I was placed in foster care eventually after receiving care, and when I was finally adopted a few years later I was diagnosed with a mental disorder.” I paused to gauge Eshe’s reaction.

“What kind of disorder?” She asked innocently.

“My psychologist says I suffer from a prolonged depersonalization disorder. He believes I had been exposed to a great amount of trauma before I had been found.” Eshe’s face softened as I shared my one secret with her. I know she would eventually tell the others, and there is no telling how the girls would each react, but I wasn’t quite done explaining.

“I left Salem to get away from the stigma. A lot of people don’t understand it. Some are overly sympathetic, others seem to think that I’m just faking it. I just want to be treated like a normal person. Its hard to hold relationships when most of the time you just feel like an observer to your own life.” A somberness seemed to envelope the both of us after my confession. It was Eshe who finally broke the silence.

“Thank you for sharing that with me. I know it must not have been easy to do as it was something you had never wanted to share in the first place. Please know that no one here will judge you or treat you like you are anything less of a good person. You have my word on that.”

Eshe gave me another one of her radiant smiles. It was disarming and I couldn’t help but to return it in kind. Perhaps if it had been anyone else I would not have believed them, but somehow I did believe in Eshe.

“Lets go eat. I’m sure Lachlan is wondering what is taking so long.” We left the library and closed the door. We all sat together for once with all of around the table for the first time. It was the most awkward dinner I’ve had since moving in, but as the night went on my mind grew more at ease and I was able to believe more that I had made the right decision to share my secret. Even Hijiri seemed to have relaxed more around me, but that could have been because of Gale. Meanwhile, while all the girls sat and ate their dinner, another book fell from the shelves of the library. This time no one had been present within the room.