The Subtle Way of Letting Go

Chapter 5

Somehow Toby’s presence calmed me. He just stayed beside me. He never left not until he made sure that I was okay. I didn’t know how long we were sitting there but no one was talking. The silence was calming.

“Are you okay now?” Toby suddenly asked me. That had awaken me from my deep thoughts and realized that I already stopped crying.

“Yeah. I guess so. Thank you.” I smiled at him. A genuine smile.

“I didn’t do anything. Why are you thanking me?” He answered.

“You did. You being here with me means a lot to me. I don’t have other friends aside from Ethan.” Deep down I knew I just needed someone to be there. A shoulder that I could cry on.

“Andi, what are you doing outside? It’s already late? Who’s that with you?” Toby and I were both shocked to hear someone talking. Ethan.

“Did you cry? Why are your eyes swollen? Did he make you cry?” Ethan continued to ask while glaring at Toby.

“Maybe you need to ask yourself that question instead.” Toby answered also glaring at Ethan.

I held Toby’s arm “Please don’t.” I pleaded him. I’m scared of what he might tell him. Ethan looked at my hand that’s holding Toby’s arm.

“I guess I need to go. I might not be able to control myself if I stay longer.” Toby said looking at me. I nodded. He glared at Ethan before finally walking away.

“Andi who the hell was that? Are you close with him?” Ethan continued to bombard me with questions. I see confusion in his eyes.

“A friend, I guess. Where’s Jill? You were with her right?” I was trying to avoid his questions.

“Maybe you haven’t noticed the time but it’s already late. I took her home. Why were you with him? and why are your eyes swollen?”

“It’s just nothing. We just talked about something so sad and I wasn’t able to control my tears. I’ll go ahead. I didn’t notice the time I haven’t eaten yet.” I faked a laugh. I left him there with all his unanswered questions. How will I be able to answer him? I can’t tell him that I was hurt with what I saw and Toby was the one who comforted me. He’ll probably forget what happened because he’ll be busy with Jill.

I went directly to my room. I didn’t eat because I don’t have an appetite. I washed up and immediately went to bed. I felt so tired and my energy was drained out of my body. I was about to sleep when I received a text from an unknown number.

[Stop crying just because of that asshole.]

I did not recognize the number but I had an idea who it was. I was just curious as to how he got my number. I just closed my phone and went to sleep.

Morning came and I just did my normal routine. I washed up ate my breakfast and got ready for school. I wore a fitted white shirt and tucked it in a high-waisted pants. I just wore flats since I’m comfortable with it and I can easily move. I gave up on the thought that Ethan and I will still go to school together since I know that he will prioritize Jill from now on.

I bid my mom goodbye and went out of the house. I was looking at my phone perhaps hoping to see his message but as expected, there was none. I put my phone in my backpack and started walking. I was surprised to see Toby outside and it looked like he’s waiting for someone.

“What are you doing here?” I asked him.

“I figured you’d be walking alone today. And I thought maybe you’ll miss me, so Tadaa! I’ll walk with you to school.” He said with a grin on his face.

I looked at him surprised of what he just said. How did he know that I’ll walk alone today? Well, I really don’t know anything about him so I just stopped myself from thinking and just walked with him.

As we went along together, I realized one thing, he was so talkative and said a lot of things while we were walking. I was so amused with this side of him. He turned out to be so different from what I thought of him. He was telling me a lot of jokes and I didn’t realize I was laughing so hard. I was still laughing when we reached school.

We were walking towards our building. He was also a BS Psychology student. 4th year. He’s an Irregular student that’s why where classmates in one subject. Toby Adrian Dominggo. That’s the only thing I knew about him. Let’s add how talkative he is.

We bumped into Ethan and Jill while their hands were intertwined. I smiled at them. Ethan was just looking at us. Confusion was written all over his face. Perhaps wondering why I was with Toby again. Toby was just porker faced while Jill smiled at us. I excused and left with Toby because I felt uncomfortable.

Toby walked me to my class and I thanked him. He nodded and went to his class. Minutes passed and our professor arrived. I just listened to his lectures until I heard the bell rang. Time passed by so quickly and it was lunch time already.

I was contemplating on whether I’ll take my lunch or not. I don’t have an appetite. I just decided to skip lunch.

My classmates all went out and I just stayed at my seat. I was lost in my thoughts.

“Are you just gonna sit there?” Toby suddenly showed up out of nowhere. “Let’s go. Let’s have lunch together?”

“Don’t you have other friends? Why do always follow me? I’m not hungry.” I asked him. I was really curious.

“I have. But I prefer your company. Come on let’s go. I’m hungry.”

“I’m not hungry. Just go and have lunch yourself.” I answered back.

He didn’t even listen to what I said and dragged me to the cafeteria. What’s the point of asking me if he's not going to listen to me anyway? Urgh! This guy.  

He ordered for the both of us. He did not even ask what I like. I just ate what he ordered. As if I have a choice. He kept on talking while we were eating. I found myself laughing at his jokes again. He just doesn’t run out of jokes.

“Since when did you became so close?” We didn’t realize that Ethan was already there.

“You’re not even needed here.” Toby was whispering but I can clearly hear him. I kicked his feet to stop him.

“Ethan sit down. Come on eat with us.” I offered Ethan the vacant seat.

Ethan sat beside me. Still looking at Toby. There was tension with the two of them. I had to do something to lessen it.

“Uhm Ethan this is Toby, I wasn’t able to introduce him to you last night. And Toby this is Ethan.” Ethan just nodded at him with a serious facial expression.

“Jill’s not with you?” I asked Ethan. I had to catch his attention because he keeps glaring at Toby.

“She’s with her friends. I told her I’ll eat with you today since I don’t get to spend time with you anymore. And I thought you’re eating lunch alone.” He looked at Toby while saying that.

“Do you like Andi?” I choked upon hearing Ethan’s question.

Toby let out a mocking laugh. “Why? What’s it to you?”

“Guys will you please stop it. We’re eating. At least respect the food.” And that made them stop. We continued eating and no one broke the silence.

The atmosphere was so awkward. Since when did Ethan became hot headed? I completely understand Toby because I think he really is fond of annoying people, but with Ethan I can sense that something was off. Ethan was this approachable type of guy. He usually never runs out of patience. But most of the time he’s angry at me because we’re always late. That’s a different story. Ethan gets irritated when school’s affected. I just thought maybe he and Jill had a misunderstanding.

After that incident in the cafeteria I didn't get the chance to talk to Ethan. He was always with Jill and I just let him. I don’t want to demand anything from him. He’s happy. Who am I to interrupt?

Toby also got busy, I think. He stopped annoying me. I don’t now what happened to him. I was back to being a loner and that’s totally fine with me because I am used to it.

I was walking home with earphones plugged in my ears enjoying the music and escaping the real world for a bit when I felt someone walked beside me. I removed my headphones and looked at the person. Speaking of the devil. Toby.

“What’s up? Missed me?” He said with his signature teasing smile.

“No. I was enjoying my peace when you suddenly ruined it.”

“You don’t need to show me that you missed me that much.”

I laughed at him. He really is something.

“It’s nice to see you laugh. It’s feels good when I make you laugh.”

I stopped laughing and looked at him.

“Thank you.” I smiled while looking at his eyes.