Chapter four
870 Words
Alexander
"It is not Serena" my father said with the calm of a man who had anticipated every version of this conversation "it is the other daughter. Savannah"
"I did not know Peter Sanders had two daughters" I said
My father looked at me evenly
"Exactly" he said "and that is precisely how you know she is nothing like her sister"
I sat with that for a second. It was almost a good point. I was not going to tell him that
"It does not matter which daughter it is" I said "I am not doing an arranged marriage. Not after Naomi. I am done with women from that world, done with the games and the performance and the people who look at a last name and a bank account and decide that is a personality. I learned that lesson. I am not unlearning it"
"Savannah is nothing like that"
"How do you know so much about her" I said "She is not even publicly known. She is a stepdaughter nobody talks about. So how exactly do you know what she is like"
Something moved behind my father's eyes. A door closing
"That is a conversation for another time" he said
"That is a very suspicious answer Dad"
He looked at me across the table and then he said something that stopped me completely
"Son" he said "I am pleading with you"
I stared at him
Joel Giovanni did not plead. In all the years I had known this man, through boardroom wars and family crises and every difficult conversation this family had ever had, I had never once heard that word come out of his mouth. The almighty Giovanni pleading. At his own dinner table. To his own son
It must mean a great deal to him. Whatever this was, whatever he was not saying yet, it meant more than he was letting on
"Could someone pass me the popcorn" Catherine said
We all looked at her
"This is even better than the Housewives" she whispered to herself
Three pairs of eyes glare at her. She cleared her throat, folded her hands on the table, and became very interested in the centerpiece
I turned back to my father but before I could say anything my mother's voice came from the end of the table and it was so quiet that everyone stopped
"Alexander"
I looked at her
"I need to say something and I need you to just listen"
I said nothing. When my mother used that voice you listened
"You know I have not been well" she said "and it is getting harder to pretend otherwise. Some days are very difficult and there are things the doctors have said that I have not shared with you yet because I did not want to worry you but the truth is Alexander I do not know how much time I have"
The table was so silent that I could hear the candles
"I am not telling you this to pressure you into anything" she said and her voice stayed steady even as her eyes filled "I would never do that. But I need you to know that when I close my eyes at night the thing that keeps me awake is not the illness. It is the thought of leaving you alone. Your father has Catherine. Catherine will find her way. But you, my love, you have been alone in that apartment for two years and you have been carrying something I cannot reach and it breaks my heart every single day"
She reached across and covered my hand with hers
"I am not asking you to fall in love tonight" she said softly "I am just asking you to let someone in. Just try. That is all I want. For you to be happy”
I looked at her hand over mine and I did not trust myself to speak
"I need a moment" I said
I went outside. Lit a cigarette. Stood in the dark and let the cold air do what it could
Catherine was beside me before I had taken two drags
"Before you say anything" I started
“I'm not going to say anything” she replied
She proceeded to say something
"Just consider it" she said "and Alex, Naomi has been gone two years. She is still in that apartment with you every morning and it is not good for you. You have to let her go one way or another"
"I know" I said
"Whatever you decide" she said "I am right here. Always"
"I love you" she said
"Why wouldn't you" I said "I'm your awesome brother"
She laughed and patted my arm and I stood there finishing my cigarette thinking about my mother's hand over mine and the way her voice had stayed steady while her eyes did not and my father saying words I had never heard him say in my life
I dropped the cigarette and went back inside
They all looked at me
"Fine" I said "I will get married"
Words I never in my life thought would come out of my mouth. They sat on my tongue and left exactly the taste I expected
Bitter. Completely bitter
- Writer
