Blessed & Broken

Chapter 11

The ting of bells rang out and lights twinkled all around the town as Gemma, my mom, and I were finishing up some last-minute Christmas shopping. We walked along the illuminated sidewalk, dressed in our warm winter coats, scarves, and gloves. It was so beautiful out this evening with the light snow enhancing the soft glow of the lights. The hot coffee that we sipped on was remarkably delightful. Carolers could be heard singing out with their angelic voices that reached towards the heavens.

“You are coming to our house for Christmas, aren’t you Gem?”, my mom asked. Gemma took a minute to answer. “I was, but with Eric being from Alabama and all, he won’t be able to make it back home for Christmas”, she said. “It bothered me that he was going to be all by himself, so I told him that I would spend the day with him. You know?” She shrugged her shoulders. “So, he wouldn’t be alone.”

My mom and I both smiled at each other. We had known Gemma long enough to know that her feelings for Eric were growing. “Well, what are you guys going to do?”, my mom inquired. At this point, we had stopped in front of the next place that we were going to shop in. “I’m not sure yet”, Gemma responded. “Maybe make some spaghetti and watch movies.” Mom and I looked at each other. We both knew what the other was thinking. 

“Nope”, she said in a loving stern voice. Gemma looked at her in a way that she may have mistaken what she heard. “You and Eric will come join us for Christmas.” Gemma looked at me and then back to my mom. “Oh, we can’t. That is your family time.” My Mom stopped her right there. “Gemma Lee, you are family”, she said firmly. “Don’t you ever think different.”

Seeing her just now, made me realize where I got my sternness from. It made me smile. “Kalia and Ian will be there, and now you and Eric like one big happy family. We will have the most wonderful time.” Her face lit up and her eyes looked up to the skies. She was so overcome with joy at the thought of us all being together.

“Can I bring anything?”, Gemma asked. My mom gently poked Gemma’s nose with her fingertip and said, “Just the two of you.” She turned and started to walk in the store. I looked at Gemma and quietly teased, “OOH! She told you!” She made a face at me and then pushed my arm, making me go sideways.

Christmas morning had arrived and I was woken to the sound of Christmas music blaring throughout the house and the aroma of food being cooked. I looked at the clock that read 6:00am. “For the love of baby Jesus, Mother”, I mumbled. It was too early. A chuckle came from Ian as he said, “I think someone is eager this morning.” As much as I tried to go back to sleep, I couldn't. It was as if the energy of my mom’s excitement buzzed all the way upstairs to me.

I found myself the better part of the day in the kitchen, alongside my mom, cooking and baking. Ian helped George do projects around the house from the honey do list that my mom had created. Every once in a while, I would steal a look at Ian. He seemed so elated and content. None of this was new to him but yet, it was all new to him, if that makes sense. 

George put his arm around Ian’s shoulder. “I saw a stand of lights that were burnt out on the porch outside. Would you like to help me go change it out with a new strand?” Ian flung his arm around George. His smile traveled from ear to ear. “Let’s do it!” 

I must have been obvious in my staring because my mom came and stood by me. “You have a keeper there, Kali”, she said. “He is always so cheerful. He is a real good one.” I looked up at her, our eyes locking. “I love him, Mom.” She laid her hand on my back and rested her head against mine. “I know, baby girl.”

After a while, Gemma and Eric arrived. Gemma introduced Eric to my parents. Eric greeted George with a hardy Southern hand shake and gifted a huge beautiful bouquet of a Christmas assortment of flowers for my mom. “Thank you so much for having us”, Eric said graciously. “It is very generous of you.”

 Mom tapped Eric’s hands with hers. “Oh, honey, we are so glad to have you join us. The food isn't quite ready yet, so please have a seat and relax.” 

Gemma came into the kitchen to help me finish up the food, while mom filled a vase with water and intricately arranged her flowers in it. All of the guys hung out in the living room, chatting away. The house was seeping in Holiday cheer.

Finally, it was time to eat. Mom and George sat at both ends of the table, with Eric and Gemma directly across from Ian and I. Mom asked Eric if he would do the honors of saying Grace. We all held hands and bowed our heads in gratitude.

We all dug into the scrumptious food that filled our plates. We had everything under the sun that you could think of. It was a real grand Christmas feast. I don’t think I have ever seen anyone shovel food between their jaws, as fast as Ian was now. I swear that I heard a small moan come from his mouth with every single bite that he took. 

“Ian? How is your food, Honey”, my mom asked? I looked over to him and saw what looked like a mixture of mashed potatoes and stuffing, sprinkled into his beard. “It’s so delicious. It makes me happy.” Everyone smiled at him as he stuffed a mound of food in his mouth. I don’t have any idea what came over this man, but he felt very compelled to say, “It makes me feel the way I do when I kiss Kalia.”

I stopped chewing the bite of kielbasa that was between my jaws. I was processing what Ian had just said right in front of the people that surrounded this table. I said a quick prayer that it really wasn’t what he said. The look on everyone’s face confirmed that Ian just said what I thought he said, but hoped he didn’t say. I looked back over at him to see the biggest innocent grin. I noticed that it started to fade as he looked around at everyone else at the table, who was starting at him.

Mom reached to Ian’s hand with hers, gave it a small gentle tap, and said, “It’s ok Honey, I feel the same way when George kisses me.” she followed with a little wink. My eyes looked up to the ceiling in disbelief that this conversation was even happening. Leave it to my mother to make sure that a guest never felt out of place. Everybody rang out in laughter. Ian leaned over to give me a peck on the cheek. He also left remnants of gravy on the side of my face. I was hoping that maybe the goop would hide the different shades of red that my face had become.

When dinner was over, everyone pitched in to clean up. After the kitchen was in order, my mom and Ian sat on the couch together so that she could show him the family photo albums. Gemma sat up at the counter to eat a piece of dessert, chatting about the rehab center with George as he sipped on his coffee.

There were two filled garbage bags that laid on the kitchen floor next to the door that led to the garage. I walked over and picked them up to take them outside. “Let me help you with those, Kali”, Eric called to me. “Oh, thanks, Eric”, I said, handing him a bag. Eric and I walked through the garage, out the garage door to where the trash cans sat on the side of the house. We both threw the trash into the reciprocal and I proceeded to walk back through the garage with Eric in tow. 

“Kali”, Eric had called my name in a soft panic tone. I turned to look at him. His shoulders were slightly hunched and his arms dangled to his sides. He had the slight look of defeat. “I’m in love with her, Kali.” I gently smiled at him and tilted my head. “Have you told her that?” He hung his head. “Oh, no, no.” I straightened myself and still kept a soft tone. “Why not?” He started to slowly pace the floor.

 He took his hand and started to rub the back of his head. “I... I just can’t. I mean, look at her”, he said as he tossed his hand toward the door to the house. “She is so carefree and fun. I am structured and boring.” He continued to pace. “She is so outgoing and beautiful. I’m just...me.” 

We both stood still for a moment while he gathered his thoughts and I stayed present. “I don’t know why I just blurted this out to you”, he said. “I guess you are the closest to her that I could tell.”  He then said quietly, “There is no way I could ever be good enough for her. There is no way that I could tell her that I love her.”

I decided that now would be the time to intervene. “Eric, what if I told you that she feels the exact same way about you?” I know that I caught his attention, because his head lifted for his eyes to meet mine. “What if I told you that Gemma has feelings for you, but doesn’t think that she is good enough?” He shook his head slowly, side to side. “I wouldn’t believe you.”

I pursed my lips together and let out a little sigh. “Well, it’s true. She sees herself as a troubled, undesirable to someone as “good” as yourself.” His brows creased in the middle of his forehead, as if he were pained by my words. “If I recall, her exact words were, ‘What would a saint want with a sinner?’”

Eric started to move his feet again. “What?! Why ...How could she ever think of herself that way?” He was having a hard time finding his words. I think he felt slight anger over Gemma feeling that way. “Gemma is...perfect.  Perfect in every way.” He stopped in front of me. “She is so strong. I can’t even begin to imagine what hell she went through to fight the demons that she has. Do you realize what strength that takes?” He looked at me for answers, but there weren’t any that I could give him. His stance looked as if he had given up. “I love her.”

I sympathetically smiled at the seemingly mess of a man standing before me. “Then tell her, Eric. You need to be the strong and brave one this time.” He took a deep breath and let it out audibly. “I don’t think that I have ever been so scared in all my life, then to have to profess my love for her.”

I walked over and placed my hands on his shoulders. “Don’t ever be afraid to love, Eric.” I gave him a hug to reassure him that everything would be ok. We both broke the friendly embrace. I sternly pointed my finger at him and jokingly said, “But if you ever tell Gemma what I just told you, then I will bust you in your head. I just broke a huge friend code by telling you that.” My voice then softened. “Seriously though, I think the two of you are great for each other. You give her the stability that she needs and she brings some spontaneity to your life.” He smiled wide. “Just be good to her”, I said. He hugged me one more time saying, “Thank you, Kali, for everything. Please don’t worry. I promise that I will take good care of her.”

The evening was coming to a close and Eric and Gemma had left for the night. I was anticipating a very delightful phone call from her later, but my guess, it wouldn’t happen until the morning. Mom and George were all packed. They were taking a flight out tonight to go visit George’s brother out in Tulsa, Oklahoma for the Holidays. 

“Ok, Honey. Come give me hugs”, mom called to me. I wrapped my arms around her and she squeezed me tight. I also gave George a farewell one too. “Have a good week off of school”, she said. “What are you guys going to do?” My mouth moved over to the side as I thought. “Probably hang out, catch a movie”, I said, shrugging my shoulders. “Oh! I’d like to drive to Toledo to check out the lights at the zoo. I heard that it is really great.”

George handed me the keys to his SUV. “If you decide to go, take my vehicle. It’s got a full tank of gas and drives well in the snow. We can just take your mom’s car to the airport.” He was so kind to me. “Thank you so much, George”, I told him sincerely. “I really appreciate that.” My mom smiled at the way George and I got along. “Ok, more hugs”, she said throwing her arms out. This time, she made them wider so that Ian could squeeze his way through.

Ian and I waved at mom and George as they drove on down the road. Ian grabbed my waist to wind his arms around me. I held him close. We both gazed into each other's eyes as his face moved closer to mine. Our lips softly brushed together. I could feel his arms gently tighten around me. Our kiss became more solid. My body felt so weak every time he kissed me.

The energy that he emitted was breathtaking. We pulled back to look at each other again. “I love you, Kalia.” Ian brought his hand up and gently set it upon the side of my face. I took in a deep inhale of his unique scent that always made me feel like home. “I love you, too.” This man, my Guardian, was the beat to my heart and the breath to my soul. He was the only place that I wanted to be.

“So, what are we going to do this week?”, he asked questionably. “Hmm”, I answered back, wondering myself. “We could do this all week”, I said, pressing my lips to his. He let out a soft moan. I pulled back from him and excitedly exclaimed, “But, I have a really fun week planned. Well, fun to me.” He let out a deep chuckle and kissed my forehead.

I did my best to fill our free time with fun experiences and adventures for us to do. We went to the arcade one day and had a blast playing all of the different games. Watching Ian play whack a mole had to be one of the funniest things I've ever seen. Which reminds me, I will never compete with him in the shooting hoops game ever again. He cheats!

Another day, we went to the museum. It was remarkable to me how Ian could tell me the stories behind every work of art. We played in the snow together at the park, and even tried our hand at indoor rock climbing. I found out that I was better at swinging on the bungee cord then actually climbing the wall. 

The other night, I surprised Ian with a place that I thought he would enjoy the most. I took him to a buffet for dinner. You should have seen the way that his eyes bulged when he saw all of the steam tables packed with hordes of food. I wish I would have taken a picture of his face when he spotted the mile-long assortment of desserts. Priceless.

One of the days during my Christmas break, Ian and I went to the movies. It had been so long since I had been to one. There really wasn’t anything that I wanted to see, except for this romance movie. I figured that it would be a good one to go to since Ian was the sentimental type. I thought he would appreciate it.

I made sure that I purchased the largest popcorn they had. Luck was on my side that day. They had a special on free refills for both popcorn and pop. Score!

If anyone were to ask me how the movie was or what it was about, I would not be able to give them an honest answer. For the life of me, I couldn’t stop looking at Ian. I was trying to do my best at being as inconspicuous as possible, of course. Lucky for me, he was very into the movie, so I don’t think he noticed much around him.

I gazed his profile that the light from the screen glowed upon. It seemed as if I was really looking at him in detail for the first time. I noticed how soft his hair looked as it flowed over his broad shoulders. I don’t think I ever realized how truly large and muscular his stature really was.

In this moment, I took in every line that creased upon his skin. I leaned in just a little bit closer to breathe in his intoxicating scent and then I leaned back after I got my fill. My heart was so full. I felt it impossible that my love for this being could flourish any more than what I felt right now. How could I have been so blessed to have someone so beautiful, so heavenly, in my life?

“What are they doing?”, Ian asked. It took me a second to snap out of my admiring him to process that I needed to look at the movie screen.

“Oh,” I thought to myself. “Oh, geeze”, I said as the scene caught me by surprise. How do I explain this? All of a sudden, I felt hot and flushed. The couple on the screen were having s*x. It was a very sensual scene that, quite frankly, made me blush. I was an elementary school teacher. I did not major in s*x ed. “Um...well, they are making love.” I was so embarrassed and didn’t want to turn and look at Ian, but I did anyways. His eyes were glazed and his lips slightly parted. “I have seen it before”, he said softly. “It is one of the most beautiful sights that I have ever witnessed”, he whispered. 

I quietly scoffed and said, “I thought s*x was a sin?” He looked at me in all seriousness. “How could something so intimate, so solicitous, be a sin?” I didn’t know how to rebuff his question. It was what our kind grew up hearing. He was so thoughtful in his words. “It is a time when two souls can truly touch one another, bringing their beings together as one.”

He continued, "Our spirits have a desire to connect with others on such a level, that they will go as far as to try and find it anywhere. Even in the arms of strangers, people who will discard that sacred energy that they have been given. But love is the only way to truly make that connection.” He turned back to the screen and his words left me profound. He was truly an outstanding creation. Everything about him was breathtaking.

The next evening, Eric and Gemma joined us as we crossed the border into Ohio to go visit the Zoo down south. We got lucky with not having any snow or ice the past few days so the drive down there was a breeze. 

The air was cold and crisp. Anytime that we would get too chilly, we would dip inside one of the indoor exhibits. It looked to me that Eric and Gemma had their talk. I wondered why Gemma didn’t say anything to me? Oh well, I wasn’t going to pry. They held each other’s hand the whole time and stole glances at each other every chance they got. It made mei happy to see them together. 

As soon as we would enter into one of the indoor animal enclosures, the animals would follow Ian up and down the glass barrier. Everyone watched in amazement at how the animals took to him. It just reassured me that the animals sensed something different in Ian. Something very special.  

There was a little girl who could not see the apes because of all the people who were crowded in front of her, that were in awe of Ian and his way with the great creatures. Ian walked over to the little girl and motioned her to come closer. He bent down to where he was eye-level with her. All of the Apes followed and settled behind the glass, right in front of the small girl. She started to giggle in joyful laughter as the creatures engaged with her. It was a moment that was magical and melted my heart.

The whole night itself was majestic. There was a very different feel in the air. There was an unusual energy that exuberated from Ian. The way he looked at me tonight was more loving, if that were even possible. He kissed me more and with more passion. I had never felt it so strong in him before.

It was late in the evening when we got home. We said goodbye to Eric and Gemma as they got into Eric’s car and drove away. I turned to Ian and smiled. “That was fun tonight.” His face did not return the smile. Instead, he looked as if he were deep in thought. Something was on his mind. Something that he wasn’t telling me.

“Yes”, he answered. “Is everything ok?”, I asked. His eye burned into me. The corners of his lips turned up faintly. “Perfect.” I left my eyes on him for a few long seconds. I was having a hard time believing that he was alright. “Ok”, I said, unsure. “I’m going to run upstairs and take a shower. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

 I leaned up to press my lips to his. When he kissed me back, I felt this powerful force that pulsated through my body. It made my knees weak and my head feel as if it were filled with air. I was so unbalanced from his kiss, that I had to grab hold of his arm just to catch myself.

It took a minute for my legs to remember how to work, but eventually, they figured it out. I could feel his eyes on me as I walked away. I had to shake my head a bit to figure out what just happened. 

The hot water from the shower raining down upon my body, felt so good. The steam relaxed my muscles and the gentle heat calmed my mind. I replayed all of the events that happened today, to myself. I thought back to the little girl at the zoo. Thinking back on how Ian was so great with her, brought a smile to my face. I grabbed the soap and started to work up a good lather slowly with my hands. I pressed the bar against my skin, leaving a trail of silky bubbles on every part of me it touched.

I began to think about Ian. The way he looked at me today was so different. The way that it made me feel, sending electrical pulses throughout me. I thought about the way he kissed me. It too was not the same. It was as if he didn’t want to stop. The thought of him right now, had me burning inside. I could feel my breath start to get faster. I had to calm myself by turning the water cooler. I needed to control myself before I was done with my shower, otherwise Ian would find me throwing myself at him in the heat of passion.

After my mind and body settled down, I turned the shower off. I ran my hands along the top of my head, grasping onto my hair, wringing the water out of my mane. I opened the shower curtain and reached for the soft, fluffy white towel that waited for me. I wrapped the luxuriousness around my clean, wet body. 

When I turned my head, my eyes quickly caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I turned back to look again. I stared at the girl whose reflection looked back at me. She looked happy. She looked healthy, loved. I was so proud of her that I never wanted to lose sight of her.

I opened the door that joined my bathroom and bedroom. I took a few steps into the bedroom so that I could continue to dry myself off and put some clothes on. I got startled when I saw Ian standing there in the corner of the room. His shirt was on the floor at his feet.

I looked at him in silence for a moment while I clutched the towel closed. I could feel the cool water that was left in my hair, drip down my back. Ian stood there looking at me.  My heart was telling me there was definitely something going on with him now. 

I softly asked “What’s wrong?” He didn’t answer me. He stood there with his eyes locked onto mine with his arms draping to the side of his hips. “Ian”, I whispered. Finally, he broke his silence after a few longer dead quiet seconds. “I feel different, Kalia.” I realized that my eyebrows started to furrow. “Are you sick?” He shook his head with no expression. “No.” 

He slowly started to walk in my direction, finally stopping as he stood directly in front of me. I stretched my neck to look up at him. “I feel different about you”, he said. I could feel the heat from his body, radiating off of mine with how close he stood to me. My eyes locked onto his. His voice was low. “I feel as if I can’t get close enough to you”, he said with an aching in his voice. He placed his strong hands upon my arms. I could hear my breath become irregular.  One of his palms traveled slowly down my arm, as he took my hand into his. He placed my hand to the middle of his chest. “My soul yearns for you, Kalia.” My body had been set ablaze by Ian’s demeanor.

 He took my hand from his chest and rested it upon his cheek. His eyes closed as he took my wrist and moved it to graze his lips ever so slightly. My eyelids fell over my eyes, letting the rest of my senses take over. I could feel his breath against the skin with his lips sliding across my hand.

I opened my eyes to see his fixed upon me. I could see the desire burning in them. “Make love to me, Kalia.” His words were so soft, so gentle, but held such intensity to them. 

I took my other arm and wound it around his neck, letting the towel that I was holding to drape my body, fall to the floor at my feet. Our lips feverishly found each other. Ian ran his hands along my torso, stopping at my waist. My body was ignited as he tugged my hips closer to his. We pressed our bare, heated chest against one another's. His lips made their way down. Soft moans escaped my lips as he tasted the skin on my neck with the tip of his tongue. He held onto me tighter as my fingers intertwined with his hair. He leaned me back upon my feet, as we locked our eyes once again.

He wrapped his arms around my waist and lifted me, my feet leaving the ground. My legs straddled his body with my ankles locking in place. He softly laid me on the bed, with his body gently hovering mine. In that moment, we melted into each other. In that moment, our souls became one.