Blessed & Broken

Chapter 1

Life. A task that only the strongest choose to take on. Life, a goal. An intention with many different ways to reach one end result. It doesn’t matter what you look like or where you are from. We all have the same finally. 

Life. A war that we rage within ourselves, disguised as what we perceive as the actions that others portray onto us. The funny thing about life is, when we find ourselves straying off of our paths, there will always be someone there. Someone who may be working behind the scenes, to guide us back; even if it isn’t in the most desirable of means.

My life is a good one. I grew up in a small town located in Michigan to a middle-class family. My dad, Aaron, is a music producer and songwriter. He doesn’t look like your typical Midwestern father. He wore his hair longer and his wardrobe mainly consisted of leather and denim. He may also have had more tattoos that the average Dad, but it was a look that suited him.

I loved the time we got to spend together when he would take me to different nightclubs around the area to check out all of the local bands. He made me feel as though my input was important and useful. He is truly one of my most favorite people and my love for him is boundless.

Though my mom, who is a small business interior designer, totally does not look the part of a rocker chick with her toned-down attire and long brown locks of curls. Don’t let that fool you. She could rock with the best of them. She is perhaps the sweetest and caring people that I have ever known. I consider her to be one of my best friends.

Then there is me, Kalia. I am an only child and I guess what you could call my parent’s miracle baby, since it took many years and countless trips to infertility specialists to conceive me. My parents and I are incredibly close and I believe that we have a different relationship than many other families. I feel as though I could talk to my parents about anything.

           It was the middle of May and another tedious day of school. Graduation was just one short week away and I couldn’t wait to be through with this chapter of my life. As I was getting dressed for school, I could hear soothing music coming from downstairs.  

 I looked out of my bedroom window and saw the sun starting to peek above the horizon. I closed my eyes and listened to the sweet melodies of my dad’s song coming from the first floor of the house. Hearing him sing and play his guitar did something to my soul. My ears took in all of his wondrousness before opening my eyes and moving along.

I had to get downstairs and finish gathering my things for school because I knew that Luke would be coming shortly to pick me up. The thought of him made me groan. I moved on down to the kitchen where both of my parents were gathered.

My dad was sitting on a stool at the counter, strumming his guitar and humming a familiar tune. My mom was standing at the stove, making breakfast. “Hey! There’s my Kali Girl!”, my dad greeted me. I smiled big at him, loving the way he always called me his “Kali girl”. “Hey, Pops”, I answered. He held out his arm and I went in to give him a kiss on the cheek before making my way to the stool next to him. Mom brought me over some food and kissed me on the forehead. “Good morning, Baby Girl.” I smiled up at her and said, “Good Morning, Mama.”

My dad set his guitar on the stand at his side and said, “Hey, Kid. I got to go check out a band tomorrow night at the Fillmore. Do you want to come with me?” My eyes widened with excitement. “Yeah. That will be fun.” He looked over at my mom and asked, “Is that cool with you, Babe?” She smiled and nodded her head.

“Honk, Honk”, blared the sound of a car horn. Luke had arrived. My dad let out a sigh and gave a half roll of his eyes. “I have to go”, I announced. I got up from my stool and grabbed my bag, flinging it over my shoulder. I went over and gave my mom a kiss on the cheek. “Have a good day, Hun.”, she said.

“Honk, Honk.” I moved a little bit faster to where my dad sat and gave him a kiss on his cheek. As I did, he whispered, “I love you, Angel”, and he wrapped his arms tight around me.  Then, it felt as if a wave came crashing over me. It was an energy force that I can’t explain, making me slightly light-headed.

As I began to walk to the front door, I looked back at my dad, wondering if he had felt it too. Then it dawned on me. Angel? He had never called me Angel before. I stood there for a moment looking at him. Something didn’t feel right. I couldn’t put my finger on what it was, but it just wasn’t normal. I shook off the feeling that I had and turned back towards the door.

I stepped outside onto the front porch and realized I had forgotten my English book on the foot of the stairs. I jogged back into the house where I could hear the conversation between my parents going on. I inconspicuously peaked around the corner to see them.

 “Tell me again why we keep letting her see that kid and why we don’t make her break up with him?”, I could hear my dad ask my mom. She was pouring herself a cup of coffee and answered, “Because, she is a teenager and if we try and force her to do something, she will more than likely want to do the opposite of what we want her to do even more, just because we are telling her not to.” She then c****d her head to the side with a funny look on her face, asking, “Did that make sense?”

My dad started to laugh. “I think I got what you are trying to throw down.” My mom smiled back at him. “This is her journey”, she said. “She needs to make her own decisions, even if we feel as though they are wrong. Otherwise, she will never know the right ones.” My dad groaned and dropped his head. She came up behind him and put her arms around him. “She will be ok”, she assured him as she gave him a kiss.

           As I ran out the door, I saw Luke sitting in his sleek black 1970 Z-28 Camaro with the music blaring. “Luke DeVil”, I thought with a sigh. What can I say about Luke? He was every teenage girl’s dream guy. He was a popular jock who was gorgeous. He had a muscular built frame with blonde hair that fell to his chin. His eyes were the most beautiful of blue, that even a bright cobalt colored sky would be jealous. However, as appealing as his outside was, the inside didn’t match.

As I walked to the car, I saw him throw his hands up in the air and yell out the window, “What the hell took you so long?”  I opened the car door and got in the passenger seat. I looked over at him and said, “You just got here.” He peered at me through his black tinted sunglasses. “Your ass should be waiting out here for me when I pull up.”

I turned my head and looked out the window because I wasn’t in the mood to argue with him. Not today. Luke was very self-absorbed. Every time we would stop at a red light, he would steal glances of himself in the rear-view mirror. At one point he looked over at me in disgust and asked, “Did your mom not do your laundry?” I looked down at my outfit. “What’s wrong with what I got on?” He let out a quick breath of air and continued to drive, never answering my question.

As he sang, very loud and incredibly bad to the song on the radio, I looked out the window and thought back to earlier when I overheard my parent's conversation and contemplated to myself why I was even with Luke anymore. It was becoming more like a chore being his girlfriend than anything. He barely paid any attention to me and when he did, it was just to b***h at me about something I was doing wrong.

 We arrived at school and Luke whipped the car into his parking spot. When I say his parking spot, everyone at school knew not to park there. I took a deep breath in preparation. I really didn’t feel like putting on the happy couple façade today, but I felt like I had no other choice. Luke positioned the gearshift in park and strode out of the car. 

He polished the fingerprint marks off the driver side door with his sleeve, turned around, stretched his arms out wide and announced to the student body that was present in the parking lot, “I’m here! Let the fun begin.” He always had to make his presence known everywhere he went. With his back turned to me, I rolled my eyes and made a discrete disgusted face.

He motioned me to get out of the car by jerking his head sideways. I let out a sigh and hesitantly got out of the passenger side. He demanded that I take his arm as we walked so the two of us were locked together. He made it very well known to everyone that I was his property.  

You see, growing up, I was just an average girl. I was never one of the popular kids, but I got along with everyone. In my younger years, some would say that I was tall and lanky with a slight overbite and stick straight hair with too short of bangs. However, somewhere between braces and puberty, my body evened itself out pretty well.

As my body grew, so did my hair. Instead of looking like dried out straw, it turned into a light golden brown with soft ringlets. Probably the only unique feature I have is my eyes. They are the color of sand when it’s illuminated by the sun. When I am sick, they have a tendency to turn bright green. The only downside to that was, I could never fake a sick from school without my mom knowing that I wasn’t really ill. 

I like to stay active, but I never turn down a good burger. With that being said, I didn’t picture myself as someone who stood out in the crowd. Even though I thought of myself as plain, Luke thought of me as more. He knew from the beginning that I was going to be his, like a big shiny trophy. Maybe he saw something in me that I didn’t see in myself. Or maybe it was the fact that I was an innocent fool that he knew he could take full advantage of. For this fact, many guys at school envied him and some of the girls who wanted him, loathed me. If only they had any clue of what he was really like, then I’m sure that they would be more than happy for me to take him off their hands.

But in some sick way, maybe that’s why I stayed with him at first. When I was around him, I was somebody. I wasn’t invisible anymore. I felt...important.  But now, the notoriety was getting old.

 We both walked into school like a lock and chain. Luke dragged me over to a group of his friends and their followers. They were all huddled together plotting and planning about some big party that was coming up. It just sounded to me like an excuse for a bunch of people to get together and drink until their loud banters turned into incoherent babble. 

“Why me?”, I thought to myself. The bell rang and everyone started to disperse to their classes. “I have to go,” I said as I looked up to Luke. He took a hold of my wrist and pulled me with a harsh motion into his body and said, “Meet me here right after class.” He grabbed my chin between his fingers and roughly kissed me. The kiss held no passion to it, instead it showed ownership. “Right on it,” I sarcastically thought to myself, wiping my lips off with the back of my wrist as I walked away.

For some reason, today seemed to be going incredibly slow, but finally I was down to my last class. For this, I was grateful. We were in the peak of spring and the school did not have air conditioning. Mix an old, toasty warm building with a few hundred sweaty teenagers, and the aroma can be unpleasantly offensive to the olfactory senses.

I took my seat in Mrs. Crumb’s English Class. Today we were going over the directions on writing a scholarly paper. It’s a subject in which I had much interest in seeing as I would be going to be starting college in the fall and I wanted to be fully prepared for any papers I was going to have to write. I was intensely taking notes, when there was a quiet knock at the door. Mrs. Crumb opened it and I noticed that it was Mr. Blakesly, the school counselor, standing there. I saw him intermittently taking glances over at me as he spoke to Mrs. Crumb. This made my heart race. 

“Kalia, may I speak with you please?”, Mr. Blakesly asked. “Bring your things with you,” he added. My heart sank into my stomach. I started to get hot when I noticed that all eyes were on me. I could hear whispers all around the room. All that kept going through my head was, “I wonder what I did wrong?” I had never been in trouble before and I always made sure that I abided by the rules.

 I followed Mr. Blakesly into his office, his unreadable eyes looking at the floor. “Have a seat”, he said, pointing to a chair. He took the seat beside me. 

He paused for a moment, which just made this whole matter suspenseful. “Kalia, I have something that I need to tell you.”  My brows furrowed. “What did I do wrong?”, I thought as my mind started to race. “Kalia, I’m sorry to have tell you this, but your father…has passed away.” ……. Nothing……. I could not feel anything. My body went numb, like it had been shot with an elephant tranquilizer right into my chest. My ears were making a deafening ringing sound that made my head swirl. “Sweetie, I am so sorry”, Mr. Blaksely condolence I a gentle voice.

I looked up to him. The only sounds that made it to my lips were, “Wha…Whe….” He took in a quiet deep breath and softly said, “He was in a car accident this morning on his way to work.” My eyes dropped down to the floor. My chest was so tight that I couldn’t catch my breath. 

“Where’s my mom?”, I asked with no more than a whisper to my voice. “She is on her way here to pick you up,” he answered. “I have someone watching for her when she arrives, so that way she won’t have to come inside and I will have you leave out the side door so you won’t have to walk through an audience,” Mr. Blakesly said.

 The door to his office cracked open and the sorrowful face of the school principal peeked in. She gave me an apologetic glance, I could tell that she wanted to come over and embrace me, but she instead looked to Mr. Blakesly and whispered in a soft voice, “She’s here”. Mr. Blakesly slowly rose from the place where he sat and walked over to me. “Kalia, your mother is here,” he said in a gentle voice.

           My mind was a blank sheet of paper. One that had been crumbled up and stomped on by a pair of spiked boots. My goal was to rise out of my chair and walk to the door, but my brain could not send the message to my legs. With the help of Mr. Blakesly’s subtle cough, the sound sent a jolt through my body that finally got my limbs to cooperate. “This was really not happening to me”, I thought in disbelief.  “That when I get to the car, my mom will have the biggest smile on her face and these last 10 minutes will have never happened.”

           The journey to the car to where she awaited seemed like one of a million miles. The time that it took to take one step, my mind raced as if I had lived an eternity. I slowly walked to her vehicle, for that is the only pace my legs would let me go. My hand weakly gripped the cold hard door handle and I cautiously opened the door.

 There, I saw my mom’s body sitting in the driver’s seat. I purposely did not look at her face until my body was fully in the passenger seat, and the door closed.  Then, and only then did I allow myself to turn towards her. There on her grief-stricken face, I saw rough red blotches that contrasted against her thin fragile skin, and tears. Tears that did not take the shape of droplets, but as streams of despair. We stared into each other's eyes for a long quiet moment. Not a word needed to be said to confirm the devastation that had just entered into our lives. In a rush of emotion, we both embraced one another, feeling each other’s ache. Pain for the only man I have ever loved and the pain that engulfed my mom over the loss of the love of her life. 

           The car ride home seemed so short, yet eternal in the same sense. Mom and I held hands and listened to the quiet muffled sobs that broke from our lips as we rode back to the house. As we pulled into the driveway, I noticed our home was filled with the presence of saddened family members and friends. I was greeted by hugs, tears, and condolences. I knew I had to be around them to show my appreciation for their support, but I just wanted to get away. The last thing I wanted was to be confronted with sympathy.  

As I walked into the kitchen, a downpour of emotion washed over me. Looking at the sheet music lying on the countertop that my dad was working on this morning when I last kissed him goodbye made my throat feel as if it were closing in on itself. Seeing his guitar, propped up against the wall. Staring at the exact same spot he and I were at this morning when we had our very last conversation, made my chest feel as if it were going to collapse. The place where I heard his voice for the last time was the same place where I felt his arms wrap around me one final moment.

 I felt the bulge of tears aching to make their way out of my eyes. I had to stop. “Stop right now,” I told myself. I could not go any further. I would not let myself shed another tear until this was all over.  My mother needed me and my strength right now. I would absolutely not let myself show how weak and frail I felt inside even though all I really wanted to do was go to my bedroom, curl up in a ball, and push the world away.

           The next few days felt like an eternity of awfulness. Having a funeral for a loved one should not have to be so demanding on the grieving. Putting on a brave face to comfort my family, especially my mom, was my most important task. Having to make sure that I spoke to every single solitary person who attended and thank him or her for coming, when all I really wanted to do was sit next to my father’s casket, hold his hand, with a sign placed next to me that said, “In mourning, please do not disturb.”  All of this was well wearing on me, not to mention, putting up with Luke and his guilt-ridden demands.