Chapter Eight: Grovel
1249 Words
Cassian
.
I DID everything I can to feed her while she lock herself away. I apologized and begged for her forgiveness a thousand times but they all seem to fall on deaf ears.
I can hear her sobs as I slept on the floor outside her door. I wanted to explain that I have to do what I did because I can't stand being away from her. How can I explain my obsession to her without freaking her out?
I think she would've accepted me if I didn't lie. I knew she hated lying. Even in school, she punched her classmate in third grade for lying about stealing her pencil. I personally talked to her third grade teacher about the incident. Of course, everyone wants money. As soon as I offered them money for any piece of information about Anri, they all lined up outside my office with everything they have about my woman.
It will take time. I know that she hates me now but she'll forgive me soon. Hell, I would wait a hundred lifetimes for her forgiveness.
I didn't push the idea of explaining my side of the story to her. My sweet firecracker is still heartbroken that her love lied to her, manipulated her.
I know she loves me. I know she'll forgive me no matter what I do. Because if she decides that she wanted me dead, I will gladly kill myself for her. I hope she doesn't ask me that, because I would hate to not see her again.
I can still hear her hiccups from the other side of the door. I touched the wood just to feel her movement. It's suffocating when she's crying because of me. I started hating myself because she hates me so much right now. I even scratched my arm because I want to hurt myself so bad because Anri's anger towards me is astronomical. I may be crazy but that's wht I am when it comes to her.
I tried to stop these obsession. I know it isn't normal for a person to feel this way, but I can't. She's all I could think of. Whenever I try to forget her, I want to hurt myself. It is as if this obsession inside me festered and grew into something that I can't control. This obsession controls me, not the other way around.
I wiped a tear off my cheek when I tried to open her door a little and place her favorite buttered chicken in a bowl. It's been three days now and she hasn't taken a shower yet. I won't let her skip a meal.
"Sweet, please. Eat this. You can hate me all you want but, please, eat."
"f**k off," she whispered, her voice is full of hatred and pain, and that made me hate myself even more. I took a mental note to call the strongest security personnel in the village to beat me up until I have broken bones all over my body.
Anri
.
.
I FORCED myself to eat even though I don't have the energy to chew.
I want to take take a bath, too, but I don't have the energy to shower and soap my body. I just eat and sleep. The only time I go outside is when I need to use the bathroom near the kitchen.
Everytime I go outside, he hides. He understands that I don't want to see him and talk to him yet. Everytime I go to the bathroom, he cleans up my mess inside the guestroom. He knows I hate mess.
And there's this one time when he placed a bouquet of daisies in the room to make me feel better, but I just threw it out the window. I know he picked them up himself because I heard him leave and come back an hour later and he opened the door to place it in the room.
I want to hurt him. I want him to feel what I'm feeling right now. But I love him so much that I don't want him hurting. That's how f****d up this is.
I fell asleep on the floor only to wake up at the sound of the tree branches rustling. It is then I realized that I slept until it's three in the afternoon.
And Cassian is sleeping beside me. On the floor.
I expected to feel hatred but all I feel is longing. It's been days since I last saw him and I wanted to burst into tears for what happened between us.
I also noticed that he had bruises all over his body. I panicked and started to search all over his body for broken bones of anything. Tears started to flood my eyes when I realized that he's unconscious.
I ran outside and screamed for help and, immediately, a security personnel went to me. I realized that it's Syndey. I asked her to help me bring Cassian to the hospital and she immediately rushed inside the house.
Sydney grabbed the walkie talkie from her belt and started contacting the physician on duty in the village. She rubbed my back as I sob against my palm.
"It's gonna be okay, Anri. He's just unconscious. The physician will check his condition."
"Did someone hurt him? Maybe, somebody tried to kill him?" I'm desperate for answers. I wanted to know what happened.
"Well, Anri. He asked Troy to beat him up. He's the head of the security. If Troy doesn't agree, Cassian will fire him. Cassian knows how important this job is to Troy. I'm pretty sure Troy avoided his vital organs, seeing that most of Mr. Markov's bruises is around his lip and arms. I think he lost consciousness because of fatigue sntd not because he got seriously hurt."
Sydney gave me an empathetic look while rubbing my back but I stood up.
"Where is Troy?"
Sydney saw the danger in my eyes so she immediately told me Troy's location. No matter how much Cassian blackmailed him to beating him up, he shouldn't have done it. He's the head of the security. He's supposed to protect Cassian, not the other way around.
"Anri, I know you're angry. Troy is only doing what Cassian asked him to do. If Troy didn't agree, Cassian would do it to himself. In fact, he might even put hinself in danger in the process."
Sydney's words calmed me down a bit. I swore that day to tell Cassian that if he hurts himself like that again, I will never forgive him.
I don't know where my hatred go. It all vanished as soon as I see Cassian's unsconscious body lying on the floor next to me. He must've thought he's gonna die, because he finally invaded my space. He probably thought before he lost consciousness that that will be the last time that he'll ever see me.
I've been telling myself that I was an i***t for loving Cassian. I called myself stupid because I believed him and loved him unconditionally.
No. I was wrong. Cassian is the stupid one. He doesn't hear reason when I'm concerned. One word from me and he'll end himself. I see it now.
He'll never hurt me. Judging his current state, he'll hurt anyone who hurt me, including himself. That's how dumb he is.
Relief flooded my system as soon as realization hit me. I can't help but reach for Cassian's face and whispered how I love his stupid ass.
- Writer
