DEFYING MY MATES

A Peek Into The Past

Eric Rutherford, my ex-crush/ professor, joined our college a few weeks ago. He drew everyone’s attention to him like moths to flame. Everyone, including our professors and staff, fawned over his good looks and physique.

He was an epitome of perfection with his tanned skin, masculine features and athletic body. His raven black hair seemed so soft, and was always perfectly styled.

With his 6”2’ height, he easily towered over my 5”6’ stature whilst caging my body between his chest and lockers. He stood an inch away from me as his right hand rested on my head. We were so close that I could feel the rise and fall of his chest.

Our surroundings turned into nothingness, as my blue eyes bored into his beautiful ones. He had amber eyes, something in between a yellowish and coppery tint with golden specks in them. One could drown in his eyes, as they were so mesmerizing.

“Breathe, love” he whispered in my ear in his husky voice, breathing down my neck. I didn’t even realize that I had held my breath. However, I felt myself breathing greedily in his rich musky scent enveloping around my body as if my body had its own mind.

If it weren’t for his strong hold on my waist, I would have turned into a heap of muscles and bones long ago. I could feel his body heat entangling with mine, making me feel a lot hotter.

My heart was thumping so loudly in my chest that I felt it would jump out of my ribcage. As he leaned a little closer, my body shivered and goose bumps arose on my skin. I closed my eyes in anticipation to savor the long-awaited moment. It was like a dream come true as I always thought of what he would taste like and I was so close to unraveling this mystery.

And, Bam!!!!!!!!!!!

“What the hell?” I screeched in annoyance. Shania Evans, my college roommate, was laughing like a chipmunk, rolling on the floor while I was panting hard as if I ran a marathon. My clothes were a little wet with sweat, probably due to the intense dream I had.

Couldn’t she wait for a minute? I was about to kiss him at last. I didn’t know what frustrated me more, an almost kiss or her being a nuisance.

After gaining her composure, she flicked her non-existent tears like a drama queen that she was and sassed,” Have you seen the time? We would have missed our exam if Jake hadn't called me earlier.”

I was a little confused as I clearly remember that I set my alarm for 10 o’ clock, an hour before our scheduled time. Before I could even say something to defend myself, she said, “Save it for later. It’s 10:30. Get up before we get too late, sleepyhead.”

Without even glancing at the clock, I hurriedly walked towards the washroom limping, as my leg got tangled in my comforter, but luckily, I managed to avoid toppling on the floor. This day couldn’t get any worse than it already was.

I told Nia to decide my outfit for today as she befits while I washed my face. I did my morning routine and took the quickest shower of my life. Moisturizing my body, I brushed my hair as fast as I could.

The first thing that I saw as I walked into my room was a white t-shirt and rugged black jeans laid on my bed neatly while Nia was sprawled out on her bed waiting for me. I wore my clothes as fast as I could and stuffed my essentials in a bag. Before I could put on my black ankle-length boots, she dragged me outside our room by the elbow along with my boots.

Mumbling something about me being irresponsible and what not, she locked our room as I glared daggers at her back. I ignored her rambling and focused on something more important. That was wearing my boots. Right.

She walked ahead as I ran after her. I told her to slow down a bit, as we still had 10 minutes left. Without even giving me a glance, she said and I quote, “Can you be punctual at least once in your life?”

Smiling sheepishly at her, I responded with a big fat NO.

To my relief, we arrived on time to take our exams. We wished each other luck, which obviously wasn’t going to help with our exams. I was a little anxious and I knew it wasn’t going to get any better till I was done with my exam. But hey on the bright side, today was our last exam and with that our last semester also ends this July.

I wondered how in the world I spent the last few years.

I’m Marisha Welsh, 24 years old, brought up in Cormano; a commune in the Metropolitan city of Milan in the Italian region of Lombardy. My father is a history professor while my mother is a painter. I liked to paint but not enough to let go of my dream of becoming a passionate writer. I recently published a book ‘Seven lives’, which wasn’t a big hit, but got a lot of positive reviews and boosted my confidence.

Five years from now, I can see myself sitting on my porch at the c***k of dawn with my laptop and a mug of coffee writing about my life, experiences, memories, drunken shared stories, art, culture, traditions, and beauty that surrounds me. It has been my dream ever since I can remember.

I was a troubled child and my parents were always worried about the outbursts I had. They tried their best they could to help me, but it wasn’t really much. They enrolled me into martial arts as they thought it would help me with anger issues, as my psychiatrist suggested, while I continued with my therapy sessions. I tried to conceal it as best as I could rather than to vent it out on people around me, as I didn’t want to trouble my parents more than they already were.

But, it got worse over the years and I knew it as I had this nagging feeling in my head that the subconscious I'm trying to cage is going to break free one day and when that day comes, I know it's gonna raise hell around me. And, I hope I'm wrong.

Flashback: My outburst

“You can’t keep me here forever even if I’m not normal, you know that, right?” I yelled at them as I tugged hard at my hair.

I went into a frenzy of rage when they refused me to go to Boston University. I didn’t want to vent it out on them, so I bit my lip hard to avoid it. But, I really wanted to go there ever since I saw my acceptance letter. I wanted to be a girl who was confident and courageous with more experiences and stories to share and not someone like me who was protected from the outside world under her parent's wings.

I would have bald patches on my head if it weren’t for my mum, who kept caressing my hair and kissing my forehead regardless of how shitty I behaved whenever I had a meltdown.

Either they were habitual of it or they knew the struggles I went through daily or both; nevertheless, they knew I didn’t mean any of it. They knew I loved them.

“Sweetie, who cares? Because I don't and I'm fine with it. Believe me, there’s nothing wrong with you being different. Not everything in the world falls in black and white. Even all the fingers on our hands aren't the same. Then how could you expect everyone to be alike? You don't have to fit into the normal standard set by society. Who the fudge decides what's normal and what's not. What is right and what's wrong? Just because someone said it's not normal and the rest of the freaking population agrees with it ..Doesn’t mean you're wrong. ” She lectured me as she poked her index finger at my chest right over my heart.

And, it broke all the damned walls built up around my heart for over 18 long years from all the bullying I went through in my life, either by kids or by elders who thought of me as an animal who attacked anyone in his path.

It was heart-breaking because even animals don’t do that and they declared me something as low as that.

I never told my parents what I went through until and unless my principal complained that their child beat the s**t out of someone. I was the wrong one all my life and it felt good to hear that I might not be. At least there was hope that I could be saved and it’s not too late.

Eventually, I gave in and applied to the University of Milan, Italy, as my parents kept whining all day about how much they were going to miss me if I attended Boston University when I was right in front of them.

It was an hour's drive from home and they could visit me whenever they wanted to.

Flashback Ends:

All my life I have struggled with anger till we visited my grandpa. My parents didn’t want to burden him in his old age, so they kept it from him. Later, he got to know about it while we visited him in Athens for the first time when I was a little over 9 or something.

My grandpa and I did a few breathing exercises, stretching for a few days while my parents were seated on the couch a few meters away as they watched me intently, as if I was going to vanish into thin air.

I was flabbergasted at the outcome.

I felt more calm and composed than I had ever felt throughout my life. I could think more clearly and, most importantly, didn’t have to think about bashing someone’s head each time when something didn’t go according to me.

I didn’t know what in the world he did to me with a mere little exercise. Was it magic? Was it science or the power of meditation? I didn’t exactly know, but I was glad I could feel a little normal for once.

My anger subsided, not completely, but it was more than enough to live peacefully in a degrading society full of hypocrites. And it was an achievement, at least for me.

My college life was the best due to Nia and Jake. I, coincidentally, met Shania when we were in the library skimming through the bookshelves. We kind of clicked instantly and have been friends ever since then, along with her fiancée, Jake Bennett. They were high school sweethearts and got engaged when their companies merged.

Nia had a knack for flaring anyone up in a mere few words. She was a vivacious little thing with her 5"2' stature. She was my defender whenever anyone tried anything funny on me. It wasn’t because I couldn't do it myself, but I knew if I fed the beast inside me, it would long for more. I couldn’t risk that. Nevertheless, she didn't feed me with the rubbish to be brave, fight for the right thing and all.

So, she would get mad on my behalf. Most importantly, she saw the real me and not the one people claimed me to be.