Travel back to heal

Left behind

Ah before completely understanding things.

I was hurt just by analyzing

while seeing other kids being loved and treasured

So I did what i was told, just to be accepted and validated.

I went for conditional love, which was the best choice I could make,

as a little child who wasn't taught correctly without thinking of the consequences.

While no one loved me, I gave up on my old self,

and I buried my natural self and my free spirit.

That's the price i paid just to be able to survive in my own jungle.

I was scared of being a nobody or a bad person.

Then I started being independent without realizing it,

by becoming a parent to myself, taking my own decisions

Learning, watching and educating myself

Because of fear, I did it in a harsh way,

was the only way to become a proper human being.

Why was i that harsh, causing more pain? Maybe I was used to it ?

Was it because i was sure that no one would accept me if I didn't ?

Was i scared of becoming like my parents and that i wanted to be better ?

So I just hurt myself more.

At a young age, I knew that my twins died when we were born.

I felt lonely,

not understanding why am i the only one left ?

I felt like I was living for us. I was thinking I had to live well for us.

Why am i left behind where no one cares about me?