Three days later, I'm still kicking myself. I shouldn't have done that. Any of it. I shouldn't have insisted on powering through Gardenia's session with a headache, just because I couldn't bear the idea of a week passing without time spent with her. I shouldn't have let the headache show, and when she rested her thumbs against my temples, I should have nudged her off and set clearer boundaries.
And I definitely shouldn't have let her clatter out of my office like that, red hair flying behind her and her face pinched.
I upset her. I let her think–and then–
Fuck. I really am an asshole.
Gardenia always haunts my thoughts, but it's even worse now that the last image I have of her is her running away from me. Is she scared of me? Should I transfer her to another therapist? Would I ever see
