In Too Deep

Let's. Talk. About. Love?

Bishop POV continued:

I got in the car and bucked in, Tara was already bucked in and checking her mirrors, she pulled out of her parking spot and we were off. After a few minutes of my brain going crazy with what if's, she clears her throat and glances at me. "So Bishop um, I feel like you've been upset with me and I mean I can understand why but like I don't like it when you are mad at me, I don't know how to fix it. She says to me & starts chewing on her bottom lip. She always chews on her lip when she's nervous. It's a terrible habit but it's so cute when she does it.

I'm not mad at you Tara,, I mean I'm upset with you but not for the reasons your thinking. She looks over at me and say's then why? Continuously looking at me, Hey! Eyes on the road, I shouted at her. She quickly. She returns her eyes to the road ahead. Although I love it when she stares at me with those honey brown eyes, I'd prefer to keep her eyes on the road while driving, especially here in New York, there are some seriously crazy drivers. Aside from that, it makes it harder for me to clearly express myself with her staring into my soul. I sigh and say Tara, listen" I have been feeling a lot of things for a while that I've been scared to tell you I mean, I just huh. I stammer and mentally kick myself for not being able to get it out. I build up the courage and the anger within myself for not being clear and possibly missing my chance and I blurt out TARA I'M f*****g IN LOVE WITH YOU OKAY! I have loved you for so many years. I think you are the most gorgeous, beautiful, sexy, confident & f*****g intoxicating woman I have ever laid eyes on. Your strong matured but bubbly personality and your overly honest self-expression, your strong sense of self-security and passion for those around you, your strong mother, a fabulous mother, a sexy goddess and your nothing like anyone I have ever met. It's like the day I meant you, you put this spell on me.

The first time I met you , you were head strong and your demeanor and style were so different. I honestly thought you were a gang-banger.*laughs* you were just so tough, but just so smooth with it all, like the way you spoke had me like whoa, honestly a little nervous around you but intrigued, and I couldn't get you out of my mind.

The next few times from then, when you weren't angry, or you were just taking a walk so peacefully, you were confident, and you had this look and aura around you.

The first time we sat and spoke. Just you and I, you had this look that intrigued me. The way you would stare into my eyes and listen intently, the way you just made me feel so comfortable like I have never felt so comfortable with any one that quickly, I thought you were thugged out but when I had a conversation with you, I was blown away.

How broad your vocabulary is, the way you have this way with words, it's almost poetic. I feel like I'm in a tranche when i'm around you. I get drunk off you Tara. I cant help but want you not just sexually, but most definitely that way too but mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. I want every piece of you not just your body. Your successful, ambitious, driven and the way you dress now compared to then. At time you look innocent like a kindergarten school teacher, but then you just look so exotic and I look at you get so angry at even the thought of anyone else having they're hands-on you. I feel like It should have been me you chose Tara not Nick. Nick is not the type of person that will ever fully choose you. He had his chance before and he f****d it up and he's f*****g things up with his fiancé & you really believe he's going to be faith full and love you the way I can and do? He's showing you that he isn't faithful to anyone and It enrages me that your willing to accept that. I get it that there is history but why go back to him? Why cant you see me for who I am? why won't you open your eyes and see that I am the man for you Tara, I've always been there and feel like you threw me into the friend zone and it hurts, I hate it Tara. Why can't you see me? open the eyes of your heart and see me! I need you to open your eyes and see that the man I am will treasure you and love you, the man that will accept you and all the flaws and baggage and hurt and pain that comes with it, and try to fix all the hurt in you, I will cherish you. I will be here to hold your heart carefully. Love all the hurt away. I will be patient with you and slowly break down that wall, I'll never break your trust and I will cater to you, stimulate your mind and be all that you need. Tara tell me you see me, tell me you feel the same way, tell me you will accept me too flaws and all and that you'll allow me hold you, love you and be loved by you. Tell me you'll be mine and allow us the chance to have a bright, happy, committed future together. I take a deep breath and look up from my hands that are now white, from me self-consciously squeezing them together and look over at her. I was so deep this expression confessing my love to her that I didn't even notice that the car isn't moving, she had pulled over on the side of the road and is now looking at me with tears streaming down her face. Bishop, she says breathlessly. No one has ever said something so beautiful to me and I do accept you, I have so much i want to say right now to you but I know in my heart but in this moment is not the right time, I had a crush on you from the first time seen you but I just never had any indication, and you were always so nice I thought you just friend zoned me so I didnt want to make a fool of myself so I just pushed those feelings aside.

I am so sorry I hurt you by flaunting my situation with Nick around you I had no idea. I love everything you said and I just need some time, Bishop, I feel alot of emotions right now. I always dreamed of someone confessing their love for me the way you just have, and I wish that things were as messy and complicated as they are. I don't want to hurt you or push you away or even make you regret telling me because you have no idea how much it meant to me that you opened up and told me your truth, your feelings about me and your dream for us. I am just asking right now that you give me time and space to process this and really figure out what it is (or who it is rather) *I think to myself* I didn't expect you to say all that, and it was beautiful. It truly touched my heart, there is a lot of buzzing in my head and I need to digest everything. This was a lot to hear. I'm not going to lie. It caught me off guard. I have feelings for Nick too. Please just don't hate me, I need you to be patient.

I look her in the eyes and say yes Tara, I know this was a lot to drop on you. But I won't wait forever. I spent so much time longing for you and I need an answer soon. He grabs my face and pulls me in for a kiss and I feel something i have never ever felt with anyone before. It felt like my heart was totally complete now, it felt like two half-heart shaped magnates clicked and connected and became one. It scared me a lot! and from the look on his face i can tell it might have scared him too.

I put the car in drive and got us back to TJ's house as quickly as possible. When we walked in the door, everyone was sitting in the living room waiting for us. TJ gives me a side eye and asks me have I been crying? Nick runs over and asks me if I'm okay. I assure everyone that I am okay. Emma walks into the room and hugs me and lets me know the kids are asleep. I look over at the clock it reads, 1 am. I thank her for driving them and putting them to bed, It's clearly twin-tuition because she gives me the pink tap on the nose, it's a twin code that we need a minute to talk privately.

I look to everyone and say I'm fine truly, Bishop and I just had to had some stuff to hash out and clear the air and ya'll know I get kind of emotional. They all nod and I force a smile.

Bishop glances at me and walks over to TJ and Angel who has a beer out stretched towards him. He takes the beer and takes a swig. Thanks sis. TJ nods

Tars POV

I tell everyone I'm going to bed and Nick says," OK, beautiful, I'll be up in a minute" and I turn back around towards him and say No, uh I just kinda need my twin tonight. Nick looked at me wearily and shocked. Uh okay. Did I do something wrong? No, you didn't I just have a lot on my mind right now.... I said in my head, stuck in thought:. The truth is, I can't be around him or Bishop right now. I feel confused and emotional and honestly kind of pissed off. I did not come here to be placed emotionally in some tug of war. To be honest, that is exactly the situation I'm in, and I have no idea what to do at all! but of course, I can't tell them that.

OK, He replied in a more questioning tone. He kissed my forehead and I turned back around and proceeded to head to the bedroom with my twin in tow. Once we get to the room and she closes the door, She looks at me and says OKAY, SPILL NOW! What happened from the time we left the show until now? I sigh twin, I don't even know where to begin....