When forever isn't enough

Chivalry.

I made a date with a 20-year-old due to my drunken state... but there was no denying how he made me feel. I felt seen and wanted. I felt sexy, the way his eyes traveled up and down my body made me feel giddy. He looked at me in a way Max once looked at me, but deep down, drunk or not, I knew this guy was after one thing.

He didn't really want me. He wanted my body so he could boast about being with an older woman to his buddies, so he could string me along, make me feel wanted and needed until he no longer wanted or needed me anymore, and as older women always do, we fall for their trap. Sometimes we think we can play it cool or beat them at their own game, but in most cases we lose.

I texted Lex and told her I was heading home, then booked myself a cab. Now I'm drunk in a car with a stranger, and with a head filled once again with doubt. I hated how broken I was, how I couldn't escape what Max had done. He didn't just damage me, he ruined me for every man that might come into my life after him, young or old. I also couldn't stop thinking about what Ethan said...

How matured he seemed for his age... but was that just part of his ploy to get me into his bed? My cell buzzes in my hand, but I don't bother looking at it... it's probably Lex texting me about how cabs and drunken women are stupid decisions, but stupid decision was one of the biggest parts of my life.

It's like my sense of direction was off, like my instincts didn't work, like I couldn't detect a good man's radar. My phone buzzes again, I hand the driver his money, thank him for bringing me home safely and stumble my way to the front door with my boots in one hand and my cell in the other. I'm so much drunker than I thought.

Happy shitty home, I thought to myself, I finally got the door unlocked and open after three tries. I'm a mess, but my head is in the clouds. I feel better than I have felt in months, even if this was just for a fleeting moment. It felt amazing to feel human again, to feel alive, to have caught someone's attention.

Lexi's P.O.V

It's been a while since I've seen Ken smiling, and I'm not talking about a smile that hides the way you feel inside. I'm talking about a real smile... She's been through so much for so long that it made me hate her... I hated that she accepted the way that pompous ass Max treated her... I hated that she was too weak to let that righteous b***h, Julia, get away with what she did...

But then, after my anger subsided, I realized she wasn't weak. No, she was far from it. She remained calm, elegant and mature even though her entire world was falling apart around her, she remained strong. So I watched from a distance as Ethan made her smile, even if it was just for that moment.

Kendal's P.O.V

I woke up with a pounding headache, so much for thinking I could still drink as much as I used to. I lay there for a moment looking at the ceiling, and I was overwhelmed. For so long, I felt stuck, like I was trapped in a life I couldn't see a way out of. All I wanted was the same love. I gave the same respect and the same loyalty.

For Max, everything I had ever asked for seemed like the most impossible task, but I later realized that love didn't need begging; it didn't ask for safety. I realized that those things should have come naturally if he really loved me, but all I ever did was beg for a spot in his life I now know I never had.

Text message:

Lex: Heard you have a date...

Ken: Mmm. I remember something like that, but I don't think I'll be going.

Lex: What? Why?

Ken: Are you forgetting that his young and still in college?

Lex: And you're old? Girl, please, look, just go on a date. If you don't like him, you don't have to see him again, but you won't know unless you give it a try.

Ken: Fine, come help me pick out something later?

Lex: Of course.

I got out of bed, rushed through my morning routine and headed straight for my art room... I was itching to paint again. I let myself go, cleared my mind and let my hand and the brush do their work... a round circle, two smaller ones on the sides, my hand had a mind of its own. I missed this.

"That's beautiful."

I turn to see Lex standing in the doorway of my art room and then back at my painting...

"You're early"

I whisper.

"No, I'm right on time, your date will be here in two hours."

I looked at the clock on the wall and she was right.

"I told him I'd pick him up just in case I decided to change my mind."

"Well, he called me, seeing that you hadn't given him a number. He wanted to be a gentleman and pick you up."

She steps closer and inspects my painting, c*****g her head from side to side.

"How chivalry of him... I'll get in a shower."

My date arrived 15 minutes earlier looking sinfully sexy and freshly showered. All of a sudden, I felt self-conscious, I looked good, I felt good. I just didn't feel good enough for him... Love on the Brain by Rihanna is playing when we get in the car... other than that, it is quiet. He doesn't speak and neither do I...

I'm nodding my head to the song when he breaks the silence...

"Spread'em legs."

His looking ahead at the road so he didn't see my mouth touching the floor of his car.