A Piece Of Memory

First Reunion

Bandung, a city that is famous for all its complexity now. I think we can start by calling it the largest metropolitan city in the country, a historic place, or maybe a city ​​with low humidity in the air. There are various circumstances that make it very comfortable to live in. But now, sometimes I also think that this city might also develop because of his luck. With many important events in the past, which also makes it written in history books. That's why this city seems to get more attention, right? Where the progress feels much faster than most other place. When I was little, I still remember the environment around where I live. Where the road is just a mound of dry sandy soil. In fact, there is always a clearing field between almost every house. But now, all areas that were once residential have immediately changed to offices. Shopping centers began to fill some places, while residences began to be replaced by apartments.But here, in Bandung, I think is still the same as all other big cities. And almost always there are marginalized groups who live crammed into the middle of a big city. As proof that life is not easy anymore. But it all seems to be about a regular job, right? And since both of my parents have it, (both of them work as teachers in a government-owned school), at least my sisters and I still can get a proper education. Although it is also not the most prestigious education in the country. Because for college matters, of course my parents have to work extra for even more.In Bandung, our house was also not too small, but also not is too big for a family with six live on it. With the porch that already seems likely to sag. My father had repeatedly made repairs to the part, but all he came up with seemed to be nothing but fixing it again in the following years. My sisters and I, (I'm the third of four children), we went to the same school for most of our lives. Which they said for cost reasons. Like inherited books or something. Especially for elementary school where the teachers are my own father and mother.I dare to tell you, my parents really worked tirelessly for most of their lives. And it's not just an expression that usually children said for their parents, but also because of the fact that they barely have no time to take a breath, even for a moment. Morning and night, almost eighteen hours or more I thought. And almost no time or opportunity is wasted. When the class ends, they will usually teach for private classes. While hoping for understanding from parents where their children are being taught. And or even when the morning is still blind, they are used to getting up for making various light snacks also. Before marketing it in stalls or even the school canteen."Working hard all day for a day's food. Go the extra mile for a better future the next day." That's what my dad used to say. With the hope that we children make him as a role model.In the essence I could tell you, if my parents really fought for this family. A very reliable character. Although all of the awards actually can't come from me.And yes, my understanding of parents I think is very different from most people. When you can boast of your parents as a great figure, love and compassion, but I, I will never be able to find such expressions in my life. My father and mother, they don't love me. They can show their love, their care, for other children, but not for me.I don't want you to say I'm exaggerating. Besides, I have no reason to do it, right? But a number of physical or psychological injuries that I have received really remind me of everything. I, am someone who spent most of my childhood in terror. I knew only a fear as a child. They often even treated me in a very bad way. Like hitting me for a no reasons. And quibble if it's a kind of learning for me. But what kind of lesson is there if the only way is violence? Even a fool could understand it so easily.Maturity, in the end made me understand what is happening. Where I often compare my life with my other friends. While they could just as easily buy the newest toys they wanted, I could only find myself stealing the marbles that sold on my neighbor shop. And unlike the rest of my friends, when they used to talk about the last episode of the movie they watched (we often talked about the Dragon Ball series), it seemed like I was the only one who sitting alone in a corner, listening. We don't have cable television at home, but that's not the problem. My father and mother, they will always forbid me if I go out of the house. Even just to watch at a neighbor's house.At home, there was never money to buy toys, or even clothes. Except that help came from the neighbor, even in the form of secondhand clothes. And it's not uncommon for me to peek inside my sisters' closets, noticing how many clothes they have. As for mine, I don't think I have more than ten pieces of clothes and cloth pants. I've even stolen buttons or zippers from their clothes many times, before sewing them into my own. Because I'll never have the chance to buy a new one. Well, I'm not saying they never bought it. But even if they were, it would be very rare. And because of the bad treatment that I felt are too much, it immediately faded all the kindness they had ever given away. The discrimination and violence that I've had makes me questioning whether I still have me in their hearts, but I think the answer is no. My past is filled with pain and tears. Made me slowly become a rebel. Even at a very young. And don't tell me if my naughtiness is just putting chewing gum on my friends' chairs, or just throwing paper at them when the teacher's back is on us. No, absolutely not. Even my mischief can be much cruel than that.I used to shoot ink into their uniforms, scribble on their textbooks, pull up a stool when they were about to sit, or pull earrings out of girls' ears. But believe me, deep inside, I never had the slightest intention to hurt them. Older people like to interpret it as seeing attention. Although that's not really what I was looking for. Friendship, I think. Even I did it the wrong way. But ironically, it's precisely those kinds of things that get me shunned.I have such a bad social life. And almost have no friends. There's always a group at every school, and I've never been in one. They are always passive and continue to take care of themselves. And never included me in their crowd. At that time, I did not understand if there was something wrong at me. But I did find out after a year studying in nursing.But again, I can tell you, of course this education is not the one of my desires. And I don't think there are many people who want to make it as their coveted job. You can imagine what their job is like, taking care of other people who are not even your own family, helping to feed, motivate or care more than yourself, or even wiped someone ass when they can't do it by their self. But this time I don't know, why for the rest of my life I've only been faced with the fact that I really don't have a choice. Because unlike my sisters, when they could go to school for the education they wanted, my parents, they just said they didn't have anything to pay for my school. What is clear they never tried it.Two years I was studying, then I understand what really happened. One of my lecturers once said to us, "A child with an unhappy childhood, they usually do various ways to get attention, which one of them is by disturbing." First time I heard it, I thought I didn't really know what to think either. But almost at the time also, I suddenly realized that it was a character that existed in me.I know this is not a new reality. But I don't know why, I think this is the only time when I take it seriously. And it's as if we're talking about someone who isn't normal in this world right now, someone with a faulty wiring in his brain, but unfortunately, I became the one of those people who they were referring about. I suddenly felt like a strange person, someone with an unnatural personality. So, it's been answered why my social are so bad, why people stay away from me, everything that makes me alone. Everything makes sense now. And it'ss not because I didn't want to. But I can't. I did, of course. As social beings. But I always fail when trying to adapt it to the real world. I suddenly saw that as a disgrace to me. A mistake. Which I can't cover anymore.I might be able to accept that the reason is because my parents died. At least, I won't be looking for someone I might be able to blame or hate. But reality never said so. Which instantly made me angry. I hated them even more, hated them so much, and I even ever thought the best scenario for retaliating. About how to remove them from my own world.A few years after my vocational education ended, I started trying to apply for different types of jobs. But finding a job in this country is not certainly an easy matter. Even almost always being the first in class doesn't means guarantee. I had worked as an internet cafe keeper several times, worked as a cashier, or even a salesperson in a motorcycle show room, which clearly had nothing to do with the qualifications I've ever had. I know it's not the job I've always dreamed about. And all is ended up with getting fired. October 2009, I think that's the way out of all my problems was seen. When the government opened another Civil Servant vacancy. And like others, who are easily swayed by the euphoria of the need for work, I also didn't find a single reason not to apply. After all, being a civil servant also sounds cool. But I'm not stupid. I know I won't have a chance if I applied in Bandung. That's why then I thought I have to leave Bandung immediately.My first choice was to Kalimantan. That's all that crossed my mind. A secluded place, lots of wilderness, and of course there are cities. With a small population. For this I did not say anything to my family. And of course, we haven't been talking lately. As I really mean the plan as a revenge. I considered the idea for a few days. And in the end my choice was clear, if I had to fight my own courage.The flight to Kalimantan feels really empty. Only old memories that I remember along the way. Which is getting stronger as the distance leaving home. With teary eyes, I can only leak out the window. Imagining my life that suddenly has no direction. At the airport, when the plane had just landed, I saw people walking with their goals in life. I guess I'm the only one who doesn't find it. I had no friends, or family in this new land, which seemed to make me feel an isolated man in this world.It was quite heavy of course, when I had to fight for everything alone. Yet I've been through tough times in near impossible odds. And I didn't have the slightest choice to stop. Two weeks passed, as admissions had just begun, I didn't waste my time not registering immediately. Then follow all prescribed procedures, before waiting a few more months. But for this I know that God always has a plan for me. And when my name was registered as one of his graduations, I didn't know what other problems were waiting for me to become available. Welmina, a place located deep in the jungles of Kalimantan, with an area of ​​no more than 10 sq. km. There are no roads, no signal or electricity there (signal and electricity only came in late 2012), with the entire area still bordered by wilderness. Even during the day, it still feels like a dead city. No entertainment or anything like in that place. The small shop has already closed even before eight o'clock in the evening. But just like most of the underdeveloped villages in Kalimantan, the locals seem to be very proud to have survived. Which they say is to implement what they call "Life in your own village is better than in someone else's land." Even in this day and age, that such words also seem to have no value anymore.

In the early 2010s, I remember clearly the first time when I set foot in that place. A place that also has very high humidity. Because the weather is very hot. But when they found out that we would be staying for a long time, all that was left was their hospitality. They showed us the welcome dance, the sprinkling of flowers and also the banquet. The crowd flocked into shaking hands. Old or young. But I'm still the same as I used to be, just going with the flow like most people going to be.

Actually, I didn't come alone either. There were at least eleven more people who had exactly the same fate as mine. Those who are in reality discarded simply because of who they are. I think everyone has heard of it. Noble slogans, which are often used to describe current civil servants. They are said to be civil servants, public servants, a very good publicity to describe this work is a really great. Although in reality I can't see it that way.Let me tell you, in fact we were promised that the placements were based on ranking. And that means I won't have to see the outback as most people avoid. But it is clear that officials always like to lie. Those who like to use their power to be treated special or something. I can even see that from those who got the best places, then after looking at their family as a whole, it makes it look very relevant now. There were even a number of people who had never set his foot in a workplace, but because his father was indeed an influential person in the area, he was never punished or anything. Until all that was heard from him then was the news that he had suddenly moved to a big city. The fact that proves that life is never fair at all.Honestly, I don't want to use this as an excuse either. But it's precisely these kinds of things that make us not love this job anymore. Even in the early days of our work. We used to do this by ditching work. Demanding what we call "Seeking a Justice". I know it might sound like a justification for you. But it doesn't feel really fair, does it, if all the blame is only on us? Then of course the problem is coming, the things that make us getting involved with even more problems. Which, one of them was from Otto himself. He's our boss at Welmina. The worst people in our planet. "I've worked here for decades, but I've never been like you! Have you never looked at me? The employees here are chosen one, high achievers!" he said, pointing himself. Before showing a number of certificates he had won. One of them is the best civil servant of the year. A sentence that I have heard a million times.I swear, he almost always repeats the same words every time he gets angry on us. Before mentioning responsibilities, regulations, or even crazier is asking us to set him as an role model. I didn't know if Otto could understand us or not. Which I think is something that is difficult for me to imagine. Even though he actually has a daughter. She is also an employee and works in rural areas. And again, it seems that everyone who has a power is always the same. Those who always like to use their power at all costs. And Otto wasn't an exception either after all. You can even see that from the health projects that go into this place. When the government issued a large amount of funds, but these funds then mysteriously disappeared. And even though everyone knows what the matter is, it also seems like no one has the courage to take it into court. The same fear that most people face. So when he started talking a lot about discipline, I didn't think he was worth it at all.End then again, when he said he was a best civil servant back then, I think it's just a coincidence. In the eighties when he told me, the truth was that employees in those days were very rare. Because of that, people who work in a such remote place have been chosen. So, what's more to be proud of if the win is like, you know, "competing himself". Maybe the only good thing about him is that his office hours are famous for being so diligent. Even on holidays he might come to the office early in the morning. And don't tell me I made it up.Once, while I was still sleeping enjoying a beautiful morning off, he was suddenly standing in front of the house, banging on the door unconsciously, then nagging casually for being late for work. But when I said it was a day off, I guess he didn't know where to put his face anymore. Amazingly, that i***t always had a reason to avoid. By placing the blame on others at every opportunity. Then once my friend Vira had to remind him that it was a holiday. He even rang the toa many times because the office was completely empty. But this time, the reason he used was because the children in the front yard. "They're playing around, making a mess of the yard." Vira told me. Fortunately, Vira is indeed a little smart here, by making him cornered because of the uniform he is wearing on. Until finally he could not go anywhere else.To be honest, we also don't care about the power he abuses, but when he starts to hurt our lives, we can't just sit there, can we? Especially after he dared to cut our salaries at will. Which instantly made us feel like we lost our sense of respect. In hindsight, we like to call him "The Big-Forehead moron." You know, because his hair does look scanty. I think it's because of his forehead was really greedy, that dares to plunder the area where hair should grow. In fact, we once called it karma for him. I mean, it's his bad attitude that causes his hair to fall out faster.Finally, we developed an even crazier way to mock him. By making a game to laugh at it. My friend Erik and I somehow find a photo of Otto when he was younger. Maybe in his thirties I think, but the fact that surprisingly was that the old man's hair had been bald long ago. We then copied the photo, printed it on cardboard, before turning it into a darts game. Even make it as a betting.I guess everyone here really doesn't like it. The figure we always hoped for died in a pathetic way, but instead was given a long life. From here I began to learn how unfair life in this world to be. The only person who still had respect for him is seemed like to be Randy himself. Even though he actually had a reason for doing that.Randy is the type of person who is good at making faces in front of important people. Maybe that's why he was able to stay in his chair for so long. As the main treasurer who certainly gave many advantages to Otto. Me and my friends, like to associate the two as father and son. Because the hairstyles of the two do look similar. I don't know why, but lately there are many people who experience premature baldness. Of course, he couldn't know about this. But even if he knew, It doesn't really matter at all.However, the crisis of our respect for Otto can heal our disappointment a little while here. And I also know that it is on the basis of these attacks that we will never make peace. Even if you have to fight with him for the rest of your life, I don't think it will be a problem. But that's not what happened then.I don't want you to think that we suddenly turned diligent or something. And of course, it wasn't Otto's that made us do this. But because of another presence, another figure. Like I said, Otto did have a daughter. Her name was Sarah. And actually, there is nothing special about our first meeting. We just met, got acquainted, that's all. I'm not even interested in getting to know her any further. But everyone could easily show their nature when that name was mentioned.My friends and I started to like to find the difference between the two. Like how they get along, the way they talk, or even the way they dress. While imagining Otto's stupidity all this time. It was just some fun to imagine Sarah suddenly came to the office during the middle of the day off. But we have never found that such similarities. Perhaps the only thing that was interesting was the fact that she was the only employee that chose to move to Welmina. Because like I said, when everyone was competing to go to the big city, she actually left all those comforts and chose to live here. But the fruit never falls far from the tree, doesn't it?At first, I thought Sarah would have a little trouble getting along with us. Remembering who his father was. But it turns out that she can do it easily. Including those of us who sometimes still talk about it behind her backs. I guess everyone can cover their face well here. And again, the fact that her appearance isn't that bad either, or even prettier if you really pay attention for more. Which I think is another good thing in our eyes.I know most of my friends are just showing it for fun. Before discovering what they call "fun opportunities". You get what I mean right? After all, working at the same time then seducing girls is a small fun to do. Perhaps the only one seriously pursuing Sarah was Randy himself. The one who even shown his aggressiveness a long time ago. Especially with the closeness he has with his father, it will of course give him a little convenience.And again believe me, there is no love at first sight. It's just a matter of time. Moreover, there is one more thing that is also a burden on my feelings. I don't think I want to just lose face when I'm hanging out with my friends. Especially because I've been sarcastic all this time.I don't want to say if we then suddenly make a conflict. And I also didn't say that I suddenly acted rude to her. I guess I just like to show my ignorance. It's just that I don't want it if my cynical attitude is about to change. But everything will just about to happen in the near future.