More Than Friends

Chapter 7: Brady

As he turned back around to face his computer, Brady’s stomach roiled uncomfortably. After three years, he was really hoping for a promotion sometime soon. Or, at the very least, some kind of sign to let him know that this was the right place for him, that he had a future at Hughes, one that he could grow into. He had worked so hard over the past three years and had been hoping that he would be rewarded for that hard work. He had always had exemplary evaluations, gotten positive feedback from the editors he worked, and had good meetings with Max that left him feeling confident that he was doing well.

It was frustrating to watch someone else get the chance he’d been waiting for, even if it was his best friend. He wasn't quite sure what the upward mobility track was at Hughes, it was always a little fuzzy and never very clear, and he couldn't help wondering if he needed to find a larger publishing house with more opportunities. If Charlotte got promoted, what did that mean for the rest of them? He didn’t want to feel resentful of Charlotte, he wanted to be truly happy for her… and he was. But as he stared blankly at his computer screen, he started to wonder if this was the right place for him.

Brady liked his job. He loved the entire publishing process, enjoyed diving into each new project, and relished the work he did. Despite the regular teasing he endured from his buddies, he enjoyed working in the world of romance novels. He knew that some people criticized the genre it for being cheesy and predictable, but Brady liked knowing that no matter how much conflict there was, there would always be a happy ending. Plus, he spent so much of his time fact checking, talking with marketing and social media, and combing pages for grammar mistakes, he didn’t end up reading many books start to finish.

Back when he took the job, he still imagined spending his free time writing his own stuff. Like so many other people he went to college with who graduated with a degree in English, he dreamed of writing and publishing his own work. Of needing to get an editor, instead of being one. But he didn’t have as much downtime as he thought he would and all these years later, he still didn't have anything of his own written. A few ideas tossed around with Charlotte, their dream of co-authoring a novel, and a few half-hearted attempts languishing on his computer were all he had to show for it.

Brady felt his stomach growl and realized it was long past lunchtime. Pulling off his headphones and pushing away from his desk, he realized that Madison and Steph were both gone.

“Hey, where is everyone?” Brady asked Charlotte, who was eating a salad at her desk.

“Grabbing lunch from Joe’s Deli,” Charlotte said around a mouthful. “They were going to ask you, but Madison said you brought your lunch and it looked like you were in the zone.” She used air quotes around the last three words, indicating their cubicle’s agreed upon term for the moments when it was clear someone was working intently.

“Yeah, I brought lunch,” Brady said, stretching. “I’m going to eat outside, wanna join?”

“Can’t,” Charlotte said, taking another bite. “If I’m going to get through this today, I need to keep going.”

He noticed that she had tied her wild curls into a messy bun on top of her head, had kicked her shoes off, and was sitting with both legs crossed under her on her chair. She was in full-on work mode, and he knew better than to press.

It was one of the things he loved about her, her drive to get things done to their fullest. She didn’t half-ass anything. It was in these moments he found her the most attractive, at her most authentic… just so effortlessly cute. He had a surge of longing as he pictured her just like this—hair tied up, computer on her lap, determination on her face; but instead of the office, she was on their bed in their bedroom. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t stop his brain from playing out these fantasies. One minute they were in their office talking about a lunch break, the next minute, he was deep in his own fantasy and they were married with a house, and he was bringing her tea in bed while she worked late. He shook his head to pull himself back to the present.

“Good luck,” he said lamely as he headed off to the kitchen.

Sitting outside, he let himself fully relax. Legs stretched out, he leaned back in his chair and tilted his head back, letting the sun warm his face. He forced Charlotte from his mind and thought about Gigi, her sparkling eyes and warm smile. He decided that this was the perfect time to text Gigi. He pushed away the thoughts that it was too early to reach out and told himself that it was a good thing, that she would feel flattered. And maybe she would be the antidote to his lovesickness.

Of course, he’d tried that before: dating other women, s*x with other women, relationships with other women. So far, he hadn’t found a cure. Charlotte was always the third person in their relationshi, whether he wanted to admit it or not. He spent so much time with Charlotte that it inevitably became an issue with every girlfriend. He couldn’t blame them, no matter how hard he tried, he always ended up putting Charlotte first and no one was going to stick around for that. The time he and Charlotte spent together was an obvious frustration for anyone who Brady dated, but it was the constant comparisons that he made that were the real problem. Brady never verbalized it, but he was silently assessing each relationship, each characteristic, each situation against what he imagined it would be like with Charlotte. He knew that it was unhealthy, but he couldn't stop himself.

But it had been seven years. Seven years of him being obviously in love with her, with no response… besides her friendship. And her friendship was important to him, one of the most important things to him, but at the end of the day, it was still only a friendship. Never anything more. There had been that one moment in her dorm room right after graduation, when they spent the night celebrating getting jobs at Hughes, but he had royally screwed that up. He found himself in Charlotte's bed, drunk and happy, and then frozen with fear and longing, scared to make a move; scared not to. She had seemed into it, but looking back on it, he wasn’t sure if that was because of the alcohol or if they were real feelings. He’d been too afraid to bring it up to her the next morning, too afraid that she might say out loud the words he feared the most: that they would never have a chance to have a romantic relationship. Until those words were verbalized, he could convince himself that he still had a chance, that there was still a possibility.

But the conversation with Madison that morning was ringing in his ears… she accused Brady of being obsessed with Charlotte. Was he obsessed with her? He could see how, to an outside observer he certainly looked that way. He also knew that she had a point and he knew that he couldn’t spend the rest of his life waiting for her to tell him that she suddenly wanted to be more than friends. It was just the possibility of the what if that kept him hoping. Not to mention the fact that best-friends-turn-lovers was one of the most common romance tropes out there. How could he completely give up on the possibility when there was even the tiniest spark of a chance? On the other hand, how could he spend his entire life waiting on the slim chance that she will competely change her mind? It was a risk either way.

The other thing that Madison said this morning whispered to him now: If you truly love something, set it free. Maybe it was time to set Charlotte free and see if she would come back, to see if she was ever his to begin with. More appropriately, he reasoned, maybe it was time to set himself free. If it was meant to be with Charlotte, it would be, but he couldn’t keep waiting around, wasting the chance at other relationships any longer.

Brady thought about all the time he had spent dreaming and fanaticizing about being with Charlotte. What it would be like to be married, spend their lives together, live happily ever after… hell, just to kiss her! He had made sure to keep himself nearly constantly available for her, just in case she ever changed her mind—on the tiny, off-chance that he would finally see him as her soul mate, her partner, her lover. He had always kept one foot always out of his relationships, his heart was never fully invested in anyone else and in doing so, he had robbed himself of the chance to meet someone who would love him back.

Well, that ends today, he thought to himself as he pulled out his phone.

He pulled up Gigi’s information and shot her a text.

Hey there! It was fun running into you at the coffee place yesterday. Want to grab a drink later this week?

He looked at the words for a minute, hesitating over the blue “send” arrow for a just moment. Finally, he sent the text and put the phone face down on the table to finish his lunch. A few minutes later, his watch vibrated an alert. He grabbed his phone and saw a text response from Gigi.

Sorry… who is this?

Oh God, he thought, his stomach dropped a little as he scanned his own message and realized that he hadn’t even told her who he was. His shoulders sagged a little at the thought that she hadn’t bothered to enter his information or that he wasn’t important enough to remember. Maybe he had read Gigi wrong entirely, assuming that the cues she was giving that seemed to say that she was interested weren't cues at all. And here he was, looking like a complete fool.

Just then another text came through from her.

I’m totally kidding! I’d love to, Brady. :)

Relief flooded through him as he laughed. Good one, he thought.

LOL! Great… how’s Thursday around 7? That wine bar on Chestnut?

She responded immediately.

Works for me. See you there!

He had a date. His first real date in a long time—he told himself this was a good thing, it was healthy, he was moving on and setting himself free. And he was genuinely excited. He was even looking forward to telling Madison when she and Steph got back from lunch. He knew that she would be excited for him, maybe even proud of him, and he could show her that he wasn't obsessed wtih Charlotte like she said he was. He could prove that we has capable of having a healthy, adult relationship with someone else. But when he thought about Charlotte finding out that he had a date, his stomach flipped, and anxiety flooded his body. Part of him was weirdly excited to tell her, just to see if he could detect any hint of jealousy. But there was another, darker side of him that was terrified to see her reaction. His biggest fear wasn't that she'd be upset, disappointed, or sad. It was that she wouldn’t care at all.