The Bride Games

The Longing

James:

The following

week goes by smoothly, and I’m happy Ember and I are getting along so well; we

grow a little closer every day. We have settled into a comfortable rhythm. We

take a lot of walks, and I find out little things about her, like her love for

gardening or that she will read anything she can get her hands on. When I work

in my office, she often sits with me, reading or sketching quietly. I enjoy

that we can share comfortable silence. Ember is a fantastic cook, and it’s nice

to have our morning and afternoon meals here together. The pack has been eating

dinner all together in the lodge every night to help the women socialize and

not feel trapped in their homes. It was Ember’s idea, and so far, all the

couples seem happy and thriving. There have been little problems here or there,

but nothing that couldn’t be solved with some compromise. When things settle

down, we might do all the meals in our own homes except for special occasions,

but who knows, everyone seems to enjoy it so much that we might keep doing it.

There are parts of me that are healing to see my people together, forming

strong bonds, and working alongside each other, even if it is just to share a

meal. Having Ember in my home and seeing my men beam with love for their new

mates makes it feel like this was right.

Ember gets along well

with all the pack members, male and female, and has been an enormous support

during the transition we as a whole have been going through. Ember comes with

me to visit all the new couples and has helped the women feel comfortable and

heard. She even surprised me by telling me she wants to head up building a

school for when children start coming along. Knowing that she is invested in

the pack's future and believes in us rebuilding makes me only love and value

her more. She makes love to me freely, and I feel our connection solidifying;

she has even shared things about her family and past with me. I was devastated when

she told me about losing her brother. I hate that I was part of her deepest

pain, but even with that knowledge, I would never take back having her here.

She was meant to be by my side; I see no future without her in it.

The thing that brings

me the most pain and continues to drive its wedge between us is her sneaking

downstairs and outside to cry when she thinks I’m sleeping. I wish I could

pretend I don’t know why. The tears, without fail, follow the howling. I keep

hoping that she will talk to me about it, but I think she feels guilty about

her feelings. I hate that I’m her second choice, but I hope that will change

with time. I haven’t seen much of my brother since our last discussion, and he

makes sure anytime Ember or I are near to leave immediately. Whenever he is in

close proximity, his eyes never leave Ember. I see him watch her with longing,

and it takes every ounce of self-control not to tear him to pieces. I hate that

he still has her love. I see it when their eyes meet, and Ember’s breath

catches in her throat. I hate the little half-hearted smiles she offers in

apology when she knows she has been caught staring. He has been taking extra watch duties to avoid

the lodge during dinners. I can’t stand this distance between us, but I refuse

to give up my claim on Ember. I just keep hoping time will bring us close

again.

Ember:

I am

starting to feel comfortable in James’s arms at night. There is a part of

myself that I despise deeply for giving in and just letting things take their

natural course. I know James loves me, and now that I’m getting to know him

better, I see he is a good man, and I have strong feelings for him. He has so

much responsibility on his shoulders and has so many dreams for the future of

his pack. I am so happy that he wants me to be part of the planning for our

future. I feel seen and treasured when he listens to me and includes me in

decision-making. I no longer feel the constraints of being just a woman, here,

I am seen as an equal, someone with something important to contribute other

than my ability to bear children. James really does see me and treat me like

his partner, and it makes me care for and respect him so much in return.

Watching his face light up as we talked about building the school and me

teaching felt like I could grow to love him. Hell, maybe I am even starting to

fall for him. I just can’t get Lucas out of my heart. I have only seen him from

afar a few times, and our last encounter was at a pack meeting yesterday.

Seeing him and Ava walk in together and then leave together almost broke me.

They look like they belong together, and she beamed under his attention. I know

I have no right to feel the intense burn in my chest when I think of them as a

couple, but I do. Thinking of them sharing all that James and I do makes me

feel murderous, and I then guilty because I love Ava. Basically, I’m a horrible

person who can’t keep my hormones, thoughts, or emotions under control. The

longing hasn’t gone away or died down; I think there is a part of me that will

love Lucas for my whole life and always want him. Hearing his pain-filled howls

at night haunts me so deeply. I leave James’s bed when it feels like I can’t

take another breath without sobbing. I know it's not fair to him, so I cry

outside, always a little piece of me, hoping that Lucas knows I return his

longing and his pain.

I think I’ll visit

Ava and check on her. It’s unfair to continue ignoring her because I’m a

jealous cow. James and I have been visiting with all the other couples, but we

haven’t gone to see Ava or Lucas it didn’t seem like a good idea. Above all, I

want her happiness and to feel close to her again. I want to make sure she’s

okay. Most of the women have transitioned so well and are finding their

footing, but Ava is so young and was so fearful. The only comfort I feel with

her sharing Lucas’s home is knowing he will care for her and be gentle.

James and I have a

quiet breakfast together; he tells me he has a meeting with the elders and his

council, which includes Lucas, to discuss pack business. Before James leaves, he pulls me into him and

kisses me sweetly. “You’ve made me so happy, Ember, happier than I thought I

ever could be again. I’ll be home before dark. I love you.” I want to say it

back: I know my feelings for him have changed, but I just can’t bring myself to

tell him when my heart is still yearning for his brother. I do kiss him and rub

my hands up and down his back under his shirt like I know he likes. “I’ll see

you this evening.” After James leaves, I clean up and head to Ava’s house...Well,

I guess it's Ava and Lucas’s house. I know he’ll be in a meeting with James, so

this is an excellent opportunity to catch up with Ava and bridge the distance

that has been growing between us. There

is a lump in my throat as I walk up to their cabin; I hate the thoughts that

jump into my mind. What would it be like to live here? Is he happy with Ava?

Does he touch her in this house? Make love to her? I shake my head, attempting

to clear the thoughts that threaten my sanity, and I step up to the door when

it opens before I have the chance to knock.

“Lucas...” My heart

is beating out my chest, and my eyes sting with unshed tears. Seeing him up

close takes my breath away. I know we can’t avoid each other forever, but

having him in front of me and so close that I could touch him brings all the

feelings up to the surface. I want to jump into his arms, kiss him, and tell

him how much I have missed him. Our conversations, the connection I feel to

him, how safe I feel in his arms. The gentile kindness that flows through him

and his fierce protectiveness. I miss his hands exploring my body and the way

his touch ignited my core. When his eyes met mine, I realized I had been

standing on this doorstep without saying anything. “Lucas, I’m...I’m sorry to

barge in on you. I came to see Ava. I wanted to make sure she was okay.” “You

think I would harm her? I would never hurt you, and hurting Ava would do that.”

Before I realize what I’m doing, I close our distance, place my hands on his

chest, and cup his strong jaw, running my finger along the smooth, scarred

skin. Lucas draws me to him, wrapping me in his strong, safe arms and running

his nose along my neck, inhaling my scent and making shivers run through my

body. We stand there, just breathing each other in. I feel whole in his embrace,

treasured. “I’ve missed you, Ember. I can’t get you out of my mind, and I’m

going crazy not being able to touch or see you. I love you so much.” Lucas’s

hot mouth is on my own, with his hands stroking my arms and back. My hands get

tangled in his hair, and my blood starts to boil. I am still just as in love

with him as I was before. Lucas hears a noise and breaks away from my mouth,

resting his forehead on mine. “Ember, I have to see you again. We need to talk

and figure out what we are going to do. I can’t give you up, even to the person

I love most. I must attend this meeting, but please meet with me later.” I see

the desperation in his eyes, and I can’t deny him. I don’t want to stay away

anymore. “When?” Comes out as almost a whisper. “Tonight, after my brother goes

to bed, I’ll meet you outside his house in the garden.” His lips are on mine

again, this time softer, like he’s savoring this moment, and I know I am, too.

I know I should say no and that this is a betrayal of the man I am starting to

love, a man I respect, but instead, I nod my head and say yes into Lucas’s

mouth. He holds my face in his hands and says, “Tonight.” After that, he

leaves, I’m assuming, to go to the meeting with James. I walk back to my house

in a daze, oblivious that our interaction did not go unnoticed.

Ava:

I am

excited to hear my friend's voice until I look down the stairs and see her in

Lucas’s arms. I know he doesn’t love me, not yet anyway but that doesn’t change

the fact that I am starting to care for him. He has been so kind to me and such

a comfort, especially because I haven’t seen much of Ember other than at our

community dinners. Lucas told me he had no intention of making me his wife but

that I’d always be safe and cared for in his home. I must be special to him if

he chose me and wanted to take care of me. I am so thankful that he hasn’t

tried anything physical with me; I think he must know I am not ready for those things

yet, but I think I’m getting there. He is so handsome and strong. Why shouldn’t

we be happy together? I know Ember loved him, but she is married now and seems

happy with the Alpha. She can’t have both men. I hate that she’s in my house

with the man that chose me, ME! Her hands are on him, and she’s throwing

herself at him. All of the women have been flocking to her and calling her Luna.

They wouldn’t be so enamored with her if she made moves on their man. Is one

man not enough that she has to come here and try and take Lucas from me? I

thought she was my friend and would be like a sister to me. I hear them making

plans, and my hands ball up in anger as tears run down my face. After Lucas

leaves, I hear Ember call for me, but I ignore her, returning to my room. I

can’t see her right now. I need to think of a way to make Lucas mine, to let

him know that I’m ready and that I want to be his wife, his mate.