Chapter Nine — *The Edge*
2342 Words
Yay’s days had begun to blend together.
Work.
Small moments with Zain.
Long silences.
And the dangerous, intoxicating encounters with Xan.
What had once been a confusing attraction had now become something far more difficult to control.
A hunger.
A quiet obsession.
Every look from Xan seemed to linger in Yay’s mind long after they parted. Every whispered word replayed when he was alone. Even the smallest accidental touch could leave him unsettled for hours.
Yay tried to anchor himself in Zain’s love.
He tried to remember the life they had built together—the familiar apartment, their routines, the quiet evenings, the laughter they once shared without effort.
But even that began to feel fragile.
Like a rope stretched too thin over a deep chasm.
Zain’s presence should have been enough.
Steady.
Grounding.
Real.
But lately, it felt heavy with expectation.
Xan offered something completely different.
Danger.
Mystery.
Freedom.
And Yay hated himself for craving it.
---
It started with small lies.
“I’m staying late at work,” Yay would say.
Sometimes it was true.
More often, it wasn't.
He would leave the apartment under the pretense of responsibility and meet Xan somewhere quiet, somewhere they could talk without anyone knowing.
Zain always accepted the explanation.
Sometimes he even smiled.
“I trust you,” he would say.
Then he'd press a kiss to Yay’s temple.
Those words hurt more every time.
Because Yay knew exactly what he was doing with that trust.
He was breaking it piece by piece.
And yet, whenever Xan called, Yay still went.
---
One evening, Xan appeared at the apartment door.
Unannounced.
Yay opened the door and froze.
Xan stood there with rain clinging to his coat, his dark eyes fixed on Yay.
“You didn't answer my message,” Xan said.
Yay glanced down the hallway.
“Xan…”
“I could feel you pulling away.”
“You can't just show up here.”
Xan stepped inside before Yay could stop him.
“I needed to see you.”
Yay's pulse quickened.
“You shouldn't be here.”
“You've said that before.”
“And I meant it.”
Xan looked at him.
For a moment, neither spoke.
The apartment suddenly felt much smaller.
Their apartment.
Zain's home too.
A place where Xan shouldn't have been standing.
“You disappear,” Xan said quietly. “What did you expect me to do?”
Yay shook his head.
“This isn't about you.”
Xan smiled faintly.
“Everything between us is about me.”
Yay's back touched the wall.
He immediately pushed his hands against Xan's chest, creating a small barrier between them.
“You have to leave.”
Xan looked down at Yay's hands.
“Why?”
“Because Zain could come back any minute.”
At the mention of Zain's name, something unreadable crossed Xan's face.
A smile appeared.
But there was nothing kind about it.
“So that's it.”
“What?”
“You hide me now.”
Yay frowned.
“I didn't hide you.”
“Then what are you doing?”
“I'm trying to stop this from destroying everything.”
Xan stepped closer.
“And yet you keep coming back.”
Yay's breathing became uneven.
“That doesn't mean you can do whatever you want.”
Xan studied him.
“You're right.”
The unexpected agreement caught Yay off guard.
Xan continued.
“You decide what happens next.”
For a moment, Yay thought he had finally understood.
Then Xan leaned closer.
Yay turned his face away.
“Xan, don't.”
Xan stopped.
Their eyes met.
Yay's voice softened.
“Please.”
The tension between them was almost unbearable.
Then Xan stepped back.
“All right.”
Yay exhaled.
But before he could say anything else, the sound of keys rattling in the lock filled the apartment.
Yay froze.
Xan looked toward the door.
The lock turned.
The door opened.
Zain stepped inside carrying a grocery bag.
He stopped immediately.
His eyes moved from Yay to Xan.
Then back to Yay.
Silence.
“Oh,” Zain said slowly.
Yay's heart sank.
“Zain…”
Zain looked at Xan.
“Sorry. I didn't know we had company.”
Yay's mind raced.
The lie formed before he could stop it.
“This is Xan.”
Zain waited.
“He's a client,” Yay added quickly. “He brought some work I needed to look over.”
Xan turned toward Zain.
“Didn't mean to intrude.”
He extended his hand.
Zain shook it.
His grip was firm.
“At this hour?”
The question hung heavily in the room.
Xan remained calm.
“I was nearby.”
Zain looked at Yay.
“You look tense.”
Yay forced a smile.
“I'm tired.”
Zain said nothing.
He placed the groceries on the kitchen counter and began unpacking them.
The ordinary movement somehow made the situation even more uncomfortable.
Yay glanced at Xan.
“Please,” he whispered. “This isn't the time.”
Xan's eyes met his.
For a brief moment, something like regret passed through them.
Or perhaps it was challenge.
Then Xan straightened his coat.
“I should go.”
Zain looked at him.
“You're welcome to stay for dinner.”
Yay's head snapped toward him.
“Zain—”
“It's fine.”
Zain's expression was calm, but his eyes were sharp.
“If he's working with you, we can be polite.”
Xan hesitated.
Then that familiar smile returned.
“Another time.”
He picked up his folder.
As he passed Yay, his shoulder brushed lightly against Yay's arm.
A simple gesture.
Nothing anyone else would notice.
But Yay knew exactly what it meant.
“I'll be in touch,” Xan murmured.
The door closed behind him.
Silence filled the apartment.
Zain slowly turned toward Yay.
“You okay?”
Yay nodded.
“Yeah.”
“Just unexpected?”
“Very.”
Zain stared at him for several seconds.
Then he reached out and pulled Yay into a quiet embrace.
Yay rested his head against Zain's shoulder.
Guilt spread through him.
But even as Zain held him, Yay's thoughts remained fixed on the closed door.
On Xan.
On the secret that had nearly been exposed.
He knew this was far from over.
---
Dinner was quiet.
Too quiet.
Zain noticed everything.
Yay's laughter was shorter than usual.
His attention wandered.
He checked his phone more than once.
And every time the phone remained silent, disappointment flickered across his face.
Zain eventually placed his fork down.
“Yay.”
Yay looked up.
“We need to be honest with each other.”
Yay's stomach tightened.
“About what?”
“About us.”
Silence.
“Something has changed.”
Yay forced a smile.
“It's just stress.”
“Work?”
“Yeah.”
Zain shook his head.
“You keep saying that.”
Yay looked away.
Zain reached across the table and took his hand.
“You're pulling away from me.”
“I’m here.”
“Physically.”
Yay froze.
Zain's eyes filled with sadness.
“But I don't know where the rest of you is.”
Yay's chest ached.
He wanted to tell him.
He really did.
But fear held him back.
Instead, Yay leaned closer and kissed him softly.
“I’m here,” he whispered.
Zain touched his temple.
“I hope that's true.”
---
A few nights later, Xan asked Yay to meet him.
There was no explanation.
Only an address.
Yay stared at the message.
He should have deleted it.
Instead, he went.
The city was quiet when they met.
Streetlights cast long shadows across the pavement.
Xan stood waiting.
“You're spinning,” he said.
Yay frowned.
“What?”
“Your mind.”
Xan stepped closer.
“Your heart.”
Another step.
“You can't keep it straight.”
Yay swallowed.
“I don't know what you're talking about.”
Xan smiled.
“Yes, you do.”
He brushed a hand lightly along Yay's arm.
“You want me.”
Yay looked away.
“I don't.”
“You're terrified of wanting me.”
Yay's silence answered for him.
Xan continued.
“And that's what makes this so interesting.”
Yay looked at him.
“What do you want from me?”
Xan's expression became serious.
“You.”
The simplicity of the answer unsettled Yay.
“You don't even know what that means.”
“I know exactly what it means.”
Xan moved closer.
“Every day you fight yourself.”
Yay's heart raced.
“Every day you tell yourself you should choose him.”
Xan's eyes remained fixed on him.
“And every day you think about me.”
Yay closed his eyes.
“Stop.”
“Why?”
“Because you're right.”
Xan smiled.
Yay opened his eyes.
“I hate that you're right.”
Xan's expression softened.
“You don't hate me.”
Yay whispered:
“Sometimes I think I should.”
“But you don't.”
Yay couldn't answer.
---
Xan reached up and gently moved a strand of hair away from Yay's face.
“You're slipping further every day.”
Yay shook his head.
“No.”
“Your loyalty.”
Xan's voice lowered.
“Your comfort.”
Another pause.
“Your certainty.”
Yay's breathing became uneven.
“Soon you'll have to decide what matters more.”
Yay looked at him.
“Are you asking me to choose?”
“No.”
Xan smiled.
“I'm waiting to see what you choose.”
That answer frightened Yay more than a demand would have.
Because suddenly, the responsibility was entirely his.
Xan wasn't forcing him to leave Zain.
He wasn't ordering him to stay.
He was simply standing there, confident that Yay would eventually make the choice Xan wanted.
---
Back at the apartment, Zain sat working.
But his attention wasn't on the work in front of him.
His thoughts kept returning to Xan.
The man at their door.
The way Yay had reacted.
The tension in the room.
The faint scent on Yay's jacket that reminded Zain of the scent he'd noticed when Xan had first visited their apartment.
Something wasn't right.
He knew it.
He just didn't know how far the truth went.
When Yay finally returned, Zain looked up.
“Yay.”
Yay stopped.
“Yeah?”
“Come here.”
Yay hesitated before walking over.
Zain gently took his face in his hands.
“Talk to me.”
Yay's eyes flickered.
“About what?”
“You know.”
Yay's stomach tightened.
Zain searched his face.
“What's happening?”
“Nothing.”
Zain shook his head.
“Don't lie to me.”
Yay's eyes filled with emotion.
“I don't know what to say.”
“Then tell me that.”
Yay looked away.
Zain's voice softened.
“Who is it?”
Yay froze.
The question seemed to take all the air from the room.
“Who is taking you away from me?”
Yay's chest tightened painfully.
“It's complicated.”
“No.”
Zain's voice cracked.
“It isn't.”
He stepped closer.
“Tell me.”
Yay couldn't.
Zain's eyes began to fill with tears.
“I can handle the truth.”
Yay closed his eyes.
He wanted to confess.
He wanted to let everything out.
He wanted Zain to pull him back from the edge.
But another part of him—the darker, hungrier part—was already anticipating his next meeting with Xan.
That realization made Yay feel sick.
“I can't,” he whispered.
Zain exhaled slowly.
The pain in his expression was impossible to miss.
“Yay…”
He looked away for a moment, wiping at his eyes.
“If you can't tell me now, I don't know how much longer I can keep doing this.”
Yay's heart broke.
“I can't compete with shadows.”
Zain's voice trembled.
“And I can't compete with someone who won't even stand in front of me.”
Yay stepped toward him.
“Zain…”
“I love you.”
Yay stopped.
“I've loved you through everything.”
Tears slipped down Zain's face.
“But I can't keep pretending everything is fine when I know you're slipping away.”
Yay felt the weight of every lie he had told.
Every excuse.
Every secret meeting.
Every message deleted.
Every time Zain had said *I trust you.*
He hated himself.
But even beneath the guilt, he could still feel the pull.
Xan.
Always Xan.
Yay wanted him.
He knew that now.
And admitting it to himself was perhaps the most terrifying thing he had ever done.
---
That night, Yay stood alone by the window.
The city stretched beneath him, filled with thousands of lights.
Somewhere out there, Xan existed.
Waiting.
Watching.
Perhaps already knowing that Yay would eventually return.
Behind him, Zain remained silent.
Yay closed his eyes.
He could feel the edge beneath his feet.
One more lie.
One more meeting.
One more choice.
And everything could change.
He had spent so long believing he could live in two worlds.
Zain on one side.
Xan on the other.
But those worlds were beginning to collide.
And when they finally did, someone was going to get hurt.
Maybe everyone.
Yay opened his eyes.
His reflection stared back at him.
For the first time, he didn't recognize the person looking back.
He had once believed himself loyal.
Certain.
In control.
Now he wasn't sure of any of those things.
His phone vibrated.
Yay looked down.
One message.
*Xan:* **You know where to find me.**
Yay stared at the words.
His heart began to race.
He didn't respond.
Not yet.
But he didn't delete the message either.
And somewhere deep inside, he already knew what that meant.
He was standing at the edge.
And the most frightening part wasn't that Xan was waiting below.
It was that a part of Yay wanted to jump.
—-
- Writer
- chap_listContents
- likeADD