His H(a)unted Mate

05. All illusions gone

CHRISTINE

“Astra, this may sound weird, but I think he is my mate.” I said to my wolf, still unable to catch my breath after he kissed me. He had already left but I still remained on the ground, pinching myself into the sensitive skin above my collarbone, reconfirming that I wasn’t just dreaming.

“I know. I am glad you finally realized it.” She surprised me. Was she aware of him being our mate and just kept it to herself?

“You knew and you didn’t tell me before?!” I snapped at her. I thought we didn’t have any secrets between ourselves. I always considered trust as the main basis of our relationship. This was kind of disappointing.

“I didn’t want to stress you, Chris. But I knew from the moment you first looked at him. He is your mate and what a great kisser! Hmmmm.” Astra rolled on her back, sighing dreamily. Yes, that kiss was something I could hardly forget. Warm shivers spread out in a wave, gathering in my lower belly as he whispered those seductive words into my ear. I got carried away by that special moment of our lips tasting each other for the very first time. It was almost indescribable, to be honest, but numbing yet sensational at the same time. This all combined with his scent, the silence of the forest and the promise of him to come back was the ultimate turn-on for me.

“I’m not sure if this is good for us, Astra.” My voice was saddened as I realized he had an illusion about me. He didn’t know what was hidden underneath the blanket. And he didn’t know that I was a rape victim and, therefore, couldn’t have imagined getting intimate with anyone. Or could I? With him?

“What’s that supposed to mean? Of course, it’s good for us. You found your fated mate and he is awesome!” Astra barked at me. She wasn’t happy with my negative attitude.

“I don’t know him. I don’t even know his name.” I objected.

“And who’s fault is that? Anyhow, he seems to be so much into you. He followed you to the woods and couldn’t take his eyes off you.” She was right again. I refused to tell him my name. I didn’t know why though. Maybe I liked the mystery around him. Maybe I just wanted to keep this romance with a stranger for a bit longer. Till the s.hit hit the fan. Because sooner or later he would find out about me, and I didn’t want to be part of such a confrontation. I didn’t want him to pity me and certainly didn’t want him to look at me with disgust.

“He didn’t see the real me.” I stated, feeling how my heart ached.

“I’m sure he will be able to see beyond your handicap. You have to give it a chance. Remember what Dr Marie said? People tend to make false assumptions because they suck in communication. Don’t be one of those.” When did Astra become so mature and reasonable? The old Astra liked to run carefree in the woods, swim in the pond and do somersaults. She was a bit childish, too. But ever since the attack she has been more calm, more serious. The horrible experience changed her. Sometimes, there were glimpses of old Astra though. She still tried to be fun, although the sorrow had been pinned to her heart.

“I’m… I’m scared, Astra. What if he changes his mind? What if he will not accept me the way I am?”

“He is a good person. He would never hurt us. You should consider yourself lucky for getting a fated mate who isn’t a complete d.ick or an abusive pig. He was very gentle, kissing you like that. He treats you like a precious gift.” And she was once again right. My mysterious stranger was indeed a good man.

***

I tried to put some effort into my appearance. My hair has been so neglected since I became a patient of Golden Meadows clinic. I was shocked my mate didn’t run away after a single sniff of my unwashed head. I was a walking disaster! It had to change. I stood inside the shower, filled with courage and new determination just to get all my hopes crushed again.

The shampoo bottle had a screw cap on the top. Damnit!

I took a deep breath in and out and tried to open it with my single hand. Fingers wrapped around the bottle cap, trying hard to screw it and pulling the cap up. But I failed. It was stuck and needed more force. So, I sat on the floor and held the shampoo bottle with my feet. I managed to open it, but my feet squeezed the plastic bottle too much and the silky liquid splashed out. I flinched and the bottle rolled over, half of its contents pouring out uncontrollably. Anger thrummed through my veins, turning into a thunderstorm of vulgarism as I grabbed the shampoo bottle and smashed it against the wall.

“Fvcking piece of s.hit! Who gives cosmetics with a screwing cap to a person without an arm?! What kind of sick prank is this?! I hate this! I hate this! I FVCKING HATE THIS!!!”

I screamed from the top of my lungs, repeatedly picking up the plastic bottle and throwing it against the wall. Like a mad person. I yelled and when the initial rage faded, it was replaced with a desperate cry. So, I cried loudly in the middle of the shower, water falling on my naked body, washing away all the unfairness of the world. It tried, at least.

“Miss O’Reilly? Is everything alright?” The nurse knocked softly on the door. I must have been really loud when she heard me from the reception.

“Yes!” I roared. “The personnel should be aware that I am not capable of opening these stupid shampoo bottles. How should I wash my fvcking hair?!” I turned my rage at the nurse. It wasn’t her fault and perhaps the cleaning lady also didn’t have any idea what type of patient was occupying this room. However, rationality was pushed away from my brain at that moment.

“I can bring you another. With a pump?” Was she dumb? That was even worse. She got the hint as I remained silent, ignoring her kind offer.

“The one with a press-open cap?” She tried again.

“Thank you.” I said to her and listened to her footsteps distancing from my bathroom. And then I cried some more.

***

Later that day, my friend Hannah came to visit me. I was genuinely happy to see her.

“I am glad you let some fresh air into this cave.” Hannah remarked, pointing at the open window in my room. The curtains were no longer shut, and the room was tidied up.

“You were right. I shouldn’t be wasting my time in hiding. I need to live my life.” I told her, running a hand through my freshly washed hair.

“I heard about group therapy. Did you make new friends, Christine?” She was a curious one. She must have noticed that I made quite an effort to look this nice.

“Tell her about our mate.” Astra suggested, but I shook my head. It was too soon to reveal it. It wasn’t guaranteed that he would stay with me.

“God, no. I don’t want to be friends with those nutjobs.” I rolled my eyes at her. It was more than enough to deal with my own insanity.

“Anyway, it’s great that you went outside this room and talked to other people.” Hannah praised my courage to step out from my comfort zone and fight my inner demons. I was proud of myself too. I guess the push came due to meeting a certain someone.

“Let’s not talk about me anymore. What’s that on your neck?” I lifted my finger, poking it into the mate mark that decorated Hannah’s neck. A mischievous smile occurred on her face, and she spilled all the details. She was mated to the King of a kingdom in Alaska, and she was madly in love with him. It warmed my heart that my best friend found her happiness, but on the other hand, it planted a little seed of envy inside me. I wished to have the same opportunities. And Hannah noticed how uneasy our discussion made me.

“Chris, I’m sure you will find your mate too and he will adore you. My start with Shane Amar was also not a walk on rose petals. He was quite a jerk, and it took time till we defined our way of love. Once he even locked me in a silver cage. Can you imagine? Prick.” She tried to be empathetic, feed me with some honest hope. But something else caught my attention.

“His name is Shane Amar… Amar?” I narrowed my eyes at her.

“Well, yeah. Why do you ask?” Why did I ask... The surname rang a bell. Suddenly, a flashback came in front of my eyes – me and my stranger in the halls of the clinic during our first meeting and the nurse shouting after him. She called him Mr Amar.

“There is a patient with the same surname.” I cleared my throat before speaking, my eyes piercing the floor. The stranger was somehow connected to Hannah’s mate.

“That’s Garrett, Shane's brother.” King’s brother! Dang me!!!

“Oooooooooh.” Astra’s mouth gaped. “Royalty. And now we know his name.”

“He has a brother, you say. That makes him an Alpha or whatever high rank they have in Amaroq. Huh.” My mind was thinking aloud. Hannah analyzed me with her honey-colored eyes. She spotted my face was contorted with nervousness.

“He was injured pretty badly. Dad arranged his transfer to this clinic.” She explained why he was a patient of this clinic.

“Yeah, I could see that. But I think he’s getting better now.”

“You met him?” She asked, being very much surprised. Oh, crap.

“Um, no. Not really. I mean… I saw him in the hall. I could tell straight away he was foreign.” Words were leaving my mouth too quickly and my cheeks were already blushing. I only hoped she didn’t figure out that I liked him that much. That I knew him.

“He’s quite handsome, isn’t he?” Hannah said playfully. If my eyes could shoot bolts at that moment, I would surely fry her with my intense staring.

“Gee, Hannah! You already have a mate, so why don’t you back off?!” Rage gripped me, exploding like a volcano and throwing molten lava at my best friend’s confused face.

“What’s wrong with you? What’s this b!tchy attitude about?” She crossed her arms on her chest. It was supposed to be an innocent joke, but I lost control and snapped at her.

“I’m sorry. I don’t know why I said that.” I apologized when I noticed the dropping of her jaw all the way to the floor.

“Well, you don’t need to worry about me being interested in someone like Garrett. Ever.” She said, perhaps too firmly. There was a hint of despisal in her voice. What did she mean by that?

“What do you mean? Is something wrong with him?” I asked impatiently.

“When we first met, he tried to rape me. He was a big time a$shole back then.” She explained but it was crystal clear that she regretted such words. She tried to be cautious around me, not mentioning any type of abuse in my presence. The harm was already done though. My face twitched in pain, the horror filled my eyes, and I was close to collapse.

“He tried to abuse you?!” I shrieked, moving to my bed, and grabbing the thick blanket which was resting on the white sheets. I wrapped the blanket around my shoulders, covering the top of my head.

“Oh no, no, no, Chrissy. I apologize for mentioning it.” She rushed to me, hugging me tightly. “But he did not manage. Shane arrived just in time to prevent him from doing that to me. And I have to highlight, he is not that person anymore. What I said must have given you a very wrong impression of the whole situation. I don’t want to badmouth him. Yeah, he was an ass at the beginning, but now he’s trying to change. I think. He saved my life actually.”

I didn’t listen anymore. It all went black and the sounds around me muted. My mate wasn’t a good person as I naively believed. He was an abuser, raping women! I could literally hear how my heart shattered inside my chest. No. It wasn’t enough for all the fates of the world to torture me before. They were not quite done with me yet. They paired me with the rapey mate.

Hannah tried to change the subject. She talked about her upcoming coronation and how she wished me to attend. But I couldn’t. He would be there. I didn’t want to see him anymore. All those beautiful tingles inside my belly were replaced by fear and disappointment. Moreover, I was utterly disgusted by him. He attacked Hannah. Goddess knew what else he had done in the past. What kind of monster he was…

I declined her invitation. She was sad but she had an understanding look on her face.

“Oh. That’s OK. I understand. Call me then?” She suggested.

“Sure.” I murmured, not paying attention anymore but being lost in my own thoughts. My heart was beating too fast, and my legs were shaking. I was devastated. Life was so unfair. Life was a b!tch actually!

“Hey Chris.” Hannah called my name, gently touching the top of my blanket. “Don’t be a stranger please. Call me if you need anything. I am here for you no matter what.”

“Thank you.” I gulped hard, my eyes becoming all teary. She pulled me closer into a hug and we stayed like that for a very long time.

I cried. My wolf cried too. First, those were just silent sobs which I tried to swallow. Then I gave up hiding my pain and released a loud whimper.

“I just wish for everything to be different.” I pulled away from her, wiping away my tears. My voice was brutally broken. The lovely illusion of me having a nice mate was gone for good.