I Wish

Chapter 10

I sat on the cushy dark grey couch, squished next to my brothers, and surfed f*******:. As you do when you have nothing else better to do. There was nothing worth interacting with on there. Just endless scrolling, and videos of people doing things that I could never pull off in a million years. I think it was supposed to be inspirational or something. At the moment it was just frustrating. A hobby, mum had suggested. It wasn’t as if I hadn’t considered it before, but mum and I were similar enough that I didn’t hold out any high hopes on that front. The pair of us both happened to be what was called a ‘people person’. We liked to go out, and meet new people. Both of us were the kind of friend who didn’t mind when they’d arranged to meet up with friends in a public place and they brought somebody we’d never met before in our lives. Generally the line of thought runs along the lines of ‘Yes! Someone new and potentially interesting.’ Most people got upset about it, could you imagine. I couldn’t, not for the life of me.

Mum and I liked events, and planned trips out to do stuff. None of this was actually possible right now, or conducive to a solo hobby. Also nobody was willing to play netball with me. Actually, thanks to years of weekend games and after school practices nobody was willing to even acknowledge the sport even existed. Which was stupid, because they were all AFL fans. Footy nights were my cue to hibernate somewhere away from that hot mess. Although in this house it was mandatory to root for the Bomber’s, and anyone playing Collingwood. Literally, they’re all still cheering about the victory over the Magpies… on April 25th. It is September now. Yeah, they were nuts. I wasn’t even allowed to watch the Vixens game if there was someone else in the room. What I wouldn’t give for a weekend game, or even better a whole week long netball carnival, right now. Even a pick-up game would do. I missed my team, but when we had to move we all sort of just drifted apart. I hadn’t spoken to any of them in over a year. Which stung, because when you were on the team it was everything, and you’d think that it would last when you have to go. Nope. You just sort of fade out. It sucked. The other thing that sucked was that none of this was doing jack to distract me from what I was avoiding thinking about. Possibly my biggest problem with this whole week, and whether I wanted to admit it or not. The root of my issues. Before I could second guess myself, I opened up the floor to the family. I wasn’t going to get anywhere further with it than I was, so why not get a second perspective?

“If the last thing that you wished for came true, what would have happened?” I asked blithely, and startled the other three people in the room. I was very pointedly not thinking about it… okay, so I had been very pointedly trying not to think about it. It worked for a while, there had been a lot to contemplate. Alternatively there was only so long that had worked, and the low buzzing of the TV didn’t seem to be any help. Given the way I had spat it out at random.

“Huh?” Jeremy said blankly, while Mark looked at me like I had grown two heads. Dad sat up straight and dropped the Rubik’s cube he’d been fiddling with on the glass coffee table. I sighed noisily, with an eye roll thrown in for good measure, and repeated myself. It quickly became apparent that the last thing dad had wished for, he’d wished it a lot.

“We’d never have to shop,” he said immediately with a wistful longing in his voice, “There would be no need to go out. Ever, because everything we need would just appear right where we would put it if we had bought it. Clothes, food, any of the thousands of things you can buy online, none of them ever again. No shopping.” I was going to elect to ignore that because if I didn’t the epic b***h fit I would throw over the way he’d causally give up the contact with other people when I would kill to look at the face of somebody not in this room already, not through a screen and not my mother, I was going to get in so much trouble. Merely nodding, while both of my brothers looked way too excited about that. They were kids though, so it didn’t make me as mad.

“Covid never would have happened,” Mark said simply. Ouch. That hurt. Mark definitely should have been the one to have their wish come true. I looked at Jeremy and he shrugged.

“Macca’s,” he said with a shrug. Yeah, definitely Mark. “What about you?” he asked, leaning back into the couch. I figured it couldn’t hurt, telling them the dumb thing I had wished for. So long as I didn’t start talking about just how much that had snowballed, I figure that I’m fine.

“For something interesting to happen,” I admitted doing my best to not let how ashamed of that I was seep into the statement, “I’m starting to think that I should have been way more specific.” At least it was better than Macca’s… okay, so I would do terrible things for a big mac and gravy fries. Still, my wish wasn’t the worst it could have… who am I kidding? I’m a terrible person, I should have wished for better.

“So Grammy would have yelled at you the most then. At least we know not to say anything out loud, so even if they did come true it wouldn’t matter,” Mark said, and a fresh wave of utter humiliation welled deep in my gut, and radiated outwards. Out of the mouths of a nine year old’s, didn’t I just feel really damn stupid now.

“You guys are still doing that?” I asked, trying to cover up my embarrassment. Mark could never know how right he was. He’s a little brother, worse than that he’s a little brother with a significant age gap, I’d never hear the end of it. Worse there would only be so much I could say about it, what with knowing just how much I deserved it.

“If you think for one second that Grammy wouldn’t come back from the dead to reach down our throats, and make our insides or outsides, if we said the W word Rose and that was if we didn’t say any other words with it,” Jeremy scoffed in amusement shaking his head, and he said it with so much conviction that it was hard to tell whether or not he actually believed it. She really had been particular about wishing, and got angry when people were careless, Jeremey’s colourful descriptive words were probably imaginary. I wanted to flinch, for lots of reasons. One, I knew my brothers. Sometimes they did really dumb stuff, usually explained well enough that you could see where they were coming from, but still so so stupid… Even they had known better than I had, and two. Anybody with siblings should really appreciate how galling all this felt, and I had nobody to blame but myself. Although, on the Grammy side of things, maybe I should have considered that she could actually drag her ass back here and have something to say about all this. I didn’t. My musings were broken by the heavy gaze of my father, staring me down with suspicion.

“You didn’t?” Dad said studying me. I really wanted to say no, because for some reason he sounded betrayed. Like it was so unthinkable. I bit my lip and looked away, hoping that I could gloss over this as quickly as possible.

“Let’s say that I didn’t when I did. I just wondered what it would have been if one of you slipped,” I said with a shrug. They hissed, and flinched back a little. Great, the betrayed expression had leapt from my dad’s face to infect both my brothers. It was like hitting some kind of switch, and I had no idea why. They didn’t believe in wishing anymore that I had previously.

“No? Rose! Why would you do that?” Mark whined in surprise, looking genuinely horrified. Not as much as Jeremey who just looked at me like I had gone and put my underwear on my head. It wasn’t that… yeah, I couldn’t even lie to myself. It, in all probability, was that bad.

“You should salt your bedroom and stay in there for the rest of forever,” dad joked standing up, “But you get to explain to your mum why the ghost of mother-in-law’s passed in haunting her house.” Big words for more than one reason. I played along, drawing the line at ghosts for the time being, but humouring them anyway.

“You realise that if Grammy did come for a visit, then she and mum would be reunited and one of them would have ghostly powers,” I said with a shrug, “They adored each other, and let's be honest. I may be in trouble, but we would all be screwed.” Mum and Grammy? Two women that were not to be messed with on their own, together? Yes your majesty’s. This entire earth, everything and everyone on it all belongs to you.

“I’m really glad I don’t believe in ghosts,” dad replies in a daze, “That sounds like a horror movie where nobody dies, and it’s still terrifying.” That was one way to describe that. I sort of liked it, maybe I’d steal that one from him. If there was ever a conversation appropriate. From there the conversation got lighter, and I was grateful. I’m not sure how the time I spent with Ivy equated to the whole remainder of the night, but I was tired.