I Wish

Chapter 46

Somewhat numbly I made my way back to the house, where there was creepy horror movie background music playing. It echoed throughout the room, coming from the living room, and I’m not even kidding it was so, so wrong. On many, many levels. It didn’t help that all the lights were off. It was completely dark in the house, but the TV was on. It played softly, eerie pre-jump-scare music thoroughly making me resent that Mark enjoyed watching this crap at ass o’clock near dawn. Well, I really hoped it was Mark being a little s**t… otherwise I was going to be in so much trouble. I swallowed, and absently crossed my fingers for luck. Tiny little goosebumps formed as I forced myself to find the will to go and check who it was  . There were only three options when it came to who was watching that movie. One was my mother, enough said, and though the others weren’t likely to be up watching this at the late hour it was… the other two would rat me out to her in a heartbeat. No regrets, and no hesitation. Why were my parents determined to be on the same page when it came to parenting us? It left very few options for back up, because as my brothers and I had learnt; what’s stupider than one i***t trying to argue a point? Three. Three idiots are stupider. Not even kidding, the only person it couldn’t be lurking around down here would be Jermey. He thought horror movies were for people who liked having the piss scared out of them, and therefore not for him. So if he were the one up, I would have much bigger problems. Like the pod person who replaced my brother. The couch was empty, and that was a good sign, maybe whoever it was hadn’t been here when Ivy dropped me off. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice the curtain twitch and a small hand pops out of it. This would have been fine, if that wasn’t the exact moment someone in the movie decided to get themselves murdered. Horrified, agonising shrieks burst from the speakers, and I jumped. My heart leaps clear into my throat, and hammers a mile a minute. It’s probably the only reason I don’t scream.

“Rosie’s got a girlfriend,” Mark sang in a bright whisper. Ah… this was going to cost me. I glared at him with my hand over my heart, blood still tingling in my veins. I’m going to kill him, I can’t believe that I actually held out this long, but I was going to kill him. Preferably before he killed me.

“You almost gave me a heart attack,” I whisper-shouted back at him just as hushed, “And what girlfriend?” Okay, I knew it was lame of me to even try… but I was not prepared to deal with this, so if there was even the slightest chance that Mark was going to buy that? I had to. No way was I not at least going to give it a go.

“The one you were sucking face with, while you were out the back. She’s pretty,” he said, complimenting and almost sweet before totally ruining it, “I don’t know what she was doing with you.” One day his karma will come, I told myself, and not for the first time. Perks of being an older sibling.  

“Brat,” I said back automatically, and the thing about this whole little conversation people without siblings need to understand is this: I called him names with love, and he blackmailed me because he cared. I was going to have to explain, just exactly, what I thought I was doing with her, and he was going to ask a million questions. Questions that I would not have the answer to, and the reason I was so certain of this was because I couldn’t even explain to myself what I was doing with her. Seriously, I had to be nuts. No amount of fun should have been able to combat this drama.

“I’m going to be able to play Minecraft whenever I want,” he crowed victoriously, and I only just barely stopped myself from rolling my eyes. If this was what he was going to waste his blackmail on, fine, too easy. I wouldn’t even sweat it anymore, I think. The easiest way to do this was to remember that yes, this would have been a big win for him before my trip, because while we were being cooped in here, it was actually a priority. Now… I couldn’t even equate the feelings I used to have about getting to be the one to use solitary, vs now when I don’t actually think that I could manage to care any less.

“Yes. Yes, you are,” I said agreeably, disbelieving at my good fortune. This was all it was going to cost me? Sold, I’ll take it. Thank you, negotiations closed.

“And you’re going to tell me all about her,” he said with the biggest grin on his face. I tried to tell myself that one day Mark would date, and the turnabout would be a b***h, but I had to date a literal fae queen to even meet anybody. I don’t have any faith in this covid s**t finally being resolved in a way that lets us return to normal any time soon, so unless we build him someone I wasn’t so sure I should hold out on that.

“Sure I am,” I told him, and if he missed the layers of sarcasm that I plastered all over that then he was clearly damaged by the lack of in person social interaction. Mark just kept smirking at me, and I didn’t wince thinking about how much fun that was going to be. I was proud of myself for that, because I wanted to. “Go to bed,” I told him, ignoring the silent challenge. 

“Okay,” he complained, not really upset despite doing so, “Goodnight, we’ll talk more tomorrow.” I snorted, and he leaned forwards and hugged me. There was a pulse of shock as he did so. Small arms come to lock around my waist, and squeeze me tightly for a moment. I squeezed back, overwhelmed with just how much I had missed him while I was gone. Not that I’d tell Mark that. Little brothers get awfully cocky when they figure stuff like that out, let alone when you out and out tell them.

It hadn’t been night when Ivy and I had left, neither had we been travelling together for long enough for that to change. I wasn’t supposed to be tired, and I hadn’t been before she’d told me to go. I was now, a reinforcing wave sweeping over me as Mark darted back upstairs. It was as if I was supposed to be full of some kind of magic liquid that made me go, and it had all just drained out. Leaving an awful empty shell of something that was supposed to be me. I barely had the energy to drag myself up the stairs, and pull on some pajamas. Stuffing Ivy’s clothes into one of my draws hastily. 

My bed wasn’t as good. Pure and simple fact, because Ivy’s was the bed of a queen and mine was just something really nice that we bought from fantastic furniture. I’m pretty sure that the mattress she had was actually magic. Still it was very comforting to be back in my own bed, it almost would have helped if it wasn’t for the fact that I resided in it alone. What was I even doing with my life? Other than obviously more than I had ever done with it before. I pulled my knees up to my chest under the covers, while resting on my left side. The longer I lay there with burning eyes that didn’t want to close, the more flashes of my visit began to play in my head. Nothing liniar, or anything that would make sense. Just random snippets thrown together that jumped around too much to do anything other than make me agitated. I couldn’t sort a way out, couldn’t find a plan, and most of all… after everything that had happened, I couldn't figure out why it was so important that I found a way. 

Hot tears began to spill from my eyes, and I shook and tried to keep the sniffling to a bare minimum. Why? Why was I still trying here? Why couldn’t I get over her? Why was nothing ever enough? Why was I giving this bullshit power over me? And judging by the way I was crying, nose blocked and face an ugly red due to intensity, this bullshit definitely has power over me. Some friends require maintenance, and frequent upkeeps, others can go years without seeing each other before picking up right where you’d left off. Given that the one in particular I was thinking of was the latter perhaps, I thought desperately not focusing about how much I should have brought a box of tissues with me, perhaps tomorrow it was time to phone a friend.