I Wish

Chapter 37

There was nothing like a frankly honest conversation to let you know where your priorities should lie. Things had been going so well, laughter had become such a big part of my life, I wasn’t sure what I was going to do without her. I supposed that was Ivy’s point. Still, nothing like a reminder of exactly where you are or what you’re doing to make you take a step back and re-evaluate your behaviour. I’d felt the need to tell her not to hurt or kill my family… you know, just in a full stop kind of way. Sometimes I wondered if she even really liked me, or had fixated on me because I was how this was supposed to go. If it was me purely because the universe said so, and without that bond we wouldn’t be here because she wouldn't be interested, or I wouldn’t be. I wasn’t sure which one of the two I found worse than the other, you know, if there ever was a way to find out.

Bottom line, I put walls up. Tried to set some reasonable boundaries, and she got so frustrated that she left. I wasn’t sure if that was because she didn’t like that I was asking questions about what other s**t she was willing to pull if she felt I was being difficult, or because she couldn’t lie and that left things I didn’t want to hear. Maybe it was the way she got so damn mad, but whatever the cause, she just bailed. For two days. Yeah, I previously refused to stop letting her hug me, so she didn’t feel abandoned, and she pulled this crap on me. We’d have words about that, several in fact. I spent the whole time holed up in Ivy’s suite. Too afraid of running into Kaede to roam the castle, and remembering the last time I’d made a friend… because yeah, I was still going through periods where I liked to pretend Isaac had never existed, was jarring. It also made sure that I wasn’t jumping to make any new ones. 

Fear is… something to get used to. It sharpens your hearing, and makes you jump at soft noises. You get clammy, sometimes you sweat, and sometimes you go cold. You get shaky, and your legs feel faint and so tired. It’s a struggle to remain upright. By the time she got back, I was such a mess that I wanted to throw myself at her and cry. Cling onto her, and beg her to never leave me again. A cynical part of my brain wondered if she’d done it for that reaction exactly. She stood leaning against the door, watching me. Her green eyes are just as tired as mine, and weary. As if I were the one of us that was going to explode unreasonably.

“You’re a b***h,” I whispered, still sort of lost in the haze of gratefulness that she’d returned. My fingers itched to tangle themselves in the bottom of her silky hair. So it didn’t hurt when I tightened my grip hard enough that if she tried to leave, Ivy wouldn’t get far. I didn’t, I refused to have so little self-respect. Convincing myself that she wasn’t manipulating me on purpose would be one thing, one stupid thing, but ignoring the possibility when I knew damn well that it was a possibility? Nope. No dice. So I insulted her and stayed where I was.

“I was mad,” she replied like it was an excuse. I scoffed, and behind my eye's anxiety pulsed. Demanding to know what I was doing, daring her to just up and leave like that. Self-respect.

“That doesn’t give you the right to do that. I wouldn’t even shun your affection because I didn’t like what you were saying, and I know this for certain because it’s a choice I’ve already made more than once,” I hissed at her swallowing down how my skin tingled at her proximity, “You don’t just get to leave me alone, somewhere I’m completely dependent on you, and make me sit around waiting to come back.” There’s a dazed, dreamy look on her face, and it’s a combination of vacant eyes and a soft smile that was deliriously happy. 

“Say it again,” she hummed, stepping forward. Eyes like green lasers against my skin. I took a breath, and it glittered with sparkles of electricity. Whatever she was asking for would have been utter on the exhale that went with it, but it didn’t know what it was that flipped her switch.  “Completely,” she hinted, and I could see a great big red flag being waved in the background. It was followed by the entire Spanish bull run.

“Completely dependent on you,” I finished, and something in my tone caused her to shiver and let out a snarl. It reverberated through the room, and I swallowed. Oh,… my whole body felt like it was suddenly made of molten liquid, and I swayed briefly. Fighting the urge to flop down on my back, and let my legs fall open. 

“Yes little one,” Ivy purred, biting raspberry lips and taking a small step forwards. I could feel my focus narrowing and becoming incredibly singular. I had a point, we were arguing, and I had a point that didn’t consist of how long her legs were.

“You got mad, fine, but you don’t get to stop feeling everything else and forget about it because you’re mad,” I said softly, almost hypnotised by her and how beautiful she was, “You don’t get to abandon me.” There wasn’t any flickering of guilt or hurt, she was still looking at me like she was a lion, and I was a steak. 

“Faeries can only feel one emotion at once,” Ivy told me distractedly, “Humans can feel a hundred and one different emotions all at once, and faeries have one emotion that takes up all the space of the thousands of human emotions. It's extreme, so I left before I did or said anything that I couldn’t take back.” I hated the way that what she was saying was making sense, because I’d honestly wondered the same thing previously. So it wasn’t like she was just pulling it out of her ass, and adding to that, it seemed that by spending so much time with her, I’d started to develop some sort of tolerance to the unbelievable full package that was Ivy. Two days without her, and that halo of can-do-no-wrong returned with a vengeance.

“That explains why you’re looking at me right now like you want to eat me,” I grumbled. Her response was to meet my eyes until a heated blush rose to my cheeks and dropped very pointedly between my legs.

“Is that on offer?” she nearly gasped, and someone less involved might point out that she was literally panting after me. Mockingly, like it was something I should find pathetic. It didn’t feel like it from this angle, it felt like the green in her eyes had dissolved into a small glowing ring and coupled with her enthusiasm left me trembling in my seat and wetter than I knew what to do with. I swallowed, lightly because I was still trying to hold onto self-respect like Ivy didn’t know what was happening here.

“Not currently at this time, but still subject to change. I’m still upset,” I told her, figuring that there was no way she was dumb enough for me to lie to about the reality of the situation, and wondering how her singular focus on me was going to deal with that. The corners of her lips tilted up, and she smirked, invading my space just a little further and making sure to keep between me and the door. And there was another one, a great big red flag, cheerily on fire just in case anybody got any bright idea of trying to ignore it. Not going to lie, it was hot, and me lying in a hospital in a coma dreaming all this upstarted to look really damn likely.

“You’re human, you’ll cope,” she said, stalking forwards as though I’d conceded defeat, “I’ll… do my best not to do it again.” That wasn’t a promise, almost very nearly a promise, but not quiet. She was rather good at that. Her hand cupped my cheek firmly and stroked a thumb over my cheekbone.

“Oh baby, that just means I can put it away for now and bring it up later at a random unspecified time and go just as hard as I could now. Like a crazy person. I am so, so human,” I informed her, leaning into her hand and knowing that even if I didn’t feel it now I’d be ashamed of how content I was here later.

“Vicious,” she praised, running her hands over my shoulders, and up and down my arms, “I’m going to take you on a date to make it up to you.” That wasn’t how it worked, but I wasn’t going to bring that up now.

“Like a legit one with other people around?” I quizzed, putting my hand on her chest. 

“A tea party that would have any human little girl weeping with envy,” she promised, pushing lightly against my hand, “More people than you could imagine.” Her face was dipping towards me, and I tilted my head up to meet her. “Am I forgiven?” she asks against my lips. I pushed her back and she looked supremely offended.

“No, we will be talking about this later,” I said flatly before throwing her a cheeky grin, “But I’m willing to forget about it for now.” She was going to argue, I could just see it. So I dug deep for the bravery I’d had pre-covid, when we all had a life, and pulled my dress over my head and tossed it over her shoulders.

“How long until the party?” I asked with a smirk of my own. I snapped my fingers and repeated the question when she was too out of it to answer. It didn’t get me an answer, it just got me a bone melting helpless moan that escaped those lovely lips. Ivy’s hand clamped around my thigh and pulled me to the edge of the bed, wrapping my other leg firmly around her waist. I shifted, and pulled her closer.

“We’ll get there when we get there,” she hissed before pulling my lips up for a kiss with blistering intensity. My blood lit on fire, and I determined that I could get behind that.