Hello Lust, Goodbye

Chapter 1

Jemina

I sighed as I saw a picture of me and Rimuel in my childhood room. I hugged it, imagining it was him.

I just couldn't forget the time that I first met him. I was nine years old when a spoiled brat pushed me just because I was walking towards their way.

"Tumabi ka nga!" A girl with a straight long hair pushed me out of nowhere. Payat ako at tinaguriang lampa, natumba agad ako sa lakas ng pagkakatulak niya.

I looked at her with my teary eyes. She was with two other girls and they were laughing like I was a some sort of a clown.

"Sa susunod wag kang dadaan sa dinadaanan namin. Puro magaganda lang dumadaan dito, hindi ka bagay."

I felt really weak and downgraded. My eyes gave up the tears I was holding back.

They laughed harder. "Lampa na nga, iyakin pa. Tara na nga girls."

Hanggang sa makaalis sila, walang tigil pa rin ang luha ko sa pagpatak. Wala akong pakialam sa mga taong dumadaan at pinagbubulungan ako, nasanay na akong pinag-uusapan ng ibang tao. Totoo naman kasi, sobrang payat ko at kaunti na lang pwede na 'kong matangay ng hangin; sakitin kasi ako at alagang hospital. Sana nga katulad na lang nila akong malakas; baka sakaling hindi pa ako napagtatawanan.

I wiped my tears as I saw a hand just in front of my face. I looked up and there I saw a boy, wearing the most genuine smile. But what stood up was his gray eyes shining through the sunlight.

"My mom said it's dirty to sat on the floor. Come on, stand there."

It was very unusual that someone would came and helped me, so I accepted his hand. He helped me stood, then I fixed my skirt.

"Bakit ka ba umiiyak sa sahig?" Nakita kong nagpipigil siya ng tawa. Buti na lang tinulungan niya ako kundi iisipin ko rin na isa siya sa mga bully ng school.

"Salamat ha." I just thanked him instead of answering his question.

"My pleasure, I'm Rimuel Valencio by the way."

Napatitig lang ako sa kamay niya. Parang gusto ko nanamang maiyak. Siya ata ang kauna-unahang tao rito sa school na nagpakilala sa akin.

No one wanted to be friends me, no one was even interested to know my name. I was invisible to them.

"My mom said, if a schoolmate wanted to know you, be glad and friendly to them. So aren't you going to accept my introduction?" I was back in my sense when he spoke again. His eye catching smile was all over his face.

I slightly smiled. "I'm Jemina; Jemina Maxine Dizon."

He was the one who grabbed my hand and shook it wholeheartedly. I was still in the state of shock as nobody ever wanted to touch me.

"Nice to meet you Jemina, it's lunch time. Gusto mo sabay ka na sa 'kin?"

"Ah... actually my mom--"

"Baby!" I saw mom was walking fast towards me. "I'm sorry I'm kinda late. Let's go get some lunch." Mom glanced at Rimuel who was still standing in front of us. "Who is he, baby?"

"Hello po, I am Rimuel Valencio; her friend." Parang saglit na bumagal ang mundong kinatatayuan ko nang marinig ang sinabi niya. Tinawag niya akong kaibigan, kahit minsan walang nagtangkang ituring akong kaibigan.

I wiped my tears as a good old memories flashed back on my mind. “I'm really sorry Rimuel, up until now I miss you so much.” I talked to our picture as if he was really in front of me. 

"Jemina, anak?" Tinago ko sa likod ko 'yong litrato nang marinig si mom.

I composure myself. "Yes mom?"

I gulped when my door opened. She continued walking towards my bed until she sat beside me.

"Are you alright? Sabi ng doctor mo bawal sa 'yo ang naii-stress anak. Kaya pinagbigyan kita na bumalik tayo rito sa Pilipinas, kasi alam ko na rito ka masaya, pero bakit parang ang lunkot mo pa rin? Please anak, nalulungkot din ako kapag nakikita kang malungkot."

I took a deep breath. "Mom? Can you bring me at Polans Elementary school?" I pleased her through my eyes.

"Ano naman ang gagawin mo roon anak? Bakasyon ngayon, baka sarado--"

"Please mom." I glistened a puppy eyes.

She sighed. "Fine anak. Pero saglit lang tayo roon ha."

"Yes mom." A smiled in relief appeared on my lips. I really forgot when was the last time I smile genuinely. It was so hard to smile, knowing that you are not safe with your own body.

We arrived at my elementary school where I first met him. I asked my mom to not come with me as I could still handle myself. Gladly, she allowed me, but she wanted me to went back asap.

Tila ba nagbalik ang alaala ng kaligayahan sa muling pag-apak ko sa gate ng school ko noong elementarya; kaligayahang nadama ko sa tulong ni Rimuel.

The guard allowed me to enter as he could still remember my face. The guard was old already, but lucky him. I didn't even know if I was going to reach the age of his.

Dumiretso ako sa hallway kung saan ko siya unang nakita. Hallway papuntang canteen. Halos wala namang nagbago, nagkaroon lang ng kaunting renovations sa building pero ang mga daan ay ganoon na ganoon pa rin. Sobrang nakaka-miss.

I pulled the picture out of my pocket as I reached the exact place where I was sitting while crying; the place where I met my angel in disguise.

Nanghina ang mga tuhod ko sa pagtitig muli sa larawan namin. Kusang bumagsak ang binti ko sa parehong pwesto kung saan niya ako itinayo. Niyakap ko na lang ito at saka na nagdagsaan ang luha kong ayaw magpaawat.

"Jemina?"

I stunned when I heard a very familiar voice.

"Damn totoo nga, you... you're back."

Nakatulala pa rin ako sa sahig. Abot langit na ang kaba na naramdaman ng puso ko. Halo-halong emosyon ang dumagsa sa dibdib ko.

Naagaw ng kamay niyang lumahad sa harapan ko ang malayo kong pag-iisip. Kumpara sa kamay ni Rimuel na nakagisnan ko, mas malaki at maginoo ang kamay na nakalahad ngayon.

"Jem, stand there please, the floor is dirty."

Unti-unti ng nag-angat ang ulo ko at lalong nanginig ang buong katawan ko nang makita ang kulay abong mga mata na labis kong hinangaan; siya nga ang matalik kong kaibigan na nagligtas sa akin mula sa kalungkutan. Kung panaginip man ito, wag ninyo na akong gisingin.

I accepted his hand. He gently helped me to stood, then he wrapped his arms around my waist. He hugged me like there was no tomorrow. Oh how I missed his hug.

"I missed you so much Jem..." His voice cracked and so was my heart. "I badly missed you." He parted our body as his gray eyes looked at me with so much sadness. "Where have you been?"

Lalo lang akong naiyak sa tanong niya. Pakiramdam ko sobrang sama kong tao. Hindi ko lubusang akalaing may babalikan pa pala ako. Oo hiniling ko na sana hindi niya pa 'ko nakakalimutan, pero hindi ko akalaing hihintayin niya talaga ako.

"I'm sorry Rimuel... I'm really sorry." My chest was suffocating my heart. I took a deep breath trying to calm myself. I shouldn't breakdown right now. I didn't want him to see me breaking down.

"It's okay Jem." He wiped my cheeks with his fingers. "I just want to know where have you been and what was your reason for leaving."

Hindi pa rin ako nakasagot sa tanong niya hanggang sa sinundo na ako ni mom. Mom didn't seem to be shock when she saw Rimuel. She actually invited him to our house, so that we could have enough time to talk privately.

Me and Rimuel were in the pool area. He was sitting at the chair parallel to mine, and there was a circle table serving as our boundary with each other.

A deep breath of him broke the silence. "Jem naghintay ako." He wiped his palms on his face and he seemed really frustrated. "Sabi ko na nga ba babalik ka."

Hindi pa rin ako makatingin nang diretso sa mga mata niya. "Hindi ka ba galit?" Nilaro ko lang ang daliri ko habang patuloy na kinakalma ang sarili.

"Hindi ako galit, nagtatampo ako kasi hindi ka nagpaalam. I mean pwede ka namang umalis tapos sabihin mo sa 'kin diba? Pero bakit hindi mo sinabi?"

I sighed, realising the heaviness on my chest. "There are things that are better left unsaid Rimuel. I'm sorry..."

"So hindi ko makukuha 'yong paliwanag na matagal kong hinintay?"

I held his hand on the table. "Makukuha mo Rimuel, soon makukuha mo. For now I just want you to know that I'm really sorry. I never wanted to leave, but I had no choice."

Kinuha niya ang kamay ko at hinalikan ito. A lightning travelled from my hand to all over my body. I thought I wasn't going to feel his gentleman moves anymore, but he was still showing it. I really missed him so much.

"Sige, hihintayin ko hanggang sa kaya mo ng sabihin sa 'kin ang dahilan Jem. Maghihintay ako kagaya ng palagi kong ginagawa."

Something pinched my heart. "Rimuel I'm sorry..." I wiped the tears on my cheeks. "Okay lang naman kung magalit ka. Okay lang kung ayaw mo na 'kong makausap o makita; maiintindihan ko naman, kasi hindi naman talaga tama 'yong ginawa ko sa 'yo." I catched my breath as I tried to continue talking. "I just want you to know that I really never wanted to leave. But if you are mad, it's okay, go... Have some space away from me because I owe you so much."

He shook his head as his gray eyes started to get teary. "I understand you Jem. Everything happens for a reason and I know you had your reasons. What matter for now was you're here, you came back. I missed you so much."

Lalo akong naiyak nang muli niyang halikan ang kamay ko. He kissed it like he never wanted to let my hands go; like he never wanted to let me go, and for the first time after seven years, I felt important again, I felt like my life wasn't a pure waste at all. I felt like my existence matter and someone besides my mom was glad that I was still breathing.

Rimuel helped me to calm myself; he never stopped saying that it was okay and he understands me, until I stopped crying.

Nabalot nanaman ng katahimikan ang paligid namin. Pinagmasdan ko lang ang inakala kong hindi ko na makikitang perpektong larawan niya. Masasabi kong mas lumaki na ang katawan niya ngayon. Hindi na tingting ang mga braso niya at mukhang alagang gym na ito. Mabuti pa siya kahit papaano ay nagkalaman samantalang ako, payat pa rin.

I bowed my head when our eyes met, he was also like examining the changes of my face and body; well nothing have changed that much; bukod sa buhok kong hanggang balikat na lang ang haba.

His eye catching gray eyes never changed. It glistened even more when he saw something around my chest. I looked down to see what he was looking at. My lips automatically smiled as I held the pendant that he gave me.

"Na sayo pa rin pala 'yan?" His voice was still energetic, but this time it was deeper.

"Syempre, bakit naman mawawala sa 'kin 'to?"

His teeth was still as white as the snow and his lips was still reddish, and it complimented the genuine laugh of him. He shook his head. "Wala lang. Baka lang tinapon mo ganoon."

My shoulders dropped as the conscience surrounded me again. "Rimuel I'm really sorry---"

"Yes I know Jem." He laughed. "I'm just kidding alright?" He held my hand on the table. "Just promise me that when you're ready, you're going to give me the explanation that I deserve. Okay?"

A smile crept on my lips. "Thank you Rimuel." He never changed. He was still the understanding, joker kid that I met way back when we were nine years old. Oh how I miss those pretty moments.

"Wala 'yon, malakas ka sa 'kin eh." We exchanged laughter.

Hindi pa rin talaga siya nagbabago, siya pa rin ang masiyahing Rimuel na nakilala ko. Ang sarap sa pakiramdam na nakita at narinig ko ulit ang nakakahawa niyang tawa. Hindi ko maintindihan, parang magnet ang tawa niya na kusa akong nahahawa kahit minsan wala naman talagang nakakatawa.

Dinalhan kami ni mom ng merienda. Madalas akong walang gana kumain pero ngayong kasabay ko siya parang ang sigla-sigla ng sikmura ko.

"Damihan mo ang kain mo Jem. Hindi ka ata nagkakakain kung saang lugar ka man nagpunta."

I was a bit shy when he said that, but I felt the concern. "Marami naman akong kumain. Mabilis lang talaga metabolism ko." That's what a lot of thin people say, so might as well a good reason for me to say.

"Talaga ba? I highly doubt it." His voice was teasing, but I could also hear the sincerity that he was doubting me.

"Oo nga, kung ayaw mong maniwala edi tanong mo si mom."

He chuckled. "Sige. I'll ask tita about that."

I couldn't stop smiling as it felt good to know that he was still concern with me. Kahit matagal kaming hindi nagkita, parang kahapon lang ako nawala kung makipag-usap siya sa 'kin. Sobrang swerte ko talaga na naging kaibigan ko ang isang tulad niya.

"Bagay nga pala sa 'yo short hair."

Nabanat nanaman ang labi ko sa sinabi niya. My heart was completely alive when he was around. "Thank you." I laughed. "Natatandaan ko noon lagi mo akong inaasar na bruha-- oh ayan nagpa-short hair na 'ko. Mukha na ba 'kong malinis?"

His laugh was making my heart feel relax. "You know that time I was just joking. I find you beautiful ever since. That's why I was really sad when you're gone, because I just lost my favorite view."

My cheeks went hot.

Napatawa na lang ako, mayroon din palang nag-iba sa kanya. Kung dati ay mapang-asar siya, ngayon naman ay mabulaklak na ang bibig niya, pero grabe naman ang ligaya ng puso ko sa mga narinig.

"Why did it sounded so flowery?" I intrigued even my heart was shouting crazily inside my chest.

"Oh come on, I am telling the truth. Kung ayaw mong maniwala, it's your loss." He crossed his arms like a boss.

Nawala bigla ang ngiti sa labi ko nang maisip kung nagka-girlfriend na kaya siya? Baka kaya mabulaklak na siyang magsalita, dahil kaya natuto na siyang umibig? Eh ano naman? Magkaibigan lang naman kami at wala namang masama kung iibig siya ng babae.

"Hey did I say something wrong? Did I offended you in anyway?"

Nabalik ako sa huwisyo kasabay ng pag-iling ko. "No you didn't. May naalala lang ako." Tumawa na lang ako nang pabiro kahit may kaunti pa ring kurot sa puso ko. Paano nga kaya kung may girlfriend na siya? Bakit ko ba iniisip ang bagay na iyon? Mayroon man o wala, hindi pa rin naman magiging kami; imposibleng maging kami.

The sun was about to set, but we're still here in our pool area; just silently feeling the moment of us being together again.

"So... Jem nagdidilim na, uwi muna 'ko ha. I also have things to do, you know adult stuffs."

We never stopped exchanging laughter even with simple topics.

"Sige Rimuel. Mag-iingat ka ha." I stood.

Tumayo na rin siya at mabilis na lumapit sa 'kin. "Wait! Diyan ka lang muna. I just want to make sure... bukas may babalikan pa naman ako rito 'no?"

Bumagsak ang balikat ko. "Rimuel, I'm really sorry about that." Everytime he was bringing it up, my conscience was eating the whole of me. I was guilty, there was no way to deny it.

"I know, I know." He laughed, but it wasn't that genuine. "Just making sure. So... see you tomorrow?"

A smile crept on my lips. He was planning to see me again; my heart was just so happy.

"See you tomorrow."

He smiled wider. "Sige and oh... welcome back my lady." I stunned when his lips touched my forehead.

Hindi na nawala ang ngiti sa labi ko hanggang sa makaalis siya. Para akong baliw na banat na banat ang labi habang nasa isip pa rin ang ginawa niya kanina. Hinawakan ko ang noo ko, tila ba ramdam ko pa rin ang lambot ng mga labi niya rito.

I just thought he wasn't going to talk to me again, but he did. We just laughed like I never leave.

For the first time, after seven years, my heartbeat went alive to the point that I could feel it hammering my chest, and it felt great. It felt good to be back.