My Hot Roommate

Rules. Annoying Rules.│Chapter 3 │

            ANXIOUS. IMPATIENT. DEMENTED.

            HRD? What is this woman saying? Human Rendezvous Deficiency? Why does it seem so far from my interpretation nor understanding? I question my mind. Although that word confused me, I never let it see her in my face. To make this conversation with her easier, I simply answers her question with one, hard-tone, meaningful word, “Yes.”

            She halts again, looking at me. The bright sky makes it clear to see the wrinkles in her eyes. I come to a halt too, after her.  And she bemusedly asks, “Are you sure? House Rules in Dormitories?”

            Oh, that is what it stands for? I have to admit that I now understand more the Human Rendezvous Deficiency than what HRD actually means. I mean, I just answered this woman’s question that I have never been to dormitories before. Patently, I do not know what house rules they got in dormitories. This woman is driving me crazy. But I repeat the same word calmly, shaking my head, “Yes.”

            We went on, as she says, “Well, then. We have a lot to discuss.”

            Okay, everything she just said infuriated my brain and emotion. A lot to discuss? Isn’t the dormitory room like a personal room but brought friends to stay with you for, like, months, is it? What’s with the discuss thing? Rules? It’s disgusting. Rules.

            I did murmur a word. Guess I overreacted.

            “Every dormitory in this campus, both in men and women, have eleven rules to follow,” Mrs Hartley starts to speak, raising her right forefinger sidely for three seconds, still walking fast.

            Whoah, eleven rules? When I was eleven, I ejected a stinky waste from my hole to my underpants. And now I have to take eleven rules?

            I caught her fingertip and nails. Wow, they are shiny.

“Listening?”

            “Mh – hmm. I mean, Yes, ma’am.”

            This woman is giving me a heart attack. I will die in complete shock with rage and irritation in me. Also, where is this woman leading me? We’ve been walking fast for ten minutes, yet we’re still outside under the sun.

I begin to wonder if it is hell that awaits me at the end of this walkey-journey. My feet are tired. I should not have felt tiny happiness when I left that seat in the car. I’d rather sit there again than walk beside this woman. I genuinely cannot believe this woman.

            I glance at her for a moment. What a polka-dotted this woman really is. Speak.

            “First, RQH.”

            The first one is abbreviated. Let me guess, Repulsive Quirky House? My mind guesses it. I know it sounds rude. I am completely annoyed.

            “Rules at Quiet Hours. Excessive noise is not allowed, especially on weekdays. If holding a party, all people in dormitories must, whether invited or not, have agreed to encounter some noises. But, excessive noise is not still appropriate and allowed. And before 10:30 in the night, all must be inside their rooms.

            Easy rule. I’m used to hearing noises even in the middle of the night. Plus, a party is great. So I will agree on that with anyone.

            “Second, MRICD.”

            Monstrous Roommates and Idiotic, Odious, Cunty Dickheads? I cannot take this rule, or is it? My brain is starting to gather swear and unpleasant words.

            “Modest Rule Inside and Outside the Campus and Dormitories. This typically applies to women to avoid attracting s****l attention, but you, men, have a part of this to follow. No man should go outside wearing only underpants. Underpants are only allowed if you are inside of your room and your roommate is okay with it. You cannot roam the inside of the dormitory with underpants or shorts only if there is an opposite gender visiting. Over showing your bulges might attract the opposite gender. Keep it clean, if you know what I mean. Sandos are fine inside the dormitory solely. Wear formal or decent when going to classes, café, library or anywhere outside the doorsteps of the dorm.”

            Seems applicable. I speak to my mind. This may be my favourite rule among the others, but let’s hear those. I can feel my hands clenching without my force.

            “Third, RFHAS.”

            Another abbreviation rule. Don’t tell me that this woman’s rules are all shortened? RFHAS This is simple. Rotten Feisty-Horrendous Ass Students.

            “Rules in Fire Hazards and Any Starters.”

            I cannot believe that I have not guessed it right. I’m embarrassed to myself. I listened again to this woman.

            “Coffee every morning is great, but sadly, anything with a burner is banned inside the dormitory. It is highly restricted. Candles, matches, lighters are strictly prohibited inside. If any activities are required to deal with fire, do it on an open field or with assistance from us.

            Well, I have no plans to fire dance and I am not smoking. Next irksome rule, please.

            “Fourth, PR”

            Is it just I, or this woman is extremely obsessed with abbreviations?

            We walk past so many students. Those Neanderthals’ eyes are at me and to my things. Aside from guessing Mrs Hartley’s shortened rules, which I can’t even guess a single one, I can clearly perceive those students who are looking at me will talk about me. Why do I care? Let them be.

            Then, as I glide, run, jog, march or whatever I am doing beside this woman with eleven rules, I can hear her whispering “PR” repeatingly. I am not aware of the absence of her voice at first. I just realized it when I turned to her.

            “PR, PR, PR.”

            She still can’t remember the rule. And so I offer my brilliant help, unwillingly, full of loathsome and irritation, coated with humiliation.

            Picklehead Rule? I begin to talk without uttering a single word.

            Practical Research?

            Praseodymium? The element number 59 on the periodic table where its chemical symbol is written as Pr. Evidently not because PR and Pr are completely different.

            “PH, PH, PH.”

            The supervisor woman whispers more. But why it turns into something old-new? Is it really PR or PH? I am tempted to dive inside of this woman’s mind to know the answers. I cannot ask her. But still, I think of the PH.

            Potential Hydrogen? The one that tells how much hydrogen is in liquid and how active the hydrogen ion is? But it looks like a no. This is a pH, not a PH I, again, think of something else.

            Philippines!

            Wait, it isn’t right. The Philippines’ abbreviation is indeed PH, but this woman is talking about rules. How come I came across a country?

            Pickle – Heads? It’s the last one, I promise. I cannot think of anything else. Whatever it is, PH is for Pickle – Heads and PR for Pickheads Rule is the only certain to me. I give up guessing on this one.

            Blurting with her high voice, I almost push this woman to the ground “Pets Rule!”

            “Fine, It’s Pet’s Rule. At least I got the letter R correct on Pickleheads Rule.” I tell myself, feeling smart though I know all the R in her abbreviated rules stands for the word ‘Rule’. I’m happy with this.

            “Dogs loves to destroy and tear things apart. Cats wastes left unpleasant smells and, they, too, broke things. A rabbit’s chew causes major damages to furniture, carpets and others. Rabbits even chew electrical cords which are really dangerous. So people with pet companions get to see them once a week in their homeplaces. Only on Sundays. Pets are not allowed in dormitories.”

            I do not have a pet. Ignore this rule.

            “Fifth, RDMAC.”

            Let me think before you say it.

            “Rules at Dorm Meetings, Associations, and Contributions,” she says in an instant before my brain does.

            I thought of it as the abbreviation of Rejected Direct Messages and Atrocious Confessions.

            “Attending mandatory dorm meetings to discuss or go over rules and regulations, politeness, safety practices and participation is required.”

            Don’t bother. I attend meetings like these just to sleep on my shoulder or someone else’s. Sorry.

            “DRHW is the sixth.”

            Oh, please, stop. Mrs Hartley’s voice, as she continued to talk, made me turn to insanity.

            Disgusting, Rude, Horny Wanker! My anger is arousing.

            “Daily Regulations about Holes in Walls. Extra shelves, if really, really needed, is possible with our concern. Everyone is allowed to put thumbtacks on the wall only if needed. Every dorm has one anonymous student who reports to us if someone punches and breaks the wall, or installed an extra shelf without our notice, or put holes on the walls on purpose or whatever the case is. Be careful. You might get caught.

            Did she just warn me? What did she think of me? A wall breaker? I’m iring with these rules. I hate rules.

            “Seventh is VR.”

            Hold on. Isn’t it Virtual Reality?

            “Visitors Rule.”

            Can I get to my room now? Your rules are tremendously incensing.

            “I mentioned visitors before. There are appropriate hours for having a visitor from the opposite s*x. Visitors can only visit from 9:00 a.m. to 10:00 a.m. in the mornings and from 9:00 p.m. to 10:00 p.m. at the nights. Opposite s*x cannot stay in another dorm later than the said hours. If needed a place in group projects and meetings with the opposite s*x, then do it in the field or café. Visitors cannot also visit you every day of every week.”

            I’m new here. How can I have visitors when the only person I know and can visit is me. That rule is in the trash, for now, I think?

            “The eighth one is quite long. TARSLNDR.”

            Come again? Tars lander? I think I heard it not quite enough. I demand you to resay it, woman. And she did.

            “TARSLNDR stands for The Above Rule: Substances in Legal and Non-legal Drinkers Rule. Now, no students under 21 years are allowed to have or drink alcohol both inside and outside of dormitories. Legal age is allowed, but at a certain amount only. Too much consumption of alcohol could create chaos.

            True or Augmented Reality s*x and Lust is Normal to Disagreeable Person is what comes to my laughing mind when I heard again the TARSLNDR. How gobsmacking it is to replace this woman’s abbreviated rule into something immensely funny to me. My soul is hollering out in laughter behind this enraging feeling. I still have three to hear and see.

            “The ninth and last one in Housing Rules in Dormitories is the longest of them all. AARCIHSODW.”

            I let her talk to have some time on what negative words to change on this one. Playing with the names of these mediocre and pathetic rules is undeniably fun. I can’t resist it.

            “Another Above Rule: Carrying or Illegal Handling of Sharp Things or Objects and Dangerous Weaponry. This is exceptionally self-explanatory. I assumed you are already aware of this rule?”

            “Yes,” I answer after hesitating. Then I ask myself. I thought it was eleven? Where are the other two gonna be?

            “You know, there has been an expulsion just last year for violating AARCIHSTODW many times.”

            While she says it again, I come about on my exquisite words to change her’s: Apathetic and Abysmal Rules Created Ignorantly and Hideously for Savagery, Torture, Offense with Dark Worth.

            I did not ask about who and what happened to the expelled person. I have no guts to do so. All I ever wanted is the room. To get rest. Yet this woman keeps on talking.

            “After HRD, There’s SHRD.”

            Scary House, Reptilian Disease? Honestly, I don’t know where these words came from. They just pop up in my mind. But, regardless of how they sound or understands, I like it.

            “These tenth and eleventh rules, which falls to Special Housing Rules in Dormitories, are, like the last on HRD, readily comprehensible.”

            I hope I can come up with some easy words if you say they are readily comprehensible. I am eager to hear her abbreviation rules that I will surely forget after this moment with her.

            “RAFF, or Rules in Alcohol-Free Floors, and…

            Before she says the other one, and right after she said the word RAFF, without thinking of the words, I thought of changing it to Rules Against Filthy-Faulty. I even thought it is one of the animal sounds. RAFF! RAFF! Sounds like a barking dog.

            “...SSFJFSS, or Super Spesh Floor Just For Special Students.”

            She finished at last. I hope it is the last.

            Sickening Stupid Foul Junky Feeble Singular Students. No offence to those students who belong to that rule. I just thought that these rules are stupid, and foul, and junky, and sick. Are these words really forming in my head? On the second thought, this isn’t me. I’m not used to it. To this.