The Poetic Meaning Behind the Eyes

THREe

We drove to the funeral in two separate cars. My mother had rented large black SUVS for the funeral so the family would not have to split up. It was a beautiful day, no wind and the small purple flowers hadn't died yet. The grass was a greenish yellow color, but it was still beautiful. Not a cloud could be found in the sky. All one could see was the pastel blue stretch across for hundreds of miles. This was her day. Maria had a way with making everything beautiful. The funeral took at least four hours, it was a great service. The priest that conducted it knew my entire family personally since we had lived in Portales for many years. I sat in the court yard and enjoyed the warm breeze flutter on my face. The trees had begun to lose their leaves, they had adopted a golden yellow color. They fell slowly to the ground, alone. The crowd dispersed, expect for a single person. Sam stood over the grave looking towards the horizon. The blue in the sky had begun to fade into a pink. The day was truly beautiful. I sat there and watched him, he did not notice me for several minutes. “Dave?”. He had not recognized me, I sat slumped like a bag of trash. I did not answer him, but he walked towards me. He sat next to me on the paint chipped bench. “Are you going to be okay?”. He questioned me knowing the answer already. At this moment I had decided what I was going to do. “Yeah, I think I will be okay. It will just be different without her”. I let my voice crack in the sentence and looked up at him as he stared forward. “I don’t understand why this is happening here, we are such a small town and it just doesn’t fit.” There was confusion in his voice, but I suspected that it was all an act. I just shook my head in agreement. A chill had started to take hold and the sun finally faded away. We sat in silence, with only the cold breeze talking between us.

I left him sitting there in the dark as I walked towards the exit. I saw a figure standing towards the exit. The light had gone out on the left pillar and I could only make out a shape. As I got closer the figure began to walk away. “Dave, wait up.” I heard the distant shout from Sam. I did not turn to face Sam, but kept my eyes on the figure quickly fading into the dark. I could feel their eyes targeting me, the feeling forced me to shudder and turn away. “Did you see that?” I asked this because I needed to know I wasn't losing my mind. “See what?” He was slightly out of breath. “Oh, nothing. Do you want to grab a drink?” His expression lightened and we walked away from the cold plot.

We walked in silence throughout the small town. The night was cold and empty, Maria had left. I wondered what she was doing, if she was seeing the world or if she was home with Mama. Maybe she was with our great grandmas and grandpas, enjoying the sweetness of death. We had reached the road the split off to my house, the moon had risen high into the dark sky and gave Sam a glow on his white skin. We stopped and stared at the little road. “ You should be with your family tonight.” It was hard to hate him, he seemed almost angel like with the genuine sound of his voice and the glow of his skin. His cracked hand laid on my shoulder as I looked at the small house at the end of the road. “Yeah, you're right.” I looked at his eyes, they’re pale blue caught the light of the moon and looked reflective like a beast. We stood there in silence, then i turned away, walking to the home I so desperately was trying to escape.

The short walk there was peaceful, it reminded me of my life in high school. When me and Sam would stay out late, trying to find some lonely college girls. When we were purposely loud at 3 am on Friday nights driving in his truck. When we would go and play pranks on Jonah Bentelly. There was a skip in my walk, when I knew the I was late. Everything was so different then compared to now. I arrived to the rummaged looking trailer, I looked at the white metal door that lay between me and the living room. No light came from the yellow tinned windows and it was extremely silent. I sat down on the poorly constructed wooden porch and admired the stars. My eyelids laid heavy and my mind began to drift into a blur and my last thought was, Rose.

The soft light of morning warmed my face as my eyes opened. A light layer of dew covered the ground around me and I shivered in the cold of morning. I raised up to my feet unsteadily as I gripped for the door handle. I turned the bruised noob and opened the door to the still silent home. My feet lead me to the torn couch and i fell back asleep. When I woke up the second time that day I was greeted by the smell of coffee and bacon. My eyes adjusted to the scene around me. The old tv stand, now missing a television, the carpet with stains from my childhood, and the cracked patterned wallpaper. I had been covered with a fleece blanket and given a pillow. I raised my pounding head slowly and walked to the warm kitchen. My mom was dressed in a traditional light blue huipil with pink flower patchwork around the neck and edges of the skirt. A red apron was tied around her waist and her hair was done in a large braided bun towards the bottom of her head. “Mama?” My voice sounded fragile and small. “ Oh mi hijo, why are you up?” Her face was youthful and her voice was still strong with her Mexican accent. Her tan skin glowed in the yellow light. Her face began to age, turning to a skull with bright blue and pink designs around her eyes. “Salir!” Her voice was deep and dark. I woke. As I gathered my so rounding I realized my mother was yelling. My father had returned, smelling of alcohol and begging for a second chance. I laid quite and listened to his pleas. “ I love you” or “ I just couldn't, not with Maria gone”. My mother didn't crack, she threw his bag out on the old wooden porch and didn’t look at him as he left. Before he left, he came by and pet my head slightly, whispering something under his breath. His blood shot eyes were different. They were warm and reminded me of my childhood. When he was sober and loved my mother. When I used to ride on his shoulders and reach for the clouds. He left.

I sat there in shock for several minutes, before raising my body and seeing the shock on my mother's face. She began to cry, she truly loved that man. Or maybe she loved the memory of that man. I held her as she sobbed holding her face. Several minutes went by, then she stepped back, wiped her face and walked calmly into the kitchen. I stood there and watched her fidel with cabinets and rearrange pots and pans. “Did Rose go to the hotel or…” before I could finish my sentence Rose's hand landed on my shoulder. I grabbed it as I turned to her. She was flushed and looked tired, her eyes caught the light giving them a deep gold color. I kissed her, holding her soft cheeks. I loved her in this moment.She pulled me closer to her and I rapped my arms around her and gently tucked her hair behind her ears. “I'm so sorry.” Her words we broken as she began to cry. “ No, no, no. I was being distant and childish, I'm so sorry Rose. None of this is your fault and I took it out on you. ” She looked up and smiled slightly, and the tears began to dry. My mother turned to us and hugged us both, speaking softly in her native language. Finally loud enough for us to understand she stepped back and told us to go. “ Go mi hijo, go be with Rose.” She kissed both of our foreheads and sent us out the door. I pulled Rose closer once more, I wasn't letting her go. We drove quickly back to the hotel, talking and laughing. It felt like it did before all of this happened. We laughed as we jogged to the room, it was good to see her smile again. We laid there in bed after and I softly played with her hair. She had fallen asleep on my bare chest, she looked so peaceful and I knew that it was going to be okay. I ran my fingers over her snow white shoulder, small freckles were scattered around her skin. She was beautiful in this moment, just like every moment. I slipped into sleep and did not dream.

When I finally woke up, she was gone. I laid in bed for several minutes just gathering the time and place. She was showering, I could hear her singing softly as the water hit the shower floor. I waited enjoying her of tune voice. I could feel the smile developing on my face. She walked out if the bathroom with a towel on and her wet hair draping over her shoulders. “I love you.” The words slipped out of my mouth and I knew it was too early to say them. She stood there in shock for several minutes, then quickly walked over to me and kissed me. She was smiling, but I was still in shock from what I had said. We laid next to each other for several minutes in silence before she spoke, “Do you really love me?” She asked this timidly, almost regretfully. Of course, I loved her. She left her home to come with me. She was sweet and beautiful. “Yes.” I kissed forehead as I said this. I felt like I was lying.

We had two days left until our flight back to Seattle and I was falling in love with the place that I so desperately tried to escape. I hadn't noticed how much I missed my family and my friends. This place had a nostalgia to it, but I couldn't stay here with Sam. Every time I saw him I wanted to choke him, but I had a plan. Since the funeral we had been hanging out as much as possible. I had decided that I was going to do to him what he did to my sister. I was going to wait until the morning before we left, 3 am. I knew that I was going to get him and Rose hammered and drive him back yo his house. He would never see it coming, he wouldn't be able to fight back. Saturday night had come and the plan was in full swing. They had bought a pack of beer and some wine coolers and were enjoying the warm fall air on Sam's back porch. We were playing a hand of rummy and Rose was winning. She became quite giggly and her white checks had become flushed. Her hair was curled around her face, naturally coiling into small little rings. She had her tied back into a low bun. She was wearing my Blink-182 t-shirt that was more like a dress for her. Her tan shorts we covered completely. Sam was in a light blue v-neck shirt with black cargo shorts. His hair moved slightly in the wind. I purposely wore a black shirt that I didn't particularly care for and jeans that were Sam's. Sam was a flirt when he was drunk, he was flirty anyways, but with any thing in his system he became a smooth criminal. Rose kept giggling at his comments and it was fairly entertaining the watch them. I sat back and laughed as Sam would forget her name. The sun set behind the houses and the trees and Sam and Rose became more obnoxious. The breeze turned cold and we moved into the living room, the white couches sank under our weight. I remembered the couches bring brown on that night that I saw Sam brutally murder a girl we had known for years. I figured that the lack of light and the beer in my system had made me think that. Sam sat with his arm around Rose and I, he was talking about the cattle business and was making little sense. Rose had fallen asleep and I picked her up and moved her in the bedroom. I kissed her forehead and began to walk towards the door. “ David?” She squeaked as I was about to close the door. “Yes?” I tried to match her quiet tone. She reached out her hand and I walked towards her, as she grabbed it she pulled me towards her. “ I love you.” She kissed my lips softly and fell asleep. “I love you too.” I whispered as I locked the door behind me. I stood in the hallway petrified. I can't do this, he is my best friend. I have known him my whole life. I stood there muttering to myself, until Sam walked up. “ What are you doing man?” His words slurred as he spoke. “Oh… uhhh… I am practicing.” I was so obviously lying. “For what?” He slowly walked closer as he spoke. “I'm going to ask Rose to marry me.” I smiled as I was backed into the doorknob. He looked at me questioningly. He was less than a foot away from me, I could smell the beer on his breath. “ Oh, well man. I'm happy for you.” He smiled as he stumbled in the bathroom. I looked towards the living room and he unzipped his shorts. “ When are you going to do it?” He asked as I stared at the floor. “ Oh. I was thinking at the airport.” My voice cracked as I spoke. I could feel my hands trembling and my eyes we becoming dry. “Are you okay?” He was much more aware than he should have been. He was watching me from the mirror as he washed his hands. His eyes were watching my every move. I turned towards the bathroom doorway, I refused to look up. “What are you doing Dave?” His voice was cautious and he laughed nervously after I didn't answer. “Dave?”He choked as I trusted towards him. I tackled him to the ground, his head hit the edge of the sink leaving a line of blood. He threw his arm up and pushed me off, he scrambled and reached for the back of his head. My vision was blurred and my ears rang from the ---- with the wall. He was saying something as he backed up against the wall, I reached for the carpet he was standing on. I pulled it as hard as I could, bringing him down to his knees again. He put is maroon stained hand out in front of him, but I wouldn't stop. My eyesight had become red and I could feel a hot line on blood trickle down my forehead. I stood over him, “Why?” I yelled at him. Tears filled my eyes and my voice became hoarse. He shook his head, fear filled his blue eyes. I felt remorse and weakness crawling over my body. No. I picked him up and shoved his back against the mirror. The glass shattered around him, he picked up a piece and drove me back. “I didn't do it!” His voice was raised and concerned, he was nervous. We were crouched down both of us hold a piece of the shattered mirror in our hands. I had clenched the shard so hard that my hand begun to bleed, leaving drops of dark red on the light pink rug. We moved with eachother, like a dance, matching eachother every step waiting for them to strike. I was tired of wating, he killed my sister, the light of my life. He took that away, now it was my turn. I lunged towards him hold the red piece of mirror sideways in my hand and cut up. The piece cut his face and his neck, leaving a flap of skin that was now losing blood. He pulled me near him and tried to take my weapon away. He had rapped his arm around my neck and held the mirror to my throat. “Give it up David.” He was forceful with his words and even more forceful with my throat. “No!” I screamed into his arm and bit it as hard as hard as I could, taking a chunk with him as he squealed and let go. “ Are you f*****g crazy?” He cried as he held his bleeding arm. I spit the piece to the floor, I splattered blood on the floor when it landed. As he was looking as he bloodied arm and I stepped forward and shoved the mirror into his stomach over and over again. I stepped back with my arm and hand covered in his blood, he stumbled backwards reaching his hand out and falling in the doorway. His head it the light brown carpet and the sound resonated throughout the house. I stepped over him looking at his pale blue eyes, they still had the shock with in them. “I'm sorry Sam.” I picked him up from under his shoulders and dragged him towards the garage. I laid him on a blue tarp and rapped his body in a blanket. I white blanket became spotted with red and the color spread like ink on paper. I sat down next to the tarp. “ Oh Sam, I'm so sorry. I wish this would have come to this, but you and I both know I couldn't let you get away with it.” My eyes were full of tears and my head dropped into my arms. The house was quiet and I sat in silence, alone. I walked back into the house a light red line followed the path of Sam's dragged body. I stood in the living room looking at my stained hands. A thud echoed from the other end of the house. Then another one, louder this time. I panicked. f**k, f**k, f**k . I spun in a circle, not knowing where to start or what to say to explain. Finally a large bang sounded from the end of the hall. The bedroom door flew open and Rose stood in the doorway. “What the hell is happening!” She screamed as she saw the bloodied bathroom and her eyes cautiously examined me. Her mouth lay slightly open and she ran back into the bedroom, shutting the door behind her. I ran towards the bedroom. “Rose! Rose, I can explain.” I laid my head against the the door, and listened. “Rose please. He killed my sister, I had to do this.” My voice was cracking and I could hear the fear in my voice. Silence sounded from the room. “Rose?” I slid my hand towards the door handle, turning it slowly. I swung the door open, but she was gone. The bedroom window had been opened and the white currents floated in the wind. I walked towards the window and yelled. She didn't answer. She was gone.

I sat on the edge of the bed, looking at myself in the sliding mirror door. I had purple bags under my eyes and my eyes were red. I hadn't actually slept in four days and I hadn't eaten in two. My collar bones protrude from my shirt and my checks were hollowing out. I laid back and stared at the ceiling, slowing closing my eyes I could hear the sirens in the distance.