What Love Isn’t

Chapter 3

The next few weeks passed in a blur of stolen moments and constant texting. Marcus and I were inseparable—eating lunch together every day, studying in the library (though not much actual studying happened), spending every weekend together. He'd show up at my work with coffee, walk me to class even when it made him late to his own, text me good morning and good night every single day.

"You're glowing," my little sister Emma said one morning at breakfast, making kissing noises across the table.

"Shut up," I said, but I couldn't stop smiling.

"Julia's in loooove," Emma sang.

"Emma, leave your sister alone," my mom said, but she was smiling too.

My dad looked up from his newspaper. "This Marcus kid—he's treating you right?"

"Dad, yes. He's great."

"Good. Because if he's not—"

"David," my mom warned.

"I'm just saying. Any boy who wants to date my daughter better be worthy of her."

"He is, Dad. I promise."

And he was. Marcus was attentive and romantic in ways I'd only read about in books. He remembered everything I told him—my favorite candy, the name of my childhood dog, the fact that I liked my coffee with two sugars and a splash of cream. He left notes in my locker, brought me flowers for no reason, and looked at me like I was the most fascinating person in the world.

The only weird thing was how much he wanted to be together. All the time.

"Come over after school," he'd text. "I miss you."

"I can't today—I'm studying with James."

"Can't you study with me instead?"

"I already made plans with him."

"But I haven't seen you all day."

"We had lunch together."

"That doesn't count. Please, Julia? I just want to spend time with you."

And I'd feel guilty, like I was being a bad girlfriend for wanting to keep my other plans. So I'd cancel with James, or my other friends, or skip the drama club meeting I'd been planning to attend. Because Marcus missed me. Because he wanted to be with me. Because wasn't that what you did when you were in a relationship?

James noticed, of course. He always noticed.

"You missed movie night again," he said one Monday, cornering me at my locker.

"I know, I'm sorry. Marcus wanted to—"

"Marcus wanted to. Yeah, I got that." James's jaw was tight. "You've canceled on me three times in the last two weeks, Jules."

"I said I'm sorry. We've just been spending a lot of time together."

"I can see that. You're with him constantly."

"So? He's my boyfriend."

"I know. I just..." James ran a hand through his sandy hair, frustrated. "I miss my best friend, okay? I feel like I barely see you anymore."

Guilt twisted in my stomach. "That's not true. We have English together every day."

"Sitting next to each other in class doesn't count as hanging out." He softened slightly. "Look, I'm happy you're happy. I am. I just don't want you to lose yourself in this relationship."

"I'm not losing myself. I'm just... in love." It was the first time I'd said it out loud, and it felt both thrilling and terrifying.

James's expression did something complicated. "You love him? Already?"

"Is that so crazy? You don't know what it's like, James. The way he looks at me, the way he makes me feel... I've never felt like this before."

"I know you haven't. That's what worries me."

"Why does everyone keep saying that?" I slammed my locker harder than necessary. "My mom, my dad, now you. Why can't you just be happy for me?"

"I am happy for you. I just want to make sure you're being careful."

"Careful of what? Marcus is amazing. He treats me like I'm the most important person in the world."

"Does he?" James asked quietly. "Or does he treat you like you're his possession?"

I stared at him, anger flaring hot in my chest. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing. Forget it." He held up his hands. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."

"No, you shouldn't have. You don't even know him."

"You're right. I don't." James looked at me for a long moment, something sad in his eyes. "Just... don't forget about the rest of us, okay? We miss you."

He walked away before I could respond, leaving me standing there feeling guilty and angry and confused all at once.

My phone buzzed: Where are you? I'm waiting by your locker.

I typed back: Wrong hallway. I'm by the science wing.

Why are you all the way over there?

Talking to James.

There was a pause, then: What about?

Nothing important. I'll be there in a sec.

I found Marcus leaning against the wall by my usual locker, his expression stormy. "What did James want?"

"Just to catch up. We haven't hung out much lately."

"Is that my fault?" His voice had an edge I hadn't heard before.

"What? No. I didn't say that."

"But that's what he thinks, right? That I'm keeping you from your friends."

"Marcus, it's fine. He's just being overprotective."

"He likes you." Marcus said it flatly, like it was a fact.

"He's my best friend. Of course he likes me."

"That's not what I mean." Marcus pushed off the wall, moving closer. "He's in love with you, Julia. Anyone can see it."

I laughed, uncomfortable. "That's ridiculous. James and I are just friends. We've been friends since we were twelve."

"And he's been in love with you the whole time, waiting for his chance." Marcus cupped my face in his hands, his dark eyes intense. "I don't blame him. You're incredible. But he needs to back off."

"He's not—it's not like that."

"Isn't it?" Marcus's thumb traced my cheekbone. "Promise me something."

"What?"

"Promise me you'll be careful around him. I don't want him getting the wrong idea."

"There's no wrong idea to get. We're friends."

"Julia." His voice was soft but firm. "Promise me."

I felt something twist in my stomach—a warning I didn't want to acknowledge. "Okay. I promise."

"Good." He kissed me, and just like that, the tension dissolved. "I'm sorry. I just get jealous sometimes. I can't stand the thought of losing you."

"You're not going to lose me."

"I better not." He smiled, but there was something in his eyes that made me shiver. "You're mine, Julia Morrison. Don't forget that."

He said it like it was romantic. Like it was a declaration of love.

I didn't realize it was a warning.